Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
He did not drop to one knee. He did not look soulfully into her eyes. And Ryan did not ask for her hand in marriage.
Simone sighed. “Disappointing.”
He stalked toward her. A slow, intense stalk that made her feel very hunted.
Not that she’d let him know a tremor of fear had just darted down her spine.
She’d learned to stop showing her fear a very long time ago.
At the third foster home she’d lived in.
So, instead of letting the fear appear, Simone summoned her brightest smile.
“Guessing you did not mean it when you said you’d fallen hopelessly in love with me and you could not live another day without me by your side? ”
Ryan stopped. Right in front of her. His expression was all dangerous and dark. Stubble lined his hard jaw, and his eyes glittered. “I never said that I had fallen in love with you.”
Hello, knife to the heart. Oh, such a bad thing to be thinking, especially considering all that had happened recently. “You didn’t?”
“Simone.” A long growl of her name. “I am trying to keep you alive.”
“And I am trying to keep you alive.” Her hand rose and pressed to his chest. Right over his heart. Bare skin. Hot. Tempting. He should really have put on a shirt. But, then again, she liked the view, so she wasn’t going to complain. “Didn’t you see me rush to the rescue? Me and my lamp?”
“I did not need rescuing!”
“Of course, you did.” Now she was just pissed. “You were living a life of absolute solitude and sadness, and then I walked into your world and things have never been the same since.”
“What?” Ryan shook his head.
She kept her hand over his heart. She liked touching him.
“There is no solitude in my life!” Ryan huffed out.
“I’ve got a wonderful family that’s always in my business.
My sister Agnes can drive me crazy, but I’d do anything for that woman, and she knows it.
My brother Nash always has my back, just like I have his.
We’re pretty damn inseparable, and don’t even get me started on holidays with them… ”
Her hand snatched back. “Good for you.” Was that jealousy biting at her?
Sure felt that way. She would never know what it was like to have a wonderful family around her.
She’d never know what it was like to have a big holiday with happy laughs and silly gifts being exchanged and…
Why did I ever think he was a loner like me?
Why on earth had she come to that conclusion?
Why had she thought that she’d found a man who was her match?
Maybe I wanted him to be. Maybe I wanted him to be just for me.
“My life isn’t sad.” Rough, hard words from Ryan. “I work cases that make the world safer. I ride adrenaline, I stop bad guys, and I get shit done.”
“Even better for you.” Did she make the world safer?
Uh, no. A resounding no. Did she stop bad guys?
Again, no. But Simone did like to think that she got shit done.
She helped, in her way. Just as she’d helped when she threw the lamp.
“He was attacking you. I threw the lamp to stop him. It was a good deed.”
A little furrow appeared between Ryan’s eyes. “I told you to stay in the bedroom.”
“Oh, no.” She pulled a dramatic face. “Shocking twist. I didn’t do what I was told. Horrors!”
His lips thinned. “If I’m keeping you alive, you have to follow orders.”
“Orders are boring. Don’t be boring, darling. Be the adrenaline-crazed badass that I want you to be.” She turned away.
His hand swept out to curl around her wrist. “Keeping you alive is my priority.”
Her gaze dropped. Fell to his strong fingers.
A hot surge had gone through her body when those fingers of his wrapped around her.
But, then again, she’d felt the same surge when she touched his chest. Touching him ignited her.
Problematic, but manageable. “And here I thought your priority was capturing Frederick and Konstantin. My mistake.”
Using his hold, he pulled her back toward him. “Something has made you sad.”
“What?” Her voice rose. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
Why not? She didn’t matter to him. Not like he’d sworn undying love to her. Not like she wanted him to do that. Oh, wait, I kinda do.
“What upset you?” Ryan asked. His thumb stroked along her inner wrist, right over her pulse point. He had to feel the frantic racing of her pulse.
“I don’t know,” she murmured. “Maybe it was the waiter who came to kill me. The gunshots that blasted.” Shouldn’t other guests on the floor have been disturbed?
The guards in the hallway had heard the gunfire and come running, but there had not been a peep from any other guests on the floor.
And shouldn’t the hotel management have rushed in with their own security team?
Something? “Maybe it was seeing you face off with the jerk as you gripped a knife in your hand.” The same hand that circled her wrist. “Flashbacks and all that.”
He let her go. “You’re afraid of me?”
She prepared to lie and deny any fear. But when Simone opened her mouth…
“Yes.” Wait, what? Why had that response just whispered out?
Simone swallowed. She was not physically afraid of Ryan.
Perhaps she should have been physically afraid.
She had seen him kill, but he’d done it to protect her.
Just as he’d fought in that very hotel suite for her.
He kept being brave and bold and proving that he’d take any risk for her, and each time he did that, her heart softened toward him even more.
So what scared her? What really scared her about the whole situation?
It was the idea that she might be falling hopelessly in love with someone who was never meant to truly be hers.
“I will not hurt you,” Ryan vowed. “I would sooner cut out my own heart than do that.”
“Not necessary.” Her hand rose once again to touch his chest. “I like your heart right where it is.” They were standing too close. The longing inside of her was rising too strongly again. She needed to back away. To regroup. Simone pulled in a breath. “Why didn’t more guests come running?”
“Because I made sure that we are the only ones on this floor. There are no other guests close by.”
All right, that explained some things. “And what about hotel security? Management?”
“Jamar and Charlotte will handle them.”
“They’ll also handle our killer waiter, Edward?” Curious, she pushed, “Just what will happen to him?”
“He’ll go to a black site.”
“That sounds incredibly spy-like.”
“It is. He’ll be held at an isolated location, questioned at length, and, depending on the intel he is able to give us, he’ll either cut a deal or face hell.” His gaze was far too sharp. “Why are you sad?”
“Why do you keep focusing on that?” Didn’t he see her bright smile? She was flashing it deliberately.
“Gorgeous smile,” he noted. “But fake.” He studied her.
The kind of too in-depth assessment that made her feel like she was under a microscope.
Ryan’s mouth tightened. “You don’t have to fake a smile with me.
If you’re sad, you tell me why. If you’re mad, you tell me.
I can’t fix things if I don’t know what’s broken. ”
“I’m not asking to be fixed. I don’t particularly see myself as broken.”
“You’re not. You’re beautiful. You’re strong. And you risk yourself far too much.” His head dipped toward her. “Stop trying to save me.”
“But what if you need saving?” she whispered. His mouth was so close to hers.
“My brother typically rushes in at that point. Like I said, he watches my back, and I watch his.”
“I hate to tell you.” Her hand inched up. Curled around his shoulder. “But I don’t see your brother here.”
“Nash is always close when I need him.”
“Must be nice, to have family like that.” She pushed up onto her toes. The better to get closer to his mouth.
“Aren’t you close to your family?” His lips nearly brushed hers.
“My family died when I was six years old.” Horror filled her as she seemed to hear the words echoing around them. Simone sucked in a breath, and instead of pulling him toward her, her grip on his shoulder suddenly pushed Ryan away even as she tried to surge back.
But his hands curled around her waist, holding her in place. “What’s wrong?”
“You are a sneaky bastard.” And what was up with her?
How had she allowed her guard to be lowered?
She never talked about her family. Never.
“Luring me in, just so you could ask me personal questions when all I was thinking about was the way your mouth would feel against mine. Talk about a hardcore interrogation technique. Do they train all CIA spies to use desire as a weapon?”
“Uh, no. That would be a hard negative.” His grip tightened on her.
“Let go.”
Slowly, his hands lifted.
She put three steps between them.
“I’m sorry,” he said, voice gruff. “About your family.”
She blinked rapidly. Holy crap, were those tears trying to fill her eyes? Not happening. She blinked twice more. “You need to be sorry for manipulating me. Dammit, I knew the way I felt about you was going to get me in trouble!” Why had she told him about her family? Why?
“What happened to your parents?”
She spun away from him. Her racing heart seemed to shake her chest. “Shouldn’t we focus on the bad guys? The killers who might be coming for me? The end boss Russian guy that the CIA wants to take down?”
“I want to focus on you.”
Too bad. “I don’t normally pull up my pain and introduce it to strangers, but thanks for the invitation.
Sadly, I’ll be declining that request.” The suite that had once felt massive now seemed incredibly small.
“I need to get out of here.” She stormed for the suite’s main door.
Simone flipped the deadbolt and yanked on the golden door handle. The door began to open.
But his hand flew down and pushed the door closed almost immediately. She felt his body, his heat, surrounding her even as Ryan warned, “It’s not safe out there. You can’t go out alone.”
“Fine. Then you come with me. My big, bad bodyguard.” Simone stared dead ahead. There was a warning sign pasted to the back of the door. A little map that showed the room’s occupant where to go in the event of a fire. The hotel’s staircases and exits were clearly marked.
She made a mental note of that handy little map.
“There’s a bounty on your head,” Ryan rumbled.
“It’s night.” The last of the daylight had long since faded. “No one will be able to see me clearly out there. I need air. I need to breathe. I need out.” Because the walls were closing in on her. Dammit, just mentioning her parents had stirred up the old fears.
Can’t breathe. Too tight. Closing in. Everything is closing in. I am drowning.
“Why are you so afraid?” His breath blew against the shell of her ear.
“I need to get out of this suite. Now.” She’d shown him too many weaknesses. It was getting harder and harder to hold her shiny mask in place. If the mask fell, he’d see what she was really like. He’d find all the darkness that she tried to bottle inside.
“I wish you’d turn to me when you’re afraid,” Ryan rasped.
The words seemed to pierce right through her. Her body trembled.
“Because I would slay any fucking dragon for you.”
Her gaze fell to his forearm. To the twisting, scaled tattoo of a dragon that had been etched into his skin. “What if you are the dragon?” Simone asked.
A swift inhale. “I will never hurt you.”
“I need to get out of here, Ryan. Now. Out. Take me out of here.” Did a plea enter her voice? Maybe. Definitely.
He swore. “Let me finish dressing and get my gun.”
Yes, he was just still wearing his pants. Awkward. Sexy but awkward.
His breath blew against her ear once more. “Do not dare leave this room without me. There are guards stationed throughout this hotel.”
Guards or CIA spies? Maybe MI6? Where had Harry gone?
“If you try to run, they will just bring you right back. Then I’ll probably have to handcuff you to me because you will not get away from me.”
Yes, she would get away. Soon. “I’ll stay here while you dress.” She could certainly hold it together for that long. “And while you get your gun. Guessing the gun was in the bag Jezebel brought to you?” She pushed hard for a breezy, flippant tone. “How unfair. She only brought me makeup.”
He choked out a sound that could have been a laugh or a curse. Then he was gone. She eased out one breath. Then another. She began to count in her mind as she tried to slow her racing heart.
One.
Two.
Three.
Counting did not help. Memories crashed through her mind.
“Mom! Dad! Please, please, wake up! Wake up!” Water rushed up her body. So cold. So icy. It was swallowing her whole, and she could not breathe.
Her hand flew out for the door.
“Let’s go,” Ryan said from behind her. He yanked open the door.
Simone immediately tried to bound out, only to have him clamp his hands around her waist and lift her up.
He put her down behind him. “Sweetheart…” A sigh.
“In case there is another jackass waiting to collect the bounty on your head, let me go first, okay? That way, I can either take a bullet for you…”
She didn’t want that to happen. “Don’t!”
“Or kill the bastard so he doesn’t hurt you,” Ryan finished. “Either way, I protect you. Consider me your human shield from this moment forward.”