Chapter Eleven #2
The shears felt impossibly heavy in his hands. He’d been ready to use them. The realization made his stomach churn.
But Rose was safe. For now.
He sank onto the swing, trying to process what had just happened. He was in far deeper than he’d ever intended, and he had the sinking feeling that this was only the beginning.
*
Sebastian didn’t see Rose again until just after noon. The men had gone off to their shooting party by then, leaving the women to do as they pleased for the afternoon. However, when he casually walked by the patio where the women had gathered to paint, he didn’t see Rose among them.
He figured she was probably upstairs in her room, recovering from the trauma of the morning. The memory made his chest tight. He couldn’t shake a feeling of dread. Had he made everything worse with his lies and threats? White was no fool.
Mrs. Carter had asked him to pick some of the dessert apples for her cheese platters, so he went out with his bucket to the orchard, his mind churning with everything he’d learned.
His instincts to protect Rose seemed to be overriding everything else lately, including his resolve to prove her father a murderer.
He couldn’t understand what was happening to him, only that she was never far from his thoughts—and that had definitely not been in his plan.
He conjured images of his siblings, hoping they would remind him of what he was truly doing there. His duty was to them. He mustn’t forget it.
When he reached the orchard, he spotted Rose sitting with her back against the trunk of one of the larger trees. She had her knees pulled up and her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with quiet sobs.
He approached cautiously, not wanting to startle her. When he was a few feet away, she lifted her tear-stained face to look at him. “Hello, Sebastian.” She wiped her eyes with a handkerchief—his handkerchief, he realized with a jolt, not her own delicate lace variety.
“Lady Rose.” He knelt beside her, keeping a careful distance. “Are you all right?” The sight of her red-rimmed eyes made something violent twist in his chest. White deserved worse than threats.
“I am fine.” Her voice sounded hoarse from crying. She patted the grass beside her. “Will you sit with me?”
He glanced around to see if anyone was about. Thorncroft and his staff often took their midday rest during the heat, dozing under trees with water and fruit. Still, he sat several feet away, far enough to explain their presence as innocent concern if they were discovered.
“I wasn’t sure you’d still be here,” she said quietly. “I was terrified they’d run you off or called the authorities. The thought of never seeing you again was too much to bear.” Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks.
“I am still here. I made sure of that.”
“What did you do? I saw you with the garden shears, and then I—” She flushed. “I hid behind a bush. I thought you might hurt him, and if the constable came…” She shuddered. “I ran before I could see too much. In case they questioned me later.”
Sebastian’s stomach knotted. She’d been protecting him even while terrified. “I found a way to handle it.”
“I would like to hear about it, but first I need to tell you something.” Rose was quiet for a long moment, her fingers clenched in her lap. “Last night, my friend Arabella gave me information.” Her voice caught. “About my father.”
“What about him?”
“She says he’s a smuggler.” The words came out in a rush, as if she couldn’t bear to hold them any longer. “That Baron White is his partner. That my failed Season, all those empty dance cards—it wasn’t because I was awkward or shy. It was because of the rumors about my father’s true business.”
Sebastian’s heart began to pound.
“You don’t look surprised,” she said, studying his face, her eyes widening in obvious alarm. “Sebastian, you don’t look surprised at all.”
He closed his eyes briefly. “No. I’m not.”
“You knew?” Her voice rose. “How could you possibly—you’ve only been here a few weeks, and I’ve lived here my entire life and never suspected?”
“I couldn’t sleep one night. I went to check on my horse and saw a delivery wagon. French brandy, from the look of the crates. There was a man supervising. I didn’t realize until later that it was White.”
Rose stared at him, her face cycling through hurt, confusion, and something that might have been betrayal. “You’ve known this whole time that my father is a criminal, and you said nothing?”
“I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t know if you were involved.”
“If I was involved?” She laughed bitterly. “How could I be involved? Father keeps everything important from me.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?” Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. “Because it seems like everyone knows the truth about my life except me.”
Sebastian felt like he was drowning. Every word he spoke seemed to make things worse, and the worst part was that he was still lying to her. About why he was really here. About who he was. About what he intended to do.
“I’m sorry,” he said helplessly. “You’re right. I should have told you.”
“Why didn’t you?”
Because I came here to prove your father framed my father, and I didn’t want you to suspect my motives. Because I’m using your trust to get closer to the truth. Because I’m exactly the kind of liar you’re talking about.
“I was trying to protect you,” he said instead.
“From what? The truth?” She wiped her eyes roughly. “How is keeping me ignorant protecting me?”
He had no good answer for that.
Rose was quiet for a long moment, pulling up blades of grass and letting them fall. “I feel like such a fool. My whole life feels like a performance where everyone knew their lines except me.”
“You’re not a fool—”
“Aren’t I? My father blamed me for my failed Season. Said I was too strange. Not pretty enough.” Her voice cracked. “And I believed him. I spent two years thinking there was something fundamentally wrong with me.”
Sebastian’s hands clenched into fists. “There’s nothing wrong with you. Your father’s the one who—” He stopped himself before he said too much.
“Who what?”
“Who lied to you. Who let you blame yourself for his choices.”
Rose nodded slowly. “Now I understand why he wants me to marry White. It’s not about my future or my security. It’s about their business partnership.”
“I fear so,” Sebastian agreed quietly.
“Tell me about this morning,” she said. “What did you do to White?”
Sebastian rubbed the back of his neck. “I convinced him I was working for one of his competitors. Someone named Talbot—he mentioned the name himself, so I just went with it. I had to think quickly.”
“You pretended to be a spy?”
“I made the whole thing up as I went along. But it worked because he’s obviously guilty of something. When someone’s paranoid about their enemies, they’re easier to manipulate.”
Rose stared at him for a long moment. “That was incredibly clever. And dangerous.”
“I wasn’t going to let him hurt you.”
“Who are you really, Sebastian?” The question was soft, but it hit him like a blow to the chin. “Because a simple gardener doesn’t think like that. Doesn’t act like that.”
His throat felt tight. “I am someone who believes in protecting people who can’t protect themselves.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the only answer I can give you right now.”
“Why?” Her green eyes searched his face. “What are you hiding?”
Everything. “It is complicated.”
“More complicated than discovering your father is a criminal who’s been lying to you your entire life?”
Sebastian winced. “Lady Rose, I promise you, someday I’ll explain everything. But right now I can’t.”
“Right now you need me to trust you even though you won’t trust me.” Her voice was flat, resigned.
“It’s not about trust.”
“Then what is it about?”
He wanted to tell her. The words were right there, pressing against his teeth. I’m here because I think your father ruined our family. Because I need to prove it. Because everything I’ve done, every kindness I’ve shown you, has been in service of that goal.
But looking at her now—broken and confused and desperately trying to piece together the truth of her own life—he couldn’t do it. Not yet.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know that’s not enough, but it’s the best I can do right now.”
“No, it is not enough.” She was quiet for a moment, then sighed. “But you did risk yourself for me today. That has to count for something.”
They sat in silence, the weight of everything unsaid a barrier between them.
“There’s something else,” Rose said finally. “Something that happened last night, after Arabella told me about Father.”
“What?”
“I heard a voice in my head. My mother’s voice.” She spoke carefully, as if testing the words. “She said, ‘I know what you’ve done.’ But it felt like a memory. Something I’d heard before.”
Sebastian’s heart stopped. “When? When do you think you heard it?”
“I don’t know. But she sounded frightened when she said it.” Rose’s voice dropped to a whisper. “What if she discovered the truth about his business and confronted her? What if he was the one who…hurt her. It’s too awful to think about. Yet, I must consider it.”
What if she saw him kill her? Sebastian thought, his pulse hammering. “Do you remember anything else? From around that time?”
“I have nightmares sometimes.” Rose played with the ribbons of her bonnet, staring just beyond him.
“I’m standing in a doorway, watching my mother by a window.
But when she turns around, her face is destroyed.
Blood everywhere. And she tells me to run, but her voice is wrong.
Like something evil is speaking through her. ”
The description sent ice through Sebastian’s veins. “How long have you had these dreams?”
“Always. Since I was small.” She looked at him with haunted eyes. “You think it means something, don’t you? You think I might have seen something?”
“I don’t know,” Sebastian said carefully. “But trauma can make children forget things. Protect themselves by burying memories that are too painful.”
“Or maybe I’m just imagining things. Maybe my mind is creating connections that aren’t there.”
“Maybe.” But Sebastian didn’t think so. Not with the fear in her voice, the precision of those details.
Rose was quiet for a long moment before she said, “I’m scared, Sebastian.
Not just of White, but of my father. What if he thinks I know something?
” She shuddered. “He and Mrs. Blackwell have said they will have me committed if I don’t marry White.
What if he thinks I remember and decides to commit me or worse? ”
Sebastian wanted to pull her into his arms, to promise her that he’d keep her safe, that he’d find the truth and make her father pay for everything he’d done. But he couldn’t do any of those things without revealing why he was really there.
“I won’t let anything happen to you,” he said.
“How can you promise that when you won’t even tell me who you are?”
The unanswerable question.
Rose stood up, brushing grass from her skirts. “I should go. Prudence will be looking for me.”
Sebastian rose as well, fighting the urge to reach for her. “Lady Rose, wait a moment.”
“I need time to think.” She backed away, as if she were suddenly frightened of him. “About everything. About what I can trust and what I can’t. Of who I can trust and who I can’t.”
His vision blurred and he felt as if he might crumble right before her. He knew he deserved what she said.
“Please be careful,” he said. “Stay with your maid or the other women. Don’t go anywhere alone.”
“I will.” She paused at the edge of the orchard. “Do be careful, Sebastian. These are dangerous men and you’ve made yourself a target.”
Sebastian watched her walk away, her shoulders straight despite everything she’d learned. She was stronger than she knew, braver than she gave herself credit for.
But she was also right not to trust him completely. Because the truth was, he was still lying to her about the most important thing of all.