Chapter Twenty-One
Georgiana
They left the party soon thereafter, but it felt like walking through a dream.
She couldn’t remember if she’d said anything further to her sister or mother or if Lady Alderidge was furious over the interruption to her dignified dinner party.
All she knew is that Julian was finished. He could not hurt her again.
James’s hand at her elbow guided her through the crush of guests, past curious stares and barely concealed whispers. Georgiana smiled and nodded at appropriate moments, but her mind reeled with a single, thundering question: Did he mean it?
Or had he simply been saving her from ruin?
It was like him to do so, putting her needs above his own.
He’d done so much for her and Cecily. Now, this.
Would he feel trapped? Forced to make good on his public promise?
She couldn’t bear to think she’d wrecked his life simply because she had felt a panic taking over her and had stumbled outside for fresh air.
She’d not seen Julian until it was too late.
If James had not come when he did, she would have been forced to marry Julian or risk Cecily’s reputation.
That she could not have abided, thus she would have had to accept that Julian Fane had won.
The carriage waited in the torchlit courtyard, blessedly dim and private.
James handed her up, his touch careful, almost hesitant, as if he could not be sure she wanted to leave with him.
If he only knew her true feelings. She would go anywhere with him.
Just for one more moment with him. What would become of them now?
She settled against the leather seat, keenly aware of every sound: the creak of springs as he climbed in beside her, the driver’s call to the horses, the first rumble of wheels against cobblestone.
The space felt impossibly small. His thigh was inches from hers, close enough that she caught the warmth radiating from his body.
Neither of them spoke.
Street lamps cast fleeting pools of golden light through the window, illuminating the strong line of James’s jaw, the way his hands rested tense against his knees, the careful distance he maintained between them despite the intimate confines.
Georgiana pulled off her evening gloves with trembling fingers, needing something to do with her hands. The soft kid leather seemed suddenly suffocating. James’s gaze dropped to watch her fumble with the tiny pearl buttons.
“Georgie, look at me,” James said quietly, her name barely audible above the carriage wheels.
She did so, and the concern in his dark eyes nearly undid her. Was it possible that he didn’t regret his declaration? His false marriage proposal? She thought he might be angry with her but it did not seem so. In fact, he seemed worried, not mad. Unsure even.
“Are you all right?” James asked.
The simple question shattered something inside her chest. All right? How could she be all right when her entire world had shifted on its axis in the space of a heartbeat?
“I don’t know,” she whispered, the honesty escaping before she could stop it. “I don’t know what to think, other than I’m sorry I’ve dragged you into my mess.”
The carriage hit a rut in the road, jolting them closer together. His shoulder brushed hers, and the contact sent electricity singing through her nerves. She didn’t pull away. Couldn’t.
James stroked her cheek with the knuckles of his right hand. “I told you before. You are not alone. Not when I’m here.”
“Did you mean it?” The words tumbled out, raw and desperate. “When you said… what you said. Was it real, or were you simply saving me?”
“Real.” His voice was hoarse with emotion.
“How could you not know my heart? Why else would I have done something so reckless? I would do anything for you, Georgie. It’s you I want.
You I dream of. Since the first, it’s been you.
I was simply too cowardly to tell you how I felt.
Because if you do not share my feelings, I might, quite simply, die of heartbreak. ”
“How is it possible? Me? Of all the women in the world?” She turned to face him fully, her heart hammering against her ribs. In the shifting lamplight, his expression was naked, vulnerable in a way she’d never seen before.
“I’m consumed with you. You’ve become my whole world.
The person I want to see first thing in the morning and the last thing at night.
I’ve tortured myself, trying to convince myself that you would never want a man like me.
Or any man at all. You’re so strong and independent and all I want is to take care of you. Yet, you don’t need me. Not really.”
“I do, though. Isn’t that clear after what’s happened?”
“Do you mean because of Fane?”
“Yes. If you’d not come out when you did, I would be ruined. I’d have had to marry him.”
“Over my dead body. Or his. One way or the other, I would not have allowed that to happen. It just so happens that I love you to distraction. Even if you don’t love me now, perhaps you could at some point?
I will be good to you. Give you anything you want, including your work.
You may live freely as my wife. I won’t dictate your life, only ask that you will be part of mine. ”
Her breath caught. “James. I’m overwhelmed.”
“I am too. Overwhelmed by you. Every time you walk into a room, all I can think is how I long to take you in my arms and kiss you. Or talk to you all night long, asking you every detail of your thoughts and dreams. I want to give you everything the world has to offer. When I saw you there, trapped by him, I thought this night might end in a death. Either his or mine. But I hope instead that you’ll see how pure my heart is when it comes to you.
I’m mad for you, Georgie. Utterly, completely in love with you. ”
The carriage turned a corner, and suddenly they were pressed together, her silk skirts pooling against his dark trousers. She could feel his breath against her temple, could smell the spice and salt of his skin.
“Please, say something,” James said. “Or I might perish right here in this carriage.”
“There’s so much I want to say. Words upon words that have gathered in the back of my throat for weeks now. I was so afraid you were being noble. That you felt obligated to rescue me. Again. But it’s not that, is it? You love me? Just as I love you.”
His hand found hers in the darkness, fingers interlacing with desperate tenderness.
“Never obligation. Never rescue.” His thumb traced across her knuckles, and she shivered at the touch.
“You rescued me. From loneliness. From a bleak existence, fueled by revenge instead of love. You’ve changed me from the bitter little boy who missed his father to a man who wants to be a good husband and father.
A family man. Me. Isn’t it funny when you really think about it? ”
“Not funny. More like a miracle.” Tears spilled down her cheeks, and she didn’t care. “I didn’t think it was possible you shared my feelings. I have so little experience when it comes to matters of the heart. I only know my work, not love.”
“But you love me?”
“I do. From the first moment you came storming out of your house, I think I fell for you.”
“How is it possible? I’ve longed for this moment but never thought it would really happen.” He lifted their joined hands to press her knuckles against his lips. “I want you to be my wife, Georgie. You’re my heart.”
“And you’re mine.”
The carriage began to slow, the familiar streets of Grosvenor Crescent coming into view. Their private moment was ending, but somehow that made it more precious, more urgent.
“James, does this mean you’ll kiss me? Finally?” She turned toward him fully. In the confined space, their faces were mere inches apart.
“Are you sure?”
“We’re engaged, after all. No harm can come to us now.” Georgiana’s voice trembled with anticipation but also desire. If he didn’t kiss her right then and there, she might never recover. “Please, don’t make me beg.”
James let out a quiet laugh as his hand lifted to cradle her cheek. His thumb brushed away a tear that had yet to fall. “Then God help me, I will kiss you now.”
He leaned in slowly, giving her every chance to pull away. But she didn’t. She moved toward him with equal urgency, as if she’d been waiting her whole life for this moment. Because she had.
Their lips met in a kiss that was at once tender and consuming. It was not the tentative brush of a man uncertain of his welcome, nor the desperate claiming of one driven by possession. It was love in motion.
Georgiana’s hand slid up to his shoulder, anchoring herself as the world tilted.
His other arm wrapped around her waist, drawing her closer until the layers of fabric between them felt irrelevant.
She felt everything—his warmth, his strength, his love as he deepened the kiss by slow, aching degrees.
When they finally parted, breathless and flushed, she smiled up at him. “Well, I finally understand what all the fuss is about. The subject of poets and playwrights? It all makes sense now.”
Chuckling, he kissed her once more, softer this time, with a kind of wonder that made her chest ache. “And to think—I get to kiss you whenever I want. How could a man deserve such a blessing?”
“When can we marry? I don’t want to wait.”
“We’ll do it as soon as possible. I don’t want to wait a moment longer to take you into my bed.”
Outside, the carriage had come to a stop. But inside, their journey had only just begun.
*
The next morning, still feeling as if she were in a happy dream, Georgiana was reviewing the invitations when Isherwood appeared in the doorway, his expression carefully neutral in that way that always preceded unwelcome news.
“Lady Alderidge has called, madam. She requests an audience with you and Miss Linley.”
The card slipped from Georgiana’s fingers. Nathaniel’s mother. Here. Now. Without warning.