Chapter Five #2
My eyes prickle. I can see it so clearly—Mia’s face, identical to mine, her eyes shining with mischief, but underneath it all, there was a hollowness, wasn’t there? She’d sleep too much, and I’d think it was because she partied too hard.
Deep down, I suspected something, right?
I remember asking if something was wrong.
That she could talk to me or, if she wanted to, she could go to the school counselor.
After one Saturday where she slept for twenty hours straight, I dragged her out of bed, took her to the self-help section in the bookstore and pulled out books about sleep disorders and vitamin deficiencies.
She pushed them away and laughed at me. She distracted me with her plans for Sunday—the blockbuster film she wanted to see and she asked about my upcoming chemistry test, knowing I was worried because I hated formulas.
She didn’t want to do the work to help herself.
Exhaling, I focus on the scene card in my hand.
I want to scurry away. I don’t want to be Viola—or Mia’s twin.
“She kept it all in, you see,” I rasp, my heart splintering. “She acted like everything was fine, but inside? She was destroyed. But that’s love, right?”
Everything has two sides to it. Love and hate. Happiness and grief.
I hate how Mia left me, how selfish she was. We were two sides of a whole—the light and the dark, chaos and calm.
I miss her so damn much.
Now, I’m a fraud—an impostor masquerading as a doctor, the broken trying to heal the broken.
A fake.
“End scene.” Alexis snaps the clapper, and I flinch. “Olivia, for someone who’s supposed to be in the background, you were born to be in the spotlight. That’s no Razzie material… It’s so damn good.”
The girls nod and I force out a laugh.
“Don’t expect a repeat performance.” I look down at my shoes, afraid to catch their gazes because I’m not Mia. I’m not the brave and exuberant twin with the poker face.
I’m not supposed to be in the spotlight.
But you want to, don’t you? Aren’t you tired of playing it safe, of hiding in the shadows? Well, no one is blocking you anymore.
Horror sweeps through me, colliding with the spark of excitement flickering behind my rib cage.
It’s evil, these thoughts. I’d give anything to have Mia here with me, blocking the sunlight and all.
“Ack, I need to use the restroom. Drank too much.” Taylor dashes off and the rest of the room comes alive as the staff prepares for the next scene.
Resting my hand on my chest, I take a few deep breaths before looking up, finding Lana staring quizzically at me.
“You okay? You don’t seem yourself.”
“I’m fine. Just stressed.”
“And that’s why you need to be on the cruise! Work and play. You might even meet a hot European guy and have a nice fling with him. Seriously, I’ve known you for what…two years now? I’ve never seen you date anyone. Go to Europe! Work hard, get laid by someone who speaks a sexy language.”
She waggles her brows, and I can’t help but smile at her energy. It isn’t a hard sell, but even if I want to go on the cruise, I don’t know if I can swing it.
But something she said earlier gives me pause.
“Hold on. You said two favors. Going on the cruise is one… What’s the other?”
She grimaces and takes a sudden interest in her nails.
“Lana?” My muscles tense. I won’t like this.
“The whole thing with Rex…we’re really worried about him. The partying. The chaos. He’s losing his grip. We think it’s time for him to see a professional.”
She sighs, her face solemn. “We’re meeting at Maxwell’s later to talk to him.
He won’t get help unless we force it on him, and he’s going to be an ass about it.
But he wants to be on the cruise. He’s worked hard on it for the past year.
” She looks imploringly at me. “We want you to help him on board.”
“No way.” The refusal slips out automatically. Being confined on a cruise with him? The man who unnerves me? And he’s an unwilling patient?
Lana’s eyes widen. “Is there something going on I should know? You love helping people.”
My pulse riots and I twist the fabric of my dress. “W-What? Nothing.” Absolutely nothing. Before last week, I barely interacted with him. But you were aware of him, weren’t you? Ah, shut up, Olivia. “I just don’t believe in forcing people into treatment.”
They have to want to do the work.
“Come on, Olivia. You’ve helped Maxwell, and he’s doing so well because of you.
Just do a few sessions with Rex and if it doesn’t work out, you’ve tried your best. Please, Olivia.
Four therapy sessions in a month. That’s it.
I’ll owe you. Forever. I’ll be there too.
I mean, I can’t go until the Dubrovnik stop, but you won’t be alone. Please?”
She bats her ridiculously long eyelashes at me again, and I struggle not to smile. The woman can charm a maximum security prison guard into letting her escape.
“Fire Festival in Valencia,” she says, “I saw that spark in your eyes. You know you want to go. Win-win!”
My promise to Mia echoes in my mind. She wanted me to go to Las Fallas. That was the last thing she asked of me.
I didn’t think much of it when Mia mentioned it the night before prom.
We were talking about moving to Boston in a few months because I got into Harvard and she, Northeastern.
I was excited about living away from home for the first time, and she hoped I’d meet a guy who could make me laugh because I was too serious.
I didn’t notice how she asked me to go to Las Fallas for her, like she wouldn’t be around to do it with me.
I didn’t notice how she didn’t talk about meeting a guy of her very own.
I just responded with, “You’ll change your mind tomorrow. What’s the point in planning twelve years ahead?”
But there was no tomorrow. Not for her.
I didn’t notice until it was too late.
My heart twists and shrivels, the pain sharp in my chest. The air thins and a chilly breeze scrapes across my skin, even though I know the AC isn’t on. It’s winter after all.
Hiding my clammy hands behind my back, I swallow.
“I heard from a little bird you’ve been trying to secure funding for ADAS… What if Fleur throws in a five million dollar contribution and names ADAS as one of our key philanthropic partners?”
My eyes snap to hers, finding her trying her best not to look like the tortoise who just crossed the finish line, glancing back and finding the jaw-slacked hare staring at her in disbelief.
She knows she’s making a good case for herself.
I bite my lip, and her gaze softens.
Lana says quietly, her voice serious, “You can totally say no. I know I can get overly excited about things, but don’t feel like you need to say yes because of me. Only go if you can. I don’t want to cause problems for you either. You and our friendship are more important to me.”
She pats my hand. “And the funding…regardless of your answer, I’ll petition the board for the donation. It’ll be easy to get their approval if you’re part of the cruise, but I’ll try anyway.”
I stare at her, and she smiles at me reassuringly. She means it. I can say no if I want to.
But do I want to?
If I go, not only can I keep the promise I made to Mia, but I can also secure the much-needed funding for ADAS. And the coveted spotlight from a company as big as Fleur will draw in more donations.
Many people can get the mental health treatments they desperately need.
It feels fated. Like it’s the right thing to do.
“Fine.” Pulse racing, I strain a smile at an expectant Lana. “I’ll…I’ll do it. Don’t make me regret it.”
I’ll live for Mia—live enough for both of us, just like how Viola pretended to be Cesario in the play.
Even if I have to put up with the devil for a few weeks.