Chapter Fifteen
The good doctor stayed away the past week, no doubt hiding in her office or dealing with other patients as we sailed to Santorini. It’s for the best. I wouldn’t be able to resist riling her up if she were close by. Plus, I was still reeling from my reaction that day when I thought she drowned.
The fear. The panic. The need to save her.
And when I found her struggling, scared, barely able to breathe?
I wanted to fight off her demons and protect her with my life.
What the fuck is going on?
I splash cold water on my face in the bathroom of my stateroom.
They put me in the largest Rose signature suite on deck ten.
Clearly, the event planner thought I should have the best accommodations on the ship, which, naturally, is on the Rose floor decks.
She probably thought I’d appreciate being next to the kink rooms and sex clubs I frequented before.
My reputation precedes me.
I stare at my reflection after wiping my face. My skin is tanner than before, but can’t hide the darkening shadows under my eyes. The hollows in my cheeks are more prominent. I doubt the scruff on my jaw can camouflage them for much longer.
Deep down, I hoped by leaving New York City and helping Bree escape, I’d somehow fix myself.
Maybe I’d be able to sleep without nightmares, or stop having these sporadic blackouts where I’d lose chunks of time.
But that didn’t happen.
Instead, I jolted awake in the middle of the night without fail.
Some nights I’d find myself in bed. Other nights I’d be elsewhere in my suite, with no recollection of how I got there or what I’d done.
But the evidence was always there: beer bottles scattered across the floor one night, a half-cooked meal on the stove another night.
Some nights, I’d stare at nothingness, my heart racing, wondering if this was it for the rest of my life, and perhaps, if I should just let go.
What if nothing changes after this trip? What if I’m still trapped in this half-life?
My family doesn’t need the jokester anymore. Everyone else has found peace. Dad’s retired in the Hamptons, my siblings are in love, building lives that mean something.
What reason would I have to keep going then?
But lately, there’s been a spark in the darkness, that singular star glowing, refusing to yield to the night sky.
Olivia.
When I couldn’t sleep, I’d think of her.
How, in her presence, I’d get this electrifying energy pulsing through my veins, my calamitous emotions like live wires, sparking everywhere, threatening to electrocute everything in the vicinity.
It was nirvana—a new addiction. A defibrillator to the dying heart.
No one had ever impacted me this way before her.
My mind filled with scenarios of me kissing her, sucking out the venom of her sadness. I wanted to mark her fair skin with my teeth and unsheathe her claws so she could draw blood. Our demons would face each other and see who remained standing at the end.
Find her. Force her into my madness. You won’t be alone anymore.
I’d fist my cock and fight the impulse to tug—once, twice, because that was all it’d take—to release the pent-up pressure building inside me.
But I wouldn’t, because that’s my punishment for being a depraved bastard.
Do I interrupt her dreams at night?
I chuckle and shake my head.
“You’re losing it, Rex,” I mutter. “Having an entire conversation with yourself in your head. That’s a new low.”
I can never give Olivia what she deserves—a good, mentally stable man with no demons, no blackouts, no overreliance on pills.
What am I even thinking? I don’t do relationships. Shit, the lack of sleep is driving me out of my mind.
I swallow another Velowake pill for good measure and close my eyes.
“What the fuck did you get yourself into now?”
I jolt at Casey’s voice. So typical of him to show up unannounced. Classic Casey. “Asshole, you finally decided to make an appearance.”
“I’m not at your beck and call. We’re on vacation. And I don’t want to deal with your shitty attitude.”
I smirk. “You love me, just like everyone else.”
Casey sighs and raps his knuckles against the wall. “Because I’ve seen you in better days and I’m a stubborn fucker who’s determined to get the old you back.”
Which old me? The kid scared of loud noises who’d hide under the covers when it was thundering outside? The popular jock in college who could live it up like it was Armageddon?
Rolling up the sleeves of my white flannel shirt, I brush past Casey to grab my phone, wallet, and sunglasses from the fifteen-seater sofa in the living room.
Another full day of activities ahead. This time, there’s a selection to choose from.
A sunset ride along Caldera Rim, an archaeologist-led tour of the buried Minoan city of Akrotiri in Megalochori, capping off with an exclusive wine tasting, and exploring Pyrgos Village, the highest point of Santorini.
I have a feeling most people will follow the alcohol, the wine tasting in Megalochori.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I take it out.
Elias
I take it no news is good news from you. Based on the pics posted by your paparazzi stalker, you guys are selling the playboy and arm candy image. I don’t need to remind you of the stakes.
My fucking tail, a.k.a. Greg Masters, has been an annoying, relentless shadow.
Most days, I’d flash him a smile to tell him I know he’s watching. He’d respond with a curl of his lips and a dare in his eyes, promising he’d be there when I screw up. Then he’d get his payday.
But the articles about the cruise have been decent. No alarming scandals. Maxwell should be happy.
I type a response.
Rex
If you’re so worried, you should come aboard sooner.
Elias
Trust me, I’ve thought about it.
Rex
Well, doesn’t that make you a dumb shit to rely on someone who’s clearly untrustworthy.
Elias
I swear, Rex, there are days when I wonder.
Wonder what? Finish your damn sentence. I glower at my phone.
Rex
Strangle me? Toss me in shark-infested waters? Pull me into a dark alleyway and give me a hug because you don’t want to get all mushy in public?
Rex
Love is love is love. I won’t judge. And I know I’m irresistible. It’s a curse. *winks*
Three dots appear, then disappear.
Elias
Just keep the move alive until I get there. And no, I’ll never give you a hug. I’ll feed myself to the sharks before that happens.
I smirk, imagining the broody mobster flicking his lighter with one hand, rubbing his temple with the other. What a rare gift I have—the ability to inspire polarizing emotions in people.
“How’s therapy going? Did I tell you I’m proud of you for doing it?” Casey says.
Sliding my phone into my pocket, I glance up, finding Casey idling in the foyer. He’s smiling like I’ve impressed him. I haven’t seen that in ages—the last time was when I was fifteen and confessed to Ryland I had driven his car into a ditch by accident.
I was scared shitless, but that wasn’t anything new. The scaredy cat hadn’t quite grown out of being spooked. I worked on it relentlessly, but my impulse was to hide in a hole and avoid terrifying things or people.
While Ryland was only sixteen then, he still had the same no-nonsense professor vibe he carries now. And the man could hold a grudge. But I told myself fear was good for me. Mom said I had to face my fears to get over them.
Casey was proud when I told Ryland. He said it was the right thing to do.
I survived my brother’s wrath, but he’d never let me drive his cars again.
“You’re silent. You fucked up, didn’t you?” The warmth disappears from Casey’s voice and his shoulder slumps. “What did you do?”
A slideshow of Olivia plays in my mind. Her observations of me are on point—my self-hatred, the anger I tamp down, how everything stems from secrets and loss.
If she was clinically detached, the way a doctor should be, I could’ve laughed it off and charmed her enough to distract her.
But she isn’t. She acts like she cares. Like my pain somehow hurts her.
“You’re not fucking the doctor, are you?”
“No, dipshit. Nothing happened between us.”
“And it’ll stay that way, you hear me? You’re an Anderson with billions of dollars attached to your name. You can commit murder in broad daylight and get away with it.”
Casey’s voice becomes more urgent. “She can’t, Rex. She’s not a plaything. If you mess with her, you’re messing with her career, her livelihood. Please, ruin your life, don’t ruin anyone else’s.”
His words sink deep into my gut. He’s right, as always.
Casey sighs. “She’s good at what she does. Make an effort, won’t you? Keep your dick inside your pants and help her help you.”
Wetting my lips, I ignore him and the anvil compressing my lungs.
Before I walk out the door, I slide my hand into my pocket and grip my red marble, a reminder of my past, not that I’d ever forget. “Don’t get your panties in a twist. Nothing’s going to happen.”
In another life, perhaps…
My chest aches, but I ignore it.
Nothing will happen.
I’ll protect Olivia from myself.
I won’t ruin her life if I can help it.