Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Julie
“ T hanks, honey,” Asher’s mom says as I hand her the last of the leftover containers to put in the fridge. We’re in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. Susan ordered everyone out but asked me to stay and help her. Asher seemed reluctant to leave me alone and stuck around until his mom kicked him right out, telling him that she’s been cleaning up after dinner for far longer than he has been alive, and we would be fine without him. He just shrugged, kissed me on the head, and strolled to the living room where his oldest nieces were engaged in a vicious PlayStation battle. Without any clue as to why she wanted me to stay, my anxiety is firing on all cylinders, my hand tapping out a rhythm on my thigh.
“Cookie?” I jump at Susan’s voice and whirl around to where she’s standing with a plate of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. My favorite. Even my own mom has never made a different kind of cookie for every person in her family, and my mom is a capital M Mom.
“Sure, why not?” I grab one and stand there, not sure exactly what to do .
Susan just laughs. “You don’t have to be afraid of me, Julie. I’m not that scary.”
I wince a little. “You noticed?”
She pats me on the shoulder. “Hard to miss. Your fingers are tapping on your thigh, and you’re thinking so hard I bet everyone in the living room can hear it.”
I take a deep breath and let it out, expelling some of my nerves. “Asher is a lot like you. He noticed all that right away too.”
She motions me to a stool, and we sit side-by-side at the kitchen island. “My boy is perceptive. Some people think it’s the quarterback instinct, and maybe that’s part of it, but he’s been that way since he was a kid. He always seemed to know what one of his sisters needed, even before they did.”
I laugh a little, and take a bite of a cookie. They really are excellent. “Story checks out,” I mumble. Swallowing the bite, I add, “He understood me from the start. I don’t know how, but he got things about me that even the people closest to me never really have. He likes to say he got me through luck and unwavering persistence, but really, it was the way he saw me all the way through and accepted me exactly as I am. That’s a first for me,” I say quietly.
The understanding in Susan’s eyes—the eyes she passed on to Asher—is so strong I almost have to look away. She reaches out and lays a hand over mine. “I bet it is. You’re a brilliant, successful lawyer. I bet you’ve always been at the top of your class, and studied your ass off to get there. When you got into practice, it was working late nights and weekends with partner track in sight, and then you left to start your own firm where you took charge and organized everyone and everything.”
I stare at her. “That is…scarily accurate.”
Susan laughs a little. “And no one close to you ever knew that, inside, you were an anxious mess, because you never let them see. You covered it all up with spreadsheets and lists and color-coded calendars and really nice shoes.”
I have the fleeting thought that maybe I should be insulted by this, but I’m not because what I am is so fucking relieved. I feel like I do every time Asher understands something about me that no one else seems to. “How do you know all this?”
She squeezes my hand. “Because I just described myself too. I’m so happy that you and Asher found each other, and I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk to someone who has been where you are, you can talk to me. Anxiety works for us sometimes. It’s probably the reason we’re as successful as we are. But when it stops working for you and starts taking you over? That’s when things get dicey. You’re not alone, Julie. I understand you too.”
Emotion from being so well understood and so easily accepted makes my throat tight. “Thank you,” I whisper. Then I find my voice. “It’s been…hard being perfect all the time. I was exhausted and burned out and I didn’t even realize it. Asher did, though. We didn’t even know each other that well, but he found me on the floor of my office in the middle of a panic attack, and suddenly I was agreeing to go on a road trip with him, and it wasn’t even because he blackmailed me into it, even though I made it seem like it was.”
Susan snorts out a laugh and that makes me laugh too. “That sounds like my guy,” she says.
“We’ve only been gone a week, but I feel like an entirely different person. Is that weird?”
Susan shrugs a shoulder in a gesture so much like Asher I have to smile. “You fell in love honey. You are a different person. But at your core, you’re still you.”
I clear my throat, a little uncomfortable. “I haven’t exactly told him about that part yet. The love part. ”
“I know. You’ll tell him when the time is right. He loves you too, you know.”
I know it, even though he hasn’t said the words. I think it’s an honor to be loved by Asher Hansley. Before I can figure out what to say, Susan starts talking again.
“If I could handpick a woman for Asher, it would be you, Julie. I see the way you care for him. The way you understand him too. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for him. I think he’s met his match in you.”
Tears prick at my eyes, but I blink them back, wanting to see clearly. “He is the best person I have ever known. I would do anything for him.”
She nods, with a satisfied look on her face. “I believe you would. I’m glad he has you to stand by him through whatever comes next for him.”
At that, I remember something Susan said earlier that got me thinking about Asher’s future, and an idea keeps knocking at the back of my mind.
“Susan, did Asher ever do any work with kids while he was in college, or since he’s been in the league?”
“He has. A lot, actually. When he was in college, he was a volunteer coach all four years for a youth league here in Boulder. I don’t know how he fit it in between practice and games and all his classwork and labs, but he always made it a priority. And since he’s been in the league, I know whenever there’s an opportunity to work with kids, he takes it. I don’t know all the details, but isn’t he doing some work with a friend of yours?”
“He is. My brother Ben’s best friend runs a foundation focused on kids and sports. Asher is volunteering for him during the offseason. Listen, you can tell me I’m overstepping, but I had this idea, and I need your help to pull it off.”
She grins at me. “I love a bit of intrigue. Lay it on me, Jules.”