Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
FREYA
The room smells of stale coffee and old books. Any other day I’d enjoy it, but slumped in a hard plastic chair staring down the one woman in Cedar Creek who seems determined to hate me, I can’t say I’m particularly able to appreciate it.
Joyce scowls at me, the click of her needles louder than any other in the room. Is she doing that on purpose? Some kind of weird tactic to assert dominance? She’s going to screw up her tension.
I don’t know why I ever agreed to run these sessions.
When Agnes, the head librarian, swung by and asked if I’d ever consider taking over, it had seemed like a good opportunity to meet some new people, maybe drum up some business for the shop.
Now I can’t help but feel like it was a trap.
Agnes certainly seemed excited about handing off the responsibility.
“What are you working on?” I ask Andrea, the woman in her seventies sitting on my right. She’s knitting something involving a lot of cables, so intricate it’s making my head spin.
She picks it up, showing it to me more clearly. It’s a stunning cardigan in a deep maroon. “It’s for my daughter. She keeps trying to buy one like it, but those things in the stores just fall apart. This’ll be better.” She nods sagely.
“That’s a beautiful yarn, Andrea,” Joyce says from across the circle, smile fixed in place.
Andrea gives a tiny huff that I only catch because we’re huddled so close together. Huh. Maybe she’s also getting frustrated with Joyce? “That’s sweet of you to say,” Andrea replies with a subtle sniff.
“Where did you get it from?” Joyce tilts her head, the picture of innocence.
Andrea gives my knee a pat. “That store just outside Denver, I don’t remember the name.”
“The one with the cat?” Penny chimes in.
“That’s the one.”
“I love that place,” Joyce says, not bothering to hide the triumph in her tone. “They have the most wonderful selection, and the staff there are so helpful.”
I catch myself right before rolling my eyes. Does she think I’m about to be upset over something so petty?
Maybe I ran over her cat in a previous life. That’s the only thing I can think of to explain why she hates me so much.
I’m struggling to carry the last box down the library steps when I spot a familiar dirt-streaked pickup truck, a figure leaning against it. He looks behind me at the library doors, eyes wary.
“Joyce isn’t still here, is she?” Oscar asks.
I laugh. “No, she left a while ago.”
“Thank God.” He straightens and crosses the asphalt to take the box from my hands, all loping strides and casual grace. “That woman scares the shit out of me.”
He swings the plastic tub into the trunk of my car, but I can’t focus on how easy he makes it look, not when I’ve just worked out where I know that truck from.
“It was you!” I say, accusing.
He follows my gaze, where I’m staring daggers at his vehicle.
He gives me a chagrined smile. “Uh… yeah.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“You seemed like you were three seconds from beating up whoever was parked in that spot.” He lifts a shoulder, an air of mischief in his features. “I didn’t want to be in the line of fire.”
“So, you lied?”
“I never lied.” He steps forward, suddenly serious. “I wouldn’t lie to you.”
“You just didn’t say.”
He gives me a sheepish look. “In my defense, I haven’t parked there since.”
I grumble, scraping the toe of my shoe against the ground. “I guess that’s alright, then.”
“You forgive me?”
“Just this once.”
He puts his hand on his heart. “It’ll never happen again.”
I chuckle. “What are you doing here anyway?”
He doesn’t quite meet my eyes. “Knew you’d be here.”
He came looking for me? He must catch my confused expression because he continues. “I just wanted to check on you.”
I sigh. I called him as soon as I got home, as instructed. We didn’t talk for long, just enough for him to decide that I actually was fine. At least I thought he’d decided. Apparently that’s not the case based on the intense way he’s scouring every inch of my face.
“You really didn’t need to do that.”
“It’s on my way, so…”
“Where are you headed?” I ask, wanting to get off the subject of me and my meltdown.
“Station. I’ve got a meeting with Mack.”
I frown, noticing the direction his truck’s parked in. “The station’s that way?” I point toward the opposite end of the street.
Oscar flushes red, a deep crimson staining his cheeks. “I uh… well, it’s mostly on my way.”
A trickle of unease makes its way down my spine and I hate it. I hate that my reaction to a kind gesture is wondering what their angle is.
I just don’t know him nearly well enough to be certain. He seems sincere, but I’ve thought that in the past, and look where it got me.
Neither of us says anything for a long moment. In the end, the silence only gets broken by the shrill sound of my phone alarm.
“Shit, sorry,” I mutter, pressing the side button. “That’s my cue. I gotta go open the store.”
“Of course.”
Oscar gently nudges me aside before closing the trunk and moving to the driver’s side door to open it. I slide past him to get inside with a whispered thanks.
“See you around, Freya.” He turns back to his truck and gets in, but doesn’t start his engine until after I’ve pulled away.
When I do, I whoosh out the air that was trapped in my lungs, smiling as I adjust my rearview mirror.
I run the tip of my knitting needle along the ridges carved into the edge of my desk. The gentle tapping sound is the only noise in the store, aside from the faint ringing of the bell that hangs over the door to Becca’s.
A couple practically falls out of the diner with the force of their own laughter.
They head hand in hand down the street. Whatever’s so funny causes the girl to double over, but the guy wraps a firm arm around her waist and tugs her against him, dropping a kiss to the top of her head before they move on.
That pit in my chest notches wider, like the dirt and roots are falling away at the edges, getting sucked in by the force of my loneliness. Without noticing, I’ve pressed my hand to my own waist, digging in my fingers like I can pretend it’s someone else doing it.
My phone buzzes from the desk drawer. I grin, seeing a text from Luci—she always seems to know when I need her.
LUCI
If you don’t call me soon I’m gonna cut microbangs and it’s gonna be YOUR FAULT
Have you replaced me with a new best friend?
I snort.
FREYA
I called you literally two days ago.
When we first met in high school at fifteen, I’d been alarmed by Luci’s flair for the dramatic, constantly thinking she was mad at me and taking her far too literally.
Like in tenth grade when she told me she’d never speak to me again after I got an A in a class that she was failing, and then had to come hunt me down in the library where I’d been hiding with my lunch.
But it didn’t take me long to realize that’s just who she is.
And honestly, back then, it was nice to have a friend who didn’t speak to me any differently than she did anyone else.
Everyone else in my class would either talk to me like I was a toddler, or not talk to me at all. Luci was always just Luci.
Luci
EXACTLY that was TWO WHOLE DAYS AGO
I need you to be the voice of reason on this
Freya
Don’t cut micro bangs, it’ll make your face look really long.
Luci
Oooh, good point
Reading my message back, I worry that it might have come across badly, but she’s never once taken my bluntness personally.
Freya
You have a great haircut for your face shape, why mess with a good thing?
Luci
Because sometimes it’s nice to change it up!
Freya
Ew.
Luci
What?
Freya
You know how I feel about changing it up.
Luci
Says the woman who moved halfway across the country
Freya
Moved BACK. It doesn’t count if I used to live here.
Luci
You keep telling yourself that
Freya
Thank you, I will.
Luci
You know, you didn’t answer my question
I have to scroll back through our messages to figure out what she means. I roll my eyes, but humor her anyway.
Freya
You’ll always be my best friend.
Luci
Okay good
Otherwise we’d have to have an argument
My smile spreads so wide I’ll probably get lipstick on my teeth, but I couldn’t care less.
God, I miss her. I’m about to reply when a third text comes through.
Luci
You are making some new friends though, right?
A week ago her question would have freaked me out, but remembering my chat with Becca at the Open House, I actually have a good answer.
Freya
Maybe?
I hope so?
Luci
OMG yay!
Who?
You don’t like them more than me though, right?
Freya
Never.
She’s called Becca, she owns the diner across the street.
Luci
Cute!
You guys can wave at each other
YOU SHOULD HOLD UP NOTES IN THE WINDOWS
I laugh. She might be joking, but Becca and I actually have waved at each other at least once or twice a day. We haven’t had a chance to talk properly since the event, but I’ve been popping into the diner every day to pick up my lunch.
Freya
Hahaha!
I think we’d confuse the customers.
She’s really nice, though.
Luci
That makes me so happy
Look at you! You’re a social butterfly!
You’re gonna be running that town before you know it
She’s always had more faith in me than I have.
Freya
Also.
That guy just showed up at the library.
She replies immediately, unfazed by the change of subject.
Luci
Firefighter guy?
Freya
Yeah.
Luci
And when you say showed up…
Are we talking in a cute way or a creepy way?
Freya
Cute? I think?
Luci
Then awwwwwww
Freya
But you know my judgment on these things isn’t the best.
Luci
Your judgment is fine
Freya
I have a very poor track record.
Luci
One asshole does not a ‘track record’ make
Freya
You know what I mean.
Luci
I do, but I still don’t agree
You didn’t misjudge Aaron, he manipulated you
I can feel the tears prick at the back of my eyes. I shake out my hands. No way, not today. I am not crying over that man again. I’ve done enough of that for a lifetime.
Freya
I should have seen it.
It’s lucky we’re not on a call, because I don’t think I could have forced the words out past the lump in my throat. Almost as if I’ve conjured her, my phone starts buzzing. I decline it, not ready to have this conversation.
Luci
Please pick up, Frey
Freya
I’ve got customers, chat later okay?
Luci
Freya.
I lock my phone. As the screen turns black, I’m confronted by my own reflection. My red lipstick looks garish against my now ashen complexion. I flip it over, unable to stand it any longer.
The pit widens.