Chapter 4
From the texts of Binx McGuire,
Melissa McGuire,
and Wendy Ann McGuire
Binx: Sister chat ACTIVATED. Sorry to text so early, guys, but my flight is boarding in ten minutes, and I wanted to make sure this text was sent before I left. Mel, I’m going to need you to touch base with Wendy Ann today and make sure she’s doing okay. She took a big step forward on her “embracing her one wild and wonderful life” journey and may need some support. Wendy Ann, I am SO proud of you, little sis! Way to put yourself out there and seize the day (and the D…*winky smiley face emoji*). I want all the details ASAP. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing in the group chat, you can connect with me privately via chat or email. I will also be able to accept calls after four p.m. central time. We should be at the beach in Tulum by then and Seven and I are both willing to take time out of honeymoon canoodling to gossip.
He’s as proud as I am, by the way. He thinks it’s amazing that you’re coming out of your shell. He thinks you’ve got a lot of seize-the-day potential, kid, and so do I.
Big hugs!
Mel: Wait, what? Who? Where? Let me get out of bed so I don’t wake the baby with the glowing screen.
Binx: You sleep with the baby in the bed? Aren’t you afraid you’re going to roll over and crush him?
Mel: Nah. I know he’s there, and it’s way easier to get my boob out for night feedings when he’s right there in the bed between us.
Binx: Wow, Aaron’s in the bed, too?
Mel: Of course, he is. Where else would he be?
Binx: On the couch? In the guest room? Somewhere where he doesn’t have to worry about rolling over and crushing his child with his giant hockey player body?
Mel: *eye rolling emoji* He’s not that giant, and he’s very aware of where Jonah is at all times, trust me. He’s pathological about the safety of this child. Besides, he’s in charge of diaper changes after the feedings. It’s a team effort around here.
Binx: Aw, I love that. He’s a good one. Nearly as good as mine. Seven says hi, by the way, and thank you for the amazing cake surprise last night. It was the most beautiful thing either of us had ever seen.
Mel : My pleasure, pumpkin. Anything for my baby sisters. Speaking of baby sisters, where the hell is Wendy Ann? Wendy Ann! Get your ass out of bed and tell me what Binx is talking about. And let us know you’re okay. What exactly did you do last night?
Binx: She went home with a boy. After asking Seven and me for condoms.
Mel: WHAT?
Binx : Yep. She’s spreading her wings and flying out of her brain jar!
Mel: Who did she go home with? Someone from the wedding? Or some random weirdo she met hanging around the hotel?
Binx: I don’t know. I didn’t ask.
Mel: YOU DIDN’T ASK? OUR BABY SISTER ASKED YOU FOR CONDOMS TO GO HOME WITH SOME DUDE AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN ASK WHO IT WAS?
Binx : Stop shouting! You’re hurting my eyeballs! I did have four glasses of champagne last night, you know.
Mel: Fine, but this is serious, Binx. You didn’t even get a name? Or at least a physical description?
Binx: Relax! I trust Wendy Ann’s judgment. She’s the smartest person I know.
Mel: Academically smart, absolutely, but her street smarts are untested. She’s been sheltered like a hothouse flower by this entire family. She might have no idea that she’s supposed to tell someone who she’s leaving with and where they’re going, so we at least have a chance of tracking down her body, if not her killer.
And who would she have told, aside from one of us? She doesn’t have any friends in town anymore, and she sure as hell wouldn’t have told Mom or Dad or one of the boys.
Which means, if WE don’t know where she is, NO ONE knows where she is.
Binx : Shit.
Mel: Yeah. Shit. Big shit. I’m calling her. If she doesn’t answer, I’m going over to her place. And if I can’t find her there, I’m going to the police station to report her missing.
Binx: Oh my God, you don’t think she’s missing, do you? I can’t believe I didn’t think to ask the guy’s name. I was distracted by the wedding reception, but still, you’re right. That should have been the first order of business before anyone went looking for condoms. I can’t believe I dropped the big sister ball like this.
Mel: I want to tell you it’s okay, but I’m not sure it is okay. Guess we’ll find out in a few minutes. I’m going to call her now.
Wendy Ann: Do NOT call me. Please. I’m fine. I’m at home and will respond to all of this later.
Binx: Oh, thank God. You’re okay! Yay! Jesus, my arms are shaking. I really didn’t want to get on that plane without knowing you were still alive.
Mel: Yes, thank God, but no way are you making us wait for more information. At least tell us if last night was okay. Did you have a good time? Or was he awful? Did you decide to go home with him with a clear head or were you drunk at the time? You really should have made sure she wasn’t drunk, Binx.
Binx: She wasn’t drunk! I could tell. Geez.
Wendy Ann: No, she shouldn’t have made sure I wasn’t drunk. That’s MY job. I’m a fully grown adult capable of making my own decisions, but I’m also asleep right now.
Please let me sleep. I didn’t get home until two in the morning, and I didn’t get to sleep until almost three. I can’t function on three hours of sleep. That’s why I didn’t party in college.
Brain is porridge.
Mushy smushy porridge…*snoring face emoji*
Mel: Wow. Two a.m. Must have been a good night.
Binx: And not asleep until three. What were you doing for an hour after you got home? Taking a long, sexy shower with the waterproof toy I bought you for a graduation present as you replayed every moment of your steamy one-night stand?
Mel : What?! You bought our sister a vibrator for a graduation present?
Binx: I did. Every girl should have one. Don’t shame me.
Mel: I’m not shaming you. I’m jealous. You never bought me a sex toy.
Binx: That’s because you’re the big sister in our relationship. I assumed you already had your own collection. Or that your husband was taking care of your needs.
Mel: Oh, he does, but toys are still fun. He’s out of town playing hockey a lot, you know.
Binx: Noted. I’ll place an order for your birthday.
Mel: Thank you. I mean, I have a few already, but it would be nice to see what you pick out. You have great taste in things like that.
Binx: Thank you. I appreciate your appreciation. I would also appreciate Wendy Ann giving us a name before she goes back to sleep. WENDY ANN! GIVE US A NAME AND THEN WE’LL LET YOU GO BACK TO SLEEP!
Wendy Ann: No. Go away. I’m unconscious.
Mel: You’re not unconscious, and Binx is right. We need a name. What if he decides to come over and kill you this morning?
Wendy Ann: He’s not going to come over and kill me this morning.
Binx: You never know. Fifty percent of the male population is flat out bonkers with a penchant for violence.
Mel: I would say more than fifty percent. Especially unmarried men over thirty-five. You should see the psychos who popped up in my dating apps when I was trying that shit. *shudder* Was this guy unmarried and over thirty-five, Wendy Ann?
Wendy Ann: I hate you both.
Binx: No, you don’t. You love us. We’re your biggest fans and supporters. Just give us a name, precious little sweet baby sister friend, and we promise we’ll leave you alone until this afternoon.
Mel: Or nine a.m. when I pick up our order from the new French bakery on Elm Street. If you give us the name quickly, without putting up any more of a fuss, I could be convinced to leave a chocolate croissant on your doorstep on my way back home…
Wendy Ann: Make that an almond croissant and a plain croissant and one of those circle things with the sticky sugar around the edge and you have a deal.
Binx: Wow! Someone’s a hungry monkey.
Mel : It’s a deal. Cough up the name. I’m DYING to know who helped you work up such an appetite.
Wendy Ann: Okay, but you can’t tell anyone. It’s a secret. And it’s only for this weekend. He’s leaving town on Monday.
Binx: Aw, bummer. But what do you mean this weekend? Are you two going out again?
Wendy Ann: Yes. We’re going out again tonight and…I’m staying the night at his place *wicked smiley face emoji*
Binx: HELL, YES, GIRL! WAY TO GO! *standing ovation gif* *woman wiping proud tears gif* *unicorn farting rainbows gif*
Mel: I don’t understand the farting unicorn part of that, but the rest of it is perfection. Giving you a standing ovation over here too, lady. So glad you found someone who’s showing you a good time!
Wendy Ann: A great time. He showed me a GREAT time, and I can’t wait to see Connor again.
Binx: Connor… Wait, you don’t mean CONNOR SINCLAIR? The smoking hot fucking doctor?!
Mel: OH MY GOD, HE WAS THE KIDS’ DOCTOR! HE’S AMAZING! So sweet and thoughtful and always knows exactly what to do to make us all feel better. I almost cried when I heard he was transferring his patients to someone else.
And Binx is right, he is a snack, girl. If I weren’t a happily married woman, I would play doctor with him any day of the week.
Binx: Same, and I usually don’t go for men with blond hair. But those shoulders would help me overlook it.
Mel: And those thighs. They’re so bulky, they strain the seams of his khakis. That man must spend hours working out after he leaves the office.
Wendy Ann: Stop objectifying my date!
Binx: We’re not objectifying, we’re appreciating. So how was he in bed? Did he put his doctorly knowledge of anatomy to good use?
Wendy Ann: I don’t kiss and tell.
Mel: I don’t, either, but we can assume it was fabulous if you’re going back for round two tonight. Have so much fun, sissy. Glad you found a sweet and sexy man to mess around with. Enjoy every second of your weekend, and I’ll see you on Monday for a thorough debriefing. Come by the catering office at lunchtime and we can gossip.
Wendy Ann: Okay, but I’ll see you before then. You’d better not have been kidding about dropping off pastries, Mel. I’m starving. Orgasms are exhausting.
Binx: WOOT WOOT! That’s what I like to hear! Get it, Wendy Ann! And on that note, I must board the plane. Love you both!
Mel: Love you! And yes, I’ll be there around nine-fifteen with pastries, my hungry little sex fiend. See you then. Now, back to bed for me. I think I can still sneak in a nap before the seven a.m. feeding.
Wendy Ann: Same. Back to sleep. And to dream of hot doctors…