Chapter 3
Nessa
“Buckle up, Nyla,” I instructed my four-year-old daughter.
“Yes Mommy,” she answered before doing as she was told. “Did Daddy send me a letter?”
“Yes ma’am. We’ll read it once we make it to the park.”
“Yay! Can we listen to K-Pop Demon Hunters?”
Instead of answering her question, I turned on Golden by Huntrix once loaded into my 2013 Kia Forte.
She sang her heart out on the parts that she knew.
The rest of the soundtrack played until we made it to our destination.
We arrived at the park shortly after I’d picked her up from daycare.
I noticed it wasn’t as packed as usual as we made our way towards a table.
“Read it, Mommy, read it!” She beamed once we were seated.
“Ok, ok, calm down. I’m goin’ to read it,” I laughed as she settled.
“I’m calm. Can you read it please?”
“Fine.”
I pulled the letter out of my pocket before opening it.
It warmed my heart to see that she still got so excited when a letter came in from her dad.
That overshadowed the heartbreak I felt for forging the letter in the first place.
When Nyla was two, she asked where her dad was and I told her he was in the military.
I stuck with that lie all the way until now and planned to have her dad go along with it whenever he got out.
Every week she’d get a letter from her dad, and that was the highlight of her week.
Each letter I’d include in there that her dad was proud of her, his response to her weekly catchup, how she was the best daughter in the world, and how he couldn’t wait to come home to her.
After I read it, she was all smiles and giggles and couldn’t wait to get home to write back.
Her response was the exact reason why I chose to continue with this lie rather than to crush her spirits with the truth.
While she played on the playground, I responded to a text from Chance.
He’d gotta some money Nas had sent and wanted to give it to me.
I always wondered what the fuck he was doing in prison to where he could send me a few hundred dollars every two weeks.
With no way to ask him directly, I decided not to worry about it since he made it clear I wasn’t getting any access to him.
After I read that Chance was on the way, I put my phone in my pocket and went to play with Nyla.
These last four years have had their share of ups and downs, but my daughter truly has been my biggest blessing.
While pregnant with her I was determined to pass all my CNA classes to be able to provide a decent life for her.
The first two years I had the help of Mama Eva, which was such a blessing.
Before she passed away, my mom reached out wanting to reconcile.
I was skeptical at first until after I got some advice from Mama Eva, I was open to the idea.
“Yo, Nessa,” Chance called out as he walked his daughter, Nyla’s best friend slash cousin, Chanel, over to the area she was in.
The girls were four months apart with Nyla being the oldest. I felt bad for Chance because he was forced to be a single dad when his baby mama died during childbirth.
He has been doing his damn thing and every chance I got I had Chanel over there with me, Nyla, and Yasmine.
As he made his way over towards me, I thought of how I was going to spend the money on Nyla’s upcoming field trip and give my mom the rest. I’d already covered my bills for this month with my check and the money he’d given me two weeks ago.
“Here you go,” he announced as he handed me the envelope. “How you and Nyla holdin’ up?”
“We doin’ good,” I answered. “She missed Chanel last weekend. You know that’s more like her sister than cousin.”
“I know, I know. Chanel wasn’t feeling the change either, but she had to see Keisha’s parents while they were in town.”
“You know I understand but ya girl over there wasn’t too happy about it. How was the visit?”
“It was cool. I still be missin’ her but I know God makes no mistakes so when I wanna be angry I just do my best to trust him. I’m just thankful that Chanel has you, Nyla and Yas in her life. Now, I just need you to hook me up with Yas, so she can have a stepmama.”
“Aht, aht. I am not gettin’ in the middle of that. If it happens that’s good but it won’t be because of me. If anything were to go bad, I refuse to be damn blamed.”
“Ain’t shit gonna go bad. You know Chanel and her already got a bond from them already hangin’ out on the weekends.”
“Uh huh. Anyways thank you for these lil’ coins. How’s your cousin doin’ anyways?”
“He hangin’ in there. Takin’ every day one day at a time. You know he misses you like crazy right?”
“Yeah, right.,” I agreed sarcastically before kissing my teeth as I rolled my eyes. “He misses me so much but denied me access to be there for him. I ain’t tryin’ to hear that shit, and he better not come home tryin’ to sell me that bullshit. Speakin’ of which, when does he come home?”
“I thought you ain’t care about him?”
“I don’t. I just wanna know when I should tell Nyla.”
“I ain’t got an exact date, but soon. Look I gotta get up outta here. You still pickin’ up Chanel on Friday for me?”
“You know that ain’t gonna change. We got our girl. I’ll drop her off Saturday night.”
“Bet. Thanks, Nessa.”
“You’re welcome. Now good luck,” I smirked at the thought of him separating the girls so they can leave.
He dropped his head as he made his way over to them.
Just as I’d suspected Chanel wasn’t ready to leave and started having a fit.
Shortly after she started Nyla was with the bullshit too.
I chuckled at the sight until it was too unbearable to watch.
I intervened and explained to them both that Chanel would stay the night on Friday.
That got them to calm down, and we were able to leave the park.
On the way home, I texted my boyfriend of the last two years, Desmond, to let him know that me and Nyla were headed home if he wanted to come over for dinner.
At first after my devasting breakup with Nas, I just focused on me and Nyla.
Especially, with me being a first-time mom and a single one at that.
I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t anything like my mom and that I gave Nyla the best that life had to offer despite our circumstances.
So, for the first two years of her life she was my main focus.
Hell, when Desmond came into the picture, I wasn’t even looking for a relationship.
One night I was out at a bar with Yas and that’s how we crossed paths.
At first, I turned him down because I was only twenty-two and he was thirty.
He was adamant about being with me no matter how many times I turned him down.
Eventually, he won me over and we started dating but he didn’t meet Nyla until we were a year and a half in.
That was a conversation I wasn’t prepared to have with her about her mom dating someone that wasn’t her dad, but she took it better than expected.
The cherry on top was when her and Desmond met, they hit it off.
Never in my life did I see myself being in a relationship and fucking anyone but Nas.
We only started fucking after he met Nyla and his patience surprised me that he stuck around that long without sex.
He had the mindset of getting to know me and actually dating before we fucked and I liked that.
When we did finally have sex, it was mediocre to me which was shocking because his talk game was crazy.
Parking in front of the duplex apartment we called home, I cut off my 2010 Honda Accord.
After I helped Nyla out of the car, she wanted to check the mail for a letter before going inside.
Once I sat her up in the living room with her favorite show, Bluey, I made my way into the kitchen to get dinner started.
By the time I pulled the last pork chop out the grease, there was a knock on my door.
“Hey, Baby,” I greeted as I held the door opened for Desmond.
“Hey, Gorgeous,” he acknowledged after he kissed my lips. He continued deeper into the living room as I secured the door. “Hey, Nyla.”
“Hey, Desmond. You came over to eat?”
“Yep. It smells good up in here. What we havin’ tonight?”
“She cooked my favorite!”
“Pork chops,” they said in unison, causing me to chuckle.
Nyla would eat pork chops every day if she could, which wasn’t a surprise because that’s what I craved the most during my pregnancy.
Pork chops were on the menu at least three times a week at Mama Eva house.
It didn’t matter how she made them, I’d devour them.
Desmond joined Nyla on the sofa to watch TV with her while I made our plates.
Despite his lack-luster bedroom performance, the way he treated me and my child overshadowed that.
I called everyone to the table before Nyla blessed the food and we dug in.
Of course, Nyla caught us up on her daycare drama she had going on.
Who would have thought that four-year-olds had that much drama going on.
Every day it was something new. After we finished, I bathed Nyla while Desmond cleaned off the table and put the food away.
Once Nyla was in her bed for the night, I rejoined Desmond in the living room.
“What’s goin’ on with you?” I questioned Desmond once I noticed his energy seemed to have dropped.
“Just a lot on my mind that I’m not tryin’ to worry you with,” he answered as he pulled me onto his lap.
“I mean I’m yo’ girl, so you can talk to me when you got a lot on yo’ mind. Now, what’s goin’ on?”