Chapter 164
He briefly paused. “Yeah, I remember.” “And do you remember what you said?”
He exhaled. “I said that I’d probably trap til I die.”
“Right.” I nodded. “And you meant that. But that was a legit question on my end, because I was growing up, and was ready for something different. Still, I never came down too hard, because I used to be right there with you, cool with the shit. So, I didn’t wanna switch up, and make wild demands.
But I started being intentional about making my own money.
I wanted you to see that we could live a normal life, comfortably.
Buy a house. Adopt some kids. Leave the ghetto shit behind.
And then you go back to prison. I wasn’t expecting that, but wasn’t surprised at the same time.
The shit is depressing, and makes you feel stagnant.
It felt like the judge had sentenced us both.
I cried a lot of nights. Then after you’d been in for a year, we revisited the same conversation.
I asked you what you planned to do once you got out, and all you talked about was how you’d switch up your hustle.
Nothing about actually quitting. That irritated me, but I let it go.
Then I gradually realized that you was comfortable with this shit.
You were okay with the fact that my life was stuck.
In the meantime, I busied myself with reading books, trying to escape my reality.
Because it was dawning on me that I no longer liked my life.
So, I lived vicariously through fictional fucking characters.
And you? I realized that I was living through the consequences of your actions.
You was out in the streets, deciding to put it all on the line, and we both paid the price.
Then once you were in here, you were perfectly okay with me not having a life.
Would get mad if I was having too much fun without you, like I put you in here.
That had me craving something different.
I started daydreaming about a different life.
Started asking myself how would I be living if I’d chosen a different type of dude.
Had me wishing that I had a different life.
And that’s what left me open to another man.