10. Chapter 10
Chapter 10
Jon
I kissed her, and she kissed me back. She fit perfectly in my arms. She's soft and sweet. What am I saying? This is Jimmy's fiancée. They were going to get married. Her heart belongs to him. I rake my fingers through my hair and then bury my face in my hands. This can't be happening.
I shower, hoping the cold water will numb my senses and clear my thinking. I change into pajama bottoms and a T-shirt before lying in bed, exhausted but afraid that another nightmare might bring her back into the room. She said she was okay, but I know I scared her.
So I stay up most of the night replaying the events of that day in my mind over and over again. Why relive a nightmare in my sleep when I can just as well do it when I'm awake?
Jimmy and I were eager to board the amphibious combat vehicle. We had heard that it wasn't for weak stomachs or the faint of heart, so we both wanted to test our sea legs.
We sat in the crowded compartment for two hours before realizing we were in trouble.
"Brace yourselves, Men!” Our commanding officer, Mitch Fletcher yelled. "We're taking in water!"
"I wonder what gave him that idea?" Jimmy muttered jokingly, looking down at the sloshing water above our ankles.
There were fifteen men on board, including our commanding officer and two crewmembers.
"Jimmy," I said. "I think we should take off our gear. We have to get ready in case of an evacuation."
"I don't think it'll come to that," he said.
I couldn't believe how calm he was while my nerves were on high alert.
"Jimmy, this stuff doesn't float," I reminded him.
"The water is almost to our knees, Sir!" exclaimed a crew member.
"The second they open that hatch," I said, "we have to be ready. "Jimmy, are you listening?!"
"Let's not panic just yet," was his reply.
"I think this is a perfect time to panic," said the recruit sitting beside me.
The vehicle rocked back and forth, and as soon as they opened the hatch, it started taking in water a lot faster than it could expel it, and then the power went out.
I could hardly see Jimmy in the almost pitch-black compartment, but I knew he could hear me—even with all the noise, voices, and chaos, I prayed he was listening.
"Jimmy," I said, "take your gear off now!"
"The rescue vehicle is here, men!" Fletcher's voice pierced through the darkness. "Stand to your feet and prepare to evacuate."
By then, the water was up to our chests. We all stood and started unfastening our gear and dropping it where we stood. The men in front of me started heading for the exit, which meant Jimmy would be one of the last to climb out of the vehicle.
"Jimmy," I said. "Switch places with me." I was third in line.
"I'm okay, Jon. I can hold my breath a lot longer than you can. Go!"
Those were the last words he ever said to me.
To this day, I don't know why I offered him my spot, but in hindsight, I know that if he had taken me up on it, we would both still be here.
"Linder!" Fletcher yelled, "Move it!"
I had no other choice but to follow orders.
Once outside, I waited, watching each man exit the vehicle and cross over to the rescue vehicle floating alongside ours.
"Where's Bowman?!" I asked when Jimmy didn't emerge.
"He was helping Smitty remove his gear," someone said right before a giant wave slammed into us, causing our vehicle to begin tilting to one side.
"No, no!" I screamed, "The compartment is filling up with water. It can't hold!" I threw myself forward to keep from falling.
"Jimmy!" I screamed. "Jimmy!" I watched as one more recruit, a crewmember, and Fletcher exited the vehicle.
"Where's Jimmy?!" I asked.
"He's right behind us," Fletcher said.
The waves were higher now, filling the vehicle almost to the top. It was going to sink. When the rest of the men safely crossed over to the other vehicle, Fletcher and I were the only ones left. He got down on his knees and looked inside the compartment. "Bowman, can you hear me?! Bowman!"
"Is he there? I asked, growing more frantic by the second. "Can you see him?"
I reached for the hatch opening and grabbed onto the edge to prevent myself from slipping off the tilting vehicle. When I looked inside, all I could see was water and darkness.
"Linder!" Fletcher screamed. "Move!" I moved out of the way just as another wave hit, throwing Fletcher off balance. I watched as he fell into the water.
"Linder!" I heard Fletcher's voice, but I was no longer focused on orders.
"Jimmy!" I screamed. I put half my body inside the dark compartment without letting go of the edge, and with sweeping motions, I reached in as far as I could until I felt something, but it shifted out of reach. I tried again and again until I took hold of it again. It was Jimmy's life jacket. I held on to it and pulled with all my might.
"Hang on, Jimmy. I got you!" I began pulling him out. I saw the top of his head. He was heavy and looked to be unconscious. I let go of the hatch to grab him with both hands, but that turned out to be a fatal mistake.
"Jimmy, can you hear me?!” I was pulling him out when another wave hit, knocking me off balance. I lost my grip on Jimmy but held on with one hand as my body was flung over the side of the vehicle. I held on as long as I could until another wave hit, and I felt my shoulder dislocate. I let him go.
"Nooo!" I screamed, tumbling down the side of the vehicle as it rolled over and started sinking.
"Jimmy, Jimmy, nooo!" I caught a glimpse of the other vehicle in my peripheral vision right before it slammed into me and plunged me into darkness.
I open my eyes slowly, expecting to see my father's worried face, but I'm not in the hospital. I'm in my hotel room in New York. I fell asleep after all, and the nightmare didn't change.
***
"What are you doing up so early?” Dad asks, opening the door to their room, "You look terrible."
"Thanks, Dad," I say, "We need to talk."
"Well, that doesn't sound good."
"Is Noah awake?"
"No. He's still sleeping. Is everything okay?
"I don't know, to be honest."
"You want some coffee?" he asks.
Dad strongly believes that every issue under the sun can be discussed and resolved over a cup of coffee.
"You're up early," Mom says, stepping out of the bedroom with her hair wrapped in a towel.
Their room is a bigger suite with a bedroom and bath separate from a small seating area.
Dad hands me a cup of coffee and sits on the sofa across from me.
"What's on your mind, Son?"
Mom sits next to Dad and clasps her hands together, giving me her undivided attention. She has always been able to read me like a book, so I'm sure she can tell whatever's on my mind is something serious.
"I had a pretty rough night."
"Another nightmare?" Dad asks.
I nod and take a sip of coffee.
"Are you okay?" Mom asks.
"Yes, I'm fine, but it wasn't pretty. Sharon heard me and came into the room. She woke me up and did her best to help me calm down."
Mom nods, waiting for the punch line.
"I think I scared her. When I woke up and realized what was happening, she was sitting next to me. Her eyes were wide and filled with worry."
"I thought you said the dreams were getting better," Dad says.
"I thought so, too," I say. "But that's not why I'm here."
"What is it?" Mom asks, "Jonathan?"
"Sharon is Jimmy's fiancée," I say. " Was Jimmy's fiancée."
Dad stares at me with a blank look on his face, but Mom knows exactly who I'm talking about.
"James Bowman?" Mom asks.
"Yes," I say. "Now, before you ask how the heck Jimmy's fiancée wound up working for you, let me explain."
"I can't wait to hear this," Dad says.
Mom doesn't say anything, but I can tell her wheels are turning, trying to connect all the dots.
"Two weeks before Jimmy died, he told me his girlfriend was looking for a job. I told him you were looking for a nanny, and I thought Sharon could apply for the job and mention my name."
"She never did," Mom says.
"You two were eager to find someone for Noah, and when she said she was willing to move, you hired her on the spot. My referral became moot at that point."
"When did you know?" she asks.
"Not until I met her. The nanny's name was Shay. I had no reason to think Shay and Sharon were the same person."
"You should've told us as soon as you found out," Dad says.
"I didn't want things to get weird. You all like her. She's amazing with Noah. She's selfless and unassuming. Did you know that Jimmy left her almost half a million dollars in life insurance?"
They look surprised, and both shake their heads.
"She could be off doing what most eighteen-year-olds only dream of, but instead, she's here taking care of a four-year-old. The bottom line is we need her more than she needs us."
"So what's the problem?" Dad asks, "What am I missing?"
"She doesn't know the details of the accident," I say, feeling so incredibly guilty.
"If she knew," Mom says, "I doubt she would've left California."
"It was a big story," Dad says. "It was plastered all over the news."
"Well," I begin, "she was able to avoid it all. She knows very little."
"Why haven't you told her?" he asks.
"I've tried more than once, but she doesn't want to hear it. She insists that knowing will only hurt her, and it won't bring him back."
"She's right," Mom says. "If she doesn't want to know, why insist on telling her?"
"Mom, not saying it doesn't change the fact that I was partially responsible for his death. She's going to hate me when she finds out."
"It was an accident," Mom says. "We can cross that bridge when we come to it."
"It's not that easy," I say.
"Why not?" Dad asks.
"What is it?" Mom asks.
"Well," I say, not knowing how to say it other than to just say it, "I like her."
"We all like her," Dad says. "She's a bright young woman and is quickly becoming part of this family."
"I don't think that's what Jon means," Mom says, giving me a sideways glance.
***
When we all meet for breakfast an hour later, Sharon is quiet. She's dressed in jeans and a white T-shirt with a happy face on the front. Her hair is loose around her shoulders. She looks beautiful.
"I get to see the dinosaurs today!" Noah exclaims, hardly able to contain his excitement.
My parents are acting surprisingly normal as if our conversation from earlier this morning never happened.
"What are your plans for today?" Dad asks, cutting into his poached eggs.
"I'm going to see the dinosaurs!" Noah exclaims. "Is it time yet?"
"We can leave as soon as you finish your breakfast," Mom says.
I glance at Sharon, who's offering Noah a forkful of eggs.
"I was hoping I could take Sharon on a tour of the Empire State Building."
That gets her attention. She glances at me, and the earth stops spinning until she smiles, letting me know we're okay.
"I made reservations for dinner at Keens ," Dad says. "We can meet there at seven. That gives you the entire day to explore the city."
"Are you sure?" Sharon asks. "You don't want me to go with you to help with Noah?"
"No," Mom says. "We'll be fine. You go ahead. Have a good time."
***
"About last night," I say as we begin our walk in Central Park.
"You don't have to say anything," Sharon says. "I meant it when I said I don't regret it, but it can't happen again."
"I wasn't going to apologize for kissing you."
"Oh," she says.
"I apologize for scaring you."
She stops walking and turns to me. Her green gaze is full of understanding and compassion.
"What you go through is terrifying, and it's not your fault."
"And another thing," I say, using courage I didn't know I possessed. "I can't promise I won't kiss you again."
"Jon, I just moved across the country with your family. I want to keep things as uncomplicated as possible."
"Once I tell you exactly what happened to Jimmy, none of this has to be complicated."
She starts walking away, and I follow.
"Sharon," I say, reaching for her arm, "please wait."
"Why? Why is it so important that I know what happened? I don't understand why you insist on telling me something I have no interest in hearing. Especially since I've told you this before."
"Because I don't want any secrets between us."
"I'm your parents' employee, Jon. That's it. You don't owe me anything."
"I owe you the truth."
"What are you saying?"
"When you're ready to hear about that day, I'll be ready to tell you exactly what happened."
"Keeping my happy memories of Jimmy intact and untarnished by the tragedy of that day is more important to me than anything. Including your need to unburden yourself."
Her words break my heart in two. There's nothing left to say, so I press my lips together and nod.
"I appreciate your honesty," I say.
"I appreciate your understanding."
We keep walking for a while, neither of us saying anything. I'm hurt, but I understand. Jimmy was the love of her life, while I'm almost a stranger.
We make small talk, mostly about Noah, while we visit Belvedere Castle, Alice in Wonderland, and Bethesda Terrace and Fountain.
"Are you hungry?" I ask, spotting a hot dog stand. "Do you like hot dogs?"
"I do," she says, smiling.
We take our hot dogs and drinks and find a bench close to the pond.
"With Noah starting kindergarten next year, I can't imagine your parents still needing a nanny."
"That's a whole year away," I say.
"I have to think ahead," she says. "I'm a planner."
“Will you move back to California?"
"No," she says, shaking her head. "I'm staying here. I'm going to enroll in school and get a teaching degree."
"Good," I say.
"Spending time with Noah has made me realize how much I enjoy teaching. Watching him learn gives me a sense of accomplishment. I want to teach."
"You're going to be a great teacher. You already are."
"Thanks," she says before taking the last bite of her hot dog.
"Do you want to walk to the Empire State Building?"
"Yeah," she says. "Let's go."