16. Chapter 16
Chapter 16
Jon
"What do you mean I can't see her?"
Rick is standing in the doorway, refusing to let me in.
"I think it's best if you leave."
"I'm not leaving until you tell me why I can't see Sharon. I'm supposed to meet her here so we can drop off some donations."
He steps out of the house and shuts the door.
"When can I see her?"
"I don't know," Rick says, "Why don't we go for a walk so we can talk."
I don't defend myself when Rick explains that he told Sharon everything. Everything I should have told her weeks ago.
"Do you think she'll speak to me after she's had some time to think?"
"I think you should go home, and by home, I mean New York, and let her mourn her mother's death for as long as it takes."
"She was mourning her mother's death with me. We've been living under the same roof for almost two weeks, and she was going home to New York with me. This is not about her mother."
"I had to tell her about Jimmy before she returned to New York. This is her home. I would rather have her process everything here than across the country. I'm here, her uncle and his family are here, and Betty, her best friend, is here."
"I had every intention of telling her before we left," I say.
"You had over a month to tell her, and you didn't."
"I tried to tell her several times, but she didn't want to hear it."
"She mentioned that," Rick admits.
"I love her," I say simply. "I love her."
"If you love her, you'll give her the time and the space she needs to figure out what she wants to do."
"Let her know I came by and that I'm sorry. She has my number. I'm not leaving California without seeing her."
***
When I call my parents to tell them what happened, Mom asks me to come home.
"Her mother just died, Sweetheart. She needs to grieve and then process what happened to Jimmy."
"What about Noah?" I ask, grasping at straws, looking for a reason for Sharon to return to New York.
"Noah is our responsibility," Mom says, "I can take care of my own son."
"You know what I meant, Mom."
"We can always enroll him in preschool. He'll enjoy that."
"Are you firing Sharon?"
"That's not what I said. Let's give her as long as she needs. A couple of weeks, a month? She'll have a job here as long as she wants, but if she chooses not to return, that's okay too."
"That's not okay with me."
"I know, but it's not up to you."
***
I call and leave Sharon a message during the week.
"I'll give her the message," Rick says, "but I can't guarantee she'll call you back."
When I don't hear from her, I decide to return to New York. My heart is broken, but I can't force her to give me something she can't—her forgiveness.
I'm packing my bag when the doorbell rings.
"Hi."
"Sharon."
"I'm sorry I didn't call before coming over."
"It's okay. Come in."
She walks by me, and I inhale the sweet scent of her perfume. I miss her. I want to hug her and kiss her.
"You want to sit down?"
"Yeah," she says, sitting on the sofa.
"Do you want something to drink?"
"No. I'm fine. Thank you."
She's even more beautiful than I remember. A week without her has felt like an eternity.
"I spoke to your mom this morning."
"You did? What about?"
"I called to let her know I'm not returning to New York."
"You quit your job?"
"I did. Your mom was very sweet and understanding."
"Can you help me understand?"
"That's why I'm here. Your mom said you were leaving in the morning, so I thought I should come by to talk."
I gaze at her, taking in every detail of her face: her freckles, smooth skin, and high cheekbones. She's wearing jeans, white sneakers, and a Class of '88 T-shirt. Her hair is braided to the side, and I notice she didn't use a rubber band to tie it. She looks young and breathtakingly beautiful.
I sit on Dad's favorite chair across from the sofa because sitting next to her without touching her would be torture.
"I'm moving back home," she begins. "Rick is looking for an apartment closer to work to cut down on his hour-long commute every day. Betty and Anthony are getting married in November, and they'll be moving in with me. I'm also enrolling in college."
"That sounds like a great plan. I'm happy for you."
"Thank you."
"Sharon, I'm so sorry," I say.
"I know. You tried to tell me, and I didn't listen."
"Not knowing what happened to Jimmy was always more important to you than knowing what I'd been through. I chose to respect your wishes."
"Do your parents know?"
"Yes, and before you ask, Loren does too. They know how I feel about you and begged me to tell you, but it never seemed to be the right time."
"You're right, but this, this is something you should have forced me to hear."
"There was no way I was going to force you to hear something you were adamant about not knowing."
Her calm and resigned demeanor makes me realize what we were building, what we almost had, is over.
"Do you forgive me?" I ask, bracing myself for the answer.
"The accident was no one's fault."
"Then why are you so distant, so cold?"
"I'm really not trying to be," she says, "but the trust between us was broken when someone other than you had to tell me what happened."
"I tried to tell you!" I exclaim, throwing my hands up in exasperation.
"You should have tried harder."
"I wanted to spare you more pain!"
"As painful as it is, I'm cognizant of the fact that what happened to Jimmy was not your fault. Your choosing to keep it from me is, and it's a lot more painful."
She stands up and walks away, indicating that our conversation is over. She opens the door and looks back at me.
"I lost my happily ever after, not once but twice. Goodbye, Jon."
"Goodbye."