16. Chapter 16
”What do you mean?” I ask, as if what she said could have more than one meaning.
”I”ve never slept with anyone,” she says. ”I”ve never made love.”
”What about Eric?” I ask, still trying to process what this means.
”What about him?” she asks. ”He knew early in our relationship that I was not going to sleep with him. I”m waiting.”
”Waiting?” I ask.
”Waiting for marriage.”
Jon”s words instantly replay in my mind: ”Take care of my daughter, Son. I expect her to return home in the same condition she”s in now.”
Laila must see and sense my confusion and shock.
”Hey,” she says, ”This doesn”t change anything. There”s no other place I”d rather be than here with you.”
”Why didn”t you ever tell me?” I ask.
”We were friends,” she says. ”It never came up. It wasn”t something you needed to know.”
”What”s changed?” I ask.
”We”re sleeping in the same room,” she says. ”We”ve kissed. We were lying in that bed together. Let me ask you this: if I hadn”t stopped, how far would you have gone?”
”You have a point,” I say, feeling chastised.
She gives me a weak smile and walks to the closet, where she pulls down a sheet, a blanket, and a pillow.
”Good night, Sam,” she says, handing me all three.
”Can I still kiss you?” I ask, wanting nothing more than to touch her.
She looks at me and smiles.
”Kiss me,” she says.
I put the bedding on the couch and wrap my arms around her. Tonight, she”s wearing a tank top. I lean down and kiss her shoulder first.
”What?” she asks when she sees me smiling.
”Did Eric ever kiss the birthmark on your shoulder?” I ask, caressing it with my thumb.
”I don”t think Eric ever noticed it,” she says. She”s so beautiful that I have a hard time keeping eye contact with her.
”Do you remember the day we met?” I ask.
”I do,” she says, ”You had just started working at Loren”s studio. I was in the front room talking with her when you walked in carrying some ceramic pieces. I remember you almost tripped.”
”Do you know why I almost tripped?” I ask.
She shakes her head, ”No, I have no idea.”
”It was the effect you had on me from the moment I saw you. I don”t think I”ve ever met anyone as beautiful as you.”
She doesn”t say anything, but her emerald green eyes are asking for a kiss. I kiss her cheek, the tip of her nose, and her forehead before kissing her beautiful, full lips. Her eyes are closed, her body is relaxed, and her breathing is steady. She trusts me. I”m slow and thorough, but I”m also keenly aware of the fact that I can”t ever get carried away again.
The next morning, I”m out of the room by six, leaving her sleeping soundly. I rub the back of my neck, thinking about how uncomfortable the couch is, but that”s not what kept me up all night. The woman I”m in love with is a virgin.
The day is a big blur. Besides the fact that I hate golf, I”m distracted by Laila”s revelation.
I remember my careless words to her, ”When was the last time you slept with Eric? Was it months ago, weeks ago, or the night before you broke up with him?” I”m such an idiot.
When we all sit down for brunch, my dad asks, ”What”s on your mind, Son?”
”Is it that obvious?” I ask.
Everyone, except for Luke”s best man, looks up from their menu and stares at me.
”It”s obvious that you”re in love,” says Luke.
”We all know the look,” says Andrew, ”because we”ve all been there.”
”So, what”s the problem?” asks Dad, settling into his seat.
”Besides five thousand miles?” I ask. ”Let me see, Laila is about to move to Boston. She”s going to start her residency as a pediatric doctor. It”ll be an exciting, life-changing experience.”
”And you don”t know where you”ll fit in,” says Pops.
”If she loves you, she will make room and find time for you,” says Grandpa Martin.
”Must I remind you all of what happened with my last relationship?” I ask.
”I didn”t know you back then,” says Luke, ”but even I have heard the story.”
”Yeah,” I say, ”I”m sure my little sister hasn”t held back any of the unfortunate details of the nightmare I lived through.”
”Patricia wasn”t the one for you,” says Grandpa Martin, ”It”s even clear to me how focused she is on her career.”
”That”s right,” I say, ”I almost forgot how close you and Grandma are to the Duncans.”
”Patricia, who now goes by Tricia, is clerking for an attorney in Chula Vista,” says Grandpa. ”She just passed the bar in February.”
”Why did she change her name?” asks Luke.
”She thinks the name Tricia Duncan sounds better than Patricia Duncan,” says Grandpa Martin.
”I”m sure marriage and a family are the last things on her mind,” I say.
”According to her mother,” Grandpa Martin continues, ”she”s regretted your breakup for years.”
”I find that hard to believe,” I say.
”She told her parents that she explained everything to you in an email.”
It”s probably one of the ones I deleted without reading.
”Can we change the subject?” I ask, getting very uncomfortable with the direction this conversation is taking.
”Of course,” says Grandpa Martin. ”But before we do, I should let you know that the Duncans met Laila on Sunday. I”m sure Patricia has heard about it by now, and I doubt she”ll go down without a fight.”
”There”s nothing to fight about,” I say. ”Regardless of what happens between Laila and me, my relationship with Patricia was over years ago, and it will remain so.”
”Your relationship with Laila sounds a lot like your relationship with Patricia,” says Luke.
”Thanks, Buddy,” I say.
”Sorry for pointing out the obvious,” he says.
”Does Laila know about Patricia?” asks Dad.
”She knows I was in a relationship with Patricia that ended with a failed proposal. She doesn”t know that Tricia, the organizer of the upcoming high school reunion, and Patricia are the same person. She also doesn”t know the Duncans are Patricia”s parents.”
”Don”t you think you should tell her?” asks Pops.
”I was going to tell her yesterday,” I say, ”but she got a phone call, and I never got back to it.”
”You need to tell her,” says Dad.
”I know,” I say. ”I know.”
Laila is in the exact same position Patricia was in when we broke up. If I tell Laila how I feel and she turns me down, I”ll return to Greece with a broken heart and a broken friendship. If I don”t tell her, she will go to Boston, I will return to Greece, and we will remain friends. I should”ve never kissed her. The friend zone is long gone. We”ve stepped into something else, something more, something uncertain and scary. Every time I touch her, I”m trying to convey how I feel. When I kiss her, I”m screaming, ”I love you.” She has to know how I feel. God, why do I have to be such a coward? Patricia broke me.
I was in shock when Patricia walked out that day. We all were, including her parents. They apologized profusely and said they had no idea their daughter was having doubts about us. I believed them. There”s a small playground a block away from the restaurant. I found Patricia sitting in a swing.
”I guess I owe you an explanation,” she said as soon as she saw me.
I sat in the swing next to her but said nothing. I wanted to give her my full attention without interruptions.
”We”ve been together for so long that we can”t remember what it”s like to be apart.”
I remained quiet, with the engagement ring still in my pocket.
”We just graduated from college,” she said. ”You already have multiple job offers lined up in New York. I still have to go to law school. I know we made plans to move to New York together, but I want to stay and go to Stanford. It”s the best law school in the country.”
”I can stay here with you,” I said, finally breaking my silence.
”I want you to go,” she said, ”Sam, I”m not ready to be a wife. I”m not ready to leave California. And as much as it pains me to repeat this, I don”t want children.”
”You don”t want them now, but—.”
”I don”t want them at all,” she said. ”I want a career. I don”t want to be tied to a schedule that revolves around children, day in and day out. They”re high maintenance.” She followed up the last part of her statement with a nervous chuckle.
”I thought you had changed your mind,” I said.
”I thought so, too,” she countered. ”But when you proposed in there, all I could picture was a kid demanding all my attention. I realized I just can”t. It”s what you want, but it”s not what I want.”
She stood up and walked away, and I didn”t follow her. Two weeks later, I was on a plane to New York, and I hadn”t seen or heard from her since.
When we get home after the golf game, Laila and my sisters are still out shopping. I run upstairs and turn on my laptop. I have a new email from Patricia. Before opening it, I go into my trash folder and take a deep breath before opening the first email she sent.
Dear Sam,
I miss you. Your grandpa has kept my parents updated on what you”ve been up to all these years. You”ve accomplished everything you set out to do. I”m so proud of you.
Remember when we”d sit and talk about you being able to work from anywhere in the world? Sounds like you”ve made that happen. Greece? Wow!
I heard you bought an art studio in New York. I would love to see it one day soon.
I can”t wait to see you at our class reunion. As an organizer, I”ll contact you regarding the event and your RSVP.
I hope we can connect before the big day. I would love to be your plus one. If not, I”ll attend solo, hoping you will too. Either way, save me a dance.
Sam, I”ve done a lot of self-reflection during the last few years. I”m ready for a family. My love for you has endured the test of time, and I hope your love for me has, too.
You were my first love, Sam, and I haven”t loved anyone the way I love you.
Call me.
Patricia
The other six emails in my trash folder are similar. I delete them all before reading the new one in my inbox.
Dear Sam,
It was so good to hear your voice. You sound just like I remember.
I remember your voice whispering, ”I love you,” when we made love. When we couldn”t be together, you told me you missed me and couldn”t wait to see me.
Your voice hasn”t changed, and I can”t imagine your feelings have either.
I understand you”re in a relationship. I”ve been in other relationships, too, in the last seven years, but you”ve always been there as a constant reminder of how good it can be. No one has ever compared to you.
Nothing has ever compared to what we had. Nothing will ever come close to the love we shared.
Please tell me you feel the same way. Let”s try again. Our love deserves a second chance.
You were my first, Sam. I want you to be the last. Please give me another chance to prove to you how much I love you and how much I”ve changed.
I”m ready to get married and have a family. Please don”t let our love slip through your fingers.
Love you,
Patricia
When I hit the delete key, I look up and see Laila standing in the doorway.