14. Chapter 14
The guilt I feel kept me up most of the night and woke me up early this morning. My behavior was inexcusable. My thoughts, irrational. My desire for this woman, impossible.
The moment she opened the door, I wanted to touch her. Her hair was still damp from the shower. Curls cascading down her shoulders. Her pale skin was devoid of any makeup, but her cheeks were tinted with blush. Tiny freckles dusted across her face. She looked soft and sweet in her pajamas, white and lacy—the epitome of purity, innocence, chastity. I instantly remember Adam’s comment about Loren and Justin not moving in together before their wedding. “The Linder women are old-fashioned,” he said. “They were waiting.”
I think of the hug. I want to believe it was a friendly hug, but who am I kidding? I could feel her soft skin melding into mine, her small frame fitting perfectly in my arms. All I’ve thought about lately is how much I want to pull her close so I can keep her safe and protected. I enjoyed every moment I held her in my arms. It was just a few seconds, but it was long enough for me to realize I’m playing with fire. I’ve got to get these thoughts and emotions under control.
Loren is Adam’s sister-in-law, but they might as well be siblings. Adam will protect her to the death, and there’s no doubt in my mind he’d kill me if he had to in order to keep her from getting hurt. I already hurt her. I would do anything to take back all the insensitive, angry words I said to her last night.
I get out of bed and jump in the shower. The water is freezing, but it’s what I need to help me clear my thinking. It’s just me and Holly now. There’s no need to disrupt our peaceful existence and predictable routine. I work; she goes to school. We spend time with family and friends. We go to church. We go on daddy-daughter dates. It’s simple and safe.
I meant it when I told Adam that there’s nothing to speak of. Then why do I feel like a liar?
I make some toast and fruit for Holly, and I sit with her and drink a cup of coffee. I doubt Adam will be at the office today, so I want to get an early start. To be completely honest, I’d rather not face him today.
After dropping off Holly at school, I drive to work. I’m surprised to see Adam’s SUV in the parking lot when I drive in. I brace myself for a confrontation while hoping I’m wrong and overreacting. When I walk into the building, I can hear Adam in his office. He’s on the phone, and from what I can hear, he’s informing someone of Jon’s arrival. He’s laughing and saying thank you. Whoever he’s talking to has obviously extended their congratulations. My office is down the hallway, and I don’t have to walk by his office to get to it, so I avoid the cursory good morning greeting and go directly into my office and get to work.
Ten minutes later, he walks into my office and says good morning.
“That was Christina,” he begins. “I called them to let them know about Jon. They’re on their way to the hospital to meet him.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, “I should’ve called them as soon as I found out.”
“No worries,” he says.
We’re both quiet for a moment too long.
“I thought you’d be staying with Katherine today,” I say before the silence betrays me.
“I have a couple of things to do before I take a few days off. Jon wasn’t due until next week, so I’ll have to reschedule my trip to Boston.”
“Don’t do that. I can go,” I say casually, hoping he doesn’t sense my eagerness to be anywhere but here.
“You’d be there for a week. Are you sure? What about Holly?”
“I’ll leave Holly with Mom and Dad. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything. Now go home and be with your wife. Is she getting out today?”
“Tomorrow,” he says before adding, “Aaron, I can tell something’s up. You’ve never had a good poker face, so tell me what’s going on with Loren.”
“I told you, there’s nothing to speak of,” I say defensively.
“We’ve been friends a long time. The only thing you ever kept from me was Julie’s pregnancy. You felt horrible about it, and you told me you’d never lie to me or keep anything from me ever again. So let me ask you again, what is going on with Loren?”
“Nothing is going on,” I say, wanting to end this line of questioning.
“I’ll take you up on the offer to go to Boston, but when you get back, we’re going to sit down and talk about Loren because I think there’s something you’re not telling me.”
I nod but say nothing.
“Have a safe trip,” he says, and with that, he’s gone.
I pick up the phone and call Mom. “Mom, can you watch Holly for a few days, a week to be exact?”
I leave the office at noon and go by the house to pack a bag for myself and one for Holly. After I pick her up from school, I take her to my parents. As soon as we walk in, I can smell my all-time favorite meal.
“Mom, you’re so good to me,” I say as she sets a hot grilled cheese sandwich on sourdough and a bowl of homemade tomato soup in front of us.
“Yummy!” Says Holly, “I love grilled cheese. She takes a bite of the sandwich and giggles with delight when she pulls the sandwich away from her mouth, and the cheese stretches as far as she can reach.
Mom sits next to Holly and pours each of us a glass of cold lemonade. “I’m waiting for your father to come home so we can go visit Katherine and the baby. I’m so excited to meet him.”
“He looks a lot like Adam,” I offer.” But I think his eyes will be green like Loren’s.”
“You mean Katherine’s,” Mom corrects me.
“Yes, Katherine, I mean,” I say, letting out a pathetic little chuckle.
Mom’s eyes bore into me. “Aaron, am I missing something?”
“No, not at all. I just misspoke.”
Mom smiles before adding, “Son, I know you, but I won’t insist,” she says, glancing over at Holly, “We’ll table the subject until we can talk about it in private.”
Half an hour later, I kiss them both goodbye and hit the road. It’s past two o’clock, so I won’t arrive in Boston until after five. Having this time away will give me a chance to decompress and hopefully help me gain some perspective. I have to stop behaving like a teenager with a high school crush. I should focus on my job and my daughter—such a simple, uncomplicated plan.
I’m crossing the hotel’s parking lot, walking toward the main entrance, when my phone dings, signaling that I have a message. It’s from Loren, and when I open it, I see that it’s a picture of Holly sitting on Katherine’s hospital bed, holding Jon in her arms. My heart melts.
After settling in at the hotel, I shower and confirm tomorrow’s appointments. I call Mom and talk to Holly for a while.
“Daddy, I got to see Jon today,” she tells me. I can hear the excitement in her voice.
“Auntie Loren said I could go visit her at the studio tomorrow if it’s ok with you. Can I go, Daddy?”
“Yes, you can,” I say, “Is Grandma taking you?”
“Yep, Grandma and Grandpa.”
“Grandpa is going too?” I ask.
“Yes, Grandpa said he’s going to paint a cup with me.”
“I’d pay a hundred bucks to see that,” I say out loud without thinking.
“Can I have a dollar, too, if I paint a cup, Daddy?” Holly asks.
I laugh so hard for the next few seconds. I can hear Holly telling Mom that I’m laughing, and she doesn’t know why. That makes me laugh even harder.
Holly is such a sweet little person. She’s shy but open and honest. I can always count on her to tell me exactly what she’s thinking. I hope our relationship is always like this. She makes me proud every day.
“Tell Grandpa that I can’t wait to see his work of art.”
Dad is making sure he makes up for what he thinks was lost time. As a doctor, he spent a lot of time at the hospital. I didn’t see him very often, but he always ensured the time we spent together was quality time. Mom did most of the rearing on her own when I was young. She always explained and helped me understand that Dad was a doctor, and he was gone so he could save lives. I never resented him for being gone. He was an emergency room physician and then the emergency department director for almost a decade. When he was home, he was a devoted father and husband. All his time and attention were for us. I have good memories with my father. Our time together was special, and our vacations as a family were long and memorable. I thank my father for giving me the life I had growing up. The fact that he’s trying so hard to be close to Holly now that we’re here makes me appreciate him even more.
I bet if I asked Adam how he felt about his time with my family, he’d say the same thing.
“I miss you, baby,” I say to Holly. “I love you. Have a good night.”
At seven o’clock, I go down to the restaurant on the first floor and find a seat at the bar facing the front entrance. I order a pastrami sandwich and a beer for dinner. After half an hour, I’m still sitting here nursing my second beer. I’m deep in thought about Loren when I look up and see a beautiful young woman come in the door. She’s tall, slender, and has striking red hair that’s giving me Marilyn Monroe vibes. I try looking away as soon as I realize I’m staring, but yep, we make eye contact. She smiles, and I smile back. Yeah, she’s heading this way. I feel for the wedding band around my finger and get ready to give her my one-liner, “I’m married.”
“Hi there,” she says. Her smile is bright and wide. Her teeth are straight and white, contrasting with her red hair.
“Hi,” I say, smiling awkwardly.
She takes the barstool next to me and orders a drink. It doesn’t surprise me when the bartender asks her for her identification. She can’t be of age, I think to myself, but she produces it, and a second later, she’s holding a glass of white wine. My arms are crossed in front of me, resting on the tall countertop, my wedding band on full display.
“Has anyone ever told you that your dimples are very endearing?” she asks.
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a dead ringer for Marilyn Monroe?” I counter.
“You first,” she says, smiling.
“Yes, my mom tells me they’re adorable all the time. Your turn.”
“Yes, I’ve been hearing that since high school. It’s a blessing and a curse. And the most overused pick-up line I’ve ever heard.”
“I’m sorry about that,” I say honestly, “I’m not trying to pick up on you.” I show her my wedding band and smile.
“Gosh, you’re cute. I’m a sucker for dimples, and I could sit here staring at you all night.”
“I’m flattered,” I say as I look at my watch, “I would love to continue this conversation, but it’s getting late, and I have an early start tomorrow. “It was nice meeting you,” I say, pausing for her to fill in the blank with her name.
“Lisa,” She says, “And you must be Aaron.”