18. Chapter 18
After my long conversation with Lisa, I thought about her business venture, and I ran it by Adam during one of our daily phone calls. He asked a lot of questions before agreeing that, at face value, it sounds like Lisa’s plan could work.
I met her for lunch on Sunday before she returned to Cold Spring, and I let her know I’m interested in investing in her estate sales venture if she can present me with a written business plan that clearly shows how it’ll be profitable, along with the risks involved should something go awry with her plan.
She’s an intelligent young woman with some great ideas to make this business a success. We agreed to meet in a week to go over her vision for the business and decide on the amount of capital she will need to get started. “You won’t regret this!” she said before she shook my hand and called me her “partner.”
I pick up my bag and get ready to check out of the hotel. I reflect on how inconvenient it is to live out of a suitcase. I decide that owning a condo in the city makes a lot more sense than staying in a hotel for weeks at a time. I can rent it out as a vacation home most of the year, and Adam and I can occupy it when we’re in town. I call Maggie, one of our realtors, and before I hit the road to go home, I make an offer on a small but clean three-bedroom, two-bath apartment on 4th Street.
As I merge onto I-90, I realize I might not be home in time to see Holly. I dial my parents, and after talking with them for a few minutes, I speak to my princess. She tells me about her day, including visiting Jon and Tori after school. “I got to hold Jon again. He’s heavy,” she says before completely changing the subject. “I can’t wait to show you the plate I painted, Daddy.”
“I can’t wait to see it, Princess, but I won’t be home until after nine. You’ll already be asleep, so I’ll pick you up in the morning to take you to school.”
“Good, cause grandma is going to put my hair up in pigtails, Daddy. You don’t know how to do that.”
“Ok, Princess. I will see you in the morning. Have a good night, and remember that Daddy loves you more than anything in this world.”
“I know, Daddy. I love you, too. Good night.”
We end the call, and I start thinking about how much Adam and I accomplished this week. I spent all my mornings visiting work sites, following up on pending permits, meeting with several contractors, and holding several meetings with the realtors working for us in the city. In the afternoons, I touched base with Adam to fill him in on all the day’s events to ensure everything he’d planned was completed. In the early evenings, I Facetimed with Holly and my parents. They told me about the day they spent at Loren’s studio. “I can’t wait to see what you all created,” I told them during one of our calls. “Dad, I might owe you a hundred bucks.”
They had lunch with Loren on Sunday. She opened up about Justin and how his death has affected her ability to date and move on.
I spent my nights thinking about her. I know exactly how she feels. Dating and moving on are not things I have ever considered. Until I met her. I look down at my wedding band and play with it as I steer the wheel, wondering when I’ll see her again.
I spend the next couple of hours driving and thinking about how my life would’ve been so different if Julie was still here. I think about what Lisa said, “I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but she’s gone. So, you plan to be alone for the next forty or fifty years?”
Is that my plan? That seems to be Loren’s plan. Two people living next door to each other, longing and wanting more than anything to turn back time and somehow change what happened. Am I destined to live the next chapters of my life alone? What about Holly? She told me she wants Loren to be her mommy. And there’s the age difference. I was a freshman in high school when she was born. I was a grown man, married and trying for another baby at twenty-eight when she was a freshman in high school. No, it’s not just a number. It’s a lifetime.
I turn onto my street at a quarter before nine, and as I park my car in the driveway, I see a man shutting Loren’s front door behind him and walking toward the vehicle parked behind her car. I turn the key in the ignition and wait, watching him as he smiles and then laughs out loud before entering his car and driving away.
Have I been gone that long? What happened to not being able to date or move on? My mind is racing. My heart, a jackhammer inside my chest. I feel like my blood pressure just spiked. I take a deep breath and grab my bag before walking up my driveway in a daze. Turning the key, I wonder if I should go knock on her door, but with what excuse? I’m here to ask you why there was a man in your house. I’m stupid.
Walking into the house, I immediately head to the bathroom for a cold shower. I need to bring my blood pressure down immediately before I have a stroke. I stand under the shower head and wait until the cold water seeps into my pores and freezes my veins. This feels like jealousy. A sensation that I considered foreign before this moment. With Julie, I never had this feeling. She was all in with me from the beginning, and I with her. We never had eyes for anyone else. Now, I stand under freezing cold water, hoping all my senses will fade into oblivion.
After ten minutes, with no sign that my blood pressure has lowered, I get out of the shower and dry myself off before throwing on a pair of sweats and an old T-shirt. I brush my teeth and make an effort to relax by sitting on the couch and sifting through a week’s worth of junk mail. I look at the clock, and it reads half past ten.
I know I’m not going to get any sleep until I find out who that man is and if he’s Loren’s new love interest. There’s only one way to find out. I pick up my keys and lock the door before walking to her house.
I ring the doorbell and wait. I hear the lock disengage before the door opens slightly.
“Aaron?” She says before opening the door all the way. Her face registers surprise for a split second before it’s replaced with a wide smile. I feel a little guilty for showing up at this hour. She was ready for bed. She’s wearing pink this time. A pink tank top and pajama pants under a short pink silk robe with a thin belt wrapped around her waist. Her dark curls are loose around her shoulders.
“When did you get back?” she asks before I step into her space and envelop her in my arms. She hugs me back. I bury my face in her hair, inhaling the familiar scent of her perfume.
When I look into her eyes, they’re dark and appear a different shade of green. This is what Lisa meant.
“I missed you,” I say.
She smiles and says, “I missed you too.”
I release her from the hug before bringing my hand up to her face, resting it on the crook of her neck. I look down at her for a few seconds, admiring her beauty before saying the words that could change everything, “I want to kiss you.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she says, her cheeks blushing.
“Tell me I can kiss you.”
“The only man I ever kissed was Justin,” she says. ”I haven’t kissed anyone else.”
Sensing the emotional battle going on inside her, I understand that her answer is no. I lean down and gently kiss her on the forehead. When she doesn’t push me away but instead closes her eyes, I kiss her right cheek and then the left. My lips are on fire against her smooth skin. I lift her chin with my thumb and kiss the tip of her nose. I lightly stroke her bottom lip with my thumb before putting my hand down, not wanting to lose the little self-restraint I still have left.
She opens her eyes and says, “You can kiss me.”
Realizing we’re still standing by the door, I wrap my arm around her waist and gently push her inside her living room. Without breaking eye contact, I shut the door and lock it behind us.