22. Chapter 22
Walking towards my garage as if to escape, I try not to look back at her. She looks beautiful. She’s wearing a white silk blouse with tan slacks, matching heels, and a long olive green wool coat belted at the waist. Her hair is piled up into a ponytail. She smiled at me before I said good morning. When I returned from dropping off Holly at Adam’s, I was surprised to see her car still parked in the driveway.
Holly and Tori had a play date planned before I went out of town. I let Holly decide whether she wanted to visit Tori or if she wanted to stay and spend the day with me. She said she wanted to see Tori and Jon. I reflect on my conversation with Lisa, “Holly’s a little girl right now, but she’s going to grow up and be gone before you know it.”
Once in the garage and away from Loren’s line of vision, I wait until I hear her car roll out of the driveway before returning to the yard work.
I return to Adam’s house at three o’clock to pick up Holly.
When Adam opens the door, he’s wearing an apron and has what looks like spaghetti sauce on the corner of his mouth. He has a spoon in one hand and baby Jon in the other. I point at my mouth, and understanding the universal code for “you have food on your face,” he wipes it off with a napkin that literally came out of nowhere.
“A chef always tastes the food as he goes along,” he says before handing me the baby like you would hand off a football in the middle of a game. Jon looks up at me with big eyes, wondering who the heck I am. He puts one little hand up in protest while he shoves the other in his mouth.
“Do you think he’s hungry?” I ask, putting Jon on my shoulder right before he lets out a big burp and spits up all over the front of my jacket.
“No,” Adam replies, “Katie fed him before they left.”
I walk over to the sink, grab a dish towel sitting on the counter, and wipe down my jacket. Jon is still looking up at me, cooing with satisfaction after unleashing his spitting attack on me. His eye color is getting lighter. Definitely green.
“Where did the girls go?” I ask.
“They went to the park. They left about ten minutes ago. It’s getting colder, so I’m sure they won’t be gone for more than an hour. You’re staying for dinner, yes?”
“Yeah, I could eat. What are you making?”
“Lasagna, salad, and fresh-baked bread. Do you want something to drink?”
“I’ll have a water.”
“They’re in the fridge. Help yourself.”
I don’t know how to begin the next topic of conversation, so I jump right in.
“Loren turned me down,” I say.
“Yeah, I know. She told Katie last night.”
“Did she say why?”
Adam hesitates for a split second before answering my question.
“In a nutshell, she had a nightmare. Something about Justin being alive, wanting to push her into his car before driving off and having the accident. It left her pretty shaken up.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“I think she feels she needs to remain loyal to Justin’s memory. It’s stupid, I know.”
I choose to remain quiet for fear of saying something insensitive.
“Today is also Justin’s birthday,” Adam continues, “I’m sure she spent at least a couple of hours at the cemetery visiting his grave.”
“I can’t compete with a ghost,” I say, feeling defeated.
“They were going to Greece for their honeymoon. I don’t know if you knew that.”
I shake my head, “No, I had no idea.”
Coach and Sharon are going on vacation in a couple of months. Their destination? Greece. They’ve asked Loren to go with them. She never said yes, but out of the blue, she called Sharon and asked her if the invite was still open.”
“She’s running away,” I say. “Maybe it’s for the best. Holly was already getting her hopes up. Partly my fault for letting her get so close to Loren without clarifying her role in our lives.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, man.”
“There’s nothing to say. I’m going to talk with my daughter to let her know Loren is only a friend, and she won’t ever be more than that. Holly is smart. She’ll understand.”
“Can I be honest with you?” Adam asks, with a tone of secrecy in his voice.
I look up at him and nod, and then I look down at Jon, who’s fast asleep in my arms. I walk to the bassinet next to the table and gently set him down.
“Take off the jacket and throw it in the washer. You’ll have it washed and dried before you leave tonight. Throw the shirt in there too, in case it stinks like spit up.”
I take both off in the laundry room just off the kitchen and start the washer.
“Do you want something to wear over your t-shirt, or are you okay?”
“I’m fine. So, what were you going to say?”
“Justin is gone,” he begins, “He’s never coming back. You’re here, present and available. You need to be persistent with Loren.”
“I’m not going to beg her to be with me. Nor am I going to force her to feel something she doesn’t.”
“I think she’s afraid of letting Justin go.” Adam adds, “Something’s gotta break her out of that spell.”
“I don’t know what that something is.” I say, shaking my head.” My priority is my daughter. I’ve got to protect her. I’ve got to protect myself from getting hurt. I’m glad this came out now rather than later.”
Katherine and the girls walk in just as Adam is taking the lasagna out of the oven.
“Hi, Daddy!” Holly’s greeting is loud and excited.
“Hi, Princess, did you have fun?”
“Yes, we went on the swings and the slide. Auntie Katherine bought me a bike, Daddy. I have my very own bike, like the one I had in California.”
“I hope you don’t mind,” Says Katherine, “I was getting one for Tori, and I thought of Holly.”
“Thank you,” I say.
We all sit down to dinner half an hour later. The girls eat and chatter about their trip to the park and riding their bikes.
“They both still have their training wheels on,” Katherine says, “Tori still needs them, and Holly said she wants to practice more before taking hers off.” She looks over at Holly and gives her a little wink.
I smile at Katherine and thank her again.
“Can we be excused?” Holly asks, “We want to go play.”
I look at Katherine and Adam for approval before saying yes.
“Are you two going to church tomorrow?” Katherine asks as she takes Jon out of his bassinet when he wakes up.
“We made plans to go to Mom and Dad’s church tomorrow,” I say.
“Wait, what about lunch?” she asks.
“Katherine, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t want to make things awkward for Loren.”
“The girls were looking forward to it,” Katherine says, “Holly’s going to be crushed, and so is Tori.”
“I’m sorry,” I say in conclusion. “We just can’t make it.”
“Alright, but for the record, I think you’re making a mistake. Loren is fighting the inevitable, not wanting to admit that there is life after Justin.”
“Well, there’s not much I can do about your sister’s feelings. I can only be responsible for my own.”
Katherine nods, but I can tell she’s disappointed. Maybe it’s hard for her to see Loren going through this prolonged grief. Four years is a long time.
We change the subject and spend the next couple of hours talking about everything except Loren.
When it’s time to go, I put my clean clothes back on and walk over to the bottom of the stairs. I call up to Holly, asking her to come down because it’s time to go. When we don’t hear a sound, Adam goes up the stairs to investigate.
When he returns a second later without the girls, I know they’ve fallen asleep.
“It looks like they decided Holly was spending the night because they both changed into pajamas and are sound asleep in Tori’s bed.”
“Let her spend the night, Aaron, please?” Katherine says in a pleading voice.
“Okay. I’ll pick her up in the morning.”
We say our goodnights, and I go home alone.
When I get home, I see that Loren’s lights are still on, and her car is parked in the driveway. I would love to see her, but I have to resist the temptation to go knock on her door.
I go into the house and decide to take a shower. Even though I washed my jacket and shirt, I can still smell Jon’s spit up on my skin. The joys of parenthood never end, I think to myself, clearly remembering what it was like to have a newborn in the house.
I haven’t shaved in a week. The stubble on my face is quickly turning into a beard. Maybe I’ll shave in the morning.
After showering, I change into sweats and a clean white t-shirt.
I call my parents to let them know there’s a change of plans for tomorrow morning. We were supposed to pick them up for church, but with Holly spending the night at Adam’s, I think we’ll meet them there. Dad answers the phone and puts me on speaker when Mom asks about Loren. I let them know she turned me down. I can hear the disappointment in their voices, but they don’t ask any more questions.
It’s almost eleven when I finally slip under the covers, hoping I can sleep. Before I can relax, the phone rings. I’m surprised to see that it’s Loren. I didn’t think I’d be hearing from her again. I pick up the phone, but before I can say hello, she starts talking really fast. She’s excited, and I can hardly understand what she’s saying.
“Loren, slow down. What about the water heater?”
“It’s leaking,” she says with panic in her voice, “There’s water all over the floor, and I can’t tell where it’s coming from. I called Dad, and he tried to walk me through it, but I don’t think it worked. If I don’t stop it soon, the boxes I have in here will get soaked.”
“Okay, hang on,” I say. “I’ll be right there.”
She opens the door before I have a chance to knock.
“It’s in here,” she says before turning around and quickly heading to the door that leads into the garage. When I walk in, I can immediately tell where the leak is coming from.
“Do you have a toolbox?” I ask as I scan the room, looking for one. I spot it by the door where she’s standing with her arms folded tightly across her chest.
“Dad gave me this toolbox when I moved in,” she says, looking over at it.
“I can see you’ve never used it,” I say, walking over to it and opening it. “I bet if we fingerprinted this thing, the only prints we’d find would be mine.”
“And Dad’s,” she says, a smile spreading across her lips.
I smile back and start looking through the well-stocked box.
“Do you need help?” she asks.
“All you have to do is stand there and look pretty,” I say.
“Ha, ha,” she says, “You’re teasing me.” Her smile is reaching her eyes. God, she’s beautiful.
Once done, I glance at her and see her biting her lower lip. She’s wearing a silky white robe loosely tied around her waist. I immediately scold myself internally when I catch myself wondering what she’s wearing underneath.
“Thank you,” she says. “I did call Dad, I promise. Once he realized I didn’t know what I was doing, he told me to get off the phone and call you. I’m so sorry for waking you.”
“No worries. I wasn’t sleeping.” I say, wiping my hands on a rag, “You would’ve needed a step stool to reach the valve. Your dad was right to have you call me.”
“First the mouse, and now this,” she says, letting out a little nervous laugh.
I shut the door to the garage and walk into the kitchen behind her, where I wash my hands.
“Okay then, I’ll be on my way,” I say as I dry my hands on a dish towel.
“You’re leaving?” she asks.
“Yeah, unless there’s something else you need me to fix.”
“Um, no. I’m sorry. Yeah, you’re right. It’s late,” she says, her cheeks turning pink.
She walks over to the door and opens it slightly, letting a gush of cold air inside.
“It’s cold,” she says in a low whisper, holding the collar of her robe tightly shut with both hands. She’s looking at me with her beautiful green eyes. They’re dark and pleading. Pleading for what?
I have every intention of leaving, so I take a couple of steps forward and reach over her shoulder to open the door enough to let myself out, but her nearness assaults my senses, including the little common sense I still have left. Instead of opening the door, I put my palm on it and push it shut.
Now she’s standing against the door facing me, with only a few inches between us. I can smell her shampoo and the sweet scent of her perfume. When she drops her arms to her sides, the thin belt around her waist comes loose, revealing the thin silk camisole and matching shorts she’s wearing underneath.
As beautiful as she looks, the only thing I can focus on are the gold rings dangling from the chain around her neck, gleaming and mocking me as if to say, “We will always stand between you and her heart.” I ignore them and focus my gaze back on her.
The moment I take my hand off the door, she takes a short breath, waiting for my next move. I don’t step away. Instead, I reach for her belt and tie it into a tight little bow that I know will not be coming loose again.
Before I have a chance to think, the words spill out, “I want to kiss you.”