Chapter One #2
“I shall not like to leave Amelia.” The words came out broken, and suddenly she couldn’t stop the tears.
They spilled hot and fast down her cheeks, and with them came a sob she hadn’t known was building—deep and wrenching, pulled from somewhere behind her ribs.
Her hand pressed to her mouth, trying to contain it, but another sob followed, then another.
“I love her very much.” The confession came out as a whisper, raw and helpless.
His dark eyes glittered, although his expression softened slightly.
“My brother gave me a year, but the time is now expired. I must go to London.”
“To the marriage mart.”
“Correct.” Another sob escaped. “I’m sorry, my lord. Leaving her is unimaginable, and yet I must.” Her breath came in shallow gasps, and her shoulders shook with the force of trying to hold everything in.
“Is it customary for governesses to care so deeply for their charges?” Lord Montrose asked.
“I do not know, Lord Montrose. I know only that I love Amelia as if she were my own. I’ve begged my brothers to let me stay, but they will not listen.”
“You would prefer to remain here, under my employment, as a governess, than to be presented into society? To marry a man with a title? To have a home of your own? A child of your own?”
“I would like to have a husband and a home of my own, yes. But not at the cost of leaving Amelia.”
He rose to his feet and went first to the window, drawing back the heavy curtain, peering out to the angry sea. After a second or two, he turned slowly, seeming to take her in anew. “I’m assuming your dowry will be generous?”
“Yes, my lord. Sebastian will provide a dowry. An attractive one.”
“You will have many suitors to choose from.”
“I am not entirely sure that is true, my lord. Scandal has followed my family. Perhaps I will be shunned.”
“Between a dowry and your…beauty, I doubt that.”
Her beauty? He thought her beautiful?
“And yet, you’d rather stay here with us?” Lord Montrose asked.
“With Amelia.” For some reason, it felt important that she clarify that.
“Mrs. Bromley has told me many times how good you are with her. To her.”
“I try my best, Lord Montrose.” She twisted her hanky between her fingers before she realized what she was doing and purposely stilled them.
“When does your brother intend for you to return to London?”
“I’m not really returning. I’ve not lived there since I was eight years old.”
He folded his hands in front of him, watching her. “How long before you must go?”
“As soon as possible. There are dresses to be ordered and made. Apparently, it will take months to ready me for the humiliation of being paraded around London.”
“I’m aware. I’ve recently endured the making of a wardrobe of my own. I, too, am to marry.”
She wanted to ask if he was engaged. More than anything, she wanted to know what his future held. Because whomever he married would be Amelia’s mother. It was too much to bear. “I’m sorry, my lord. I do hope you’ll find someone who will love Amelia.”
He cocked his head to the right as his eyes narrowed. “This is not playacting. You truly love my niece.”
“I am not a good actress.” She sniffed, dabbing at her eyes. “At least I do not think I am. Having never been on the stage, I cannot be fully certain, of course.”
This brought a slight smile to his full mouth. Such a delightful mouth it was. Made for kissing, she would imagine. Not that she knew anything about kissing, but if she were to kiss someone, she would like it to be a mouth such as his.
Outside, the wind howled, rattling the panes.
For a moment, he turned toward the window as rain pummeled the glass.
When his gaze returned to her, his expression had sobered.
“How is it that you’ve become so attached to Amelia?
I knew many governesses as a child, and I can safely say that none of them loved me or my siblings. ”
She smoothed her hanky over her lap, ironing out the wrinkles with the heels of her hand. “I can only venture to guess, my lord.”
“Yes?” He continued to watch her with his dark, sensitive eyes.
“I believe it may be that I have been alone in the world for much of my life. My mother died giving birth to me. I was doted upon by my father and brothers for eight years. But then, when my father was taken from us, we were sent to live with a distant cousin of my mother’s.
I was sent downstairs to work as a scullery maid.
My brothers were sent to the stables and gardens to work as laborers.
The Langstons were cruel, as were their children.
They seemed to take joy in our misery. When they were only sixteen and fourteen, my brothers joined the military and were shipped off to fight, leaving me more alone than ever.
I survived those years, my lord, because of the kindness of the staff, most especially our housekeeper, Mrs. Brown.
Without her, I am not sure I would have survived those lonely, frightening years.
She educated me on the sly, knowing that my best chance for survival was to secure a governess position.
” She paused, folding her hanky into a square, before meeting Lord Montrose’s unflinching gaze.
“When they hanged my dear Papa, my heart shattered. I have never recovered completely. One cannot possibly, you see. Eight years old and watching my father’s limp body hanging from a noose is not something a little girl should ever have to see.
It has been the defining moment of my life. ”
Lord Montrose flinched but remained silent.
“Therefore, it is easy to love a child who has no one. No mother or father. No doting brothers. And, Amelia’s an extraordinary child, my lord.
Bright and lovely, with the sweetest soul.
She has given me more joy in the years I’ve been with her than I’ve had in the entirety of my life.
How could I not love her as if I were her mother?
” Tears started anew. “And yet, I must leave her. I have no choice. My brothers and their wives are my family. I cannot possibly betray them, when they fought so very hard to restore our family’s name and fortune.
Partly, for me. So that I might have a future. ”
“I know your brothers. They are good men. Noble men.”
“Yes, my lord, that is correct.”
“Had I known who you were, I would have insisted you return to the life you were meant to have. The longer you stayed with Amelia, the more you’ve grown attached. Is that not so?”
“It is, my lord. Regardless, I begged my brothers for one more year. I could not bear to leave her.”
“And now you must.” He crossed the room, pouring himself a brandy from the decanter on the nearby table.
She looked down at her hands, afraid to speak her mind but knowing she must, for Amelia’s sake.
“Lord Montrose, I understand it is not customary for a man of your title to spend time with his daughter, but I would be remiss if I did not ask it of you. After I leave, she will have no one who loves her.”
He sat in his chair, glancing at her sharply. Was it guilt that flickered in his eyes? “I suppose you think me cold?”
“No, my lord. I do not know you well, but from what I’ve observed, you are a kind and generous man.
I have witnessed how you treat your staff.
How devoted they are to you. That is not merely a coincidence.
I know because I grew up with the Langstons.
Their staff was afraid, not loyal. There is a difference.
” She dabbed at her eyes. “I have spent many hours thinking about you, my lord. Imagining how heartbreaking it must have been to learn of your sister’s death and that you would be Amelia’s guardian.
So suddenly. Without warning. It is the kind of shock one does not recover from. ”
“Yes, it was a shock. One I never anticipated or wanted. My sister Rebecca and I were close. When she asked me to be her guardian if anything happened to her and her husband, I said yes, not imagining it would ever be necessary. But the truth is, Amelia was left with a distant uncle who had no plans to marry or have children of his own. I am not suited to care for her. Yet, there was no one else Rebecca wanted. Admittedly, I have not done as well as I should for my baby niece.”
“Had no plans? As in the past? But you plan to marry now, isn’t that correct?” Sophia asked.
“My uncle left me his fortune and this manor to me. He had only a daughter, my cousin Caroline. She married a duke and is well taken care of. I have an older brother, who is heir to my father’s title and fortune.
Therefore, Uncle George, who was more of a father to me than my own, left everything to me.
I spent holidays here with him, every summer from the time I was eight years old.
He knew how much I loved this land. This manor.
But there was a stipulation. One I only recently learned of.
I must marry by the age of thirty, or it all reverts to Caroline. ”
“How did you not know until now?”
“Because my uncle believed I would marry. He thought the matter already settled.”
Sophia tilted her head slightly. “Settled?”
He gave a small, humorless smile. “There was someone. Years ago. My uncle assumed we’d wed and that the clause would never matter. He died before… before things changed.”
Her curiosity prickled at the pause. “She did not wish to marry you?”
His gaze flicked to hers—piercing, then soft again. “She died before our engagement.”
Sophia sensed there was more to the story but from the guarded expression he now wore as thick as a mask, it did not behoove her to question him further. It was clearly a story he had no intention of telling.
After a moment, he went on, quieter. “After I lost her, I had no wish to love anyone else. I would remain content as a bachelor, but similar to you, it is not to be.”
Sophia nodded slowly, her heart twisting. “You must marry, to keep what your uncle left you.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Yes. The irony would amuse him, I think.”
“Have you chosen a bride?” Sophia held her breath….wishing….what exactly?
“I have not. I’m expected to choose by the end of this coming season.”
She tried to smile. “It seems we’re both to be bartered off, my lord—you for an inheritance and I to please my brothers.”
His expression softened, the firelight catching the sadness in his eyes. “Then I wish us both good fortune, Miss Ashford. We’ll need it.”
“Indeed. Again, please, I beg you. Choose a woman who will love Amelia. Who will be good to her.”
“How will I know? Women looking for a husband are not always forthright. Isn’t that so?”
A flash of lightning lit the room, and thunder rolled across the cliffs.
“Dear me. I do not know, my lord. You must be discerning. Spend time with Amelia now, so that you will know if she’s being harmed. Should it come to that.”
He rose to his feet, heading toward the window, his reflection ghosted in the glass. “If only it were that simple. I have no idea how to care for her or love my niece. My mother made sure of that.” He gave a quiet, humorless laugh.
“How so?” The question was out of her mouth before she could stop it.
“My mother was cruel. Domineering. Highly critical. If she loved me, she certainly never showed me.”
“You feel unable to love Amelia because you were not shown love yourself?”
His jaw tightened. “In short, yes.”
“May I ask? Why was Amelia not given to your mother?”
His expression darkened. “Rebecca laid it out very clearly in her will. I was to take her, not my parents. For reasons I previously mentioned.” His eyes glistened. “Amelia looks so like my sister. It’s like seeing her ghost every time I enter that nursery.”
“Oh, yes. I see.”
For a long moment, neither spoke. The fire crackled softly behind them.
Finally, he inclined his head. “What shall I do first? With Amelia. She seems frightened of me.”
“That is only because you are not familiar to her. If you spend time with her, she will grow to love you. Whether you want her or not, your sister entrusted her beloved child to you. Without me, it is only you. Only you left to love her.”
His gaze found hers again, steady and unguarded. “I’ll try. While you’re still here to teach me.”
Sophia exhaled, unaware she’d been holding her breath. “I’ll do whatever you need. I have a week before I have to go.”
Thunder rolled across the cliffs, shaking the windowpanes.
“The weather is somewhat ominous this afternoon,” Lord Montrose said. “I hope it’s not a harbinger of bad things to come.”
“We must have faith, my lord.”
“It appears we must.” He stood. “Thank you, Miss Ashford. For your time. For loving Amelia as you do. I shall do better from here forward. You can rest assured I will keep my promise to you. To Amelia.”
She stood, bobbing into a curtsy. “As you wish, my lord.”
She turned toward the door, each step feeling like wading through deep water. A week. She had one week left with Amelia. Seven more mornings of those sleepy blue eyes blinking open. Seven more bedtimes of “‘one more story.’” Seven more days before she broke both their hearts.
The thought made her stumble slightly. She caught herself against the doorframe, drew a shaking breath, and forced herself to walk away.