Chapter Three #2
“Yes, my lord. Lucy is with her.” Sophia perched on the edge of the chair, spine straight, hands folded carefully in her lap to hide their shaking.
“She’s building a tower with her blocks.
She’s quite good with her hands.” She stopped herself.
He hadn’t summoned her to discuss the child’s play.
“Forgive me. You wished to speak with me about a matter of importance?”
The silence stretched. Lord Montrose stared into the fire and Sophia’s dread grew with each passing second.
“My lord, if this concerns my departure—I know I promised my brothers I would leave by month’s end, but if you require me to go sooner, I can pack my things this afternoon.
I would only ask that you allow me time to say goodbye to Amelia.
I don’t want her to think I’ve simply vanished.
She’s too young to understand, of course.
She will think I’ve abandoned her. Which is true. ” She fought tears.
“No.” The word was sharp, almost harsh. Lord Montrose turned to face her fully, and something in his expression made her breath catch. “That’s not what we shall do.” He exhaled. A sound of frustration perhaps? What had happened?
“I’m not asking you to leave sooner, Miss Ashford. Quite the opposite, in fact.”
Sophia blinked. “I… I don’t understand.”
He moved to the other chair and sat, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped between them. The posture brought him closer, and she could see the tension in his jaw, the fine lines around his eyes that suggested he’d slept as poorly as she had.
“You asked me yesterday to choose a bride who would love Amelia. Who would be good to her.”
“Yes, my lord.”
“I’ve given the matter considerable thought.
” He paused, his jaw tightening. “The women my mother has presented as suitable matches—they’re all perfectly appropriate.
Well-bred. Accomplished. Generous dowries.
Everything a man in my position should want.
” His knuckles whitened as he gripped his hands more tightly together.
“But not one of them will love Amelia. Not one of them would see her as anything more than an obligation that came with the estate.”
Sophia’s heart began to pound, though she couldn’t say why. “Then you must… you must get to know them first. Introduce them to Amelia before you marry. Judge whether you think they have the capacity to love a child that’s not their own.”
*
“I could participate in the Season, hoping to discern the right match for Amelia and myself. Or I could marry someone who already loves Amelia. Whom Amelia already loves in return.”
Sophia gripped the arms of her chair. “My lord, I do not understand.”
“I’ll say it plainly. We should marry. Each other. Marry me, Miss Ashford.”
Had he really just said that? Marry him. Was he joking? “I…I…” She couldn’t form a coherent thought. “You cannot be serious.”
“In fact, Miss Ashford, I could not be more serious.” He remained perfectly still, watching her with those intelligent, penetrating eyes. “You said yesterday that leaving Amelia feels like dying. That she has your whole heart. As you do hers.”
“She does.”
“Then don’t leave her.” His voice gentled. “Stay. Become her mother in truth, not just in practice. You’ve already given her almost three years of devotion. Why not a lifetime?”
Sophia’s eyes burned with sudden tears. “Because you’re proposing a marriage of convenience, my lord. Not because you care for me.”
“You are correct. I’m not proposing a love match.
I’m proposing a solution that serves us both.
You would have security, a home, a title.
Which will satisfy your brothers. Amelia would keep the only mother she’s ever known.
” He drew a breath. “I would fulfill my uncle’s requirements and therefore keep what he bequeathed me in his will. ”
“Lord Montrose, your parents will be furious that you married a governess. Won’t they?”
“You’re not only a governess, albeit an exceptional one.
” A hint of steel entered his voice. “You’re the daughter of a duke.
Your family name has been restored. You’re a suitable match by any measure.
Although, I’ll admit my mother won’t see it that way.
” His mouth twisted slightly. “However, by the time they learn of our union, the marriage will be a fait accompli. There will be nothing they can do.”
Sophia pressed her trembling hands to her lap. This was madness. Complete madness. And yet, was it the right decision? She could stay with Amelia. Watch her grow up. Be a part of every moment of her life.
“What would this marriage entail?” Sophia asked, sounding much more courageous than she really felt at the moment.
“In name only.” He said it firmly, meeting her eyes.
“I would not impose upon you. You would have your own chambers. Complete autonomy over your own life. No expectations beyond appearing as man and wife in public, for the sake of propriety. You would be free to continue caring for Amelia as you see fit, and I would support whatever decisions you make regarding her upbringing.”
In name only. The words should have brought relief.
The promise of remaining with Amelia should have been everything.
Instead, something hollow settled in her chest. Of course, it would be in name only.
She was useful only because of Amelia. That was all.
Remove the child from the equation, and she was simply the former governess.
The daughter of a disgraced duke who’d spent years scrubbing pots in a scullery.
Not someone a man like Henry Montrose would ever truly want.
“Shall I say it again? I want to be clear, Miss Ashford. I will not force myself upon you. I’m offering you a practical arrangement that would allow you to remain with Amelia, to give her the stability she desperately needs.
You would have the protection of my name and the security of my home.
In return, I ask only that you help me preserve Amelia’s happiness. ”
Sophia’s throat tightened. There it was, laid bare.
She was being chosen for what she could provide—a mother for Amelia.
Not for herself. Not because Sophia Ashford had any value beyond her ability to love a child who wasn’t hers.
It was the Langstons all over again, in a different guise.
Useful. That’s what she’d been to them—useful enough to exploit, not worthy enough to treat with dignity.
And now, useful enough to marry, but not worthy enough to love.
Still, she was being offered a gift. She would be safe. She would be with Amelia. It should have been enough. Why did it feel like she was accepting charity? Why had shame pooled in her stomach?
A voice hissed in her ear, as mean as a snake. No one man will ever love you. To think otherwise is foolish.
Sophia pushed the thought away. What had she expected? That he harbored secret feelings for his daughter’s governess? That this proposal was born of anything but necessity? “This is an outlandish proposal, my lord. One that I would dismiss if it were not that I love Amelia so.”
“But you will accept my proposal? Will you not?”
Sophia looked up at Rebecca’s portrait again, at those laughing eyes that would never see her daughter grow up. What would Rebecca want for Amelia? A stranger chosen for bloodlines and money? Or someone who already loved her child as her own?
“If I agreed,” Sophia said slowly, her voice barely audible over the rain, “when would this marriage take place?”
Lord Montrose’s expression changed to one of hope and perhaps relief.
“As soon as it can be arranged. A week, perhaps. I would write to your brother immediately to request his blessing and to invite him to the wedding. Once we’re married and it’s too late, I’ll write to my parents and inform them of our marriage.
Rendering them helpless to influence either of us, one way or the other. ”
A week. Seven days until her entire life changed. Seven days until she became Lady Montrose, mistress of this manor, stepmother to the child she already loved.
Seven days until she was bound forever to a man who was offering her everything except his heart.
“How do we explain it to Amelia?” Sophia asked.
“You would know better than I, but isn’t she too young to understand?”
“Yes, she is. Yet she is accustomed to me being right next door. I am unsure how to explain it to her.”
“We’ll do it together. I will tell her that Uncle Henry is marrying Miss Sophia and we will be a family.”
A family. In name only.
Sophia drew in a shaking breath. She already knew her answer. She was going to do this. She had no other choice but to choose Amelia.
“Then yes, my lord. I’ll marry you.”
Lord Montrose’s eyes closed briefly, and when he opened them again, she glimpsed something raw and vulnerable before he stood abruptly, putting distance between them.
“Thank you, Miss Ashford. You have my profound gratitude. I’ll speak with the vicar this afternoon to make the arrangements. I’ll write to your brother immediately.”
“I confess, I do not know if he will give his blessing,” Sophia said.
“I am a good match for you. I have a title and money. It is the answer we have all been looking for. Surely he will see that?”
“Sebastian wants only the best for me. Yes, I believe he will see this as a wonderful opportunity for me. There is only one thing. Both Sebastian and James married for love, not convenience. I worry they want the same for me. In fact, I know they do.”
He stared at her for a moment. “Are you suggesting we pretend to be in love?”
“I was not.” Yet it might be an excellent plan. “But now that you say it, perhaps it is what we should do. It will ensure my brother’s blessing.”
“I have never pretended to be anything but myself, much to my mother’s disappointment.
Thus a lie of this proportion is quite an undertaking.
One I would not take lightly. We must get to know each other as best we can before your brother and his wife come to the wedding. Otherwise, he will know, will he not?”
She nodded. “Yes, you’re correct. We must appear to be in love. And no, we do not know each other.”
“We have a short time to do so. May I suggest you dine with me this evening? We will talk. Share details of our pasts.”
“Yes, my lord. When you write to my brother, simply tell him we’ve fallen in love while spending time with Amelia. He will believe it to be true.”
“Why do you say so?”
“My brothers have a rather high opinion of their little sister. They will be certain you could not resist my beauty or charm.” Sophia smiled.
A flash of an emotion she had not yet seen in the lord’s eyes startled her for a moment. If she were to guess, she would say it was guilt. What was it he was thinking?
Sophia rose on unsteady legs. “I should return to Amelia.”
They stood awkwardly, neither moving toward the door. Finally, Lord Montrose crossed the space between them and took her hand. His touch was warm, his fingers steady where hers trembled. He raised her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “I shall see you this evening.”
“Thank you, yes.” She withdrew her hand gently and walked to the door, her legs somehow carrying her despite the way the floor seemed to tilt beneath her feet. In the doorway, she paused and looked back.
Lord Montrose stood before Rebecca’s portrait, one hand braced against the mantel, his head bowed. The gray light from the windows cast him in shadow, and he looked suddenly sad and alone in a way she understood. Only too well.
Then Sophia stepped into the corridor and closed the door softly behind her, leaving him to his ghosts.
She’d just agreed to marry a man who didn’t love her, who would never love her, who had offered her safety and security and nothing of himself.
And she’d said yes.
For Amelia, she told herself as she climbed the stairs back to the nursery.
She was doing this for Amelia.