Chapter 17
Evelina paced the tables piled with remarkable fabrics, touching a few as she passed, trying to picture what they would look like when they had been transformed into a gorgeous gown that would draw men in and make them want.
Well, not men. Man. One singular man was all she considered as she perused.
Vaughn. She hated herself for it. After all, she would likely not even still be with him by the time this fabric or that was made into a new gown for the winter.
It wouldn’t matter if she picked a green that matched his eyes perfectly, or chose a cut that would make him long to touch her through the silk.
“Oh, Evelina! How wonderful to see you!”
She turned from her sad little musings to find that Simone Stanhope had entered the shop.
The celebrated courtesan was a good friend to Evelina and both her sisters.
She and Arabella, especially, were very close.
Evelina was pleased for the interruption and moved to embrace her with a smile.
“Simone, it feels like it’s been an age! How are you, dearest?”
“Very well. I’m just here to pick up a new gown. I was out and about and told Madame Fontaine I would come to her rather than have her deliver it.”
“Ah, Miss Stanhope!” Madame Fontaine said as she came from the back as if she’d sensed the entry of a new customer. “I do have that gown. Let me fetch it.”
When they were alone again, Simone linked her arm through Evelina’s. “Let me guess, you are choosing some new fabrics for some gorgeous gowns that Lord Blackburn may strip off you.”
Evelina laughed, even though her friend’s teasing was far too close to the thoughts she’d been having. “One does like to refresh the wardrobe when it comes to a new arrangement.”
“Indeed,” Simone said, and there was a brightness to her gaze that Evelina found herself envying. She had no idea who Simone was currently taking to her bed, but it seemed she was enjoying herself.
“Oh, Simone, that fabric is lovely,” she said, happy for the interruption as Madame Fontaine reappeared with a gorgeous rose-pink gown draped over her arm. “That’s my aunt’s favorite color, you know.”
“Is it?” Simone said with a small smile. “Well, then I hope I’ll bump into her while I’m wearing it. We do see each other from time to time out in the world.”
“She always blushes when she hears your name,” Evelina said with a laugh. “And often asks after you.”
Simone lifted her brows. “I’m glad to hear it. I enjoy her company any time I’m in it.”
“And I suppose she must be a little source of ton gossip for the courtesan network.”
At that Simone’s expression fell. “No, I would never think to use her for information.” When Evelina drew back at the strength of that response, she shook her head. “I only mean that your very sweet aunt is too gentle a soul to gossip with me. But I have heard some gossip if you are interested.”
Evelina found herself a little more interested in what kind of friendship Simone and Caroline were forming that made Simone so uncharacteristically reactive, but she nodded regardless. “You know I do love some gossip.”
“Your Southwater and Lady Blackburn were turned away from an assembly last night.”
Evelina gasped. “They were trying to go to a public house even before the divorce is complete?”
“Yes. They seem desperate to have Society accept them, even though they’ll have plenty of time to work on that when it’s all over, so I don’t know why.”
Evelina did, and thought again of the rumors shared by Matilda not long ago, that Lady Blackburn might be with child and that was why this last dash to the finish. Things she still hadn’t discussed with Vaughn, even though a dozen opportunities had existed to do so.
“Southwater must have hated that,” she said softly.
“Apparently so. They were seen having a heated argument beside his carriage afterward. They both looked angry, my source told me. Plus, in the assembly afterward, they were all the talk and not in a positive way. The tide is most certainly against them, despite their best efforts.”
Evelina took it all in and then she waited for a rush of triumph to wash over her. After all, this was what she and Vaughn had been working toward, wasn’t it? To tweak Harry and Lady Blackburn? To make things harder for them as some little petty revenge for all they’d been put through themselves.
But now some consequences appeared to be at hand and there was…nothing.
“You have a very strange look on your face, dearest. Was I wrong to tell you?” Simone asked and Evelina knew her concern was real. There were many who would have pressed information onto her and then pretended to care while they breathlessly marked every reaction. But not Simone.
“No, of course not,” Evelina said, and took her hand to squeeze it in reassurance. “Truth be told, I am in shock that I don’t feel more about it. Since Harry left, things have been so horrible.”
She stopped. Was that true? Yes, at the beginning she had grieved and hurt and hated, but lately…since Vaughn, all that had felt softer. Further from her. The future seemed more interesting than the past.
She blinked. “Well, things in my life were horrible. But hearing that Southwater suffered or that the two of them aren’t getting what they want is…it’s almost as if you’re telling me about two badly behaving strangers. It’s interesting, but it hardly affects me.”
Simone smiled at her. “I’m happy to hear it. Southwater didn’t deserve you, Evie. I never thought it. If you’re moving on then that is something to celebrate.”
Evelina might have agreed at some point, but at present what she was focused on and concerned about was Vaughn.
She would have to tell him about this if he didn’t hear about it today, out and about in the world where so many were aching to give him news and see his reaction.
When she did, how would he react? Because she knew he wasn’t over his wife or the betrayal of his friend.
No matter how many times he made love to her or eased closer to her or made her forget herself…
she knew this was still a means to an end for him. She was that.
“Evelina,” Simone said softly. “What is happening between you and Blackburn?”
She blinked because once more her friend had almost read her thoughts. “Nothing. Just an affair, you know how it is.”
“It doesn’t look like it. Not when I see you out with him. Not when I see you now. Are you starting to care for him?”
She pursed her lips. “That would be a mightily foolish thing to do considering I did the same with Harry. Broke the cardinal rule of courtesans. To do so twice? You and Arabella would run me out of the profession, I think.”
“Arabella would go to war for you, never run you out,” Simone said.
“And I don’t think she represents courtesans anymore, considering her happy marriage.
As for me…” She trailed off and her gaze dropped.
“We make the rule to protect ourselves, to put up walls so that our hearts won’t be broken. But sometimes it’s not possible.”
“No.” Evelina sighed. “Vaughn is…he is special, Simone. He’s not like anyone I’ve ever known. But what does it say about me that I could care about, foolishly think I loved, one protector and then so swiftly transfer those affections to another? A man I’m not even really—”
She cut herself off, realizing she’d been about to reveal the pretend nature of her affiliation to someone outside of her family. Simone did her the kindness of not pressing.
“You went through a great deal before Southwater. Perhaps you mistook safety and predictability for love when he appeared, offering you lies about a future he clearly never intended to give.”
She flinched, the remnants of the pain fluttering in her chest. Not as powerful though, not anymore. “I said the same thing to Vaughn. That perhaps I was blinded to any warning signs about Southwater’s true nature and intentions because of what happened to me before.”
Simone looked truly shocked. “You told Blackburn about your experience with Brightling?”
Evelina nodded. “Yes.”
There was a heavy silence which hung between them, one that was broken when Simone said, “You deserve happiness, Evelina, if you can find it.”
Evelina forced herself to smile, to be light and change the subject, but even as she did so, her heart felt heavy. Not because of Harry or Lady Blackburn or the future that had been snatched from her grasp by a cruel liar.
But because of the future she knew she shouldn’t dream about with the man she longed to see now.
* * *
When Vaughn saw his carriage roll up the drive late that that afternoon, his heart leapt. Evelina was back and he felt a surge of delight, which was swiftly followed by a wash of guilt over his agreement to see Florence the next day.
It was silly, of course. In this situation, Evelina was his mistress. Actually, that wasn’t entirely true. Despite their passion, they weren’t in a true arrangement. And even if they were, Florence was his wife. If there was guilt, it should have flowed in the other direction and yet it didn’t.
She entered the parlor and there was something pinched to her expression, something dull and tired, but when she saw him, she smiled. He crossed to her and bent to kiss her, loving how her arms wound around his neck, how her lips parted on the softest, sweetest sigh.
“I didn’t expect you back until closer to supper,” he breathed when their lips parted, even though she stayed in his arms, looking up at him.
Now she did release him and paced away to pour herself a drink. She didn’t take tea, but got herself a glass of whisky. “I ended up crying off my meeting with my sisters,” she explained.
He tilted his head. “Oh? Why? I thought you were excited to snoop around Julia’s new abode and determine if you needed to put on armor when it came to her new protector.”
She pivoted and speared him with a glance. “I don’t recall telling you about the armor.”
“I guessed.” He smiled, but it fell. She did look truly troubled. “Are you well?”