Chapter 24
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
The soft glow from the clock illuminating Luciano’s nightstand brightens the darkness shrouding his bedroom. It’s four-twenty-seven and I haven’t slept at all. How can I when the only man I’ve ever truly loved lies next to me, covered in bruises and concussed?
I’d rather watch the rise and fall of his chest to remind myself he’s still breathing.
When we returned to his apartment, Sly sprung into doctor mode and performed as many evaluations as he could without equipment, and thankfully was able to reassure us both that he would be fine.
Luciano’s bruises will fade with time, but the fear in my heart won’t.
Even after hours of lying here thinking, I’m still struggling to process how this happened. How I underestimated Javier so wholly, only proving how much of a stranger he is.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think he would have us followed, let alone have Luciano attacked. He took the coward’s way out, but then again, perhaps I did, too.
All calls he’s made to me have gone unanswered, and I’ve been on the verge of blocking his number again since we touched down after leaving Spain. I shouldn’t have unblocked it to begin with; maybe I could have avoided all of this in the first place.
Then again, maybe if I had acted like more of an adult, he would have, too.
There’s a heaviness in the pit of my stomach I can’t shake, a guilt that’s taken root, screaming this is all my fault.
If it hadn’t been for me, none of this would’ve happened.
Luciano wouldn’t be in pain.
Javier wouldn’t be angry.
All I want to do is to make this all go away, but I have no idea how to actually make it happen.
I don’t realize I’m crying until I feel Luciano's hand patting along the blanket at my hip, reaching to find my skin.
“What’s wrong, baby?” His voice is heavy from sleep, and instinctively, he tries to roll toward me, then winces. My heart does a dangerous leap, settling into my stomach alongside the guilt, and it makes the tears flow harder.
“I feel like such a failure, Luce. I can’t believe this happened to you because of me. I hate him. I hate him so much.”
“It’s not your fault. I’ve already said that a thousand times tonight, baby.
I knew Javier would be a problem when I walked into this with you.
From the moment your file came across my desk, I knew this would be a giant fucking problem.
But here’s the thing, Raina. I walked into this with you.
You didn’t drag me—didn’t ask me. I did it because I wanted to.
I did it because my subconscious was screaming at me that I loved you, even though I had masked my feelings and was too damn idiotic to admit it to myself. ”
Through the darkness, I can just barely make out his silhouette, and I turn from my back onto my side to face him, my hand reaching to touch his face.
Words evade me, and I don’t know what to say other than I’m so sorry.
So I apologize again, leaning forward to kiss his lips gently.
Between each kiss, I mutter how sorry I am, my tears flowing freely between each stuttered word and frenzied kiss.
He catches each tear that falls between our lips, letting me feel the emotions I need to let out, and doesn’t try to persuade me to listen or argue further.
His hand rests on the back of my neck, and he deepens our kiss, forcing me silently to stop apologizing. The moment his tongue plunges into my mouth, my skin sets fire, and I moan softly at its expert caress.
“Come closer,” he rumbles, rolling me onto him. Immediately, I press up on my knees, not letting my weight settle as I try to avoid his bruises. His grip on my neck falls, and he clutches onto my hips instead, pulling me down. “I said closer, not further away.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I whisper, placing both hands gently on his chest. Then my right hand drifts down to the bruise on his side, barely touching it.
“You’re not going to hurt me.”
The fabric of his T-shirt I’m wearing flows around me, covering our lower halves, but I can feel his hardened length beneath the thin fabric of the cheeky lace panties I’m wearing. It takes everything in me to stifle another moan and keep from grinding against him. But I want to. God, do I want to.
“Luce, we can’t.”
“Give me one good reason why.”
His hand drifts under the hemline of his shirt, effortlessly finding the most sensitive part of my body. He begins to stroke my clit with his thumb, and this time I can’t hold back the moan that escapes through my lips.
“You’re in pain,” I argue, although my head tips back on its own accord.
“Not good enough. Bringing you pleasure will help mask that.”
“What if I hurt you?”
“There’s only one way you could hurt me, and trust me when I say that riding my cock is not how. Now do us both a favor and lose the panties.”
“Not the shirt?” I breathlessly question as he applies more pressure on my clit.
“I like seeing you in my shirt, but you’re right, watching your perfect body as you ride me is going to be such a better visual.
” He pinches my clit, causing me to yelp in a brief jolt of pain that quickly blooms into pleasure.
“Now be a good girl and get naked for me.” Luciano bucks his hips slightly as I crawl off of him, pulling the shirt overhead as I do.
When I remove my panties and am completely nude, I help him out of his boxer briefs, then reposition myself back over him. Slowly, I begin to drag myself over his shaft, rolling my hips and shamelessly coating him in my arousal.
“Fuck, you feel so good, baby.” Luciano’s hand tangles into my hair, and he lightly wraps the loose tendrils around his fist, something I’m noticing he does often and I freaking love it.
His other hand firmly grips my hip, helping me glide up and down his cock.
But as amazing as he feels, and as intensely as my body wants to submit to the pleasure, my mind struggles to pull myself completely into the moment, guilt eating at me over the things that I can’t control.
With my hands on his chest, I look down at the beautiful man beneath me with his eyes closed, and a look of awe flits across his face. Instead of mirroring it, a few more tears roll down my cheeks as my hips move against him.
As discreetly as I can, I wipe them away, but I miss one before it lands on Luciano’s chest. Beneath me he stiffens, and his eyes fly open. “Baby, fuck. What’s wrong?”
Letting go of my hair, he grabs hold of the other side of my waist, scooping me against him like he’s not injured in multiple places, and before I know what’s happening, I’m on my back. Propped up by his elbow, he leans over me and pushes the hair out of my face, searching my eyes.
My tears come harder, and I stumble through my breaths. “I just—I don’t—I’m so?—”
“Shh, Raina, baby, it’s okay. I’m okay. Look at me. Look in my eyes, Raina. I am here with you. I’m okay.”
“They could have killed you.” I’m full on sobbing now, crying so hard all I can do is squeeze my eyes shut and let it happen. “How are you not upset? How are you not mad at me?”
“I could never be mad at you, Raina. Never.” He adjusts himself so he can grab my face, then presses a kiss to my lips. “Do you hear me? I’m not mad at you.” He kisses me again. “I love you. I’m okay, I’m here.”
Suddenly, the onslaught of emotions becomes too overwhelming to control. My body hums with a carnal need for him, while it also attempts to purge the fear and rid the guilt.
“I need you. Make me forget. Take my mind off it, please, Luce. I can’t stop thinking about what could have happened, and it’s haunting me.”
“Nothing will take me away from you. I have spent far too much time denying to myself that you weren’t everything I wanted and more.
You’re it for me, Raina, and I’m so fucking sorry that it took me so long to realize it, baby, but you and me, we’re a done deal.
I can’t erase the time I wasted, just like you can’t continue to think about the worst-case scenario. ”
“Make me stop thinking,” I beg again, my voice a desperate plea.
Reaching up, I grab onto him and pull him to me, kissing him with everything I can pour into it.
At the same time, I try to take control of my mind and do my best to rid the thoughts of what happened, and stop worrying about the pain he must be in, because right now he’s not showing any.
I’m about to push him onto his back when he nudges my thighs open with his knee, taking charge in practically one fluid movement.
Within a second, he’s sheathed inside of me, pressed to the hilt.
I gasp at the sudden fullness, my body adjusting to accommodate his size so quickly, and I feel the weight of my worry start to lift.
Staring down at me, Luciano’s fingertips brush my forehead softly. He gazes at me with intensity—with adoration, love, and promises he’s not speaking out loud.
All I can do is look at him.
This feels different. Like our bodies and our minds are connected in a way that we haven’t shared before.
I can feel him everywhere.
Inside of me.
Embedded in my heart.
Buried in my soul.
It’s absolutely terrifying, but it’s a fear that doesn’t grip me in its clutches like what happened last night.
Slowly, his hips roll in just the slightest movement, and I watch as a full-body shudder moves through him, his head dropping on his shoulders as he tries to restrain himself from succumbing to the desire electrifying around us.
“I love you,” he reiterates with affection. Leaning down, he kisses me again with long, languid strokes of his tongue.
Finally, he begins to move, grinding his hips before slowly pulling out, then plunging back in. Nothing about his movements are hurried, though, and instead, he takes his time.
It’s the first time anyone has made love to me.
But as perfect as it is, the guilt still creeps in and pulls me onto the outskirts of reality. “You’re not in pain? This doesn’t hurt?” I whisper as my fingers trail along his bicep.
“No,” is all he says before he silences me with another earth-shattering kiss, cutting me off from asking any more questions.
As the pleasure begins to build, the spark between us intensifies, starting slow like a wildfire before it truly catches. But still, he keeps his movements controlled and intentional, showing me with his body what his words have already said. Slowly, as if he has all the time in the world.
And maybe he does. Maybe we never have to leave this bedroom again, and it can just be the two of us lost in each other.
Truthfully, I’d be fine with that. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last eight hours, it’s that everything could be gone in an instant, and it’s the uncertainty of the could that I’m not sure I will ever fully heal from.