Chapter 20
This is nice… More than nice.
Never before this very night would Victoria have ever thought that lying on the grass could be so relaxing. Growing up, her governess would have had a conniption at the thought of Victoria having grass stains on her dress, and yet here they were—tousled and disheveled.
She did not care at all that her dress was nearly soaked through from the sodden grass, or that Arran would need a second bath.
Nor did she wish to think about how she could easily sleep right there beside him, all the way through until morning.
It was the most at peace that she had felt inside of her own body in longer than she cared to truly think about, much less admit to.
“Perhaps we ought to have lessons like this every day,” she teased.
She knew that her arms were likely to fall off her body altogether if she were to have lessons like this that often. Besides, it was not as if the Laird was going to have that sort of free time to spend on the likes of her in the first place.
But he surprised her again, laughing softly before he rolled over to face her. He propped his head up with his hand as he nodded. “I daenae ken if ye could keep up or nae. We would have to get yer endurance bolstered first.”
Feeling emboldened by their dalliance, Victoria mirrored his body language as she faced him. He placed his free hand on the curve of her waist, almost as if he was encouraging her to stay with him. “I can think of a way or two that we might be able to accomplish such a goal as that.”
Arran’s ears turned red—so much so that she could see how flustered he was even in the silvery moonlight.
“As we have said before, this will have to come to an end sooner or later,” she said. “But I suppose that I do not see why we should deprive ourselves in the meantime when there is still so much to learn from one another.”
Arran laughed again; she was coming to like that sound far more than she truly should. “That is one way to put it. I shall give it some serious consideration.”
As he spoke, he let his hand trail from the curve of her waist, up to her arm, and then back down to her hip, drawing small shapes that she did not focus on too hard in any sort of attempt to understand what they might mean. She just knew that the contact felt rather nice on her chilled skin.
“As you should,” Victoria agreed. She attempted to adopt her version of his firm, confident manner of speaking, but she did not feel as if she had accomplished it properly.
Rather than allow herself to continue being embarrassed, she changed the subject.
“Do you have any news at all of the Earl? I was just telling Kristin today that I thought you might not have spread the rumor at all; it has been so long.”
Arran lifted his hand from her waist and pushed up into a seated position. She mourned the loss of his touch almost instantly.
“There has been nothin’ from him, or from the scouts watchin’ his manor,” he said, his body tense. “I think the idea was sage, but the execution was wrong.”
He almost seemed… reluctant to talk to her about this.
Was there something else that he was not telling her?
Something else that she needed to know? Victoria could not think of a single reason that he would have to keep anything from her, so her gut told her that it must be something very bad if he was attempting to hide it from her.
“What do you mean?” she prompted.
“If he is as possessive as ye say, and I do think that he is, it is my thinkin’ that if someone…
” he pointed to himself as he spoke “…else truly had ye, not kidnapped… but as a betrothed… that might lure him out quicker. The death rumors may have sounded too unlikely, but a betrothal? His jealousy would overcome him.” Arran finished speaking, but he would not even glance in her direction.
Victoria could not tell if he was suggesting a false engagement between them out of cunning or if he was reluctant to even truly consider the idea. His face had gone so blank once more that there was not even the slightest hope of attempting to read his true feelings on the matter, nor his opinion.
“Are you suggesting that we be engaged?” The moment the words left her lips, something bristled excitedly inside of her.
She knew that it was a foolish idea even to entertain. It was not even something that she would have considered wanting until this very moment.
But now that he had brought it up… would that even be possible?
He was right in thinking that Charles would be more than jealous, certainly enough to want to come and stage a full invasion under the guise of luring her back home with him, where she belonged.
He would call it a “rescue” mission. Nothing would be able to stop him.
In truth, she felt somewhat foolish for not having been the one to think about it first.
“A false engagement, aye,” Arran amended. “I think that it would also still those waggin’ tongues of my council. All the old men in their stubborn ways. I sometimes think that they are impervious to change, for how stubborn some of them can be.”
Victoria nodded, knowing those sorts of men very well. “Yes… it might work.”
It was an excellent idea. She knew that much at the very least. But the moment that she considered it, Arran seemed to tense up even further.
She did not like how the line of his broad shoulders sat now.
It made her chest hurt because she felt that there was something about to happen that she could not explain. A sour feeling in her gut.
“Aye, a fake betrothal. Until the Earl arrives,” Arran concluded.
He pushed himself into a standing position with that, clearly done with the conversation. He reached a hand down to her, and she readily accepted it. But even his touch somehow felt more distant than it had before.
Of course, she would not even bother to question the fact that the engagement would be false.
Arran could not believe that there was a part of him that had felt…
something… at the notion of being engaged to her.
Something he didn’t want to name lest it make him even more anxious about the whole thing.
Holding her hand after what they had just done felt wrong now, like it was all part of some scheme he had been plotting. Which could not have been further from the truth.
There were a great many things that he needed to think about now, and he was not going to be able to do a single one of them while still standing beside her.
I should have stayed in the tub.
They moved into the keep in near silence, her having to double her steps in order to keep up with the pace that he had set.
What did she even think about him? Nothing in any lasting way, he was sure.
They were just using one another as a means to an end.
That had to be it. Nothing more, nothing less, all things considered.
She had jumped at the possibility of finishing this, and therefore leaving, too quickly for his comfort.
But then again, she had said that from the beginning, had she not?
She had claimed from the beginning that she would have to head back to England.
Despite the fact that he was looking into the sister’s whereabouts and safety, she would of course want to return to her home and whatever comforts might await her there.
But she fits here so well.
It was his own mistake for daring to think of her in the same breath as his own family. She was just too great a benefit for both Kristin and Ruby. It was the most alive he had seen his sister be since he had returned home, and he didn’t want to lose that either.
“Why are you walking so quickly?” Victoria huffed from behind him, her hand slipping out of his own.
He didn’t have a proper answer to that question, so he chose not to say anything at all. He walked her most of the way to her room before she finally stopped him from moving any further.
She fits me so well…
“Have I missed something somehow?” Victoria demanded, clearly no longer intending to move. “I do not need an escort to my bedroom if you are just planning on being surly the whole way there. I can find my way on my own.”
“Ye wish to be rid of me company that bad, do ye?” Arran muttered nearly under his breath.
“What was that?” Victoria asked, but he shook his head. He wasn’t going to repeat himself. When she realized that, she sniffed and hugged her arms around herself. “So then, what comes next?”
He was a man of his word. He had already told her that.
“I’ll have me man-at-arms start spreadin’ the rumors of our engagement tonight. I imagine that they will circulate quickly as I have been needin’ to take a wife for quite some time now,” Arran answered.
“Good. Yes… that’s good,” Victoria said stiffly, but he could tell that there was a great deal more that she wanted to say, seemingly biting her tongue.
She had been right the first time around. It was best to keep a distance, and yet he had allowed himself to be drawn in a second time all over again. He needed to stop setting himself up for failure.
“Sleep well,” Arran said.
“So, you do not wish to join me?” she asked in a very small voice, as though she had been bluffing before.
There was very little that he wanted to do more than go into that bedroom with her. He wanted to continue what they had already started outside in the warmth of her bed. He would have given almost anything to lose himself between her thighs once more.
But she was not his, and he needed to stop attempting to make her so.
So, his only answer was, “Goodnight.”
He turned, but even that was much more difficult than he wanted it to be, as he went back to his room alone, feeling far worse than he had when he had been avoiding her. Indeed, though he had won the sparring match, it rather felt like he was losing something far greater.