Chapter Twenty-Five
He’d thought things would be easier once he told Maeve everything. And they had been, at least at first. When Jed went to bed that fateful night, he watched his sleeping wife, fully confident that the two could handle whatever came their way.
But when morning came, when he sat down with her and sorted through the records of his life, a cold dread took hold of Jed’s heart.
It persisted well after she’d left for dinner, lingering behind his shoulder like an unspeaking, uncaring stranger.
It flickered in the shadows of candlelight while his friends spoke over supper.
It loomed in the bathroom doorway, forcing Jed to fix his gaze on Lila so as not to acknowledge its suffocating presence.
Later, when he looked up at his wife while she spoke, the dread all but consumed him. It all became too real: the idea of losing her, Lila, and the life he’d begun to build from himself.
Jed laid in the Whitaker's guest bedroom that night, Lila set between him and his wife. The excuse had been to keep the toddler close at hand, but there was still an obvious awkwardness with the couple sharing such an intimate space.
He often rolled onto his side, trying to pick out the rise and fall of both ladies’ chests beneath the quilt blanket.
Maeve was always going to find out; that much was obvious.
But she could have discovered it at the start of their relationship, when their feelings for each other hadn’t yet become so complex and tangled.
She could have made her decision without the duties of marriage weighing on her conscience.
Jed had never given her a proper chance to choose his side over her peace of mind.
And Lila…?
Jed reached his hand out, gently brushing the toddler’s hair out of her face.
Lila had no say in any of this. She’d been forced into her supposed father’s fight, when she herself had only just begun to enjoy the kinder aspects of life.
Now that life was under threat, and all because Jed had dragged her with him to Maeve’s cabin that cold, lonely night.
Would a real man have sent Lila away, into the safety of Ms. Miller’s orphanage?
Did he deserved to be thought of as a father at all?
Something had to be done. And something would be, just as soon as Jed’s mind wasn’t drowning in fatigue.
***
“Jed?”
He blinked furiously, the paragraph he’d been staring at coming back into focus. The words still read like absolute nonsense to him, though, so Jed lifted his heavy head to give Edgar a proper reply. “Mm?”
Edgar’s brow furrowed with concern. “I…I’m not sure you heard what I said just now.”
An embarrassed heat crept across Jed’s cheeks. He did his best to hide it with a long drink from his mug.
“We’ve been at this all morning without stopping once,” Edgar continued gently. “Why don’t we step outside for a breath of fresh air?”
Jed shook his head, roughly swallowing his gulp of cold coffee.
“Ain’t got time to waste, Edgar. Yer train’s set to leave in the evening, and you can’t afford to miss it.
” He sifted through his stack of papers, trying to refocus his eyes as they continued to blur the typed lettering.
But he stopped as a frail hand, one covered in a dozen or so tiny paper cuts, covered his own.
“You won’t be of use to anyone if you’ve burned your candle from both ends, Jed,” Edgar insisted.
His exhaustion suddenly rushed to the forefront. Jed reached for his mug again, only to find it entirely too light. Specks of coffee grounds sat at the bottom, and in his absentminded state, Jed was reminded of the freckled face of his wife.
“Jed.”
He blinked furiously and raised his gaze to meet Edgar’s. “Hmm?”
Edgar’s concern escaped from him as a light sigh. “I’m worried this case is starting to weigh too heavily on you. That the good we’re trying to accomplish here is being dramatically outdone by the harm it’s causing.”
Jed moved to shake his head, but found he couldn’t fully commit.
“Your wife and daughter went back home, didn’t they?” Edgar asked. “They started the trip earlier this morning, I believe.”
The thought of Maeve and Lila riding in the wagon by themselves sent a new wave of fear through Jed.
“Not by themselves,” he insisted, though said insistence was mainly for his own sake.
“Joshua– Uh, the sheriff here, he had some of his men ride alongside them. Sadie offered to go with them as well.”
Edgar chuckled at that. “Now, why do I imagine she less ‘offered’ and more ‘demanded’?”
Jed managed something of a smile. “She is awful stubborn when it comes to what she wants. I reckon if she had to, she’d nail her own feet to the driver’s side of the wagon just to get her way.”
More laughter bubbled out of Edgar as he gingerly set his own stack of papers to the side. “Ooh, she and Kathleen would be absolute terrors if they were to ever meet. Did I tell you how she tried stowing away in the train’s luggage car on the day of my departure?”
Now Jed started to chuckle. “I’m shocked she didn’t try commandeering the whole train herself.”
“Truthfully, I am as well!”
The men laughed over shared memories, lifting some of the heaviness that threatened to crush Jed. A new sense of melancholy took its place, though, and Jed couldn’t help but speak it aloud.
“I’m worried about the future, Edgar. About where this case’s gonna take me. There ain’t no way I won’t be traveling to Cheyenne, but the thought of leaving Maeve behind don’t feel right.”
Edgar tilted his head curiously. “Why wouldn’t she and your daughter travel with you? I know that’s quite a trip for a child Lila’s age, but it’s certainly doable by train. Myself and Kathleen would ensure the expenses were taken care of, so…?”
It wasn’t just about the cost, or the travel. “If Maeve’s property were to be burned down while we were gone, I’d never forgive myself.”
“B-burned–?!”
“Thomas has already proven he’s willing to hurt folks that get in his way,” Jed stated plainly. “Arson don’t seem that far of a stretch. No. She’s gotta stay here. This is her home, and she has every right to protect it. Not get dragged all around Wyoming because of my mistakes."
Edgar’s brow furrowed. “That doesn’t seem like the Mrs. Mercer I met. At the risk of offending you,” he added with a nervous chuckle, “your wife seems quite outspoken, Jed. I doubt she’d let herself get ‘dragged’ into anything she didn’t want to do.”
“She’s married to me, though,” Jed insisted. “She might see it as her duty, that she can’t just step away and let her husband carry this burden on his own.”
“That’s what people do for the ones they love.”
Love. The word struck hard against Jed’s chest, causing his heart to race wildly out of control.
Their marriage wasn’t arranged out of love, though.
It had been one of convenience, begun by a woman who had been pushed into a corner and practically forced to seek out a man’s protection against a world that overlooked her.
Who would have carried on without Jed having ever entered the picture had her father not passed away that very winter.
Who he had kissed so fervently at the circus, without a thought to the consequences.
“Jed?”
He looked up from his coffee, meeting Edgar’s concerned gaze without fully knowing what his own expression looked like.
“Let’s take a break, Jed.” Edgar wasn’t asking this time, and he made that all the clearer when he stood from his chair. “I wanted to make sure I gave Ms. Miller a proper goodbye before my departure. You’ll walk with me, won’t you?”
Of course he would. Jed wasn't going to leave the man now. Not after everything he’d done to help him thus far.
***
The sun hung high overhead as Jed gave one more wave goodbye to the departing train.
He didn’t need to be there for protection’s sake, as Joshua had more than made good on his promise.
Even as Jed turned to leave, he caught sight of at least three or four uniformed lawmen patrolling the length of the station platform.
No, Jed had wanted to personally wish Edgar well on his travels home, especially as the man carried with him the culmination of a week’s worth of studious research.
Now, the next step was entirely in Edgar’s hands, and Jed had no choice but to wait for the impending letter summoning him back to Cheyenne.
That familiar feeling of dread found Jed at the stables, where he went about saddling Ash. It stalked after his long, growing shadow as he set off down the main road, and it tailed after him through the endless stretch of grasslands that soon surrounded him.
Jed’s brow twitched as a bead of sweat rolled past his temple.
He adjusted his mother’s hat before tugging on Ash’s reigns, bringing their light canter to a sudden stop.
Then, Jed reached for a borrowed revolver and spun around on his saddle, pointing the barrel directly at a trio of strangers that had been following him since the moment he’d stepped out of Bighorn.
They already had their guns out and pointed his way. Jed wondered how close he’d been to being blown away. “You boys with a Mister Thomas Gedney?”
The three remained eerily silent, their guns remaining pointed at Jed.
“Tell him that next time, I’m shooting first.” The threat came out as a dangerous snarl, but Jed didn’t feel in control of the situation at all. He could get one, maybe, but their bullets would tear through his body easily.
The silence hung like midday heat between them.
Then, one by one, Thomas’ men started to pull back. Their guns remained trained on Jed as their horses slowly walked back down the road, only turning their backs on him once they were well out of range.
Jed kept the pistol raised well after they’d vanished beyond the horizon, only stowing it away once they were mere dots.
But the dread persisted, whispering doubts in his ear that chilled him to the bone.
Next time, he might not be all by himself.
Next time, he could have the cumbersome wagon, unable to outrun his pursuers should the need arise.
Next time, Thomas might not send foolish, green boys, but men who knew to carry their own firearms.
Next time, Lila and Maeve could be with him.