5 | against your better judgement
Inexorably, he continued, seemingly determined to ruin me. But, all of a sudden, he pulled out and grabbed my arm. After turning me onto my back, he knelt between my legs and tucked them over his shoulders. My face flushed when I understood his intention.
‘No. Please.’ I sat up and clasped his jaw. ‘I’m satisfied. I just want you to come.’
Soft laughter spilled from his mouth as he gripped my wrists and locked my arms by my sides.
‘Well, that’s not what I want.’
‘Will.’ I writhed against his hold of me, but he was much too strong. I tried to close my legs, but his mouth had already reached me. Pleasure bolted through me at once, merciless in its force.
‘Shit!’ I cried out as his tongue continued to torment me. Crouched over him, my toes curled again. Breathing erratically, I felt the tension rebuild within me, impossibly strong. A tearless sob escaped and I failed to inhale again. All I could focus on was the unbearable tension that engulfed my entire body. Desperate for release, I tried to break away, but he wouldn’t have it. While maintaining his grip on my wrists, he smothered my legs with his arms to hold me in place.
And then it unfurled. Shuddering against him, I wailed his name and collapsed onto him, limp as a corpse. Only vaguely did I hear him chuckle .
Gently, he moved me onto my back. My eyes had been shut, and when I opened them, he was hovering above me. A soft expression dwelled in his features, and I hoped it included sympathy. He brushed a lock of my hair behind my ear, his eyes roaming across my flushed, dewy face.
‘Women as beautiful as you shouldn’t be allowed to wear clothes,’ he suddenly said.
Unimpressed, I only frowned back. What an unbelievably shallow compliment. As if it ought to be a beautiful woman’s duty to please the male eye. As if an attractive woman shouldn’t be allowed to decide over her own body.
Confusion crossed his face. ‘What?’
‘That was a shit compliment, even though I know you were only trying to be nice.’
‘What? How was it shit?’
‘It sounded a bit sexist.’
He gaped with disbelief and then shook his head.
‘For the record, I’m not a male chauvinist. I find sexism outrageous. Besides, you’re living proof of how amazing women are.’ With a pleading gaze, he said, ‘If you give me your number, I’ll prove to you all of the above.’
My lips twisted with amusement. Damn it. I didn’t want to be smiling right then. It was giving me away, and I worried it would encourage him, that he would misread a smile as actual interest.
‘No.’
He sighed, his head dropping. ‘At least give me your Instagram handle, then.’
I groaned, despairing of him. ‘No, Will.’ Reflecting on his persistence, I realised this had been a mistake. ‘I should leave.’ I sighed and tried to shove him off, but he wouldn’t budge. ‘Will.’
‘Fine,’ he grumbled. ‘Have it your way.’
Since he didn’t move, I wasn’t sure what he meant. ‘Sorry?’
Lifting his gaze, he studied me for a brief moment, his lips snapping into a tight, brooding line.
‘When you leave tomorrow, that’s it. But I’m going to have you all of tonight. If you’re still determined not to meet me again after that, I’ll respect it.’
I swallowed. ‘All right.’
He leaned away and dragged me with him. Then he bent over and heaved me across his shoulder. Wide-eyed, I stared at the floor beneath my head as he walked off with me, wondering what I had set into motion.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m ensuring my end of the bargain,’ he muttered and kicked open the door to another room. He stepped into the darkness of it and dropped me off his shoulder.
I squealed in fear of meeting the floor, but confusion silenced me the instant my skin met soft material. His bed?
He shut the door and turned on the lights. He was grinning at me, clearly amused by my squeal.
‘What, did you think I’d resort to violence?’ he asked.
‘Maybe. For all I know, you could still be Mr Bateman in disguise,’ I said, my lips protruding.
That made him laugh. ‘I’m not. I’m just a man who’s hopelessly interested in you.’
I smirked. ‘I’m sure your mother would be jealous had she heard that.’
He shuddered. ‘What? No. Way to kill the mood.’
I raised a brow and directed my gaze to his ever-present erection. How potent was he? Seriously.
‘You don’t seem affected.’
‘That’s thanks to the glorious view.’ He gestured to me.
I looked away, observing my new surroundings. His bedroom was really quite big. Three doors led into it, and we had arrived through one of them. What was hiding behind the other two? A bathroom, I assumed, as well as a wardrobe, or perhaps a private office?
‘Even for a successful solicitor, your flat’s rather big,’ I said. ‘And seeing as you’re only twenty-eight, I’m struggling to understand how you could’ve amassed such a fortune already.’
‘Well, you’ll never know, and you’ve got yourself to blame,’ he quipped and approached the bed. ‘Shame you’re not a gold digger, Sandra. I’d have you on your knees in a heartbeat if you were.’
I faced him. Unimpressed, I stared at his lopsided smile while he reached for my heels and peeled them off my feet. Once he had put them on the floor, his mouth dived for my calves, and then he kissed his way upward, slowly.
He really was remarkably sensual. It demanded all my willpower not to submit to his wish about meeting again.
I wondered if I would regret it. Then again, if I did, I knew where he lived. He, the poor man, didn’t even know my real name.
While I had been worrying, he had made his way to my throat. Covering it with soft, amorous kisses, he elicited another groan from my mouth. Meanwhile, I seemed to have wrapped my limbs around him subconsciously.
His mouth roamed across my moisture-laden skin, his hands closing around my upper arms. Then he turned me onto my stomach beneath him. I fixed my eyes on the black headboard of his bed and felt him lift only my derrière.
‘I’ll be coming with you this time, but it won’t be the last,’ he warned.
Without further ado, he thrust into me, pushing forward until he reached the very end of me. Hissing, I ground my teeth and fisted his bed sheets so hard that my knuckles grew numb and white. As he made his retreat, he leaned over me, and the intimacy of his action struck me hard.
Strong as a fortress, he hovered above me while his lips blessed my neck. Making his way toward my ear, he said, ‘This is going to get a bit rough, love. Tell me to stop if I’m hurting you.’
My eyes widened and I swallowed. Just what did he have in mind?
Sneaking his hands under my body, he found my wrists, locked them within his grip and dragged my arms back, successfully lifting my torso from his colossal mattress. When he thrust again, I realised what he had meant. I barely managed to stifle a whimper. He was using my arms to balance out his weight. With each thrust, he dragged me toward him, and it made him reach a depth that no other man had.
How it was possible to fuck anybody so well was beyond me. He must have been designed to pleasure women into insanity. Though it hurt faintly, it was undoubtedly a pleasurable pain. Never in my life had I been dominated like this, and I relished it. Granting him power over my pleasure was easily the best decision I had ever made, sex-wise. He knew exactly what to do. He was introducing me to a whole new dimension of sex, and I feared I would never be satisfied with anything less again.
A bottled-up cry spilled out of my mouth as he continued to slam into me. This tension was intolerable. I couldn’t last much longer. It was far too powerful. He was far too powerful, and so my shivers started.
Oh no.
‘Not yet,’ he chastised and released my right forearm to spank me. The sting of his palm made me hiss. What he had done was counterproductive, because my drenched, quivering walls clenched down on him as if to reject him, but he forced past them all the same.
‘Don’t you dare,’ he growled. ‘We’re coming together this time.’
The sound of our flesh parting and meeting echoed through the room as the most erotic thing I had ever heard.
‘Please,’ I begged, shaking my head. A whole night of this was out of the question. I wouldn’t last. I was sure.
‘Nearly there,’ he consoled me and released my left arm as well, but he grabbed my hips to hold me in place. Desperate to release at least a portion of the tension, I tugged my own hair while I silently pleaded for him to come.
Finally, his thrusts switched rhythm. They grew slower, but harder.
‘Fuck,’ he groaned, and I could hear that his teeth were clenched. He dug his fingers into my buttocks, nails clawing them. ‘Come for me,’ he commanded, and I instantly obeyed.
I shuddered through my intense climax, lost to the world. He closed over me immediately, confining me to him. With strong arms wrapped around me, he performed his final thrust and spilled himself within me. Falling limp in his arms, I heaved for air. I barely noticed that he rolled us onto our sides, where he withdrew from within me.
We recovered in silence. Though I couldn’t speak for him, I was not only recovering from my row of orgasms, but also from shock. I had never had better sex, nor met a man more compelling.
His eventual sigh broke the quiet. While squeezing me against him, he planted a firm kiss on my neck and nuzzled his face in the crook of it.
‘I’m gutted you don’t want to do this again some other time,’ he said.
I didn’t reply because I couldn’t find my voice.
An invisible fire in the form of his hand travelled up and down the curve of my waistline.
‘You’re so damn stunning. Do you know that?’
I cleared my throat and turned to look at him. Wearing a smile, I said hoarsely, ‘Now that’s how you give compliments, William.’
He smiled lopsidedly. ‘I’m a quick learner.’
I tittered. ‘You’re conceited, is what you are.’
‘Really?’ He frowned. ‘And how would you know? You hardly know me.’
‘Cocky, at best,’ I teased and faced away again.
‘Well, you’re rather annoying.’
‘And yet here I am.’
‘Against your better judgement.’
I laughed. ‘If you’d like me to leave, I will.’
He tensed against me. ‘Don’t.’
‘All right, then.’ I turned over and smiled at him. ‘All part of the deal, I suppose.’
He propped himself on his arm and studied me for a while.
‘Sandra, I’m curious.’
I wasn’t sure I wanted to oblige, but I did anyway. ‘What?’
‘You don’t seem to be particularly inexperienced in terms of sex. Frankly, you come across as being on the liberal end of the spectrum.’
I frowned. ‘Okay?’
‘Well, it makes me wonder how often you do this sort of thing. I realise it’s none of my business, but...’
I smirked. ‘Well, how often do you do it?’
‘Random one-night stands? Every leap year, maybe.’
I watched him disbelievingly, but there was no hint of a lie in his eyes.
‘I don’t believe you. I mean, with your talents, as well as stamina, you must be getting your fill somehow.’
He chuckled. ‘Right. If I answer, will you?’
I narrowed my eyes. Again, he drove a hard bargain. I was desperate to know now. ‘Yes.’
He looked away. ‘I have regular sex, but with the same partner’ – his eyes darted toward me – ‘usually.’
‘Elaborate.’
He scratched his stubble, looking contemplative. ‘I’m not in a relationship, but I’ve got an agreement with another woman. A sexual one.’
‘Right.’
We were in similar situations, then. I had Aaron for that. But, regardless of my arrangement with Aaron, I didn’t shy away from the occasional one-night stand. The only condition was that I used a condom so that Aaron wouldn’t have to, but I would have done it anyway. Collecting sexually transmitted infections was not a hobby of mine.
‘Your turn,’ William reminded me.
‘Well, same as you, I suppose. Though, when it comes to one-night stands, I might do it a couple of times a year, all depending on the person, really. I don’t go all out to sleep with a stranger.’
‘Like I did tonight,’ he said with a leer.
‘Right.’ I grinned, but my amusement quickly vanished when something occurred to me. ‘Is your partner going to mind?’
He scoffed. ‘She hasn’t got a right to know.’
‘That’s not an answer.’
He sighed. ‘I’m not sure. It’s implied that I’m allowed to do this sort of thing, but predicting a bruised ego can be difficult. ’
Right. That made sense. In fact, that was exactly the reason Aaron and I had agreed not to mention other partners to one another.
Suddenly William frowned. ‘Wait, did you say “same as” me? You’ve got a regular partner?’
I blinked, surprised at his sudden display of disapproval. ‘Yes?’
Gripping my jaw, he glared into my eyes. ‘Then what’s the problem? Clearly, you do have time. Reject that wanker already – you can reserve that energy for me.’
My jaw clenched in his hold. ‘Of course I won’t do that. The arrangement I’ve got with Aaron is perfect. I hardly ever give him a thought. He’s so low maintenance that he might as well be air, and I have a funny feeling you won’t be, Will, but it’s not your fault. It’s just that you’re new. Aaron’s familiar. New, right now, is bound to mess with my head for a while, and I don’t want that.’
He groaned loudly and collapsed onto his back beside me. ‘You have got to be kidding me.’
His dramatic reaction made me pout. ‘I’m not, I’m sorry.’
‘How about this, then. Give me your number and I promise I won’t reach out to you till you’ve completed your exams, so in about two months.’
I frowned with frustration. It became apparent that I would need to be brutally honest with both him and myself. After drawing in a deep breath, I mustered up the courage to put myself in a vulnerable spot. I had never been this transparent with a mere stranger before, but William surely made it difficult to avoid.
‘William, I’m sorry, but you’re not casual sex material. You’re boyfriend material. I’m a bit too compelled by you. Meanwhile, Aaron doesn’t intrigue me that way at all. He’s just there, platonically.’
‘I can’t believe this,’ he moaned. ‘Are you seriously saying I’m too interesting?’
I grimaced. ‘Well, yes. Basically.’
‘This is honestly unbelievable. It’s completely backwards.’
I could understand why he would see it that way, but I didn’t agree.
‘Depends on what the goal is. Mine is to avoid distractions. I want to keep a strict focus on my studies and my career, so I prefer to stay away from things that can get in the way of that. I’m very sorry, but I have to be rational about this. What I’m doing is damage control.’
‘Fuck it,’ he muttered. ‘I’m done.’
I tensed. ‘As in you want me to leave? ’
‘No, but I’m forfeiting. It’s clear you won’t change your mind.’
Sighing, I lay down on top of him. On his chest, I folded my hands under my chin and held his gaze. It hurt to look at him now. He had better be worth rejecting.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘I’m over it,’ he said, sounding nonchalant.
‘I’ll give you a blowjob if you want, for compensation.’
‘I’d prefer if you kept quiet, I think. The more you talk, the more I like you.’
I smiled. ‘I don’t know what your partner is into, but I don’t tend to speak much when I’m performing fellatio. It might have to do with having a dick in my mouth, but what do I know?’
I pushed myself up and trailed soft kisses down his torso. The slabs of muscle flexed beneath my mouth, making me grin. Was he ticklish?
Reaching down, he buried his hands in my hair and dragged me back to his face.
‘What are you?’ he asked as he stared into my eyes. ‘The Devil?’
My lips twitched into another smile. ‘It’s your night. I’ll be whatever you want.’
‘Mine, then,’ he said, and my heart throbbed. Had he really just said that? Once again, the strangest feeling seared into my chest, but I couldn’t fathom the nature of it.
‘Oh, but you already are,’ he said and claimed my mouth.
Irked, I pulled away. ‘I’m not.’
‘You just said it yourself.’ He grinned. ‘I’m “boyfriend material”.’
‘You’re also an idiot.’
He chuckled. ‘My degree begs to differ.’
‘Cambridge.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘Quite the card that is.’
‘Yes.’ He tucked his arms under his head. As he lay beneath me, his eyes were riveted on my face. ‘I hope I’ll forget you.’
His brutal words made me grimace. ‘What? Why?’
‘Because if I don’t, I’ll go mad.’ He wrapped me in his arms and flung us around. ‘But for now, I intend to take full advantage.’ He reached for his nightstand. When I saw him withdraw another foil packet, my eyes widened. Already?
‘I assure you, though,’ he said, his face grave. ‘I won’t give you a single reason to ever forget me .’
§ § §
An internal alarm woke me up. When I opened my eyes, the black and unfamiliar nightstand prompted me to remember where I was. One after the other, memories of last night flashed through my mind until there was an abundance of heat in my face. I smiled in spite of it, for it had been dreamlike.
There wasn’t a sound around me, not even of a body softly drawing breath. Was he still here? I remembered I had fallen asleep in his arms sometime after midnight, but nobody was holding me now.
In case he was still present in the bed, I turned carefully and slowly, but he was nowhere in sight. Relaxing, I groaned and rubbed my face. I despised the inevitable next phase: the awkward conversations and forced small talk that always occurred the morning after a one-night stand – unless I had snuck out before the guy woke up. There was always that dreadful question hanging in the air and spilling between the lines: what’s next? Should we go back to being perfect strangers, as if we hadn’t just enjoyed each other more intimately than most, or should we embark on a journey that was bound to end in tragedy once I failed to live up to his expectations?
Considering what a paradigm shift William represented in my expectations of men, I lingered in the bed for a while longer, hoping it would help me reinforce my resolve. I would need every drop of it to stick to my rules and leave without any intention of a reunion.
Gazing around, I wondered what time it was. Last night, I had brought my purse into his bedroom, so I reached down the side of the bed and took out my phone. As the screen lit up, I saw that it was half ten and that I had two missed calls from Jason, as well as a text from Olivia that had been received just a minute ago. Since I had plans with Jason today, I decided to call him before I did anything else.
‘Morning, love,’ he answered after a single ring.
‘Morning,’ I replied hoarsely and cleared my throat.
‘Glad you’re not dead.’ He chuckled. ‘Whose bed did you fall asleep in?’
‘The bed of the guy I insulted.’
‘No way. You’re joking.’
‘Am not.’
Laughter burst out of him. ‘Oh my God. Course you did. Was it worth it?’
‘Yeah, actually. Best I’ve ever had.’
‘Really?’ he asked, sounding amazed .
‘Really.’
‘Damn. Will you stick to your rules, then?’
I sighed. ‘That’s the plan.’
He was quiet for a beat. ‘You don’t sound too happy about that.’
Somebody knocked on the door, and my heart contracted with a thrill upon the sound.
‘Yeah, I know. But listen, I’ve got to go. I’ll be home soon, all right?’
‘Later, then.’
‘Yeah.’ I hung up. ‘Yes?’ I called out.
The door swung open, revealing the gorgeous man I had managed to seduce last night. I must have been wielding some black magic. Nothing else could explain this. For better or for worse, he was exactly my type, both physically and mentally. Dressed in beige trousers and a simple white shirt, he leaned against the doorpost and smiled.
There wasn’t a chance I could keep myself from blushing.
‘Morning,’ he said and tucked his hands in his pockets. ‘Sleep well?’
‘I did. You?’
‘Same.’
‘Have you been awake for long?’
‘About an hour.’ He shrugged. ‘I’ve made you breakfast. If you’d like to shower first, there’s a bathroom through that door.’ He jerked his head toward it.
My eyebrows arched. I hadn’t expected this level of hospitality.
‘Thanks. You’re very kind.’
‘You’ll find fresh towels on the shelf beside the shower. There’s shampoo and conditioner for women there as well, should you want to use it.’
I grimaced. ‘Why have you got that? Is it your regular partner’s?’ If it was, I wasn’t inclined to even touch it. It would feel wrong, like I was trespassing on her territory.
His smile transitioned into a grin. ‘No. I shopped for it this morning when I went out for coffee.’
‘Oh.’ My blush intensified at his thoughtfulness. ‘That wasn’t necessary, but I appreciate it.’
He shrugged again. ‘I left a T-shirt for you as well. If there’s anything else, let me know. I’ll just wait in the kitchen.’
As soon as he closed the door, I pushed the duvet aside, climbed out of the bed and went into the bathroom. It was like walking into a spa that smelled of citrus. It was spacious too – he even had a bath .
It was tempting to stand under his rain shower for ages, but I was quick to step out because I wanted to respect Jason’s time. He had reserved the whole day to help me unpack, so I ought to get home as soon as possible.
As I looked in the mirror, I was happy to see that there wasn’t much make-up left on my face. The remaining traces were nothing the wipes I kept in my purse couldn’t get rid of.
When I had finished rinsing my face, I put on the plain white T-shirt that I found on a shelf beside the bath. The size of it made it work like a dress, and since I no longer had any underwear, I was grateful for that. Grabbing my towel, I wrapped my hair and decided to face reality.
I walked out of William’s bedroom and was hit by the smell of bacon. London buzzed in the background through a window he had opened in his living room. As I ambled toward the kitchen, I looked at the front door and noticed that my knickers were gone. He had probably thrown them in the bin.
Heading past the staircase, my eyes landed on his square dining table. My vagina tingled at the memory it evoked, even despite how sore it was. It would need at least a week to recuperate. He’d had his way with me three times before he had let me sleep.
Passing a big, black-leathered sofa group, I turned a corner and came upon the door to his kitchen. It was open, and the scent of bacon was concentrated there. I sucked in a deep breath for courage and walked in. William sat at the island table, reading on his iPad.
‘It smells amazing,’ I said as he looked up. When I saw a pan of scrambled eggs, saliva amassed in my mouth. While I was certain they would be no match for Jason’s recipe, I could hardly wait to fill my mouth.
‘Oh my God, you’ve pulled out all the stops, haven’t you?’ I said as I hesitated to hop onto the stool beside him. Seeming to notice, he smiled and patted the top of it as an invitation.
‘Please,’ he said when I had sat down. ‘Help yourself.’
Hungry, I scanned my options and was about to grab a scone when I noticed the Starbucks cup standing next to my plate. My eyes zoomed in on the black ink on the side. Electra , it read, making me laugh. I pointed at it and faced William.
‘Is that for me?’
Smirking, he reached for his own cup and turned it so I could see the name. Oedipus , it read, and it made me laugh again.
‘You’re certainly something else,’ I said .
‘Glad you’ve noticed.’
I got the feeling there was another dimension to his response. However, since I didn’t want to ruin the mood by introducing the conversation that would ultimately lead to rejection, I pretended not to have registered it and grabbed a scone.
‘I wasn’t sure how you take your coffee, so I opted for a regular black. If you’d like any milk or cream, it’s in the fridge,’ he said while I helped myself to some scrambled eggs.
‘Like I’d have the nerve to complain,’ I said amusedly.
‘What’s your regular order, though?’
‘At Starbucks?’
‘Yeah. Or just in general.’
‘Flat white. But I often opt for black as well. Depends on my mood.’
‘I see.’
‘And you?’ I had no use for this information, but I thought it polite to ask anyway.
‘Black, nothing added. Always.’
‘So you’re not a tea person, then.’
‘No, I like tea now and then. Usually black, though. But I prefer coffee.’
‘Same.’
I raised a forkful of scrambled eggs to my mouth. The moment the flavour exploded on my tongue, my eyes widened with disbelief. It tasted precisely like Jason’s, if not even better.
Observing my reaction, William asked, ‘Everything all right?’
I paused chewing and frowned at him. Stowing the eggs in my cheek, I covered my mouth and said, ‘This is delicious. What’s your secret? I’ve never tasted better scrambled eggs in my life.’
A grin formed on his face before he fixed his gaze on his iPad again. ‘I’m glad. It’s my mother’s recipe. If you agree to see me again, perhaps I’ll share it with you.’
My heart sank. It was clear that he was waiting for me to announce my decision, and he wasn’t going to like it. But there was simply too much at stake. I had no guarantee we would turn out to be compatible, and I wasn’t willing to explore the possibility when I already had countless obligations to mind that were crucial for my future.
I put my fork aside and folded my hands on my lap. ‘Will, I’ve already told you, I don’t have the capacity for anything other than a one-night stand, especially now with my exams round the corner.’
His jaw clenched and he locked his iPad. Shoving it away, he faced the windows and stared out at the rooftops of London. ‘And as I’ve said, I’m willing to compromise. Focus on your exams. Once you’re done, let me know.’
Unsure of what to say, I kept looking at him. Eventually his impatience got the better of him and he faced me again.
‘Why won’t you just give me a chance?’ he asked. ‘That’s all I’m asking – a single chance to prove myself worthy of your attention.’
‘I’ve already explained why.’ Groaning, I put my elbows on the island and buried my face in my hands. ‘Is it really so hard for you to understand that I’m just not interested in anything more than this?’
‘Yes.’
I sighed.
‘And it is,’ he went on, ‘because this sort of chemistry isn’t commonplace, and you’ve admitted that you feel the same way. Otherwise you wouldn’t have called me “boyfriend material”, would you?’
I looked briefly away, regretting that I had been so candid with him last night. I should have kept my mouth shut to make this easier for us both.
A certain lie I had told him marched into my mind then, and I intended to make use of it. Perhaps reminding him would moderate his zeal.
‘Will, I live in Edinburgh. There’s no chance we’d work out.’
He frowned. ‘Don’t be so pessimistic. Edinburgh is just a flight away,’ he argued, shocking me.
I gawked at him. ‘Are you implying that you’d be willing to fly to Edinburgh only to see me again?’
‘Yes. One hundred per cent.’
Stunned, I could only stare at him.
‘I realise how crazy that sounds,’ he said and waved a hand in the air. ‘But what I’m trying to say is that I’d like to keep in touch.’
‘You mean like long-distance dating?’
He shrugged. ‘Why not?’
My heart was hammering like never before. I would never have thought him to be such a romantic. Indeed, what an unbelievably grand, romantic gesture. And the worst part was that he didn’t even know my real name.
Full of guilt, I found myself on the verge of giving him my real identity, but I bit my tongue before I could. He was obviously very interested in me, so giving him that information could make things complicated. He would be able to contact me then, and I didn’t want that. This way, I could ensure a clean break. And, if I changed my mind, I could always seek him out, because I knew where he lived.
He peered at me. When I didn’t say anything, he sighed and gazed out the windows again. ‘I see it as a win-win situation. You said you’re reluctant about dating because you don’t have time for it. Well, I obviously won’t be able to demand much of your time while you’re in Edinburgh. And, like you, I don’t have much time to spare either. I’m an ambitious man, so I spend most hours of the day at work anyway. It would be mutually beneficial. Don’t you see? Our needs are compatible. What’s it going to cost you to keep in touch while you’re in Scotland? I just don’t understand how that’s asking too much.’
After a while, he added, ‘Had you said it’s because you don’t fancy me that way, I’d of course respect it. But that’s not the case, is it?’
Conflicted, I swallowed a lump in my throat. The solution was simple – all I had to do was say that I didn’t fancy him that way – yet I couldn’t bring myself to utter the lie.
‘No,’ I said. ‘It’s not.’
He groaned loudly, tossed his head back, and stared at the ceiling in despair.
I studied him for some time. I had totally misjudged him last night. He wasn’t an arsehole in the slightest. In his own way, he was instead a rare breed of a gentleman. Considering how rarely he indulged in one-night stands, he didn’t seem like a man who chased skirts merely for the thrill of it. On the contrary, he seemed rather fastidious about whom he blessed with his time and attention.
And here I was, wasting it.
‘I’m sorry, Will. You deserve better.’
He sighed and reached for his iPad. ‘Well, I agree. I deserve at least a chance.’
I nodded. ‘I really am sorry.’
He fell silent.
I stared at my plate. I had lost my appetite. ‘I should go.’
He stiffened. ‘At least finish your breakfast.’
I shook my head. ‘I’ve lost my appetite. I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t apologise.’ His tone was saturated with remorse. ‘I’m sorry I pressured you.’
I slid off my stool. ‘I don’t mean to be ungrateful, but I really think I should go.’
He gave me a vague nod and grabbed his phone from the table. ‘I’ll call for a taxi.’
‘Thanks.’
I went into his bedroom and collected my things. When I was about to take off his T-shirt, he came in and insisted that I should keep it. To go along with it, he gave me a pair of white Calvin Klein boxers since I had no knickers to wear. I chuckled as I pulled them on, but they served the purpose. In fact they were quite comfortable – like wearing hotpants.
I had just finished combing my hair when he arrived in the doorway of his bathroom and announced that the taxi had arrived.
‘I’ll walk you down,’ he said.
In the lift, the journey from his penthouse to the ground floor felt to last an age but, oddly enough, it still seemed too brief. We stole glances at one another the whole time, both appearing restless in our demeanour, but neither of us said a word.
Out on the street, we approached the black cab that was parked along the kerb. Taking advantage of his long legs, William strode to reach it first and opened the door for me.
‘Thank you,’ I said and halted in front of the open door to face him. ‘I had a wonderful time.’
The smile he offered took my breath away. It would have turned most women into blind fools. Wearing that, he could do whatever he wanted and get whatever he desired, apart from me.
Hesitation radiated from his behaviour when he lowered his head somewhat. Realising what he wanted, I smiled and stretched up to meet him. His warm mouth moulded against my own, but it felt different this time. There was a vulnerability behind the motion of his lips, as if he was holding back to protect himself from harm, when what he truly wanted was to consume me. While part of me wished the moment would last for ever, a larger part told me to pull away.
‘You know where I live,’ he said and cupped my face in his hands. ‘So if you change your mind, you’ll know where to find me.’ He stole another kiss, and when his lips parted from mine, I was mesmerised by the urgency in his eyes. ‘Do change your mind,’ he implored.
I gave him a faint smile and turned away. With a sigh that came straight from my heart, I headed into the car. William shut the door for me and tapped on the window on the front passenger side. Curious, I leaned over to see what he wanted. The driver rolled down the window and, through it, William extended a few notes to cover the fee for my trip .
‘Drive safely,’ he stressed.
‘Of course, sir,’ she replied.
‘Thanks. Have a good day.’
‘You too.’ With that, the driver rolled up the window and pulled out on the street.
‘Where to, Miss?’ she asked.
As I gave her my address, it was tempting to glance through the rear windshield, but I didn’t. A grimace covered my face while I wished William all the best. Right man, wrong time, was what it was. So, in the end, he wasn’t really the right man at all. Had he been, he would have arrived later, when I would be ready to commit to someone.