Chapter 19 #2
There was no way I could face him before I figured out how to do exactly that. Should I play it off like one-night stands were normal for me? Like I was an old pro at moving on from a man who rocked my world and my bed?
Yeah, like that had ever happened before.
That very reason made it all the harder to figure out how to handle him.
It wasn’t only that we agreed to one night and that we may work together that made this whole damn thing awkward.
It was that nothing like last night had ever happened to me before, and I didn’t know what to do with that knowledge.
“Lost in Clay Montgomery dreamland?”
Turning at Ever’s voice, I glared her way.
“Man, the death stare doesn’t really match the glow you’re sporting.” She leaned in close and whispered, “It’s from the sex, right? The glow, not the stare.”
“Shut up. I am not glowing.”
Ever looked at me like I was talking nonsense.
“Like a fucking Vegas casino. God, I want that.” Her shoulders slumped, but she didn’t carry on, which for her was impressive.
“I think it’s great for you, though. I know, I know.
You’re going to say it’s terrible.” She slipped her arm through mine and turned us toward Falls Lane, the main street in town.
“And I’m going to tell you it’s not, because you were never going to stay away in the long run.
Neither of you were. I saw you two together, and I could tell.
Hell, Lainie saw you for all of a minute, and she could even tell.
And that woman is so messed up right now, I’m surprised she notices anything. ”
I could have stopped her and asked about Lainie, but to be honest, I don’t think any of us knew what was going on with her and Owen, so I let it slide. We’d find out when it was the right time.
When we got to the corner, she turned me toward Millie’s Diner, the place where we’d spent way too much time as teenagers, talking about boys and school and our parents.
Looks like some things didn’t change.
“It was a mistake.”
“No, it wasn’t. It may not have been the most pragmatic decision you’ve ever made, but I can’t believe it was a mistake.
The heat you two were throwing off the other day made me afraid the winery was going to burn down.
” She bit her lip and tilted her head, her classic thinking pose.
“Though, come to think of it, I guess that’s one way to start renovations and work on expanding. ”
“We’re not discussing arson, Ever. I don’t think we can come back from that.”
“Is it really arson if crazy, passionate sex makes the place go up in flames?”
“Everleigh Henley,” Mrs. Wright, our freshman math teacher, chided as she passed us, “What would your mother say?”
This was the danger of living in a small town. Everyone knew everyone and had their noses in everyone’s business.
My cousin gave a careless shrug. “Probably that it’s a day that ends in Y and Ever is going to Ever.”
She was unapologetic in her craziness. I usually saved most of mine for family, and apparently a New York City billionaire who rubbed me the wrong and all the right ways. Ever spread hers around.
“Later, Mrs. Wright,” she called as she dragged me down the block. “That woman never liked me. Didn’t like me in high school. Doesn’t like me now. So, where were we? Right, Clay and you and sexy times. Did it feel like a mistake last night?”
It felt incredible, like the most amazing night of my life. It felt right.
And therein lies the problem. Sex with Clay, connecting like that with him, should have no business feeling “right.”
Because it wasn’t.
It’s not wrong.
Not wrong and right were not the same thing. I was okay with it not being wrong in the sense that giving in, like Ever said, was inevitable. It may have been stupid business-wise, but it wasn’t wrong in the sense of actually doing it.
It still couldn’t be right though, at least not “right” right.
“You’re talking to yourself in circles in your head, aren’t you?” She stared at me, her dark hair swinging as she shook her head, not waiting for me to answer. “Well, stop it.”
“Easier said than done. I took your advice, and now look at me.”
“I’m looking and I’m seeing a woman who thoroughly enjoyed herself last night, even if she’s doing her damnedest to look at the worst side of things. Don’t do that.”
I stopped short, upset that she was so nonchalant about everything and wanting to have my say. “Stop telling me what to feel. Stop saying that it’s all going to be okay, because you don’t know that.”
Lowering my voice, so all and sundry of the Falls didn’t hear, I hissed, “I slept with the man who may want to help us expand. The one who could make or break these plans we have. What does that make me? A terrible businesswoman is probably only the start, but not only did I sleep with him,” I sucked in a breath, my heart beating way too hard in my chest, “I loved every second. I want to do it again, even though we both agreed on only one night. I want to feel everything I felt last night, over and over again. It’s stupid.
” I threw my hands up in the air. “It’s beyond stupid. ”
A smile tugged at Ever’s mouth, not one that teased or was sassy. Instead, it suggested understanding, something I didn’t really want to deal with.
“Feelings aren’t stupid, even though they feel that way sometimes.
What you do with those feelings can be. If you bury them, if you don’t acknowledge them, if you pretend they don’t exist—that can be stupid.
It can cause your heart to break.” She shook her head, a clear signal we were focusing on me only at the moment.
I pulled open the door to Millie’s while looking back at Ever. “I never said anything about feelings.”
“You didn’t have to.”
She glanced past me, and her sassy smile re-appeared. I didn’t need it to know who was in the diner. My body told me that all on its own.
Unfortunately, so did my heart.