Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
JACKSON
Tucker’s cabin was a one-story structure on the outer bands of land about two miles from the main farmhouse.
It was nestled nicely near a small grove of trees and secluded enough from the rest of the property to afford the privacy I was sure Tucker and Raleigh had wanted as a couple, but close enough to be available when needed.
It was large compared to what I’d seen from other operations for their foreman, but then again, Tucker had been starting a whole new life inside this house.
My fingers drummed on my steering wheel as I stared up at the front porch through my windshield, trying to find the source of the discomfort swirling through my belly.
At first, I’d been thrilled to have been invited.
After all, this was Tucker’s domain. It was his sanctuary, and the opportunity to be shown into it and learn more about this brooding man was the lifeline I’d been waiting for.
But now that I sat here, I couldn’t shake the low-level prickling just under my skin—like something was slowly creeping along the fibers of my muscles, making me all too aware of myself.
Would I be walking into a clean slate where little pieces of Tucker were strewn about? Or like so much else in his life, would it be a memorial to the man he’d lost?
And was this going to be the talk to end it all between us?
I let out a long breath through my nose, trying to find some sort of balance in the tossing sea of my emotions.
Most of my life I’d had to go with the flow of where life was taking me, all while doggy paddling in the general direction of where I wanted to be.
Juniper Grove was supposed to be my anchor.
Sure, the contract was only for six months, but I could feel it in my bones that this was where I was meant to be.
But Tucker was so damn determined to be the breeze that set me off course again.
No one else in my life had ever consumed so much of my thoughts and energy the way my boss did.
And my future rested in his hands. I knew I was playing with fire by trying to court him, but that was the thing. The whole crux of my issue.
Juniper Grove felt right because of Tucker.
Everything he’d built. Everything he’d cultivated and shared.
The future I could see myself living here was all because of Tucker, so trying to take him out of the equation felt impossible.
There were too many reminders of him littered all about this property now.
The barn where Goldie had been born. A fence post where he’d lost himself for the first time.
The grove of trees where the fire had lit up his image so perfectly, I’d never be able to see him any other way.
A chair at the dinner table full of so many memories they had to be woven into the very grain of the wood.
As I thought through all the places and things that held just a small part of the grumpy man, I realized this must have been the way he felt with Raleigh.
Everything around him held memories and moments with a man he loved but could no longer see, and my heart ached.
Tucker really was the strongest person I knew, because I don’t think I would have been able to continue living on the same land full of little pitfalls the way he had.
But that was where his walls had come up from, hadn’t it?
He’d had to build an impenetrable fortress around himself just to brave the day.
And I got it.
But I was a selfish man because I knew I was about to walk into that house and once again ask him to take down the barbed wire and lay down his weapons for me. To walk this land full of steel-jawed traps barefoot, with only the reassurance that I’d steer him clear at the last minute.
I groaned softly, running my hands up into my hair to tug at the strands softly.
The thing was, I knew I could talk myself in circles about all this, but the only person whose input really mattered wasn’t with me.
He was in that house. I lifted my eyes to the front porch and was met with amber hues staring back at me.
Tucker stood just inside his open doorway.
His arms were crossed over his wide chest as he watched me intently with his trademark scowl in place.
He looked so fucking good, but I cursed under my breath as I wondered how long he’d been standing there.
Grabbing my hat from the passenger seat, I tucked my hair back in it and hopped out from my truck.
Something thick floated in the air around us that was completely separate from the humid moisture which indicated another impending storm on the horizon.
“Having second thoughts?” he asked in lieu of a greeting as I came up the front porch steps.
“Nah, just…” I cleared my throat a little as I searched for the words to adequately describe what I’d been thinking. “Tempering my expectations.”
He looked at me and I wasn’t sure what he was seeing, but after a moment he tilted his head back behind him and opened the door wider for me to enter. “Do you want a beer?”
“Sure,” I agreed, stepping inside and glancing around as Tucker walked off, presumably to the kitchen to get my drink.
The front door opened directly into a large entryway that bled seamlessly into a living room just ahead.
Walking further into the cabin, the space continued to a kitchen just off the left of the living room.
All the furniture was mixed and matched together to create a lived-in and homey feeling, the pieces looking passed down and well loved.
It was exactly the kind of thing I’d expect from Tucker.
Nothing designer or sleek clean lines. It was all functional and broken in, probably just the way he liked them.
I was meandering my way toward where a couch and a few comfy chairs were set up when a photo on a far wall caught my attention.
At first, it was Tucker who I couldn’t take my eyes off.
His grin was so damn proud and happy as he looked directly into the camera.
He was so fucking handsome with his hair slicked back and all clean-shaven aside from a dusting of hair making up his five o’clock shadow.
It took me a moment to realize this photo was from his wedding day because I couldn’t get past how expressive Tucker looked.
But once I spotted the form fitting tux he wore, it was like my eyes had a mind of their own as they slid to the person standing beside him.
My breath stuttered in my chest.
Raleigh had been gorgeous. Chestnut-colored curls covered his head, and he was beaming as he looked back at me with the brightest blue eyes I’d ever seen.
For a moment, my whole world fell away while I continued to stare at the man whose loss had left permanent scars on the home he’d left behind.
Up until now, he’d been a faceless entity.
A concept, but nothing real. Now he was just as much flesh and blood in my mind as anyone else on this farm, and something about that rattled me to my core.
“Beer.” Tucker’s gruff voice snapped me from the spiral in my head, and I quickly shifted my attention to him.
“Thanks.” My voice sounded shaky to my own ears, and it took everything in me to keep my hand steady as I accepted the cold bottle.
Those whiskey-colored eyes glanced toward where I’d been looking, and I watched as the reinforced steel around Tucker’s heart went right back up again.
“I forgot that was in here,” he grunted, turning to head back in the direction he’d just come from.
“Forgot?” I asked as I trailed after him.
“I use the back door mostly and it’s not like I have company over, so I don’t really go through the living room much,” he explained, leading me over to a large kitchen table and pulling out one of the chairs to drop into.
“It’s a great picture,” I said as I slid into the spot across from him. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile like that before.”
Tucker was silent for a moment, one thumb rubbing over the condensation of his bottle as he looked in that direction, and I wondered if I’d fucked up by bringing up how happy he’d been.
“Believe it or not, I’ve never been a big smiler. Grumpy has been my default since I was young, according to my momma. But Raleigh somehow brought it out in me.” A short pause passed before he muttered low, almost to himself, “And I can barely muster it since he’s been gone.”
Something behind my ribs broke at that. Tucker was so deep in his grief, and all I wanted was to pull him out.
I wanted to be the one who put those smiles back on his face and showed him there was so much life beyond his loss, but after everything, would he let me?
I could throw him a lifeline as he was sinking in the endless waters of Raleigh’s passing, but I couldn’t force him to take it.
He had to be the one to tie himself in for his rescue.
After a moment, Tucker looked back at me, the weariness of the weight he carried so clear at the corners of his eyes tonight. “I need to apologize to you,” he started, and I lowered my eyes to my beer bottle.
“Is that how it’s always going to go between us?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are we always going to do this dance of one step forward, three steps back and you apologizing about it?” I picked at the label of my beer bottle, pulling back at the soft paper as I waited for a response, but when none came, I lifted my eyes to his.
They stared back at me, and for the first time, I saw the war he was waging inside them. Every slice and kick and punch thrown were so clear in his amber depths that I almost felt guilty for being the one to reignite another battle in him.
“That’s not fair,” he murmured low with no real anger or malice behind the words.