Chapter 28 #2
The rest of the day seemed to drag on just as slowly as I feared it would, and by the time I was making my way to the farmhouse for dinner, it felt like ants were crawling under my skin.
What was going on with Jackson? Despite my best efforts, my mind had been dragged back to that question over and over again throughout the day, and the answers it supplied hadn’t been reassuring at all.
Jackson was young. He’d lived most of his life without one place to call his own, and maybe he thought settling down was what he wanted, but what if he was wrong? Did he not want to stay at Juniper Grove anymore? Or was it something with me?
It was driving me up the wall, having all these questions with no answers from the only person whose responses mattered, and I was damn close to pulling Jackson aside before dinner just to hash things out.
But I knew better. I was a grown man who could wait until we’d all shared a meal before injecting my personal matters into things. Even if I’d placed my hand on his thigh more than once throughout the night, just to have some comfort that he’d still let me.
When dinner was concluded, I managed to snag Jackson before he swept off into the kitchen to help clean up.
“Come by my place after?” I asked, hoping the small layer of pleading I heard in my own voice wasn’t that noticeable. It was probably my imagination that he paused for a few seconds before he gave me a small smile and nod.
The whole time I waited for Jackson to show up, nervous energy rumbled low inside me, and I couldn’t find a comfortable place to wait.
There was no way I could have this conversation in the living room, even if the couch wasn’t so damn hard.
Not with an actual visual reminder hanging on the wall of the man I used to be and the person that man loved more than life itself.
Sitting at the kitchen table was where I’d started, but I went from drumming my fingers on the wooden surface to rubbing my hand along it as I remembered just how thoroughly Jackson had taken me apart against it.
I had to stand up, adjusting the erection that had grown from the images flashing in my head.
This wasn’t a conversation I could have hard as fucking rock, which was how I found myself pacing back and forth, praying my dick would calm down, when Jackson showed up at the back door.
His eyes were full of a warmth that eased just a little of the uncertainty in me as he leaned in to kiss me. My hands found his face instantly, falling into the relief of being able to press my lips to his as our tongues slid against each other.
He tasted like mint toothpaste, and the hard press of his body against mine was everything I needed to soothe over the gnawing sensation I’d been nursing all day.
Jackson’s hands found my hips, pulling me tight against him like there was an ache inside him too that was made worse by the inch of space between us.
All too quickly, though, he was pulling away.
“Is this our new routine? Late night rendezvous after everyone else is tucked into bed?” He chuckled, pushing me further inside so he could shut the door.
For a moment, I considered losing myself in him one more time, to fall into an easy place where the worries and nagging feelings couldn’t touch either of us.
But all it took was one thought of that hollowed out smile and those green-brown eyes filled with anything less than their blinding light, and I knew I couldn’t do it.
“Granger came to see me today, and as we were talking, he mentioned you’d been acting a little off. And I’d noticed it too,” I started, deciding it was better to jump right in rather than beat around the bush. “And when I really started thinking about it… I just wanted to make sure we were okay.”
“Of course we’re okay,” he responded easily, but I saw the way the warmth behind his eyes flickered.
“What’s going on, Jackson?” I whispered, not letting him brush me off when I could see the signs. “Talk to me.”
There was a split second where the look on Jackson’s face nearly made me crumple to my knees. It was pain. That same pain I’d seen the other night when I’d walked him out. But then he glanced away, smoothing out his features as he cleared his throat.
“There isn’t really anything to talk about. I—” He paused, sucking in a short breath as if to fortify himself. “I’m being unreasonable, and I know that. It’s just taking me a little bit to get over myself.”
“Get over what, though? You don’t need to be dealing with whatever this is alone,” I urged.
Jackson opened his mouth as if he were going to say something before shutting it once again. When he finally looked back at me, the hurt from before was written clearly on his face. “This isn’t just sex for you, is it? You… You want something with me, right?”
Pressure built behind my ribcage at his words, and I let out a broken sound. “What? Of course this isn’t just about sex for me. Where is this coming from?”