Chapter 30
CHAPTER
THIRTY
The night had descended into debauchery and chaos.
I’d anticipated the first from parties on the Daskquah, but the second had surprised me.
At some point the line between guest and pleasure yeska blurred until everywhere I looked was a tangled mess of bodies.
A female guest had climbed onto one of the many food tables and others licked dollops of sauces and food from her skin.
Lucien had at one point decided to spit mouthfuls of wine and liquor onto waiting guests who knelt before him.
No master indeed.
By the time the true chaos ensued, Asher and I slipped out through a side door I’d found earlier in the night, my hand firmly in his and an urgency in his pace that had my heart racing. My feet ached and the back of my neck throbbed from the weight of my hair and the crystal pin.
“Ash—”
He shushed me, an arm around my waist, ushering me through the garden and back into the residences.
We passed a servant laden with towels and fresh sheets who eyed us curiously.
The hand on my hip squeezed tight, and he pulled me closer, head dipping until the warm metal of his mask skimmed the skin of my shoulder.
His sigh was more of a groan, though I didn’t feel his breath, just the rumbling vibration.
The servant’s curious expression turned into a knowing one and they skittered on their way, but we were already past them, careening into our rooms. A click sounded as Asher pulled the doors tightly shut behind us and he whirled, running a hand through his hair.
“What is it?” Gingerly I sat on the edge of the bed, rocking my ankles from side to side to relieve the burning in my feet. Asher’s gaze dropped to them for a long moment, my question hanging between us.
“You should take a bath.”
My eyes narrowed on him. I wasn’t quite sure what he meant, but he crossed the room and knelt in front of me.
A knot tightened in my belly at the sight, goosebumps erupting over my skin when his fingertip lightly brushed my calf.
He paused, looking up. Asher was tall enough that even on his knees we were more or less eye level.
“May I?” His words were so soft they were more of a hum.
A muscle in my jaw jumped and I took a slow breath. “Why are you doing this?”
A furrow formed between his brows. “Doing what?”
I waved a hand down to my leg, his bare hand on my skin. A shiver ran up to the back of my knee as his thumb gave one stroke against my calf, down to my ankle. I looked around the room, wondering where the microphones were.
“The mics are off, Juniper.”
They must have gotten switched off while we were at the party—maybe one of the twins had gotten it done. Aware of the cameras, however, I tried to relax my face, tilting my head to the side to gaze at him.
“All they hear is the occasional word, but the tape is on a five-minute delay—long enough for Rys to catch anything we don’t want them to see.
He got a loop in a few hours ago. With the solar flares this time of year, some technical interference is common.
He placed a similar bug in all the other guest rooms as well. ”
Though I’d known this was in no way their first job, their thoroughness impressed me all the same. Each moment was crafted for his specific use to get what he wanted. So how did this play into it? “Why are you being so nice to me?”
Asher’s head dropped and a vein pulsed in his temple before another rumbling sigh distorted through his mask.
The hand on my calf slid lower, cupping the back of my shoe and dragging it off slowly.
I couldn’t help but groan as blood rushed back to my feet.
He gave the other the same treatment before squeezing my arch, digging his thumbs into my heel.
“Take a bath. I’m going to see what I can find out from Aristedes about tomorrow. ”
Asher rose to his feet and turned to the door. It was hard not to let the frustration itch beneath my skin. My fingers dug into the bed and I watched his wide shoulders flex as he pulled off his cloak, throwing it over one of the couches before he slipped out the door.
He still hadn’t answered me.
…
I took my time in the shower, cleaning each part of me as if tonight clung to my pores.
The cleaning units on the ship, and even on the Daskquah, were more advanced models that didn’t need water, and there was something luxurious about the rush of it over my skin.
It reminded me of the rainy season when sheets of water would fall through our home tree.
The lingerie Lunastra had sent was, blessedly, less revealing than I’d feared, though the top was thin-strapped and the hem barely brushed the waistband of the bottoms. I had to remind myself the entire estate had seen my bare legs tonight—including Asher—and so it would be nothing for them to be exposed in the lacy shorts.
I scampered into the bed all the same. He wasn’t back yet and I took my time settling beneath the sheets, trying to understand why everything was so soft.
A few minutes later the door clicked and Asher slipped in, padding toward the cleansing chamber.
I didn’t say anything as he closed the door behind him, but the sound of the shower reached me a few moments later.
I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew the bed dipped beside me, moonlight spilling across the sheets and just barely illuminating a set of wide shoulders.
My stomach jolted in surprise and I reached out to grab for something to defend myself with.
“Shit, sorry. It’s just me,” Asher rumbled. I froze, remembering where we were and what we had to pretend. “You didn’t take a bath.”
The bed was large enough that even if I stretched out my arm I couldn’t reach him, but it still felt too intimate. I knew his eyes were on me even in the dark, but I didn’t look his way. My skin felt too tight and too loose all at once—an itching flaring in my bones I couldn’t seem to reach.
“I don’t know what that is.” My tone was too harsh but I couldn’t find it in me to care, not when I was so unsettled.
I didn’t even know if I would be able to sleep knowing he was here. Even the fact I had dozed off while he was in the cleansing chamber sent me reeling. The bed was disconcertingly soft. Were beds supposed to be this soft?
“Of course you don’t,” he breathed.
“What does that mean?”
The bed shifted and I wondered if he was turning onto his side to look at me. “It means I was inconsiderate to assume you would. It’s…it’s a tub of water big enough to lie down and wash yourself in.”
Oh. That must have been what the large crystal basin—big enough I could have sat inside it—was for.
I bit my cheek to fight the shame crawling up my face.
I’d spent most of my life on Ebyd III lucky to have access to a cleansing chamber once a week.
Even on the Daskquah we’d lived one hundred times better than I’d ever had on Ebyd, but we didn’t have luxuries like that.
I’d only heard of showers from the others talking about their excursions off ship with clients.
On my home…well, I couldn’t quite remember how we’d cleaned ourselves on my planet.
“Sounds stupid,” I muttered. It didn’t—it sounded like luxury beyond my wildest dreams.
He huffed a laugh and the sound made me turn my head. Through the glow of moonlight, I could just make out his face.
“You wear your mask to sleep?”
Asher lowered himself onto one pillow, adjusting the sheets around his bare torso—I refused to look—and then folded an arm behind his head. When he didn’t answer, I rolled my eyes and turned away, fighting with the fluffy sheets before finally pushing them down to my waist.
It was quiet for a long time, the darkness of the night curling around us like another being in the room.
I kept listening for Asher’s breathing to even out or some sign he had fallen asleep.
In the interim, I thought of everything we had and had not learned tonight.
There were at least two other parties attempting to infiltrate Phyenix’s estate.
One had been apprehended but that left another still at large.
But even as I flipped through each guest I’d seen, I couldn’t pick one candidate who was more likely to be a thief than another.
Not with the jealousy and greed that threaded through the night like a poison.
“You have not deserved my cruelty.”
The words were soft, soft enough I wondered for a moment if I’d imagined them. But Asher’s exhale was unmistakable and the bed shifted in a way that made me think he’d rolled to face me again.
“Someday I’ll explain everything,” he promised in barely a whisper. “Someday you will understand and I…I can atone for every wrong, every hurt, every slice of pain I have brought you in your life.”
I blinked at the arched window, unable to understand the mess of waves and reflection on the water.
His words made no sense and no matter how I tried to examine them, I could not find meaning.
Unless his betrayal went deeper than the cruelty he referred to—his bitter words and recriminations, his distrust when I’d joined the ship, even his coldness when we’d prepared to leave. “Did you kill my family?”
Asher’s sharp breath made me wonder if he’d thought I was asleep. I turned over, tugging the strange fluffy pillow tighter around me, and searched the top half of his face. A shaft of moonlight cast his expression in a purplish silver and there was so much grief there it made my throat ache.
“No, Juniper. I didn’t kill your family.”
My knuckles turned white on the pillow. “How do you know?”
That furrow formed again between his brows and his hand lifted, reaching through the space between us before falling onto the mattress, only to be swallowed by the ridiculous sheets. “Because I didn’t kill anyone on Selhveina who wasn’t already on the ground. I never went into the canopy.”
I could only stare at him, attempting to catalog the expression on his face and parse out if he was lying. He didn’t appear to be, not from the stricken look in his eyes and the hand that tensed as if he was stopping himself from moving closer.
“Do you know who did?” My eyes closed at the break in my voice, at the cycles’ worth of grief clawing through my shredded chest.
His fingertips brushed my arm, sliding over the raised brand, and it looked like my grief was reflected on his face. “I have an idea of who it might have been, yes.”
Heat burned in the corners of my eyes and my throat clicked with a swallow. It took me two tries to speak, to ask the question that would damn me. “Where are they?” Where can I find them? Where can I get my revenge?
“They’re dead.”
My mouth opened and closed, the word how slipping from my lips. I couldn’t seem to bring myself to ask the full question. But he answered before I could even try.
I told myself I hated him for it as he assuaged my fears and fed my grief all at once. I told myself I would shove the quara blade in my case deep into his chest the moment we had the stone. I told myself I would revel in the light leaving his eyes.
But it was a lie. I knew it was a lie as his soft voice rumbled in the dark and a small bit of the ache smoothed away in my soul.
“Because I killed them all.”