Chapter 36
CHAPTER
THIRTY-SIX
Kal waited at the ramp of the industrial cruiser, a bundle of black fabric in his arms. Greabes stood beside him, holding a pair of boots that looked too small for either of the males.
“Figured you might not want to journey back in that getup.” Greabes gestured vaguely to my gown and aching feet.
My throat burned but I swallowed it back and nodded. The ghost of Asher’s body was still burned into mine, pulsing with each breath I took. A hollow pang rattled through my chest at the memory of him watching me go. I wished he’d argued or pushed me to stay.
Kal searched my face, but I knew he would find nothing.
Even still, his eyes narrowed, scarred lips pressing into a thin line.
There shouldn’t have been relief in seeing Kal, not after so many cycles away from him.
It shouldn’t have felt like a piece of my past was restored; my long-lost brother returned.
It was a dangerous thought and an even more treacherous feeling.
And yet after cycles and cycles of hiding deep within myself, Kal had somehow wormed his way in—or perhaps he’d merely followed the path back.
“Window’s closing,” Hudzon rumbled from the top of the ramp.
They waited for me to ascend first, Kal’s hand hovering around my elbow as he disapprovingly watched each step of my ridiculous heels. “Here, take these. There’s a storage closet there you can change in.”
I opened the automatic door he gestured to, pressing the bundle of clothes to my chest as I stepped through, strip lights flickering on with the motion sensor.
The clothes in my arms were mine: the dark leggings, tunic, and the cowl I’d worn when we’d gone to Keva Um’plem.
As I slipped off the gemstone-studded shawl and gown, I didn’t know if I would ever want to wear such things again.
Maybe I’d give them to Zoleka. I folded the gown and shawl neatly, piling the shoes on top of the stones, and padded out to the cockpit.
Kal took the clothes from me, sliding them into a bag hooked to one wall. He didn’t say anything, only gestured to the chair with the boots—my boots—set on top. I sat, lacing them up before working on the buckles of the seat.
“Here.” Rhiaon’s hand came into view, holding a phial of thick greenish liquid. “Antidote.”
I took the phial with trembling fingertips and whispered a soft “thank you” before shooting it back.
It was thick, sickly sweet with a burning acidic aftertaste that made me cough.
They offered me a cup of water next and I choked it down before they wandered back to the med cabinet beside the copilot seat.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Kal murmured.
“Does she look like she wants to talk about it, Crux? Leave her alone,” Greabes snapped. “Engage thrusters.”
“Thrusters engaging,” Hudzon confirmed.
While the engines revved and they went through their final flight checks, Kal watched me.
I stared resolutely at the blinking lights on the dash, counting each green light, feeling the brush of my thumb against my fingertips.
The antidote slithered through my system, eating the last of the buzzing heat away.
The ghost of Asher disappeared with it, but it couldn’t wipe the memory from my mind.
The feel of his breath across my face, his sighs undistorted and ghosting across my cheeks, his deep rumbling voice.
I know what you need, sweetheart.
What we had done was a betrayal, not just of the memory of my people, regardless of the fact he had saved some lives, but also of Lunastra.
I was here on a mission to subvert his plans and ensure they failed.
The question was there on the tip of my tongue—surely Hudzon or Greabes would know the truth of what Asher would do with the stone once found.
Unless Asher kept them as in the dark as the rest of us.
Another mask, another lie, another smooth vibration to pacify us.
What I hated most was I couldn’t completely blame the lagneia for my actions.
Especially when I remembered the look on his blood-splattered face and my core ached with the memory.
Perhaps the attraction had started in those small, faraway moments where he’d showed just a small bit of kindness and I’d eaten it up as a leaf soaked up the suns.
But they had meant nothing. They were merely empty words and empty moments.
We slipped through the hangar and I closed my eyes for fear of seeing the glittering sea, the shining crystal, and the reminder of what had taken place on this planet. I didn’t open them again until I felt the telltale shift into free space and blinked up at the darkness spread out before us.
By the time we reached the Kuxatana I’d counted twelve hundred and sixty-two breaths. Twenty-three green buttons on the dash, six red, and forty-eight yellow. There were six jumpseats in the cockpit with three straps to a chair.
And I felt nothing.
…
Asher landed aboard the Kuxatana a few hours later.
It was Kal who came to my rooms and told me Asher was calling for a meeting in the mess. I nodded mutely and followed him through each twist and turn in the familiar ship to where the rest of the crew waited. Zoleka’s smile was wide as we entered, but it fractured after a moment.
I took the seat beside her, Kal on my other, and stared at the shiny tabletop.
Others filed into the room, chairs dragging across the floor as they dropped into their seats with huffs.
But I knew Asher was there—would have known even if the sound of his respirator wasn’t ringing in my ears.
It was something about his scent, or maybe his presence, as if he stood beside me with his hand on my back instead of at the head of the table.
“As most of you have probably heard by now, the stone was smuggled off planet.” His voice was cold, the same tone he’d used when he interrogated me on the Daskquah.
“Do we know where it went?” Zoleka asked, tapping a nail on the table.
Someone shifted forward to put their forearms on the table and I was pretty sure it was Rhiaon. “I intercepted a few of the guards who loaded the stone onto the transport. According to them it was given to Senator Charlis and his wife for safekeeping.”
“I was able to confirm about an hour ago through a contact I have on his starship,” Rys cut across Greabes, who had started to speak.
“Senator Cambray Charlis brought the stone to one of the high-security holding rooms on the lower levels of his satellite ship that orbits Kiv Q’lum.
According to my contact it’s a temporary step. ”
Kal huffed beside me. “I’m surprised Listra was willing to part with it that long.”
“Well…according to my contact there was a long discussion between Charlis and his team about whether to return the stone at all. He discussed the option of staging a break-in and moving the stone to another location.”
Around the table, a few of them chuckled incredulously, but Asher didn’t join in. Heat bloomed across the side of my face and I dropped my gaze to my lap. After a long moment, the warmth faded and I allowed myself to look around the table, at anywhere but him.
“So how do we use that to our advantage?” Asher pressed.
Rys leaned onto the back two legs of his chair, scratching his chin. “I don’t know if we can. It’ll be an inside job and there’s no way he’ll hire an outside crew to stage something like that.”
Greabes cursed. “Better to do a smash and grab.”
There was a murmured agreement. Silence fell and lingered for so long I finally couldn’t help but look up.
Asher stared at the table, leaning on his hands, eyes flicking back and forth like there was something scrawled across the top.
His hair was free, falling around his shoulders and shrouding half his face, and I hated the way the sight of it made my chest ache.
I could remember the softness of it slipping through my fingers…
“I was hoping we wouldn’t have to resort to something like that.”
“Well…” Hudzon started, both sets of arms crossed over their chest, attention falling to me. “I suppose it’s a good thing we have Juniper. She’s the only one who will be able to slip in undetected through their environmental systems.”
If I hadn’t been so deep, I might have groaned at the thought of shoving myself into another ventilation shaft. Instead, I nodded and let my gaze fall to my lap again.
Asher ended the meeting soon after with a promise of discussing the plan once they had a better read on the schematics of Charlis’ satellite ship.
Until then, Rys would set a course for quadrant two where it was currently located.
It was late enough no one lingered to eat and I pushed to my feet with a sigh, the scrape of my chair swallowed by the sound of everyone leaving.
“Juniper.” Asher’s voice was softer than it had been during the meeting.
I circled the table farthest from him, following behind Kal, cringing that I was the last to leave. But when I made it to the door a gloved hand grabbed my elbow. “Juniper, please.”
My eyes closed and I took a deep breath. “Who are you today?”
“What?”
I didn’t turn. “Are you the ruthless mercenary leader of the Kuxatana? Or are you smooth-talking Captain Ruciyah? Are you the male who knelt at my feet or the one who ran away from me?”
His hand tightened on my arm. “You’re the one who ran from me.”
Blowing out a breath, I shook my head. “I have good survival instincts. It’s how I’ve kept myself alive this long.”
“Juniper, listen to me—”
“Which one are you?” I snapped, turning on my heel. I hated the helmet, hated the hurt in his eyes and how I couldn’t see if it was fake or real. I could hear his voice in my mind and was sure I would hear it in my dreams.
Mahsi, my mahsi. I didn’t even know what the word meant and yet it shivered deep inside of me like a chill I couldn’t shake.
Asher didn’t answer, as if he didn’t know the truth either. I made my way back to my quarters, ignoring whatever lie he would have had for me.