11. Rosalie
ELEVEN
ROSALIE
“ W e never get to do this,” Ethan murmured, kissing along my collarbone.
I turned in his arms and pressed my lips to his, the bathwater sending a soft wave against the edge of the massive tub with the movement. “Then we shouldn’t waste a moment of it.”
“I like the way you think.” He let out a soft laugh before he kissed me.
Within seconds, we created waves of lavender-scented bubbles as we explored one another’s bodies, with me situated between his legs.
After a minute of hot, tangling tongues and demanding touches, I slowed us down, wanting this to last as long as possible.
“You and Fox do this a lot,” he commented as I rested my head against his chest, my back to his front. He didn’t seem upset that I’d broken off the make-out session. He simply held me tighter instead. I bit into my sandwich before offering him a bite, which he took.
“I can see why,” he continued, still talking about the bath.
“Foxy likes bubble baths. Don’t tell Enzo and Cole. They’ll tease him over it.” I fed him more of the sandwich, which he bit into without protest.
Ethan laughed softly after swallowing. “I get why he likes them. They’re growing on me, too, especially when you’re in the tub with me.” He paused and ran his hand lightly over my thigh. “Your skin is so soft.”
I snuggled tighter against him, letting the silence take over again while we ate the rest of the grilled cheese he’d made.
“Ethan?”
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
“Will you tell me about your life?”
He was quiet for a moment. “What do you mean?”
“Your past. I-I don’t know a lot about it. Maybe I can help.”
His silence was longer this time. I didn’t think he would talk, but his voice was soft when he did.
“My parents’ names were Maxim and Alina Stepanov.”
I stilled as he began his story, listening intently. He never spoke of his real parents. Janie and Robert, his adoptive parents, were amazing and kind to him. I knew they’d adopted him when he was quite young, and he’d been abused before them.
His fingers trailed lightly down my arm until he found my hand and then clutched it. He trembled slightly as he continued.
“I was born Luka MaximevichStepanov. My father was born in Russia. Moscow. My mother was born here in the States. They met in passing at a party. At least, that’s what my grandfather told me. Andrei Novikov.” He let out a huff of air. “It’s been so long since I’ve said my given name.”
“Did your family speak Russian?”
“Da,” he said thickly. “Fuck. I-I can’t, baby. I just can’t.”
I turned in his arms and stared at him. “You don’t have to. If you’re not ready, then don’t.”
“That’s the problem. I’ll never be ready, and I need to be. I need to face these demons so I can move on. So I can find some footing to survive,” his voice came out hoarse as he stared back at me with vibrant green eyes.
My heart hurt for him so much.
“Then take your time. There’s nothing wrong with going slow.” I kissed his cheek, making him let out a slow breath.
“I still remember the language. It’s a little rusty, but I remember,” he said softly. “I never speak it, but it’s always in my head. It’s a curse that haunts me. Old ghosts, you know? Sometimes-sometimes, my thoughts are in Russian. Funny, isn’t it?”
I studied him, not answering because I was sure he wasn’t looking for me to say anything to his statement.
“My parents spoke Russian at home. My grandfather did as well. He was a good man, my grandfather. I miss him. He was the only bright spot in my life, but I rarely saw him. He worked a lot. He hated my father. You see, he was my mom’s dad.
He never forgave her for getting wrapped up with him.
It was another reason he wasn’t around. He told me he regretted it because it meant I suffered.
That he hadn’t known how truly bad it was.
” He looked down and blew out a breath. “I don’t blame him.
Once everything happened, he was there. My parents knew how to put on a good poker face, so he never knew until I-I took matters into my own hands. ” He sniffled and wiped at his eyes.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I said gently.
He shook his head. “I wanted to be a firefighter when I was a kid. I loved watching the fire trucks go past our apartment. The fire station was just down the street. I’d sit in the window and stare as they passed by.
I was even a firefighter for Halloween once.
My parents were too blitzed out to get me a costume, but I’d made it out of an old red t-shirt and snow boots.
We had a fire safety day at school, and I’d kept the little red plastic hat they gave out to the kids.
” He chuckled bitterly. “I was wearing that hat the first time I was ever touched.”
I swallowed the pain that was crushing my chest at his words.
“My parents were worthless. When money was tight, they’d use me as payment for their drugs.
” He shuddered. “So many fucking people. So fucking many, sweetheart. They dealt with Everett Church a lot. He bought me my first firetruck. I trusted him in the beginning. He was kind to me. He talked to me. Told me funny stories. Made me laugh. Got me gifts. But then…” his voice trailed off. “Well, you know how the rest goes.”
He looked at me finally before he thumbed away one of my tears. “Don’t cry for me, Rosalie. It won’t change anything in my past.”
“Oh, Ethan,” I said through my sniffles. “I’m so sorry for all you’ve gone through.”
“I know, baby.” He lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles. “But I’m already suffering. No sense in you suffering with me.”
“I only want to help you?—”
“You do help me. More than you’ll ever realize. Just being here and staying with me through it helps. So thank you so fucking much, sweetheart. I’d have given up already if it weren’t for you.”
“Please don’t ever give up,” I whispered.
“You have such a beautiful soul. You deserve every happiness in the world.” I raked my fingers through his hair, and he closed his eyes, his lips parting at my touch.
I cradled his face, taking in how sad and broken he truly was. “What do you need from me? I’ll do it.”
“I need you to be happy,” he said, opening his eyes. “Your happiness is all that matters. I don’t feel as if you’re happy lately.”
“I’m just… confused,” I finished. “But I don’t matter?—”
“You’re wrong, babe. You matter the most. You’re what we need to survive. Without you, we’re just us. That won’t work. So what can I do to make it better for you?”
“Get better,” I said, tracing my finger lightly along his full bottom lip before I cradled his face. “That’s all I want from you. So, please. If you need help, ask. I’m here for you always and forever.”
“Fuck, I love you,” he said before his lips met mine in a deep kiss. I parted my lips for him and allowed him to explore my mouth, his kiss so sweet and fierce that it made me moan.
“I want to bury myself so deep inside you we both get lost,” he husked out against my lips.
“Please, Ethan. I want that, too.”
He answered by lifting me onto his lap, where he guided me down onto his dick. A cry left my lips as I sank down on him, fully impaled by his hot thickness.
With our lips fused to one another, we kissed, tongues tangling and hands all over one another.
Water sloshed over the side of the tub as we picked up our pace, Ethan pushing upward into me hard and deep, each thrust sending me deeper into orbit until I was calling his name and clenching around his length, the pleasure racing through my body.
“Fuck, that’s good, baby,” he rasped, breathless. “So fucking good. Tell me you like it.”
“Mm, I like it,” I choked out. “Please.”
“Please, what?” A deep thrust sent my nails sinking into his back.
“I want more,” I whimpered.
“I’ll give you the world, baby.” He pushed upward harder. Faster. Bubbly waves slammed around us from our movements until we clung to one another, crying out our releases.
I slowed my ride before coming to a stop on his lap. Staring into his eyes, I smiled, feeling sated.
“I missed this. You and me.”
He gave me a lazy, contented smile, his eyes filled with exhaustion but so much love.
“Me too,” he murmured tiredly.
I pressed my lips to his. “Let’s get out and rest. We can watch a movie and fall asleep in one another’s arms.”
“Fuck, you sure know the way to a man’s heart,” he said, kissing me lightly before resting his forehead against mine. We stayed that way for a long beat, his hands on my waist, before he blew out a breath.
“Everything is OK, right?”
“Yes.”
“I’m going to try harder.”
“I know. I will, too.”
He nodded. “OK. Well, let’s go snuggle and sleep. I’m exhausted.”
I shifted off him, and we quickly rinsed off beneath the shower head before drying. We didn’t bother with clothes, opting to simply slide beneath the sheets. I wrapped my arms around him as best I could, and he held me tightly against his body, my head on his chest.
“Tell me a wish,” he said, breaking the silence we’d fallen under.
“I wish… for your happiness.”
“Silly girl. Wish for something else.”
“No, I want that. I want us all to be happy. Tell me your wish.”
“I wish for that, too, but I’d also like Cole to stop putting cucumbers in my underwear drawer.”
“What?” I looked up at him in confusion.
He let out a little laugh. “Yeah. I don’t know why he does it, but he does. I think he just wants to make me smile.”
I settled in again. It sounded like a Cole thing to do.
“What else?” he pressed. “Another wish.”
“Um… I wish… I wish for more nights where we’re all together, and there’s nothing going on that distracts us.”
“That’s a good wish,” he said. “You keep taking the good ones. Let’s see. Aside from all the obvious things I wish were better or things I wish I could forget, I wish for shorter days and longer nights.”
“Why?” I let out a soft laugh.
“So I can hold you longer,” he answered before kissing the top of my head. “I love holding you. Feeling you. You’re still not real to me. How did I get so lucky, sweetheart?”
“I think I’m the lucky one,” I admitted. “I’ve done a lot of stupid things.”
“We all have. Our strength in all of it is that we learned, are learning, or desire to learn. We’ll get there. I keep that hope.”
I swallowed at his words and nodded against his chest. “Me too.”
“And just so you know, I wouldn’t mind.”
“What wouldn’t you mind?” I traced a little circle on his bare torso, enjoying how goosebumps popped along his skin.
“Your other wish. The one you don’t say. Anson joining us. I wouldn’t mind. I like him.”
I said nothing for a moment, my heart thudding uncomfortably in my chest. “Ethan, he can’t?—”
“I wish he would,” he said thickly. “I think he’d make you happy. I think he’d make me and the guys happy, too. He’d grow on Cole eventually.”
“You can’t make that wish.”
“And you can’t tell me what to wish for, baby. It’s our wish. We’ll compromise. OK?”
I exhaled and nodded. “OK.”
“And it’ll be our secret.”
“Our secret,” I repeated, my throat tight.
I knew he liked Anson, and that made me happy.
I just knew it wasn’t going to happen. It couldn’t.
Cole and Enzo… I let the thoughts trail off.
It all hurt so much. In this moment, Ethan was what mattered.
This moment was what mattered. It’s what I’d focus on.
“Promise we’ll always be this way,” Ethan murmured into the darkness after a beat of silence.
“You and me. Making wishes together. Tell me, Rosalie. Wherever we are, even if we’re not near, we’ll keep making wishes with each other.
” He twined his fingers with mine and rested our hands on his abdomen. “Promise me.”
“I promise, Ethan.”
He kissed the top of my head and went silent, my ear pressed to his chest, his heart thrumming an even beat.
I sighed and hugged him a little tighter, making one final wish before I closed my eyes.
“Please let him rest,” I whispered when his breathing grew deep and even. “I wish for him to rest and only have sweet dreams.”
Maybe someone was listening to my wishes because he slept peacefully through the night, his arms wrapped firmly around me.
It was me with the bad dreams.