37. Rosalie
THIRTY-SEVEN
ROSALIE
I woke to see Enzo in bed with me and Ethan. They’d slept holding one another. I’d seen the guys sleep with one another before, but nothing like this. They were face to face, arms around one another, the sheets twisted around them. Tears were dried on both their faces.
I stared at them for a moment, my heart hurting, before I got up and quietly completed my morning routine, not wanting to wake them.
My feelings were all over after last night. I hated that Celeste bitch with every part of me there was, but I also knew how hard Enzo had it in dealing with her since her father was a big deal to his world domination plans.
But it didn’t excuse any of it. He had to learn to draw lines in the sand. He did that with everyone else, and now he needed to do it with her. Had he, I may have had a different mindset about it all. Knowing he seemed to feed into her pissed me off.
So he could hold my ring until he was ready to get his shit together.
The thought hurt me to my very core, but I wasn’t going to get walked over because I was the minority in our group of dominating men.
Seeing Ethan the way he was wasn’t working for me.
I could feel Fox growing distant. Cole was getting crazier.
Enzo was becoming darker and more obsessed with his climb to the top.
And me? I was here, watching my world slowly fall apart.
I wasn’t so sure I could keep holding onto the pieces and putting things back together. There had to be an equal give and take.
I wouldn’t pin all the blame on Enzo, though.
My priorities had also grown twisted. My heart had strayed and had wanted to love another and bring him in.
It was hard to admit, but life without Anson took its toll on me.
I’d fought with my feelings for so long that I was becoming too exhausted with all of it.
I felt like I was also betraying the guys.
It sickened me. I wasn’t this girl, and they deserved better from me, just like I deserved better from them.
When I spoke to Jamie about all this crap, she’d told me that sometimes, when things grow toxic, you have to let them go. She said it had happened with her and Spencer, and while it hurt, she was growing from the mess left behind.
I wanted to grow, too, but leaving them behind hurt me in ways I didn’t think possible.
On the other hand, I couldn’t live a life where this shit kept happening. It wasn’t healthy for any of us.
Sighing, I tabled the thought and went downstairs to find Cole standing in the kitchen and looking out the patio window.
He turned when I came into the room and stared me down.
“Hey,” he murmured as I hesitated beside the kitchen island.
“Hey,” I answered.
“You look beautiful today.” His gaze swept over me quickly. “I like when you wear that shade of purple.”
I looked down at the lavender sundress I was wearing. He’d bought it for me several weeks ago, citing the same thing then.
He walked over to me, crowding my space, before he reached out and lifted my chin so I was staring into his troubled blue eyes.
“Will you spend the day with me, Rosebud?” he whispered. “Just me and you. Alone. Together?”
“Can we?” I crinkled my brows at him.
“Fuck everything. I don’t care about it. I only want to get into my car with you and drive. Can we? Please?” he pleaded softly. He reached out and tucked a curl behind my ear.
“OK,” I answered.
He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them, so much relief washing over him that it was nearly palpable.
“Come on,” he said, taking my hand and leading me to the garage. He opened the door to his sports car and helped me inside before he got behind the wheel and opened the garage door.
“I don’t have my purse or phone?—”
“I’ll take care of everything,” he answered as he pulled out of the garage. I went silent as he drove us past the gates and onto the road.
“Did you tell anyone we were leaving?” I knew he hadn’t told Enzo or Ethan because they were sleeping. Fox probably was, too, since he wasn’t downstairs.
“I didn’t tell anyone shit,” he muttered, speeding up.
I frowned. “Do you have your phone?”
“No.”
“Cole, what if they need us?—”
“I fucking need you more than I need them right now.” He looked over at me. “It’ll be fine. Do you have your necklace and stuff on?”
“No. I forgot to put it on after my shower.”
He sighed but didn’t say anything. Instead, he made a left turn, taking us outside of town.
We rode in silence for a long time before he finally spoke.
“It’s weird being so disconnected.”
“It is,” I murmured, staring out at the passing scenery.
“We needed this. I was going to wait until our little vacation, but I’ve decided I can’t. I suck like that.”
I looked over at him to see that he was serious. Cole was never like this. He was my crazy goofball. This wasn’t like him.
“You don’t suck.”
He grunted.
Silence descended once again. I didn’t know what to say to him.
I was still upset over everything, but that was becoming an increasingly common occurrence.
At some point, I needed to let it all go and accept things as they were.
Whenever I thought I could or was, something like this would happen, and I’d be back to square one.
A half-hour into our journey, I broke the silence.
“Cole—”
“Shh,” he instructed, pulling his car into a diner parking lot.
I zipped my lips and waited until he parked. When he did, he turned off the car and got out, wasting no time coming to my door and pulling it open. He reached for me and helped me out, tugging me close to him.
“I’m sorry. I’m on edge. I haven’t been out alone in a long time. We have no one. It’s just us.”
I swallowed hard at his words.
“Should I be afraid?”
He brushed his lips against mine. “Never with me, Rosebud. You’ll always be safe with me.”
“Then why are you afraid?” I whispered back.
The sadness I’d noticed on his face morphed into heartache.
“I’m afraid of losing you. Of losing us.”
“Cole—”
“Shh.” He pressed his finger against my lips. “I want to enjoy this day with you, OK?”
I nodded, and he let his finger drift away.
“Let’s get some food. We can talk.” He backed away, took my hand, and led me into the diner. It didn’t take long to get a table amid the many patrons and have our orders put in.
We sat across from each other in silence for a moment before he reached across the table and took my hand in his.
“I know shit is fucked, Rosalie. There’s nothing I can say to make it better because whenever I say something, it gets fucked up.
So, I’m going to lay it all out for you.
Don’t go. Please. Stay. Put Enzo’s ring back on.
And if you won’t put his on.” He visibly swallowed and held out his other hand to show me a simple silver band. “Wear mine.”
I stared at the silver band in his hand for a long time before I looked at him.
“What are you asking me?”
“Marry me if you won’t marry Enzo. I’d tell you to marry Fox, but I’m pretty sure if you did that, he’d steal you away because he’s a noble prick like that, and he’s already told me he’s going to leave.
So…” He licked his lips. “I don’t know how to fucking do this.
All I want is you. Any way I can have you.
Please don’t make me tie you up and keep you hidden from the world in order to keep you. ”
“Cole,” I murmured, wrapping my hand over his with the ring. “I’m not leaving. Not right now. I… I’m tired of the same shit. You know that.”
“So you’ll marry Enzo? Promise me you will.
That if you don’t marry him, you’ll marry me instead.
I know Fox and you have a history, but fuck, if I can keep you, he’ll stay too.
If you marry him, he’ll take you away. He thinks he can save you, but fuck, baby.
I can save you, too. Just… keep faith in me. ”
“Oh, Cole.” I sighed. “I would marry each of you if it were an option. We can’t keep doing the same things. It’s all we’ve been doing. I’m over it. I am. I want the dream, you know?”
“We aren’t it?” So much torment washed over his face.
“You are. I just… I’m tired. So tired. I feel like everything keeps piling on. I want a break, you know? From all the nonsense. It’s like I’m in that movie where the guy constantly relives the same day. I don’t want that.”
“I understand.” He visibly swallowed.
“Look. I’m upset. I’m not leaving. I only want to breathe a little.”
He nodded and pulled his hand away, but not before pressing the ring into the palm of my hand.
“Keep it. To remind you,” he said softly.
I closed my hand around the ring for a moment before I slid it onto a finger, earning a small smile from him.
“I hate that we’re like this,” I said.
“I think we’ve always been like this.” The sadness on his face morphed into desperation. “Always, Rosalie. We’ve had so much bad overshadow the good that it’s hard to tell what’s worth fighting for sometimes.”
I nodded wordlessly.
“But if we can fight, we can last. I know we can. We love each other. A world without you in it isn’t a world I want to live in, so please…”
“I feel the same about each of you.”
“I needed to hear that.” He took my hand and pressed a kiss to my knuckles before the waitress returned and placed our food in front of us. Without another word, we ate. Cole paid for the check before he guided me back to his car and helped me inside.
Once he was behind the wheel, we set off again, our conversation more comfortable and happy.
It really was a breath of fresh air I’d desperately needed.
We lay in bed at a hotel two hours from home in complete peace. Spending the day with only each other was needed. I didn’t often get to spend time alone with Cole anymore outside of the house, and I’d really missed it.
“We should call home,” I said for what had to be the hundredth time since we’d left.
“Mm, we don’t have our phones,” he said, giving me the same answer he’d been giving me.
“Cole.” I went up on my elbow and stared down at him. “We have a phone right here in the room. Please? Call?”