45. Anson
FORTY-FIVE
ANSON
I t had been weeks since I’d last seen Rosalie.
It was killing me slowly. I’d thrown myself into helping my father even more and maintaining a close eye on Everett Church.
When I wasn’t doing that shit, I was at home, smoking and drinking the pain away.
I couldn’t even handle listening to the radio because every fucking song reminded me of her.
“You’re wasted,” Trent said as I sat on Ryder’s couch. “How much have you had?”
I grunted. “That bottle of Jack. Mostly.”
“And I injected him with his boy’s injectable. He’s high as balls right now,” Ryder said, flopping back onto the couch next to me.
“Not nearly enough.” I reached out and grabbed the sugar stick from Ryder and took a deep, fortifying drag.
Ethan really did have a good product. Rumor had it some of the big pushers were trying to reverse engineer his shit to make their own but had been failing miserably.
A few people had died because of it. Idiots were lacing it with fentanyl.
I knew for a fact Ethan didn’t use anything like that in his drugs.
“Drinking and drugs were never your thing. What’s going on? Is it Rosalie?” Trent frowned at me.
“What can I say?” I muttered. “I’d be lying if I said no.”
“Man, just stop this shit and go talk to her.” Ryder took the sugar back from me. “Seriously. You’re a mopey fuck when your dick isn’t getting sucked.”
I gave him the finger as Trent reached over and grabbed my phone.
“Hey,” I mumbled. “Don’t. Put it back.”
“Nah, don’t think I will. I’m sick of looking at you like this. You got out of the Underground only to run to our old man and get involved in his shit. How many people have you killed for him this week, Alessandro ?”
“I’m doing it to learn the ins and outs,” I shot back, my words slurring. “In case of shit.”
“And then what?” Trent countered. “You going to kill our dad?”
I shook my head. “No. You fucking know I wouldn’t.”
Trent raised a brow at me. “What I know is you’re diving deeper into a world you said you didn’t want any part of. You can line this room with excuses, but I know you. I know you’re falling, Anson. Just fucking talk to her.”
He ran his thumbs quickly over my screen, and a moment later, Rosalie’s soft, sweet voice came on the line.
I scrambled from my chair, attempting to get to my phone to hang it up.
Hearing her was a knife through my heart.
I’d left to save her in so many ways. I didn’t want her to be sad with her guys because of me.
I didn’t want Fox to die. I didn’t want any of that shit.
This was me trying to fix everything when I had no idea how to.
“Hello? A-Ani? Hello?”
Trent tossed me the phone as I staggered sideways. It bounced off the couch and hit the floor. Quickly, I tracked it down, my heart pounding a mile a minute.
“Hey, Ani?” Rosalie called out, her voice trembling. “Please. Talk to me. I miss you.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I glared at Trent, who gave me a wide-eyed look as Ryder grinned at me.
“H-hey, LeeLee,” I finally choked out. “How are you?”
I took the phone off speaker, went to Ryder’s bathroom, and closed the door.
I looked like a fucking nightmare. Black circles rimmed my blue eyes.
My hair was sticking up in all directions.
I hadn’t changed my clothes in two days.
In fact, I’d been sleeping on Ryder’s couch for the last two nights because I knew if I went home, I’d drink some more, and if I were going to be wasted, I’d rather it be with people.
“Hey,” relief poured through her voice. “I-I’m OK. How are you?”
“I’m good,” I mumbled.
“A-are you OK? You sound… drunk.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I am. I, uh, I’ve just been busy. You know how it is.”
“Right,” she said softly. “I get it.”
“You don’t,” I mumbled.
“Then explain it to me. Why did you stop talking to me? Did I do something wrong?—”
“God, no, Rosalie. It’s not you. Fuck, don’t think it is, OK? I just… we want different things, you know?”
“Do we?” Her voice shook.
“I-yeah. We do. I’m doing my thing, you know?”
“With other girls?”
I pounded my fist softly against the wall.
“I’m sorry. That’s not my place to ask. That’s way out of line?—”
“Yeah, with other girls,” I said, hating the fucking words as they rolled off my tongue.
“Oh.”
It was probably the only way to get her to let me go. If she were holding on. I hadn’t been with anyone since Alice. Rosalie was the one who stood center stage in my life.
Fucking hell, this was goddamn torture. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I knew there was no hope for us, so I needed to cut her free.
I needed to be free, too.
This shit was killing me. It really, truly was.
“I’m actually headed out with the guys to meet up with some girls,” I continued, my words slurred.
“T-that’s nice. I’m happy for you.”
“Yeah?” I licked my lips. “How are things at home? Living the dream?”
“Guess I am,” she murmured. “Cole and I are planning on having a baby. I’ve been taking the vitamins he got for me. Started them a few weeks ago. Wedding planning. All that. It’s all great.”
“You don’t practice like you used to,” I said numbly into the phone, my heart fucking breaking at hearing the news she was giving in to having a baby.
“I do. The guys have started letting me drive myself places. Only to school, so not really places. It’s been nice. I’ve been staying after once a week to use the practice room?—”
“Once a week isn’t enough,” I said immediately. “If you want to gain a career, you need to be in there every waking moment, LeeLee. No slacking.”
“Honestly, Anson, I don’t even care anymore. It’s whatever.”
“It’s not whatever. What are you saying?” I demanded.
“I just…” She sighed. “Listen, have a good time tonight, OK? Be safe. You’re a De Santis heir, doing heir things. It’s dangerous out there.”
I ground my teeth at her words.
“I’m not your enemy,” I whispered, knowing what she was thinking. She thought I’d gone to the dark side. That I was siding with Matteo on shit. That couldn’t be further from the truth.
“You’re not really my friend anymore either. Good night, Ani.” The line went dead, and I stared down at it, frustrated out of my fucking mind.
Angry, I stormed out of the bathroom, needing to get the fuck out of there.
“Trouble in paradise?” Ryder asked as I came back into the room.
“She’s going to try for a baby with Cole. The wedding is still on. She’s not been practicing like she should be. S-she’s giving up.”
Trent nodded. “Makes sense. Does she even need her music career if she marries De Luca? The guy is loaded. He could take care of all of them without batting a lash.”
“We need to go. I gotta get out of here.” I raked my fingers through my hair, ignoring his words.
“Fuse?” Ryder asked.
I nodded. “Fuck it. Sure.”
“Good. We can get your dick sucked while we’re out. That’ll give you some clarity.” Ryder clapped me on the back and tossed my leather jacket to me. “Let’s ride.”
Trent grinned and followed Ryder to the door.
Fuck it. Maybe they were right.
I slammed into the pussy I had bent over in a stall in the bathroom of Fuse. Her name was Miranda. Or Melissa. Or something with an M. I was wasted out of my goddamn head and just needed to feel something.
The condom on my dick was preventing that, though.
I hated fucking with a condom on.
I knew if Rosalie were here, I’d take her raw and hot, filling her pussy with my come. It would be me making babies, not fucking Cole Scott, that asshole prick.
Melissa or Miranda moaned, clutching her tits with one hand as they bounced.
She came with a cry, her pussy clenching around my cock.
This wasn’t working for me. I pulled free from her and spun her to face me.
She giggled and tried to kiss me, but I turned my head and pushed her down after tearing off the condom.
“Suck,” I grunted, hoping this would help soothe my wounded soul. It always worked before.
She eagerly sucked my dick into her mouth and bobbed on it.
I stared down at her, noting her red hair.
I’d picked her specifically because, apparently, I liked to torture myself.
Her hair wasn’t curly or nearly as vibrant as Rosalie’s, but if I squeezed my eyes closed, I could try to imagine she was her.
Which is exactly what I did as she gobbled on my dick, my piercing clanging against her teeth every now and then.
She wasn’t bad. Of course, I hadn’t had my dick sucked in forever, so anything probably felt good.
I envisioned Melissa or Miranda as Rosalie pleasuring me.
It made the feelings intensify, making my heart flutter.
I groaned, my fingers tangled in her hair.
I let my head fall back and rest against the stall wall.
Typically, getting laid or blown in a bathroom wasn’t for me, but I was going insane.
I needed something. I’d stupidly listened to Ryder and Trent.
The best way to get over a dead fish was to get a new fish.
Stupid words, but they made enough sense.
In my mind, it was Rosalie’s moan, her hands clawing at my thighs as I fucked into her mouth. Her green eyes stared up at me like I was the love of her fucking life and she couldn’t live without me.
I let out a deep groan, filling her mouth with my release, my body trembling through the euphoria.
I was so fucking wasted that I was surprised I could even get my dick up.
She stood, swallowing me down, and kissed my neck. I squeezed her waist tightly as she sucked against my flesh, leaving behind what was sure a mark of my fucking sins.
I let her because I’d let Rosalie do anything she wanted to me.
She stroked my cock, keeping me erect as she kissed and sucked against my skin.
I relished in it, feeling like I was alive again.
“Mm, Rosalie, baby,” I moaned softly. “Fuck.”
All kissing stopped.
“My name is Mackenzie,” she said.
I snapped my eyes open and stared dazedly at her.
Well, fuck.
Reality was a real fucking bitch.
And I definitely had her name wrong.