56. Rosalie
FIFTY-SIX
ROSALIE
E verything seemed to be back to normal for the most part.
We were getting along, and Cole had been on his best behavior when Anson was over.
I knew it was hard for him since he hated Anson, but I also knew he was grateful for Anson’s part in helping me that night.
He’d admitted as much to me the night I’d come home and promised he’d try to control himself more. Cole was always a work in progress.
After Anson left that night, we went to bed.
Everyone piled into my bedroom, and we slept together in the giant bed.
It was a comfortable night. I snuggled into Fox’s chest with Enzo’s arms around me while Cole and Ethan fought over the blankets, and Cole wiggled his feet, to which Cotton kept attacking.
It was Monday now, and I was staring at myself in the mirror in my bedroom. I’d taken great care in using a lot of makeup and setting it to ensure the bruises were covered, but I still looked like hell.
I couldn’t miss, though. I’d been out a week already. All I wanted was for my life to go back to normal. If anyone asked, I’d tell them I tripped over Cotton and fell down some stairs.
I cringed at having to make up a lie about this.
The other option was to say what happened and risk others getting involved. That was the shitty part of everything. When you lived this life, the dangerous men took care of things. Cops had no control. I’d learned as much over the last year.
“You look beautiful,” Cole said, coming into the room and standing behind me as I stared at myself in the floor-length mirror.
“I look like hell,” I answered back.
“Never.” He wound his arms around my midsection and bent to rest his head on my shoulder. “I got you something.”
I turned in his arms and stared up at him. “You did?”
“Mhm.” He tucked a red curl behind my ear. He’d been buying me a lot of things lately. Clothes. Shoes. Bags. I think it was his way of showing his love.
“You don’t have to buy me things,” I said, brushing my lips against his.
I hadn’t had sex with anyone but Enzo since getting home.
I knew the guys were treating me like I was going to break and didn’t want to push me on it, considering how awful my experiences had been the last several years.
I appreciated that, and honestly, I was grateful for the break to get my head together.
I hadn’t heard from Anson since he’d left our house after dinner.
He’d been quiet after playing a few minutes with Cotton.
I hated that he was so withdrawn. Even at Matteo’s, he was.
He reminded me of the guys with how he didn’t just come out and tell me what was wrong. I hated guessing games.
Today, we’d spend together, though. To say I was nervous was an understatement. It was like the first time all over again.
Cole took my hand and led me back to the bed. We sat together, and he handed me a small velvet box.
I took it and opened the lid to find a beautiful pair of diamond earrings inside.
“Oh wow,” I murmured. “Cole, these are beautiful.”
“Yeah?” His voice wobbled. “Do you like them?”
I nodded. “I love them. You didn’t have to?—“
He pressed his finger to my lips. “I know I didn’t have to. I wanted to. You’re my princess, Rosebud. I want you to have diamonds. Someday, you’ll be the mother of my children. I will do anything for you and our babies. I don’t want you to forget.” His voice trailed off.
“I won’t forget. Why do you think I’d ever forget?” I watched as he looked down at his hands in his lap.
“We’re just fucking up on repeat. I’m scared you’ll leave us,” he said, his voice barely audible. “It’s one of the reasons I want us to have the baby. Then you’ll stay.”
“Cole.” I squeezed his hand. “A baby isn’t the answer. You know that, right? I said I want to do it, but you need to understand just how dangerous it is to bring a child into our world.”
His head snapped up, and his blue eyes flashed as he stared at me. “Are you having second thoughts? That you don’t want to try now?” The hurt was evident in both his voice and face.
I shrugged and looked away, my throat aching from trying not to cry.
“Look at me,” he said, turning my head back to him. “What’s going on? A-Are you backing out on me now? I-I thought we’d agreed?—”
“Someone tried to kidnap and rape me,” I said, my voice shaking. “ Again , Cole. I’m just saying I need some time right now. I’m not saying no. I’m only saying I need to sort through these new feelings and fears. That’s it. Maybe I’ll feel better in a few weeks.”
He let out a shaky breath. “This just keeps fucking happening to us. It’s like I’m not meant to be a dad.” He looked away from me, a muscle thrumming along his jaw. “It’s not fucking fair.”
“Cole—“
He got up and shook his head. “No. I-I’m just going to go. I’m meeting with Vander Veer this morning with Enzo.”
“What?” I frowned and got to my feet. “You’re meeting with that man with the horrible daughter?”
“Just him,” Cole said, glancing at me before looking out the window. He was clearly upset with me. “Celeste won’t be there.”
“Right.” I forced a smile onto my face. “Sure.”
“She won’t,” he snapped, his eyes flashing. He let out a sigh. “I’m sorry. I know I’m being a dick. I just… I was looking forward to having a baby. To try for one. Then all this shit happened.” He gestured around. “It’s just a blow. That’s all.”
“It’s a blow to me, too.” I approached him and rested my hands on his chest. “I’m going to call my doctor and maybe do a few sessions of therapy. Get my head right.”
He nodded tightly.
“Cole, please.”
“Please, what, Rosebud? You want me to be overjoyed?”
“I don’t want you to be an ass. I’m already struggling with all this crap. I was so scared?—”
“Fuck! I know you were!” he bellowed, startling me.
I jerked away from him, but he wasted no time in closing the space between us and gripping my biceps tightly.
He gave me a shake. “I fucking know it! You’re not the only goddamn person in this, Rosalie!
You’re not. You don’t fucking think I didn’t throw up and scream and pray while you were gone?
That I wasn’t terrified? That I fucking slept, ate, or just carried on with life?
There is no fucking life without you! Goddamnit!
I don’t know how to put this to you in a way you’ll understand, but I want you.
I want you so fucking much it kills me inside.
When I’m not with you, all I think about is you.
You’ve consumed every fucking aspect of my life.
Everything I do, that we do, is for you.
Just fucking give me something in return! Please. I-I want this with you.”
“Why?” I whimpered out as he continued to grip me tightly.
“Because if I ever lose you, I’ll still have a part of you,” he whispered. “I’m scared of losing you.”
We stared at one another for a long time, neither of us speaking, before he released me.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice strained. “I didn’t mean to hurt or frighten you. I get in my head sometimes.”
I wiped at a tear on my cheek. “I get it.”
“You really don’t.” He sighed and scrubbed his hand down his face. “I shouldn’t be pushing you on this. I’m fucked up. It’s my problem, not yours. I’ll work on it.”
I said nothing, opting to stare at him.
“Wear the earrings today, OK? You’ll look even more beautiful.” He moved back to me and dropped a light kiss on my forehead, his hands on my waist. I could feel him trembling, though. It broke my heart that he was trying to control his emotions.
“Be safe. I-I’ll fucking die if something happens to you and you get taken from me.” His words were clipped. He let me go before turning abruptly and leaving the room, but not before I saw the tears on his cheeks.
“You’ve been quiet all day,” Anson said as he walked me to the door of the house later that night.
“So have you,” I countered, turning to stare at him as we stood outside the door.
His blue eyes raked over my face before he nodded. “You’re right. I’ve been a dick, huh?”
“No.” I shook my head. “You’re just distant.”
“I guess I feel like I’ve fucked up with you. I said I was your friend and bailed. I should have talked to you about things.”
“What things?”
He sighed and looked away.
“Ani, come on. I feel like I’m losing you?—“
“You will never lose me,” he said, snapping his attention back to me.
“I did for a while,” I whispered.
A pained look crossed his face. “I was still here. I was just… away. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation?—”
“Yeah, I really do.” He closed his eyes briefly before grabbing my forearm and pulling me away from the door. I let him take me back to his car, where he opened the door on the passenger side. I got in, wondering what he was doing. He slid behind the wheel and closed us in.
“What are we doing?” I looked around toward the house and saw Enzo peeking from the living room window.
“I want to talk. If we’re standing outside the front door, the fucking doorbell camera will pick it up.”
I stared back at the house to see Enzo still watching. The curtains fluttered before my phone buzzed. I looked down at the text from him.
Enzo: Is everything OK?
Rosalie: Anson wants to talk. I’ll be inside in a few minutes.
Enzo: OK, baby. I’ll be waiting.
I darkened my screen to see Anson looking at me.
“Does he need you inside?”
I shook my head. “No. He’s fine.”
Anson breathed out and stared straight ahead.
“I left because I thought I was causing a rift between you and the guys. I didn’t want to be the reason for your stress. I thought if I were gone, you’d be able to not focus so much on… us. Our friendship.”
I absorbed his words. “I understand.”
“And I came back because I realized I can’t fucking live without you.” He reached out and took my hand in his. “Rosalie.”
I swallowed and looked from our hands to his face.
“You’re not the sort of girl who hurts anyone. You’d never cheat on the guys. I know this.”