Chapter 8 Cole
EIGHT
COLE
FUCK.
Everything was sucking. Rosalie was a goddamn mess after her old man left a few weeks ago.
She cried basically the entire day after he was gone.
Nothing any of us did could console her.
She wouldn’t talk about any of it, so we still had no idea what happened between them.
Then I’d gone and fucked things worse by putting my gun to Ass Hat’s head. That was a few days ago.
Now, I watched as Fox doted on her, rubbing her feet while on the couch, and telling her about a story he was working on while she petted Cotton. Fox hadn’t even seemed to want to do that, but I’d heard her begging him to distract her.
He was acting odd, too. It wasn’t just Rosalie.
It circled back to FUCK.
“Rosebud, do you want to order in or help me make something for dinner?” I couldn’t cook for shit, but I was willing to try. It was a feeble excuse to get her near me again, since she had been avoiding me.
She looked over at me, making my heart jump.
“I-I have Hamburger Helper,” I continued weakly, showing her the box. “Please—”
“I’m not hungry,” she said, getting up. I watched with my heart in my throat as she kissed Fox gently on his head and left the room with Cotton.
“She didn’t eat today,” I finally said softly. “She-she needs to eat.”
“Order in,” Fox grumbled, getting up.
“Where are you going?” I took a quick step into the living room.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Out.”
“It’s not safe.”
He scoffed. “I really don’t care, man.” He turned and walked toward the front door.
“Fox, man. Come on.” I put the Hamburger Helper on the coffee table and trailed him to the front door. He pulled it open without looking back, and I followed him outside to his Jeep. He didn’t ask me to go, but fuck if I was going to let him go alone.
I got into the passenger side while he slid in behind the wheel and started the engine. He drove out of the driveway without a word and turned onto the street.
“Where are we going?” I finally asked a few minutes into the journey.
“To get dinner,” he muttered.
I was quiet for a few more minutes. “Fox?”
“What?”
“Is everything OK?”
“No.”
I inhaled. “What can I do? I don’t like this. You’re being weird, man. I’m worried about you. You’ve been so distant lately. And then there’s Rosebud—”
He let out a sigh. “Cole, you know what’s wrong, man. I shouldn’t have to tell you.”
“I know I’m a fuck-up,” I mumbled, looking down at my hands. “I’m working on that.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” I said. “I know I fucked up with Anson. I know I need to control my shit better. I just hate him. He’s trying to take Rosebud. He acts like an asshole too—”
“If you’re looking to get me on your hate train, it’s not going to work. I like Anson. I like him so much, in fact, that if he walked into our house right now and grabbed Rosie and made her leave, I wouldn’t try to get her back. I’d let her go.”
I stiffened at his words. “You don’t mean that. Rosalie is our girl. She’s the love of your life. Of our lives—”
“Which is fucking exactly why I’d let her go,” he snapped at me, pulling into a Chinese restaurant parking lot and slamming the Jeep into park.
“She’s been through too much, and shit isn’t changing.
You’re losing your shit. E is a mess. Enzo is getting worse with his climbing bullshit.
And me…” He sighed. “I’m depressed. I’m not going to lie.
It’s hitting me hard. I don’t even want to get out of bed most days. ”
He stared straight ahead as we sat in the parking spot.
“I know you’re depressed,” I finally said. “What can I do? I don’t like you like this, man. You’re not yourself. I’m worried.”
“I don’t think there’s anything you can do.
I just need a break. I need to feel like I can breathe again.
That we all can. I have this looming fear that shit is never going to get better.
We’ll live the bad days on repeat. That this is it.
It’s as good as it’ll ever get.” He looked over at me, his blue eyes filled with sadness.
“If this is as good as it gets, then this sucks, Cole.”
I swallowed hard.
“It does,” I whispered. “It’s my fault, too.
I’m not making shit easier. I know you’re an action man, Fox.
I know words don’t mean shit to you if you can’t see the action, but I swear to you I’ll be better.
I promise it. I’ll do whatever I have to just to see you smile again.
To see my Rosebud happy. I don’t know if you know this or not, but we aren’t shit without you.
We wouldn’t have her without you.” I paused and licked my lips.
“I’m not stupid enough to think that she’d have said yes to me if you weren’t part of the equation.
It’s you, man. You’re the backbone of this entire thing.
The fucking heartbeat in our machine. I need you to be OK so we’re OK. ”
He raked his fingers through his hair before closing his eyes and letting his head rest against his seat.
“I don’t want her to marry Enzo. She should be mine. I guess I’m hurt that Enzo didn’t just say fuck off to his old man and do what was best for us.”
I looked out the window. “I know. I will admit it should have been you the entire time. I know it hurts. Deep down, I want it to be me, too, even though I haven’t done shit to deserve her. I’m just lucky she puts up with me.”
“She loves you, Cole. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t stay.”
I nodded. “I know she does. I just… I worry about losing her. About losing you. I love you, man. You’re one of my best friends. I’m worried. I’m fucking terrified. I want us to be OK. I-I want you to tell me everything will be OK.”
“It won’t be.” He looked over at me again. “You know it won’t. Eventually, shit will catch up to us. Enzo has made his decision.”
“What will happen if it catches up?”
“It’s when we fall,” he murmured.
My throat tightened at his words. “What can I do?” I asked again.
“Just go with the flow. It’s all we can do. Love her while you have her. And fuck, man, stop trying to kill Anson. Please. You have to stop that shit. Promise me. Here and now, that no matter what, you won’t hurt him.”
I stared into his blue eyes, taking in the way he looked at me.
“Would you let him join us?” I whispered, already knowing the answer.
“You know I would,” he replied softly. “But I know you don’t want that. Rosie knows that. It’s why she’s not pushed the subject.”
“She cares about him,” I said as a statement.
My stomach twisted painfully, knowing damn well this was more than her caring.
I couldn’t stand to admit it, though. “I will never let him join us. She belongs to the horsemen. He is not one of us. He will never be one of us.” I paused and blew out a breath as Fox studied me.
“But I promise that no matter what, I won’t kill him. I won’t hurt him. Much.”
Fox let out a soft chuckle. “Much? I guess it’s better than nothing.”
I gave him a crooked smile. “I’m trying, Foxy. I am.”
“Try a little harder. I’m tired of the same fight. It’s hell.”
I nodded. “I will. I promise. I’m done being a dick to him. I mean, no, I’m not.” I sighed. “I’ll try not to be a dick to him, and I definitely will stop trying to kill him. For you. It’s a promise.” I held my hand out for him to shake.
He slid his palm against mine, and I pulled him close so my breath feathered over his face.
“For now, Fox. If he tries to take my girl and keep her for himself, I will hunt him down and kill him, then I’ll bring her back to me.”
Fox closed his eyes for a moment. “You’re insane.”
“I know. I’m working on it.”
He laughed and pulled away from me. “Fine. I hope you don’t forget this thing I’m asking of you.”
“I won’t forget,” I murmured, making an X over my heart. “If you promise you’ll smile more. You’re pretty when you smile.”
He gave me that genuine smirk I’d missed so much over the last few weeks.
“There’s my pretty boy.” I waggled my brows at him, making him snort.
“You’re so fucking weird.”
“Want to hear something nuts?”
He studied me for a moment before nodding. “Sure. Let’s hear it.”
“Enzo jerked me off in the shower.”
He raised his brows high. “Yeah?”
I shrugged. “I’ll let you suck me off right now if you want to one-up him.”
“Mm, baby,” he leaned in, his voice low and sultry as he cradled my face. My heart jumped hard in my chest. “I’ll bite your cock off if you put it near my face.” He clapped my cheek and pulled away.
“You had me, Evans. Prick. Thought I was going to get some.”
He let out a loud laugh. “Maybe later, you nut sac.” He pushed his door open and got out.
I grinned, feeling like he was more like his old self now. It was one worry down. I just had to make things right with my Rosebud.
“Hey, Rosebud,” I called out as I stood in the doorway to her bedroom.
She looked over at me from where she lay on the bed, her notebook next to her, and Cotton purring on her chest.
“Can I come in?” I continued, really hoping she wouldn’t turn me away. Fox and I ordered dinner, and he was setting it out. I’d talked him into scheduling the food for pick-up for a few hours later so I could shop for an apology gift for Rosalie.
“Sure,” she said, her green eyes trained on me as I came into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Cotton got up and gave me a cursory sniff before hopping to the floor and darting out of the bedroom.
“Fox and I got dinner,” I started. “Your favorite. Chinese.”
“Thanks,” she murmured, looking at her hands on her lap.
I breathed out. “Rosebud? I-I’m sorry for the Ass Ha-, I mean, Anson thing. I got out of control. There’s no excuse for my actions.”
She frowned at me, not saying a word. I bit my bottom lip nervously before handing her a gift bag.
“I, um, bought you something.”
“Cole, you can’t just try to buy your way out of your bad decisions.”
“I know. I-I just suck at apologizing. I’m trying, Rosalie.
I am. I don’t know how to do this shit. I suck, OK?
I’m a jealous, irrational, insane asshole.
I won’t do it again. I made a promise to Fox, too.
I’m done. I swear I’m going to be better now.
I even crossed my heart.” I winced at my feeble apology.
When she still didn’t say anything, I drew in a deep breath.
“Rosalie. I love you with my whole heart and soul. I worry I’m not good enough for you and that you’ll figure it out and leave me,” I mumbled.
“I react like an idiot because of it. Please, I’m begging you to forgive me. ” I stared down at my hands.
“OK,” she replied. “I forgive you.”
“Really?” I snapped my head up in surprise at her.
“Yes, Cole. I love you—”
I didn’t give her a chance to finish her sentence. I was on her in a heartbeat, pressing my lips against hers. She kissed me back, making me feel like the luckiest man in the world.
“I love you, too, baby.” I kissed her again. “You’re mine forever.”
“Always,” she replied, nipping my bottom lip. “But swear you’ll stop—”
“I swear. Never again. I won’t point any more guns at him.” I pulled away from her, forcing myself not to bury my cock inside her body. “Open the gift.”
She smiled at me and took the bag. I watched her bring out a pretty new sundress.
“I know how much you like these kinds of dresses,” I said, eyeing the green dress. “I like this one because it’s low-cut like that other one.”
“Thank you. I love it.” She leaned in and kissed me again.
“There’s also this,” I murmured, pulling away and handing her an envelope.
She tore it open and stared down at the card.
“We’re going on a getaway?” She crinkled her brows at me.
“Yeah. You and me. I cleared it with the guys. I get you for an entire weekend away. Enzo is sending guys to keep an eye on things, but they’ll not be sharing a room with us or anything.
” I raked my fingers through my hair nervously.
“It’s for next weekend. Since I can’t go with you and Enzo on the honeymoon, and the Maldives are too far away right now, I negotiated and got this.
Pretty sure E and Fox are also going to do their own weekends away with you, so it works out for everyone. ”
“Really?” Her eyes lit up, and I breathed out in relief. I feared she’d tell me to get bent. This lightened my mood significantly.
“Yeah, baby. Do you like it?”
She threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. “I love it. Thank you for this.”
I clung to her, my heart in my throat. “I-I thought maybe we could try…?”
“We can practice,” she said gently, pulling away. “And if it happens, then it’s meant to be a little early.”
I grinned. “Oh, it’ll happen, babe. Your shot has to be wearing out or something because it’s scheduled for next week. I say you skip taking it. Tell me you will. Fuck, please, Rosalie.”
“Soon,” she whispered, leaning in and kissing me again. “I promise we will really try soon.”
I was on cloud nine. We were going to try. Really, truly try for a baby. I was so excited that I thought I might throw up from it.
“Swear you won’t back out?” I murmured against her lips.
“Swear,” she answered. “Promise. Let’s have a baby.”
“Fuck, yes, Rosebud.” My lips met hers again in a deep kiss, my hands cradling her face as if she were the most precious creature in the entire world. And she was. She was everything to me.
I was about to give up and practice with her right then and there when E knocked on the door jamb.
“Hey, Enzo said come and eat. Food’s getting cold.”
“Come on, baby.” I tugged her to her feet. She came easily and went to E, who wasted no time in wrapping his arm around her waist and dropping a kiss on her lips before leading her downstairs. I bounded along behind them, hoping this lasted.
I was tired of hurting and worrying.
And I was smart enough to realize half this shit was by my doing. I’d keep trying to work on that.