Chapter 64 Rosalie
SIXTY-FOUR
ROSALIE
Iwoke with a headache and blinked my eyes, confused about where I was.
Groaning, I sat up as the sound of someone in a kitchen rattling around met my ears.
Anson’s apartment.
And then it hit me. Everything that happened last night. What I’d almost done.
I stumbled to my feet and went to the bathroom, where I threw up in the toilet. When there was nothing left in me, I flushed it and rinsed my mouth out at the sink.
I didn’t look like myself. I was paler, thinner, and looked so sickly.
Carefully, I touched my trembling lips as I stared at the broken girl in the mirror.
“I’m sorry, Foxy,” I whispered.
A fat tear leaked down my cheek, and I hastily wiped it away before leaving the bathroom and forcing myself to see Anson. I was sure Colten had told him everything.
I wandered out in Fox’s long t-shirt to find Anson moving around in the kitchen in a pair of pajama bottoms and a tank top.
It was rare that I ever saw him dressed so casually.
His inked back was almost on display, hints of the massive black angel wings poking out.
His arms were completely covered in ink.
He typically wore long sleeves to conceal everything.
He turned as a floorboard creaked and looked at me.
“Hey,” he said, offering me a gentle smile. “I was just going to go check on you. I made breakfast.”
I hugged myself tightly and looked around for Cotton. He was lounging at the window seat, looking content in his new surroundings.
“LeeLee?” Anson approached me and extended his hand. “Come. Let’s get something to eat, OK?”
I said nothing and let him place his warm hand on the small of my back and guide me to his kitchen island.
I took the seat he offered and watched as he moved around to make a plate for me.
He slid it to me before making himself one. Once he was satisfied, he doled out some fresh fruit into two bowls and gave me one, keeping one for himself.
He moved easily and sat next to me.
“I have real maple syrup,” he said, nodding to the glass bottle. “Or at least I think it is. That’s what the guy at the grocery store said. And fresh fruit. Strawberries and blueberries.”
“Thank you,” I finally said, picking up my fork.
It had been a long time since I’d sat and eaten an actual meal. Mostly, I’d just been nibbling on a sandwich here and there or picking at whatever was given to me.
I took a tentative bite of the fluffy pancakes and chewed. They were amazing.
“How are they? I haven’t cooked in a long time. Mostly do takeout,” he said, glancing at me. “But I thought this might be nice.”
I put my fork down and exhaled.
“You don’t have to do this,” I finally said.
“Do what?” He crinkled his brows at me.
I gestured to everything. “This. I-I don’t need you to go out of your way for me.”
“LeeLee, stop,” he murmured, reaching out and squeezing my hand. “I want to do this for you. I was hungry too. Please eat.”
“Don’t you want to talk about why I’m here?”
He closed his eyes and let out a breath. “Eat. Please. We can talk once you’re done.”
I did as requested, managing to make it through the pancakes, some scrambled eggs, and a few bits of fruit before I couldn’t possibly eat more.
I drank the orange juice before wiping my lips. He’d gone back and had seconds already.
“Come on. Let’s talk,” he said when he was done.
We both got up and moved to the couch. I made sure there was a bit of distance between us.
He didn’t seem to like that, because he scooted closer.
“Talk to me, songbird,” he murmured.
“I-I messed up last night,” I said.
He nodded. “Are you OK today?”
“No.” I shook my head, trying not to cry. All I’d done for weeks was cry. I didn’t want to do it anymore.
“What can I do?” There was a note of desperation in his voice.
“Nothing. I-I need to just… be. I-I won’t be here long—”
“Why?” he asked, frowning at me. “I want you to be here.”
I shook my head. “I know you’re getting married. It’s weird to be here. I-I have some money. I’ll look for apartments—”
“No,” he said immediately. “I don’t want you to do that. I want you to be here so I can…”
“Make sure I don’t kill myself?” I let out a sad laugh.
“Rosalie, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m worried about you, though.
I’m not going to deny it. Do you know how many times I wanted to pick up my phone and call you?
Text you? See if you were OK? The guys told me not to.
That there’d be hell to pay if I tried. You know they did, but fuck, I almost said to hell with it so many times. ”
“I know,” I said, clearing my throat.
“What about classes? I noticed you’re not there.”
“I’m not going back,” I replied, tugging on the t-shirt to cover my bare thighs more.
“What? You have to—”
“I don’t,” I broke in. “I won’t. If I go back, I’ll be the girl whose boyfriend died. It will be a constant reminder.”
“I get it.” He sighed and reached for my hand. I watched as he twined his fingers with mine.
“You have classes today, don’t you?” I asked.
He nodded. “I do, but you know me. I don’t need to show up. I’ll be fine. Besides, I already have a degree. I don’t need a second one. I’d rather spend the time I have with you.”
“What about Bianca?”
He looked away from me and let my hand go. It hurt, but I expected it.
“I’ll be headed over to see her later. Ryder or Trent will come over and—”
“Make sure I don’t die?”
He frowned at me.
“I don’t need a babysitter, Anson. I-I’m not going to do anything. I got drunk and almost screwed up. Colten talked to me, and it stuck. I-I’m going to be OK.”
Anson scrutinized me for a moment.
“Promise?”
I nodded. “I promise. It’s just a lot, you know? I-I don’t know how to be me anymore. I guess I don’t even know who I am without the guys.”
“I get it.”
“Just don’t treat me like I’m a hazard. I’m not. I promise. I need a few days. I-I need to just come down from the hurt. T-That’s all.”
“Come here.” He opened his arms, and I fell into them without question.
“Fuck, LeeLee,” he murmured as I clung to him. “I’m so glad you’re here. We’ll get through this, OK? I promise.”
I nodded against him, my throat burning as I continued to try to will the tears away.
I finally broke away from him and wiped quickly at my eyes.
“I have something for you,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”
I watched him go into his bedroom. It took him a minute, but when he returned, he was holding a box. He sat next to me and offered it to me.
“What is it?” I asked, taking it.
“Open it and see.”
I lifted the lid and saw pictures of me and Fox. His favorite notebooks with the best stories. A sealed letter addressed to me.
“H-How did you get this?” I asked, the tears flowing now.
“He brought it to me before the engagement party,” he answered. “Wanted me to keep it safe and give it to you if something ever happened to him. I promised I would.”
“Thank you,” I choked out, hugging him again. “Thank you.” I’d forgotten what the attorney said about going to Anson for the remainder of Fox’s things.
“Of course,” he murmured, holding me right back.
I wasn’t sure how long we stayed that way, but eventually, I shifted away from him.
“How about you take that box to the bedroom and go through it if you want,” he said, thumbing a tear off my cheek. “Take a nap. Just relax. No stress. Just… you and Foxy. How about that? I’m sure he had something special to say to you in that letter.” He nodded to the sealed letter.
“OK.” I stood and stepped around him. I paused once I was past him and turned to look at him.
“Ani?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for this. It means everything to me.”
“I know, LeeLee. Go. Get your head and heart sorted.”
I nodded, leaving him in the living room as I closed his bedroom door behind me.
I sat on the edge of his bed, going through the photos of me and Fox from over the years, smiling and crying at each one.
Everything from us in our treehouse to a picture of me from high school, before we were together.
In it, I was wearing a pink dress and staring down at a book I was reading. I was probably seventeen in the photo.
I turned it over and saw he’d written on the back of it.
Rosie—I miss you.
The tears came faster after that. He’d taken lots of pictures of me while we were apart. In the hallway. Walking home from school. Sitting with Jamie. Each one was inscribed on the back of how he was feeling.
I miss you.
I wish I were brave enough to talk to her.
She was sad today. I couldn’t do anything about it. I wish I could.
She’s so pretty when she’s happy.
I love the way she smiles.
Her hair—wow! It’s gotten so long and curly. I wish I could run my fingers through it.
My Rosie.
I hope she knows I will always love her…
Each picture made me cry harder until I’d gone through all of them, knowing that he’d never stopped loving me or caring about me. He was always my Foxy, even apart, he was mine.
It took me a long time to gather the courage to open the letter.
It was a single, handwritten note.
Rosie,
If you’re reading this, well, you know. This is different than The Missing Piece. This is a complete list of the things I want for you. You have to do them too. I know how you are with lists. You always complete them, no matter what. So please, don’t make this the exception, OK?
1. Live. For me. No matter what. I need you to do this. Even if it hurts, I want you to move on and live.
2. Sing! Sign the contract, Rosie. You deserve your dreams.
3. Love. Fall in love. You’re beautiful when you’re in love, baby. I was so blessed to have experienced it. Thank you for all those moments I got to spend with you. You saved a broken man.
4. Smile. I love your smile. I want to see it from my perch atop my mountain. Do it for me. Right now. Smiling releases some feel-good chemicals. Whenever you’re feeling sad, smile, baby. It’ll be OK. Your smile makes everything better, I promise you that.
5. Be unapologetically FREE, Rosie. I want that for you. Don’t overthink things. Just do them. It’s part of the experience.
6. Dance. Who cares if you step on toes? They were in your way anyway.
7. This one is important. Don’t look back, Rosie. Your future isn’t there. It’s in front of you. Eye on the prize. Always.
8. The guys. Leave, baby. The timing isn’t right. I want you to be free. You promised me you’d leave. Please don’t forget it.
9. Breathe. Even when you feel like the world is suffocating you. Close your eyes. Breathe. And remember, I will always be with you.
10. Believe in magic. Something tells me wishes can come true if you want them badly enough. Look at the stars and make a wish on the first one you see fall, baby. It’ll carry your wish to you.
11. When you have experienced life, a new kiss, new people, and all the things awaiting you in this city, come to the mountains. You’ll be closer to heaven, so I can kiss you again.
Finally, there’s a flash drive in the envelope. On it is a song I wrote for you. I actually paid to record it at a studio in the city. Listen to it. Critique me, baby. Haha. Seriously, Rosie. I hope you like it.
I love you.
Always,
Foxy
I pulled out the flash drive and stared at it for a moment before I went to Anson’s laptop on his desk. I inserted the drive and opened the two files. One was music and lyrics, and the other was the actual recorded song.
Mountaintop
Sitting back, I breathed in deeply before pressing play, Fox’s voice filling the room for me.
I closed my eyes and smiled.
Just like he wanted.
He was right. It did help.