Chapter 75 Rosalie
SEVENTY-FIVE
ROSALIE
Anson didn’t come home that night.
I woke the following day with a nasty hangover and a fuzzy memory of our night together.
I touched my lips, remembering how we’d kissed.
How I’d kissed him.
Panic surged through me.
“Damnit,” I said, stumbling out of bed. “Damnit!”
This was going to ruin things. I knew Anson. I wasn’t exactly sure the dynamic of his relationship with Bianca, but he was going to marry her. Those vows mattered to him, and I’d come along with my lack of willpower and had given in.
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.
I kept telling myself that staying here was a bad idea. He kept saying it was OK.
But we’d both been lying to ourselves about it.
The front door opened, and I swallowed hard. Knowing I couldn’t avoid this forever, I changed into a hoodie and sweatpants and went to the living room to find Anson sinking into his chair, his head in his hands.
“Ani?” I called out nervously.
He snapped his head up and stared at me, his eyes filled with exhaustion.
“Hey, LeeLee,” he greeted me tiredly.
Cautiously, I moved forward and sat on the couch near him.
“Are you OK?” I ventured.
“Yeah. But no. Are you OK?” he asked.
“Not really.”
He nodded and was quiet for a moment. “LeeLee, we need to talk.”
Oh god, the dreaded talk.
I inhaled deeply, waiting for him to tell me exactly what I knew he was going to say.
“I care about you,” he started. “So fucking much. Last night, it just got away from me. I-I drank too much.”
“It’s not your fault,” I cut in. “It’s mine. I had no business saying those things to you.”
“It’s not.” He sighed. “I knew better. I did it anyway because I let my feelings take over. You know how fucking much I love you,” he choked out.
My eyes burned with unshed tears at his words. I wanted to say the words back to him, but I knew it would only make things worse.
“But I’m going to marry Bianca. And until that’s sorted, she has to be who I focus on. If something happens to those babies, I’ll never be able to forgive myself. She was throwing up all last night. The damn contractions. She begged for me.”
“She’s a nice person. I like her,” I said softly. “She’s lucky to have you, Ani.”
“Oh, LeeLee.” He gave me a pained look. “As much as I want to get on my knees and beg you to want me. To wait for me. I-I can’t do that to you. I won’t. So just friends, OK?”
“OK.” I gave him a shaky smile as my throat tightened. “I-I actually think it’s best if I go. I shouldn’t stay here. It’s making things hard.”
He widened his eyes at me. “I don’t want you to go. Y-You can’t leave. Where would you go? It’s not safe—”
I squeezed his hand. “I’m not the horsemens’ girl anymore. I’m just me. Just Rosalie. No one is looking for me. I’m safe. I go to work and come home. That’s it.”
“No,” he whispered. “No. I-I’m not letting you leave. I promised Fox—”
“Fox’s wish for me was to live, Ani. That trumps your promise to him,” I said gently. “I’ll book a hotel room until I find a place. I have money. I’ll be OK.”
A pain look crossed his face. “I can’t change your mind, can I?”
“No.” I gave him a watery smile and got to my feet. “Um, I do have a favor to ask of you.”
“What? Anything.”
“Can Cotton stay with you until I find a place of my own? I-I don’t want him stuck in a hotel room with me—”
“Yes. He can stay. I’ll take care of him.”
I smiled. “Thanks.
I turned and left the room. It didn’t take me long to pack up the things I had, since there wasn’t much to start with. I had my two suitcases ready to go in just a few minutes, and a room was booked at a nearby hotel via an app on my phone.
I came out to find Anson pacing the room, his hair a mess like he’d been tugging at it.
“Stay,” he said, spotting me. “Don’t go. I’ll look for a bigger place in case Bianca and the babies get to come home. I’ll get a three-bedroom apartment—”
I went to him and pressed a finger to his soft lips. Lips that I’d kissed only hours before. Lips that felt so good and so right.
“Stop worrying about me. Let me go. Can you do that?”
“No,” he choked out. “I fucking can’t.” A tear fell down his cheek.
“It’ll be OK. It’s not forever,” I said, giving him the best smile I could muster. It shook and slid off my face just as fast as I’d put it on.
“Promise?” he asked, cradling my face.
“Yeah. Promise. You have my cat.”
He let out a sad laugh. I backed away from him and went to Cotton and kissed his head before going to the door and stepping out. I walked to the elevator and got in, pushing the button for the lobby. When the doors opened, Trent and Ryder were walking toward me.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Ryder asked, looking from my suitcases to me.
“Oh, I’m just leaving,” I said. “Anson is upstairs. He’s keeping Cotton for me until I can find a place.”
“What?” Trent frowned. “What happened?”
“Nothing.” I gave him a wobbly smile. “I just feel like I need my own space.”
Trent moved past me and got into the elevator, the doors closing on him.
Ryder sighed. “Let me guess. Making out didn’t go so well.”
“He told you?”
Ryder grabbed my suitcases and walked me to my car.
“He tells me everything, Red,” he said.
I unlocked my doors, and he loaded my suitcases into the trunk before closing it.
“Listen, he’s too morally fucking white, Rosalie. It’s a curse, I swear, but he cares about you.”
“I know. He has a commitment he needs to follow through on. I admire that about him. He’s a good guy.
I-I want him to feel good about his choices.
And honestly, Bianca is a sweet girl. He’s saving her and the babies.
I want that. I do. I will step aside and let that happen because it’s what’s right. I-I’m not upset.”
“Come here.” He sighed and wrapped me in a tight hug. “He’s going to get his shit sorted, and I know he will come for you. He’s going to be going nuts checking in on you all the time.”
“I honestly don’t want him to. If our paths are meant to cross, they will. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Until then, I need to go out and experience life.”
“You’re such a brave girl,” Ryder said, kissing the top of my head. “I admire the shit out of you.”
I laughed softly at that as I pulled away. “Stay out of trouble.”
“You know I won’t.”
“I know.” I opened my car door and paused. “Watch over him, OK? Let him know I’m going to be fine. He doesn’t need to check in on me. I’m going to have some fun. Maybe move to Iowa or something.”
“Why the fuck would anyone go to Iowa?” He wrinkled his nose. “It’s flat and filled with corn.”
“Heard they have exciting summer weather,” I said.
He chuckled. “Don’t go to Iowa. Stay. You can still live here. I know it’ll be hard to see him right away. I’ll keep him busy and tell him to chill.”
“Thank you,” I said, really meaning it. I needed to be able to breathe on my own.
“Anything for you, Red.” He backed away.
“Oh! Wait.” I reached into my purse and pulled out an envelope filled with cash. “Give this to him. I forgot. Tell him it’s for helping me through all of this and being such a good friend to Fox.”
Ryder took the envelope from me and raised a brow, but he didn’t argue. He only nodded as I got into my car and started the engine.
Here was to a new beginning.
Or to an ending.
I wasn’t sure which, but I knew I’d figure it out.