Holden
Chapter Six
The second the words “I have a surprise” are out of my mouth, I know I’ve made a mistake. Lizette’s eyes widen, and there’s no hint of the smile I was hoping to see.
“Uh-oh. Is that bad?” I ask. Maybe I’ve done something wrong.
She shakes her head and looks down at the circulation desktop, fanning the edges of a pile of paper.
“No, not bad necessarily. I’m just not big on surprises. I prefer predictable, steady.”
“Hey,” I say softly. “I promise it’s a really tiny thing, and it’s good. Maybe we can call it something different since it’s not really a surprise. Let me think on it. I’m sure I can come up with something else while I show you this non-surprise.”
“Okay, okay. Enough.” There’s that gorgeous smile of hers that melts me every time I see it.
She doesn’t know it yet, but I’m having a hard time not completely falling for her. Still, there’s just a hint of hesitation. If I learned anything from the whole Ruby situation, it’s that I fall hard.
If I let myself, that’s the key.
She walks around the circulation desk to where I am, stands in front of me, takes a deep breath and releases it, then nods.
“All right. Let’s do this.” Her voice is resolute.
I grab her hand without thinking and lead her to the area where I’ve set up the special treat. I’ve never taken her hand before, but I’m already holding it, and she’s not pulling it away. So, there’s no way I’m giving it up.
When we pass the spot we usually sit in, she stops for a second, and I turn and look over my shoulder at her.
“What’s wrong?”
“You passed our stacks. Why?”
I do everything in my power not to smile at the suspicion in her voice or that she called where we usually sit “our” stacks.
“Yep. We’re going to a different area today.”
I continue walking, and fortunately, she trails along with me. I stop when we get to the section that holds the romance, young adult, and women’s fiction books.
“Oh,” she says.
“Close your eyes,” I tell her.
She rolls her eyes at me and tilts her head to the side, but does as I ask.
“I promise I won’t let you run into anything. Just follow me.”
“And I’m supposed to trust you? The man who toppled an entire display on the first day I met you?”
There’s a teasing tone to her voice, and it pleases me to hear her sound lighter than she was just a few minutes ago.
“Yep. I’ve got my eyes wide open this time.”
I lead her down the aisle, reluctantly let go of her hand, and move to the other side of the small setup I’ve prepared. A tiny blanket serves as a tablecloth on the floor, LED tea-light candles flicker, and a bottle of cheap fake champagne tops it off.
“Okay. You can open your eyes.”
Suddenly, I’m nervous, wondering if this is too much.
When Lizette opens her eyes and sees the setup, she says nothing. Her mouth opens and closes a few times as if she’s going to speak, but she doesn’t.
“See? It’s not a bad surprise. And it serves two purposes.”
There’s a little uncertainty in my voice now, and I wish she would say something. She relieves me from the hell of waiting for her response and looks up at me.
“What’s this?” she whispers. There’s no malice in her tone, just sincere confusion.
My heart races.
“Well, it’s a combination thing. I noticed you don’t really eat dinner when you’re here in the evenings.
It seems like you don’t take a break. I’ve only seen you snack, and I think you need something more filling, so I brought you dinner.
The candles and the champagne are to celebrate you kicking the ass of that math midterm you were sure you’d fail. ”
She stares at the display and remains silent for what I’m sure is an eternity.
“Holden, you didn’t have to do all this. I’ll be fine without eating. I have crackers.”
“Nope, not gonna fall for that one. You need to eat something a little more substantial. Plus, it’s not like it’s anything fancy. It’s just peanut butter and jelly that I made. Oh, and I put a few banana slices in it because you told me you liked bananas.”
“That’s very sweet. But it really wasn’t necessary, and the test wasn’t a big deal.”
“Not a big deal? You studied your butt off for weeks. You conquered something that was challenging for you—something you said was different from how your brain naturally thinks. You went to battle with it and won. It’s something to celebrate.”
I sit on the ground, open the fake champagne, and pour us each a bit.
After a few seconds, Lizette sits, picks up a plastic champagne glass, and takes a sip.
The first smile since she saw the display spreads across her face.
“I love this stuff. When I was a teenager and got my first job, I used to buy it because I loved the taste and the bubbles.”
I can’t help but laugh.
“So, while most teenagers were trying to get adults to buy beer and cheap wine for them, you were stocking up on fake bubbly?”
A relaxed giggle escapes her, and my chest loosens up a little. She’s happy. And I realize that makes me happy.
“Yep. I’ve never actually been much of a drinker. I mean, I only turned twenty-two in July, so I haven’t been legally allowed to drink alcohol for very long.”
“Yeah. I’m not gonna lie and say I haven’t had my fair share of beer, but I don’t turn twenty-one until next June.”
She gasps and clutches at imaginary pearls.
I pick up my sandwich and take a bite, and while I’m chewing, she continues teasing me.
“You? The man who studies more than anyone I’ve ever met in my life breaks some rules?”
She reaches for her sandwich as I swallow the bite I just took. I debate whether I should say these next words to her, but I also don’t like to lie. Actually, I don’t lie, so I’m just going to say it.
“I haven’t always studied this much, Lizette.”
Her brow furrows. “Does that mean this semester’s classes are harder for you?”
I slowly shake my head and find her gaze, holding it.
“Nope. These classes are fairly easy for how my brain works. I study so much because I want to be here in the library and not look like a weirdo.”
She breaks our eye contact and looks everywhere but at me. She fumbles with her hands, then picks up the champagne flute and takes another drink before setting it down.
“Holden...”
I don’t like the way that sounded, and I immediately regret saying what I did to her and planning this maybe over-the-top gesture. I’m just another guy in the library to her, and now she’ll think I’m an idiot.
“Wait. I don’t want to ruin our dinner. And I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m not gonna lie; I’ve got a bit of a crush on you, and it’s totally cool if you don’t feel the same way. I didn’t mean to make things awkward.”
She reaches across our makeshift tablecloth and places a few fingers on top of my hand.
I look down where we touch, then back up at her.
“I don’t know what to say, and I’m very flattered, but I don’t think it’s a good idea—and not because I don’t like you.
But there are... There are things in my life that make the idea of anything besides friendship something I shouldn’t entertain.
It truly isn’t you. I’ve actually really enjoyed spending this time together and getting to know you. ”
Geez. Why didn’t I keep my mouth shut instead of ruining things? Did she really give me the “It’s not you” line? I’m pretty sure it is, in fact, me.
We spend the next few minutes in silence while eating our peanut butter and jelly, then Skittles—her favorite—for dessert. I don’t miss that she picks out the purple ones to eat.
I absolutely don’t want to pressure her, and you can’t make someone have romantic feelings if they don’t. But something in her answer concerns me; there’s something she’s holding back. I won’t push her, but I really hope she’ll share it with me at some point.
When we finish, I clean up our dinner area and put the remaining supplies into the bag I brought with me.
“Do you still want to stay and talk for a little bit?”
Her voice is timid and unsure, and I hate that my overstepping caused it. My chest tightens at the thought. I never want her to feel as if I don’t want to talk with her, even if she said something that wasn’t what I wanted to hear.
“Of course. If you do, I mean.”
I wait with bated breath for her answer.
She says nothing but nods and scoots along the commercial-grade carpet until her back is leaning against one of the stacks of books. I make myself more comfortable as well, finding a spot where I’m near her but can stretch out my legs.
“So, I never asked before, and maybe I should have, but do you have a girlfriend?”
My jaw drops open, and I tip my head back until it’s resting on the metal shelf behind me. I take a deep breath before I turn my head to the side and look her directly in the eye.
“Do you think I would’ve done all of this for you if I had a girlfriend? Even though we’re just friends, this isn’t something a guy does with another girl when he has a girlfriend. At least not a good guy.”
I swear something like relief flashes across her face.
“Oh, that’s good. I figured, but I didn’t want to assume.”
Wait, am I assuming? Maybe she’s the one who isn’t single. That would be horrible. Embarrassing.
“How about you? Are you dating anyone?”
There she goes, biting her lip again. Something I’ve said hit a nerve with her.
“No, I don’t have a boyfriend. But I have an ex-boyfriend.”
I wait to see if she’ll say more, but she doesn’t.
“Okay. I have an ex-girlfriend, and she doesn’t really factor into any of this. But something in the way you said that makes me think he does.”
She hesitates, then subtly shakes her head.
“Can we talk about something else? Maybe more about our families. I want to know how you grew up, what your life was like.”
I pause for a few seconds, then clear my throat and decide a subject change is probably best.
“Okay, well, I grew up in Meadow Creek. I have four brothers, and I’m a twin.”
“I grew up in Hollow Hills. I have one sister, Lindsay, and she’s a couple of years older than me. That makes me the baby in the family. How about you?”