Holden
Chapter Nine
Iwonder how long it takes to fall in love? If what I’m feeling for Lizette is love, then the answer is not long at all. Just weeks of late nights, sitting on the library floor, surrounded by books, sharing details about our lives, and getting to know each other in the stacks.
I feel the corners of my mouth curve up as I think about her. About my sweet library girl.
It’s time I tell her how I feel.
I’ve replaced pretty much everything I used to fill my free time with by studying in the library. Especially frat house parties—not that I ever went to a lot. I’ve pissed my frat brothers off for that. They say more girls will show up if they know I’m coming, which is ridiculous thinking.
I need to move for next year.
Maybe I could move in with Hayden, my real brother.
Who am I kidding?
Hayden is hardly around now that he’s gotten serious about the woman he’s been seeing, Charlie. It’s short for Charlotte, and it suits her.
Hayden’s been talking about them getting a place together next semester.
I know he wouldn’t say no to me being their roomie, but I don’t want to be a third wheel.
Maybe I’ll find a corner of the library and squat there. It’s where I’m happiest these days. And it’s the only place Lizette will see me besides the couple of times she agreed I could come to her house after dark.
I glance down at my phone to check the time.
There’s an hour before Lizette’s shift at the library ends. It’s the perfect amount of time to catch a quick nap.
I’ve got to catch up on sleep where I can, given the late nights with Lizette. I’m quite tired, but I’d still give up the extra hours of rest if it means more time to spend with her.
* * *
“Holden, it’s time to wake up.”
The soft voice and a hand on my shoulder stir me from my nap.
Not yet wanting to move, I turn my head to the side without lifting it from my folded arms and glance at her.
Dang, she’s so pretty.
I smile at her.
“Good morning, sunshine,” she teases.
“Hey there,” I answer.
My voice is gravelly from sleep, and I sit up and stretch.
“Sorry, I fell asleep. Is that prohibited in the library?”
“No, but it tells me you probably shouldn’t help me shelve tonight. You should go home and get some rest.”
I scoot my chair back and rise.
“Nope. I’m ready—totally recharged. That was all the rest I needed. Let’s do it.”
Her eyes say she doesn’t believe me, and it doesn’t help when I unsuccessfully attempt to stifle a yawn.
Her eyebrows rise, and she crosses her arms.
“Seriously, Holden. You’ve been here every night. I’m a night owl, but that doesn’t mean you are.”
I don’t want to leave. But I’ve learned that Lizette can be stubborn, so she may push it. She still refuses to let me walk her all the way to her car for whatever reason.
“Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you all?”
My voice is sing-song as I try to imitate an owl call. My attempt at humor falls flat when she tilts her head and narrows her eyes at me.
“Um, what was that? And I cook for myself.”
A laugh escapes me at how literal she is.
It’s cute. Charming.
“It’s the call of a barred owl. Here, wait a minute.”
I grab my phone, pull up a video of the barred owl call, and press play.
“Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you all?” I chant along with the owl.
Confusion continues to mar her face.
“It was a joke. I was imitating the owl to tell you I can be a night owl, too. So, I’ll stay if it’s all right with you.”
Her eyes brighten, and her lips purse as understanding washes over her.
“First of all, that’s very dorky. Adorable, but dorky. Second, why didn’t you go with a simple hoot?”
I grin at her and take the few steps over to the cart of books she must have pulled over when she woke me. I glance at the label and push the cart in the direction we need to go. Fortunately, she doesn’t fight me but instead walks beside me.
“A simple hoot is for beginners. It’s the great horned owl hoot. Those of us more advanced in owl calls—”
“Oh, so you’re an expert in owl sounds, huh?”
She giggles, and it pleases me to help lighten things for her, even for a few minutes.
I know she’s stressed about what state she’ll find her mom in when she gets home. Depression is no joke, and it sounds like Lizette and her sister have been taking care of their mom for a while because of it.
We’ve made it to the first stack we need, and I hand Lizette the few books to shelve.
We continue along with our routine, working as smoothly as clockwork.
“Yeah, I sort of am an expert... maybe. We had a barred owl that lived in a tree near the edge of our property when I was a kid. I used to climb up into the elm tree in our backyard so I could get a better view.”
I picture the massive tree, and my chest warms thinking about how significant it was to us growing up—and still is.
“My brothers and I all loved that tree, but I think it was extra special to me.” I clear my throat and swallow past the lump that’s suddenly there.
“Our dad was a carpenter, and he built us the most kick-ass tree house in that elm. I was his assistant, which mostly meant I handed him tools and was his gopher. Still, that time when we were building it, chatting about mundane things, taking breaks to sip sweet tea under the elm’s shade—those were some of the best days of my life. ”
Her wistful smile pleases me.
“That sounds wonderful, Holden. You were lucky to have him, huh?”
“Yeah, absolutely. He was the best.”
Over the next twenty minutes or so, I drone on about owl facts, and she’s sweet enough to listen attentively.
Before I know it, we have shelved all the books, and I’m disappointed our time is over already.
After we’ve gathered our stuff and turned off all the library lights, we walk to the door. The glow from the exit signs is the only reason it’s not pitch black in here. Before we step outside, she stops and turns to me. She’s nervous, biting at her lower lip.
“You okay? Are you anxious about seeing your mom? You said her mood seemed better when you talked to her last.”
“It did, but it’s not that.” She hesitates. “It’s... I’ll miss you.” Her voice is almost angelic.
It will be the first time we have to go more than two days without seeing each other since our first kiss a few weeks ago.
I pull her to me and embrace her. She feels as though she was always meant to be right here, in my arms.
“You have no idea how badly I’m going to miss you.”
She glances up at me with hooded eyes.
“Show me?” she whispers.
I drop my bag without hesitation and cup her face with both hands, then lower my mouth to hers. As our lips connect, she buries her hands in my hair and tugs as we deepen the kiss.
After a minute or two, I’m quickly losing touch with the responsible side of me that remembers she needs to drive home tonight. I grip beneath her thighs and lift her, never allowing our mouths to part.
There’s no hesitation on her end, and she wraps her legs around me. It’s clear from her moan that she notices how hard I am for her. I groan when her center rubs against my cock.
I take a few short steps and manage to find the table near where we started kissing. I set her on it, then position myself between her legs.
She whimpers when I lift my mouth from hers, but moans when I switch to kissing her neck, then move to her collarbone.
She fists my hoodie as if she’s afraid I’ll move away if she doesn’t hold on.
Over the next several minutes, our hands roam beneath each other's shirts. Hers trace my chest and abdominal muscles while I caress her sides. It’s as far as we’ve gone, and it takes everything in me to stop.
But I know it’s getting darker outside, and I want her to get home before it gets too late.
So, I reluctantly drag my hands from her soft skin and pull her against my chest, desperately needing to hold her for a few minutes before I say goodbye for a few days. It takes several minutes, but eventually our rapid breathing slows to a normal rate.
I pull back and look at her. Her cheeks have become flushed, her lips swollen from our passion, and her hair ruffled. I sweep a few stray locks off her face and tuck them behind her ear.
“You’re beautiful,” I tell her. “So damn beautiful.”
She rolls her eyes and tries to look away, but I gently prevent her from doing so.
She’ll need to get used to the compliments and me looking at her because she’s the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen, and I plan to stare at her like this for years to come.
I don’t care if I’m only twenty. I know in my heart she’s it for me. I’ve never been in love before now. My feelings for Lizette make that abundantly clear because I’ve never felt anything like this for another woman. Not even Ruby.
The need to tell Lizette is driving me crazy, yet I know I need to avoid scaring her. I can sense she needs more time.
I rub the pad of my thumb across her cheekbone, and she shivers.
“I’d like to take you out to dinner when you get back on Sunday,” I tell her.
Her body tenses and her eyes widen, then return to normal.
“What do you say?”
She looks off to the side. “Um... maybe. Can I let you know? I’m not sure when I’ll be back and—”
We’ve done this ‘maybe, I’ll let you know’ routine several times now.
“Lizette? Please look at me.”
She slowly turns her head in my direction, but her eyes are downcast. I tilt her chin until her eyes meet mine, then search their bright green depths to see if I can figure out why she won’t see me outside of the library, other than the two times she allowed me to come to her house.
I’m trying not to let it get to me, but I’m starting to wonder if she doesn’t want anyone to see us together.
Old insecurities resurface, but I force them away. This is my sweet Lizette I’m talking about. Maybe she has a good reason. I wish I knew what it was.