Lizzie
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Holden takes my hand and guides me into my house, and it fills me with so many emotions: happiness, love, anticipation, and peace. Peace I haven’t felt in so long that it’s almost overwhelming.
He makes a show of looking around, but I’ve had enough of that, and I lead him right to my bedroom.
He stands there staring at me. He looks on… nervous.
He’s going to need a little push to know that I’m serious.
That I’m choosing him. I’m choosing not just the boy I fell for in college, the one who made me feel the most treasured I’d ever felt and, eventually, the most devastated, but the man he’s become—a man who has been healing my heart even when he didn’t realize it.
I reach down and grasp my T-shirt by the hem, then pull it over my head. I’ve never been this bold, but I’ve never felt for anyone what I do for this man. I’ve never wanted someone like this.
“Jesus,” he says. His eyes are the size of silver dollars as I stand before him in my bra and pants. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”
He uses his fingertips to trace the skin where one of my breasts meets the lace of my bra. I shiver at his touch.
He wraps a hand around my waist and pulls me closer, then uses his other hand to pull his T-shirt over his head and toss it aside.
When my bare skin touches his, every nerve ending in my body stands at full attention.
He lowers his mouth to mine, and we get lost in another kiss. I grow desperate to have him closer, and from the way he’s kissing me, caressing me, I suspect it’s the same for him.
Without breaking the kiss, he cups one of my breasts, then slips my bra down on that side, freeing me. He moves his kisses to my neck, slow and torturous, while his hand holds my breast, stroking the pad of his thumb achingly slow across my nipple.
His mouth is at my collarbone now, and I nearly melt into a puddle when he runs his tongue along it.
“Take it off,” he growls. I know exactly what he means and, before he can change his mind, I reach behind me and unhook my bra. The straps fall off my shoulders, and I move my arms to let the black lace drop to the floor.
He breathes out my name and stares at my breasts. I feel no shame, no shyness. Just a sense that this was always meant to be.
I grip the waistband of his jeans and tug him toward the bed. When the back of my legs hit the mattress, I slip my pants off so that all I’m wearing are the pretty underpants that match my bra.
Before I have time to climb onto the bed, he kneels before me with his hands on my hips, holding me in place. His breath comes fast as he trails kisses along my belly, then higher, until he draws one of my nipples into his mouth, and I can’t help but moan.
He trails the back of his hand along my panty line, barely touching me, teasing me, and it’s driving me wild. He’s just inches from where I desperately want him to be.
“I want more. I want all of you,” I tell him.
I wrap my thumbs around the sides of my panties and try to slip them down, but he stops me.
“Not yet. You’ve got to be patient. Trust me,” he whispers the words as he alternates kisses between my breasts.
He spends several minutes with his hands and mouth exploring nearly every part of my body. When I’m sure I can’t take it anymore, he finally plants a kiss over my panties.
I whimper, and he growls when he hears it.
He slides my panties down my legs and helps me slip them off. Then his mouth is on me, kissing me between my legs. His fingers touch me as his tongue immediately finds my clit, and the sounds I make embarrass me.
“Sorry,” I say.
“Don’t you ever apologize for that. It’s the fucking sexiest thing I’ve ever heard. Be as loud as you want. I want to hear all your sounds. I want to memorize them.”
When he moves his tongue downward until he’s near my entrance, he growls.
“I’ve been waiting to taste you for over a decade. You’re even sweeter than I imagined.”
He fingers me, and I writhe on his hand and face.
“God, you’re so tight.”
“It’s been a long time…”
I swear I feel him smile against me. Holden’s sweet, but there’s also a confidence in him that falls just shy of cocky. And it totally gets me even hotter.
“Lay down, baby.”
I listen, which I think surprises us both. He pulls my body toward him until my pussy is right in front of his face.
“Put your feet on my shoulders.”
I hesitate. I’ll be on full display for him.
He looks up and meets my gaze. “You don’t have to, but I promise you can trust me. I’m not going to hurt you—never again. I’ll only bring you pleasure. I think you’re stunning, and I want to see all of you.” He watches me.
“I do trust you, Holden. So much.”
His fingers find my entrance again, caressing the aching flesh there, but not entering me. And that’s what I really want.
Without breaking eye contact, I raise my feet to his shoulders and spread my legs wide. He now has an unobstructed view.
“Oh, fuck me,” he says in a reverent tone.
Then it’s game on. He finds all the right spots with his tongue, and he slides a finger back inside me and fucks me with it.
“Can you take another?” he asks.
“Yes, please.” Carefully, he slips a second finger inside me. “Oh, God. Holden…”
I feel as though I’m losing control of my body, and I no longer care what I sound like.
“Yeah, sweetheart. Give me more of that.”
Screw it. I’ve had it with holding back. I’ve waited a decade to be with him. I’m going to give all of myself. So, I let loose and grind against him. I grab his hair and pull him closer to me. He groans in response.
“That’s my girl,” he says. I’m surprised to find I like the hint of praise, but what I love even more is being called his.
The tension rises in my body as the pleasure he’s giving me lifts it higher and higher.
Before I know it, I don’t give a damn that I’m splayed wide open for him, because I’m having the most spectacular orgasm I’ve ever had in my life.
Like, by far. They should make a vibrator that can do what this man has just done.
My body shakes with pleasure, and even after the orgasm comes down, I still tremble.
He stands, and that’s when I remember his pants are still on, so I sit upright and reach for his pants button.
He places his hand over mine to stop me, and I glance at him as that damn insecurity of mine rears its head.
“I don’t want you to think that’s the reason I’m here tonight. This—you and me—is so much more, and I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
“I’m ready. So ready.”
He chuckles, and then his face turns serious, almost concerned. “I don’t want to mess this up,” he whispers.
“We won’t.” I peer into his eyes. “We won’t because we’re not those people anymore. And because I trust you.”
I mean every word. I trust him—he’s been there. He keeps showing up. He keeps taking care of me. He treats my son with kindness and love.
“Are you certain?” he asks.
“One hundred percent. And I have condoms in the drawer.”
“Why do you have condoms in the drawer?”
I shrug and give him a cheeky grin. “You never know what the night might bring.” I wink at him.
This time, when I try again, he lets me unbutton his jeans and lower them past his hips. He steps out of them, and even while still in his boxer briefs, I can tell he’s going to be a lot to take in.
“Oh, my God.”
He chuckles.
“Shit, did I say that out loud?” I ask.
“You did, and it’ll be okay. We’ll only go as far as we can while it feels good for you.”
When I help him slip out of his boxer briefs, I’m eye-level with his cock, which is thick and so very hard. I’m positive I’m soaked simply from looking at him.
I lean forward and take him into my mouth. A moan pours out of me from the feel of him sliding through my lips, smooth against my tongue.
When I glance up at him, his eyes pierce me. His mouth is slightly ajar, and his breathing is shallow.
“That feels amazing, but you’ve got to stop. I won’t last if you keep going, and I have other plans for you.”
Reluctantly, I slide off his dick and swirl my tongue around the tip. Then I sit up, lick my lips, and fix my gaze on him as he watches me with an absolutely feral look.
Within a few seconds, he picks me up and slides me further up the bed, then climbs in next to me. Our lips immediately find each other, and our hands explore.
The kiss is passionate and deep, and yet, at other moments, tender and sweet. There’s no part of each other’s bodies that we don’t touch.
“I want you to come again. That was a gorgeous thing to watch.”
“I don’t think I can.” I’ve never come more than once and never during actual sex. I feel embarrassed, but he kisses my temple, then just below my ear, and I forget all about it.
“Yes, you can. Have you ever come while being fucked?” he asks in a near whisper.
Oh. My. God. I’m learning that I love it when he says things like this near my ear.
“Lots of women can’t…”
“It’s okay if that’s the case, but maybe for them it’s because they’re with someone who doesn’t know how to show how much he cares about them—loves them—by bringing pleasure to their body.”
Loves them? Is he saying he loves me?
I don’t know how much time passes, but I know I’m extremely worked up.
“Please, Holden,” I whisper near his ear.
He pulls his head back so he can see me.
“Are you absolutely sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
He tenderly brushes my hair out of my face, then he runs the backs of his fingers over my cheek.
I fumble in the nightstand drawer and pull out a condom, handing it to him.
Within seconds, he moves between my legs, and when I feel his cock near my entrance, I can’t contain my whimpering.
He peers at me.
I’m looking him in the eyes when he slides into my pussy. Neither of us says anything. I’m not sure we could if we tried. This is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. As he inches into me, the stretch is intense, but feels marvelous.
Everything is perfect.
After all these years, the man I love is finally making love to me.