34. Stephen
34
STEPHEN
Age Eighteen
There's no point to the last few weeks of senior year. The work is done. The caps and gowns are ordered. The diplomas are printed. We're all just here for show.
There's no point in any of it, not since Dorothea left.
Part of me thought I might see her this morning. That she'd show up in homeroom and laugh at her cruel prank. I'd be pissed, at first, but I wouldn't stay mad at her for long. Eventually, I'd laugh too and then I'd kiss her as our homeroom teacher, Mr. Harris, hollered at us to break it up and recite the Pledge of Allegiance.
Then we'd go on with our lives.
It didn't happen. Of course it didn't. She's gone.
I have a free period this afternoon. Since I have no homework to do, no girlfriend to hang out with, and no will to fucking live, I'm sitting in the back of the library with my feet propped up on a table while I pretend to be super interested in the latest John Green book. The quiet in here is welcoming, since it allows me to stew in my own misery.
"Stephen!" comes a shrill voice, followed by a chorus of shushing by the school librarian and the underclassmen cramming for their finals. I look over the top of the book and spot Kira standing with her arms crossed against her chest, looking ridiculous in a pink, flouncy top and a pair of long basketball shorts. She probably got dress coded and was told to put on her gym uniform bottoms, which is ridiculous. There's ten days left of school and it's a thousand degrees outside, let the girl wear what she wants.
There goes my welcoming silence.
"What do you want, Kira?" I bite out, then inwardly wince. I don't want to be rude to her. It's not her fault that love isn't real and my life is over.
"Stephen, she's-" I slam the book shut and planting my feet on the ground.
"Kira, with all due respect, I don't give a fuck about whatever you're about to say," I say. Kira, to her credit, doesn't cower. She never cowers. Girl is stone cold solid. Fearless as fuck. I wish I could be more like her. Maybe if I was, I wouldn't be a shell of a human right now.
"Look, I know you're all in your feels and you probably feel like your heart and your balls were blended up with some ice and a rotten banana, then forced down your throat; that's the only reason I'm going to ignore your rudeness right now."
That is a colorful picture she paints. Colorful, painful, and accurate.
"Stephen, I just wanted to tell you that I know where Dottie is. I didn't get the whole story from her, she's not in a very talkative place, but she's at my dad's cabin."
I stare at her, waiting for her to continue. When she doesn't, I pick the book back up.
"Stephen!" she stomps her foot, gaining another round of shushing from the peanut gallery.
"What?" I whisper, not bothering to look up this time. Wrong move, because Kira takes the book out of my hands and whacks me over the head with it.
"Idiot. I just told you where your girlfriend is. She and her mom had a fight, and Dottie ran. She was pissed and scared and needed space. It's been two days, she's had her space. Get up and go get her!"
"Keeks," I sigh, rubbing a hand over my face. "You didn't… you weren't there. You weren't with us when we skipped the prom. Everything changed. Trust me, if Dorothea wanted me to get her, she would have made it known. If she wanted me to follow her, to come with her, she would have given me a chance. She wouldn't have left me with nothing more than a note in the middle of the night."
Kira's shoulders fall. My heart aches in my chest.
"In three weeks, my dads are taking me to spend the summer in California before I start at USC in August. Dottie is coming with me. If you don't go to the cabin and talk to her… Stephen if you let her leave, if you let her come with me to Los Angeles, she'll never come back here. You get that right?"
Kira's voice breaks a little, and it catches me off guard. In all the years I've known her, in all the years that she's been my best friend's best friend, I don't think I've ever seen Kira cry.
But I can't chase after Dorothea for her. Dorothea doesn't want me, and as mad as I am, she did me a favor with her stupid fucking note. She saved me the pain of having to watch her go.
I won't put myself through that. I won't do it.
"Take her to California with you, Keeks. Take her to California. Give her the chance to finally be happy."
Because at the end of the day, I love Dorothea. She is the love of my life.
The only thing in this world that matters to me is her happiness.
Even if her happiness means she becomes the loss of my life.