13. Calista
C alista~
A week later, and I was starting to believe that I might be able to live again. I hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Louise, and I was taking that as a good sign. I didn’t need any additional fruit baskets, and I definitely didn’t need another prayer meeting in my future.
As for Myer, we had officially become neighbors, a hand wave here and there, but nothing more.
He hadn’t come over to check on me, ask me for my phone number, or offer to mow my yard, which I could do myself, but still.
He was minding his own business, leaving me to mind mine, and it really did fucking suck.
In fact, by the time that Thursday had rolled around, I’d begun giving Abrielle’s pie and shirt idea some real consideration.
Luckily for my ego, I had managed to convince myself that the man just worked long hours, and when you factored in how many hours I worked in a week, waving at each other as we came and went seemed rather reasonable.
I’d also never gotten around to asking him if he had a girlfriend or not, so it was quite possible that he was busy with some other woman, and she was probably some gorgeous supermodel that got around on a unicorn and had her very own rainbow following her around.
I mean, the man was hot as lava, so what other kind of girlfriend would he have?
At any rate, when I’d driven into my driveway last night, I’d had the misfortune of noticing a small hornets’ nest forming just under the eave of my garage, and not wanting to deal with that mess at a later date, I decided to spend my Saturday morning removing it, which was no small feat.
No matter what, I had no desire to get stung by anything, and that’s why I was dressed like I was homeless in the middle of winter.
So, having done my research, I was out in my driveway, dressed for a blizzard, armed with some insecticide, ready to spray the nest, then wait a few hours like the internet told me to.
It also told me to keep spraying the shit out of the nest until all the hornets were dead before removal attempt, and I believed the internet on this one.
After dragging the stepladder from the garage, I studied the distance to gauge if I was even tall enough to make this happen. I mean, not only was I trying not to get stung by hornets, but I was also not trying to fall off the ladder and crack my skull open.
“Looks like you can use some help there.”
I turned to see Jury Patton standing in my driveway, looking at me as if I had no idea what was happening across the street.
Maybe all that blind worship was really making him believe that he was more charming than he really was.
Yeah, he was easy on the eyes, but hadn’t they said the same thing about Ted Bundy?
“Thank you, but I’m good,” I told him as I stepped next to the ladder. “I’ve got it all under control.”
“Which is surprising,” he remarked casually. “I mean, with as protective as your boyfriend seemed at the meeting last week, I’d think that he’d be here to take care of such things for you.”
“You know, I am a grown adult,” I told him. “While I appreciate Myer’s help in all things, I can still manage to get stuff done without him.”
“Ah, you’re one of those,” he said, making my back straighten. “I should have suspected as much from the little that I learned of you at the meeting.”
“One of what?” I asked, even though I knew exactly what he was going to say.
“Well, people like to use the term ‘progressive’, but it’s just another word for independent,” he answered. “Or are you one of those women that view strong men as a threat? You know, always having to make sure that he knows that you don’t need him?”
Honestly, I wanted to take the stepladder and jam it into his throat, but I didn’t feel like going to jail today.
Yeah, he was on my property, and I could always claim self-defense, but my security system would rat me out on that one.
Normally, I was thankful to be able to afford security for my home, but today wasn’t one of those days.
“All that because I choose to handle this myself?” I questioned. “Instead of asking me if I view strong men as a threat, maybe I should ask you if you view strong women as a threat.”
“I don’t view any woman as a threat,” he replied firmly, and if he wasn’t careful, he was going to get struck by lightning for telling lies like that.
“It doesn’t sound that way to me,” I told him cheekily. “I mean, why else would you concern yourself with what I’m doing here?”
“I’m simply trying to be a decent human being,” he lied. “I saw you pull out the stepladder, and I was immediately concerned that you may injure yourself.”
“Well, as you can see, I’m going to remove a hornets’ nest, and since you’re not properly clothed for such an undertaking, I suggest that you go back to Louise’s,” I told him. “I mean, what if you’re allergic and go into anaphylactic shock? I’d hate to have that on my conscience.”
“Luckily for you, apart from an unpleasant sting, I am not allergic to these things, so I am more than able to assist you, Calista,” he replied, refusing to take a hint.
“Mr. Patton, while I’m sure that your intentions are genuine, I’ve got this,” I told him, just about ready to quit being polite. “I’m sure that Louise can use your help for whatever reason that you were at her house in the first place.”
“We were just preparing for tonight’s meeting, is all,” he said evenly, and he really was a strange bird. “You know, which scriptures to choose from...things like that.”
“Well, I wouldn’t want to keep you from the rest of your day,” I lied. “So...thank you for your concern, but I got it from here.”
“Calista, if I may be so bold,” he said, and it was looking as if I was going to have to get rude after all.
“I think you should rethink your relationship with your boyfriend. I feel as if his refusal to see the bigger picture is holding you back from everything that you can achieve in your spiritual journey.”
“I’m not on a spiritual journey,” I told him. “I’m just living my life as I see fit, and that’s good enough for me.”
“But you could be so much more,” he pressed.
“More than happy?” I challenged. “More than satisfied? Honestly, Mr. Patton, what you’re describing sounds a lot like gluttony...you know, never being content with what you already have.”
“There’s no such thing as spiritual gluttony, Calista,” he bullshitted. “The more that we absorb, the closer that we become to God.”
“See, and I don’t buy that,” I finally told him. “I don’t think that we’re supposed to be anywhere near close to God. We’re human, and being human comes with making mistakes in life, and because God is infallible, we’ll never come anywhere near being close to Him.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” he argued. “It’s a feeling, Calista. It’s a sense of peace within yourself, not a literal sense of being close to Him.”
Not willing to go round and round with this lunatic on a Saturday morning, I said, “Look, I’ve been trying to be kind and respectful of your beliefs, but I’ve got to be honest with you, Mr. Patton-”
“Call me Jury,” he said, interrupting me.
“I’d rather not,” I told him honestly. “Anyway , while I’ve been trying to be respectful of your beliefs, you’re not being respectful of mine, and I think that concludes our association with one another.”
“Calista-”
I threw my hand up to stop him, something that probably had him gritting his teeth. “If you want to know the absolute truth, I think that your little prayer group is a sex cult in disguise.”
His eyes widened, probably not used to being called out. “Excuse me?”
“I think that it’s a sex cult, and that you have Louise collecting blondes for you like some.
..some military recruiter that gets bonuses for a certain quota of signups,” I said, looking him in the eye.
“I think that whole kneeling thing is just material for your mental spank bank, and I think that you’re rather vile for preying on people’s need to believe in something bigger and better than themselves. ”
“You are wrong,” he lied. “But even if you weren’t, there are plenty of stories about multiple wives sprinkled throughout The Bible, Calista.”
“There’s a difference between having multiple wives and creating a harem, Mr. Patton,” I replied, my attitude shining through. “So, in this day and age, you are what we call a predator, and if I had any proof that you were preying on unsuspecting females, I’d report you to the FBI.”
Taking my threat as a joke, he said, “Because you believe that the FBI would take your word over mine?”
“You know what-”
“What’s going on here?”
We both turned to see Myer walking across my yard- on the grass and everything -making his way towards where we were standing, and the man didn’t look happy, but that was okay since I wasn’t too happy my-damn-self.
“Where the hell have you been?”