17. Calista
C alista~
I was going to have to sell my house and move to another town as soon as possible, and I could only hope to accomplish all that without Myer noticing.
I kissed his damn cheek.
When Myer had walked me to my front door last night, I’d been ready to go all in and let the man kiss the life out of me.
However, as soon as I’d seen my cursed front door, I had panicked, mumbling like an idiot, then kissing him on the cheek.
It’d been dumb, and the awkwardness afterwards had me ready to move from the home that I loved and uproot Harvey for a second time in his life.
Seriously, I’d never felt so embarrassed, and it hadn’t helped that Myer had just followed my idiocy up with a kiss to my forehead.
Now, normally, I was a sucker for those, but not in that instance.
In that instance, it’d felt like a goodbye and good luck kiss.
I was also self-aware enough to admit that I was feeling sad over losing the only prospect of sex that I’d had in a long time.
Now, while I hadn’t planned on sleeping with Myer last night, I’d had hopes of riding that stud by the end of the upcoming week, and now I was back to using batteries and ruining the environment in the name of personal selfishness.
I let out a deep sigh as Harvey set his paws on the couch, waiting for permission to cuddle with me.
I’d been laying down, the television on Killer Couples, trying to get my mind off last night’s debacle, and Harvey must have sensed that I was feeling blue.
Of course, Harvey also liked to just sit on the couch, so his wagging tongue and soulful eyes could have nothing to do with my personal mortification over last night.
Nonetheless, I could use the cuddles, so I patted the cushion once, and then Harvey was immediately jumping on the couch next to me, his heavy weight familiar and comforting. Luckily for me, he wasn’t an excessive shedder, so the damage wouldn’t be too bad.
“How do you feel about goldfish?” I asked him. “I mean, do you think that you could co-exist in peace with them? Or would you feel like they’d be invading your space?”
Placing his snout near my armpit, Harvey got comfortable as he ignored my question about goldfish. Of course, I couldn’t see Lilibeth invading his space too much, but animals could be persnickety about things like that, so you never knew.
Just then, a knock on the door had me wanting to pretend to be asleep.
Since we hadn’t gotten around to exchanging numbers last night, it could only be Myer, Louise, Jury Patton, or someone selling cookies for a school fundraiser, and I couldn’t lie and say that cookies weren’t worth getting up off the couch for, because they totally were.
“Sorry, Harvey,” I muttered. “If we don’t answer the door, they just might come back later.”
Doing my best not to disturb my dog’s comfortable sleeping position- because that’s what us pet owners did -I wiggled my way off the couch, then went to go answer the door. Luckily for whoever it was, I hadn’t reached out to a realtor yet to help me run away from my shame.
Because it wouldn’t make a difference, I didn’t bother looking through the peephole because my weekend really couldn’t get any worse at this point, and I’d made the adult decision to accept that.
Honestly, the only thing that could ruin my day further was if it was city workers knocking on my door, informing me about a sewer backup.
Opening the door, I was surprised-not-surprised to see Louise standing on my doorstep, no fruit basket in hand, which I supposed was a good thing. The only thing worse than a visit from Louise was a visit from her and her damn gift baskets.
“Louise, good morning,” I greeted. “How are you doing this fine day?”
“Cut the crap, Calista,” she snapped, making my head rear back in absolute shock. Up until this very second, Louise Mackrell had always been the perfect picture of decorum.
“Excuse me?”
“How dare you insult Jury,” she harrumphed, clearly outraged. “Who do you think you are to speak to such a visionary like that?’
Visionary?
“He enlightens people,” she went on. “He changes people’s lives.
He helps people see deeper inside themselves, giving them a chance to change and improve on their existence.
What do you do? How have you improved the world or the people around you?
How do you contribute to society? Who’s going to remember your name when you’re gone? ”
Oh, yeah.
She was definitely a cuckoo bird.
“Soooo, is this because I called him out on his little sex cult?” I asked facetiously.
Her eyes widened, and she really did look like she might expire on the spot. “We are not a sex cult,” she hissed, her cheeks turning red with anger. “We are a family that is dedicated to following the word of our Lord, and what you are suggesting is vile.”
“No, that’s where you’re wrong,” I corrected.
“Vile is a man preying on lost souls who are looking for guidance. Vile is a man using God to make women subservient to his whims. Vile is Jury Patton, and if you dare say that you guys aren’t all sleeping with the man, then not only are you a liar, but you have bastardized The Bible for your own sick and twisted perversions. ”
“We are not perverts,” she spat. “Everything that we do is in the spirit of emotional cleansing.”
“Lady, you have got to be higher than the clouds in the sky,” I told her. “Either that, or else your medications need to be re-evaluated.”
Louise bristled, and it was hard not to feel sorry for her.
Jury Patton really had his claws in deep, and if she wasn’t recruiting for him, I might have tried to save her from his twisted views.
Honestly, all I could do was be grateful that my suspicious nature made me immune to scammers like Jury Patton.
“As this salt is of the earth, so art thee,” Louise announced as she threw some salt at my feet. “And as I trod upon the earth, so do I trod upon thee.”
“What in the hell are you doing?” I squawked.
Instead of answering me, the crazed woman lit a match, then said, “Friends of fire, and friends of hell, beckon to this horrid smell. Destroy the empire that he built, let him suffer with his guilt. From earth’s own salt, and sulfur’s smell, with your own evil, you shall dwell.
With evil thoughts and vicious tongues, I will undo what you have done-”
This crazy bitch was placing a hex on me.
“Yeah, no,” I said, interrupting her. “You’re not hexing me today, woman.”
“You can’t stop me,” she hissed. “I have other gifts available to me without your presence.”
I scowled as I placed my hands on my hips. “What happened to loving thy neighbor? What happened to living purely to be closer to God? Because I have news for you, Louise; I’m pretty sure that God doesn’t approve of hexing innocent people.”
“You’re not innocent, Calista Glenn,” she fired back. “In fact, I bet that you’re letting Myer Justus do all kinds of unholy things to you.”
Oh, lady, how I wished.
“As a matter of fact, he’s next,” she threatened, but I wasn’t sure what she was threatening.
“Next for what?’
“You’re not the only one who is going to have to suffer under the dark cloud of revenge,” she said, and holy fucking shit, this woman was nuts. “I have something very special for him.”
While she and this conversation were completely absurd, I just couldn’t help myself. “Wait, why does he get a special curse? I’ve been your neighbor a lot longer, Louise. I mean, why am I getting just a regular curse?”
She paused in her tirade long enough to answer, which surprised the hell out of me. “Well, Jury feels like Myer is the one standing in your way. He feels as if you can still be saved.”
“Then why the hell are you putting a hex on me?”
“Because you don’t get to insult the man that I love without consequence,” she huffed.
“Oh, Sweet Baby Jesus,” I muttered.
Louise gasped. “Do not dare take the Lord’s name in vain with me, you...you heathen.”
Okay, despite how entertaining this was, it was time to end this nonsense.
“Louise, I’m going to say this only once, but you need to leave and never come back.
If you ever send me another fruit basket or knock on my front door again, I will call the police, report my suspicions about your so-called prayer group, and I will file a public order of protection against you all, letting the entire world know just what you and Jury Patton are up to. Do I make myself clear?”
The woman hissed at me.
Actually hissed at me.
“I will bind you,” she threatened. “I will bind you from ever causing us any harm.”
“You’re a fruit loop, and you really should see a doctor for it,” I said before shutting the door, thankful that Harvey had stayed on the couch and away from Louise’s hex-wielding ways.