5. Deacon
Chapter 5
Deacon
Blood pumped wildly through my veins as my heartbeat pulsed in my ears. Charlie was alone and the cabin was filled with smoke.
An image of her buried beneath ceiling rubble clanged through my mind as I shifted gears and pressed down on the accelerator of my truck.
Before her arrival—before I knew it was her who would occupy my rental cabin—I’d double checked everything to make sure it was in working order. The fireplace had been cleaned out, along with the chimney. Somehow, I missed something and now I couldn’t get the picture of Charlie being stuck in the cabin surrounded by smoke out of my mind.
Even worse, it was my fault.
Again.
“She’s not inside. She told me she was outside on the front porch,” I told myself out loud as I maneuvered the shift stick into a higher gear. “She’s safe. She’s safe .”
No matter how many times I repeated the words to myself, my heart rate didn’t slow until I finally arrived at the cabin and found her standing outside, a white ball of fluff curled up in her arms.
She waved at me with a smile on her face. Anger boiled my blood.
What the hell was she thinking? Something could have happened to her, and she was smiling at me like everything was just fine.
Gravel slid under my tires as I slammed on the brakes and threw the shifter into park. Slamming the driver door behind me, I nearly ran to her. “What’re you doing?”
Her brows pinched with utter confusion. “What do you mean?”
I pointed at the cabin behind her. “You should be further away from this place, not just standing right outside the front door. There’s a gas line in there for the stove. If the fire would have reached it, there could have been an explosion.” My breaths were heavy with each word as I towered over her. But she didn’t step away from me. Instead, she inched closer and placed a hand on my forearm.
My skin burned where I felt her palm over my jacket. “Deacon, there’s no fire. I think something’s blocking the chimney, so there’s a lot of smoke. But the fire didn’t spread from the hearth.”
Nostrils flaring, I ground my teeth together. I was acting like a crazed lunatic. Of course there wasn’t a fire. She’d told me that on the phone. It was just a blockage in the chimney.
I took her in for a moment, assessing for any kind of injury. There might not have been a fire, but smoke inhalation could cause long term problems.
Blue eyes stared up at me under the rim of reddish-brown lashes. Freckles kissed the skin of her nose and cheeks, giving her the look of a woman who should be somewhere on a tropical beach. Not in the middle of the Georgia mountains during the dead of winter.
Her closeness was making my vision grow hazy. I wanted her by my side, in my arms, away from any kind of danger. But that would be crazy because I hardly knew the woman. Even though I’d spent nearly every day of my life since the apartment fire thinking about her, I knew it wasn’t normal.
There was nothing natural about how Charlie would haunt my thoughts when I couldn’t fall asleep at night. Or how badly I wanted to see what those rosy, pink lips tasted like. I was a fiend for the woman ever since that day and it was so fucked.
I am fucked .
Because that fire wasn’t the only thing that shifted my dreams into nightmares. Years in the military had warped my perception of the world. Always looking for the looming threats. Always assessing. There was hardly a moment when my mind was quiet—without worry, without fear.
And Charlie Banks had the uncanny ability of bringing out the worst in me. Because for whatever fucked up reason, the thought of something terrible happening to her was the most haunting thought of all.
“Deacon?” Charlie’s soft voice brought me back from the spiral that was threatening my sanity.
I clenched my jaw when I noticed her hand was still on my arm. “Let me go see what’s going on.” Her hand slipped away when I moved past her toward the front door.
Thick clouds of smoke wafted past me when I opened the door. I nearly choked on the smell as it threatened to pull me back to those memories again. Determined not to go there, I kept my mind settled on the task at hand.
Grabbing the fire extinguisher from under the kitchen sink, I put out the blazing fire in the hearth so I could get a better look as to what was blocking the smoke path.
Coughing sounded behind me, and I turned to find Charlie waving her hand back and forth while her other arm still held her cat.
Rising, I said, “You don’t need to be in here while I do this.”
Her free hand settled on her hip, drawing my eyes down the length of her body. I was so amped up before I didn’t notice she was wearing tight-fitted Long Johns pajamas. The cream colored top draped over her figure, showing the swell of her breasts. I nearly cracked a tooth from clenching my jaw when my gaze trailed further down her waist to the curve of her hips.
Fucking hell.
I forced myself to look back to her heart shaped face. One red eyebrow was arched as she said, “Neither do you. This place is filled with smoke and none of us need to be in here until it all clears out. Let’s just open the windows and come back in a little while.”
“Come back?” I questioned. “Where are we going to go in the meantime?”
Her delicate shoulders shrugged. “Back to your place for a bit?”
Damnit. Just the thought of having Charlie in my home had ungentlemanly thoughts running through my mind. What it might be like to have her in my bed. To feel her soft skin pressed against mine. To see those perfectly pink lips moaning my name as I…
Raking a hand through my hair, I silently chastised myself. Keep your fucking head on straight.
She was already consuming every part of me, and she was all the way across the room with unbreathable air between us. How the hell was I going to survive having her in my space?
But then she brought her hand to her mouth and started coughing and the decision was made.
“My house. Go get in the truck,” I commanded.
“I can help with the w?—”
“In the truck.” I pointed out the open door behind her.
Without another word, she spun around and walked out the door. It was all I could do not to stare at her ass. Letting out a haggard sigh, I quickly opened all the windows in the cabin and opened the back door so the smoke could clear out faster.
Finally opening the driver’s door of my truck, I was hit with the scent of smoke and something like vanilla cut through. It was warm and sweet and wholly her .
I tried not to breathe in too deeply but fuck if it wasn’t intoxicating. With a groan, I slid across the seat and turned the engine on.
Meow!
Right. We weren’t alone.
“Is it going to freak out while I drive?”
Charlie’s giggle sent a bolt of electricity down my spine that had me stiffening. “ It is a he . And he has a name. Remember?” That same right eyebrow arched at me and the smirk playing on her lips had her cheeks rising.
She was so damn beautiful it was difficult to look away. When her smile faltered under the scrutiny of my gaze, I finally looked behind us and shifted the truck into reverse.
“Just make sure he doesn’t leave your lap until we get to my place.”
The drive back to my house felt like an eternity with her in the passenger seat of my truck. My palm ached from white knuckling the steering wheel the entire way. I was thankful to be out of the small space and for the biting cold that woke me from my stupor when I got out of the truck and went to her side to open the door.
“Thank you,” she nearly whispered when she slid off the seat and her feet hit the gravel.
The cat—Casper—gave a weird squeaking sound as we walked up the front porch and I opened the door for them.
As she passed me, I got another whiff of the warm vanilla scent. Not able to help myself this time, I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. When I opened them again, I took in the long curls of her red hair and how they cascaded down her back. The ends nearly reaching the curve of her ass.
Everything about her was perfect. I knew it the moment I saw her seven years ago when those crystalline blue eyes shone with gratitude at the sound of my voice when I burst through her bedroom door.
But I’d ruined that perfection. I wasn’t fucking strong enough to save her and now she would be scarred for the rest of her life because of me.
Following her inside, I shut out the cold behind me. I watched as she knelt to let Casper out of her arms. He pounced across the floor then sniffed the air like he wasn’t quite sure if the surroundings were up to his liking.
Then, Charlie turned around slowly and started walking further into the living room. Watching her in my home made my stomach flip. So many questions ran through my mind.
Did she like it? Had I already ruined any chance of getting to know her? Did she blame me for the marred skin on her ribcage?
I already knew the answer to the second question. There was no chance in hell I’d be good enough for her. I just needed to put that hope to rest and never think of it again.
I was so twisted up in my mind, I didn’t even notice her cat starting to rub himself against my pant leg.
“Um, what do I do?” I asked, catching Charlie’s attention from where she stood next to my large leather sofa.
That damn giggle she let out had my heart lurching into my throat. How it was possible to be affected by another person was beyond me.
I was starting to fray around the edges the closer she moved toward me. Suddenly, the large open floorplan of my home had become stifling.
She bent down in front of me and picked up her cat. It was purring in her arms when she lifted him up.
“When he does that, it means he really likes you and wants your attention.” She extended the white furball toward me. “You can pet him if you want. I promise he won’t bite.”
He’s not the one I’m worried about , I wanted to say but kept my mouth clamped shut.
Reaching out, my palm covered the entirety of the cat’s small head. I tried to be gentle as I ran my hand over his ears, but his head sank with each pat from the weight of my palm.
“He won’t scratch anything, will he?” I straightened back to my full height.
Her smile was wide as she responded, “No. He’s well trained.” A soft chuckle moved past her lips. “You’re really not an animal guy, are you?”
It took me a moment to focus on the words she said and not the ruby red color of her lips. It seemed they darkened when she wasn’t outside freezing her ass off.
Clearing my throat, I blinked out of my stupor. “I’m a dog guy.”
She looked around the living room like she was waiting for a dog to come prancing through.
“I don’t have one right now. I’ve been enjoying the alone time since I moved to Pebble Brook Falls. ”
“Oh.” She shifted on her feet uncomfortably. Silence settled over the both of us, her gaze shifted to the ground.
Then, out of nowhere, she darted toward the front door. “This was a stupid idea,” she murmured, moving past me.
It took me a second to realize what I’d said to make her scramble out of my home. Letting my eyes flicker shut for a moment, I internally groaned to myself. I am such an ass .
Before she got too far past me, I reached out and grasped the crook of her elbow.
“Charlie, wait.”
She paused; her back was still facing me as she slowly looked down where my hand was gripped around her arm. I could feel the heat of her underneath the thin layer of her Long Johns top. The comforting smell of vanilla overwhelmed my senses and when her blue eyes lifted to meet mine, my breathing hitched.
Striking . That’s what Charlie Banks was. Not beautiful. Not gorgeous. Those words didn’t encapsulate what she did to me every time I looked at her. Because when I did, it was like taking a blow to the heart. A bolt of lightning hitting me square in the chest, setting my entire body on edge.
I wanted to pull her into my chest and feel the curves of her supple body againstme. To bury my face in the strands of her fiery red hair. To lose myself in the depths of her ocean blue eyes.
But I did none of those things because I didn’t deserve to. So, I let my hand fall from her arm.
My throat was thick as I forced out the words, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to sound like I didn’t want you here. I…” Ra king a hand over my head, I tried to find what I wanted to say through all the muck of emotions that were clouding my mind.
Letting out a sigh, I felt my shoulders drop. “I don’t always say the right things. And I’m finding that to be especially true when I’m around you. So, I’m sorry.”
Her face softened and I swore she leaned forward, like she might take a step toward me.
But she remained standing where she was, only a few feet away from the front door. Something about the view of her being so close to leaving upset me. I couldn’t figure out what I wanted. Having her near me was suffocating. I could hardly breathe, let alone think in her presence. But there was a clear absence in my chest when she wasn’t around. It was like she repaired something inside of me that had been broken from all the shit I’d been through in my life.
So, I did the one thing I probably shouldn’t have. “Will you please stay?”