17. Charlie
Chapter 17
Charlie
After two more rounds, my thirst was fully sated and I was left with the comforting feeling of Deacon’s arms wrapped around me as I snuggled into his chest on the couch.
Hours had passed since we’d crossed the line with one another. I didn’t want to look back and it seemed like he didn’t either. The fear I had earlier of what the aftermath might bring for us had essentially disappeared. There was no trace of that man left. The one who had been so disturbed to see me on his front porch. All that was left was a man who held me like he never wanted to let me go.
And I liked that.
I really liked that.
“When did you get Casper?” The bottom of his chin grazed the side of my head; the little stubble hairs of his beard got caught in my hair and he smoothed them back down.
Our bodies adjusted as I snuggled closer to him, setting my cheek on his still bare chest. The heavy thump of his heartbeat was soothing to me.
“My parents got him for me the Christmas after the fire. I think they wanted me to have a companion after they saw me struggle with so many of my friends. I told them I was okay, but I don’t think either one of them believed me.”
“Were you okay?” Deacon’s thumb moved up and down my bicep.
“I was. Like I told you before, it was a struggle at first to see just how shallow the relationships I had with my friends were. But I didn’t allow myself to stay stuck in that mindset. I have wonderful parents who stayed by my side the entire time and there are a lot of people in this world who can’t say their parents would do the same.”
I peeked up at him. “If we’re always looking at the things we don’t have, we tend to miss the most beautiful parts of our lives.”
Closing my eyes, I took a moment to let the current moment sink in. A moment I didn’t realize just how badly I’d wanted until now.
“Wise words coming from someone so young.”
I half-laughed. “You can give credit to my grandpa again for that one. He always had the best sayings. The kind of life lessons that stick with you, no matter how long ago he told them to you.”
“Hmm,” he hummed thoughtfully. “Was Casper as mischievous of a kitten as he is now?”
Casper rose his head from where he was laying down at the other end of the sofa. He always had a sixth sense of knowing when someone was talking about his misbehaviors.
“A thousand times worse,” I snickered. “He used to get into literally everything. One time, I was in the middle of a really big commission piece, and I left the room for two minutes to grab another cup of tea. When I came back, my paints were everywhere, and Casper’s white coat had turned into a kaleidoscope of colors.”
Deacon’s chest rose and fell as he laughed. “Did he also have a habit of attacking your face in the mornings?”
“Yeah,” I drew out the word. “I thought I broke him of that a few years ago, but you must have brought out the wild side in him.” Looking up at Deacon I saw humor dancing in his irises. A stitch hit my heart. The sex with him had been amazing. He made me feel things I didn’t know my body was even capable of. But none of that compared to how he looked at me right now. Like I had brought him peace in the midst of a terrible storm.
“Did you have any pets growing up?”
“We had some family dogs. Never any cats though.”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
We both shifted our attention to Casper as he stretched, his entire body elongating until the front half of him almost fell off the couch.
“Too unpredictable.”
I laughed at that. “For someone who’s made a career out of unpredictable situations, I find it interesting that it would bother you so much.”
“Maybe that’s why. I’ve had my fill of it and now I need some stability in my life.” Deacon’s lips met my temple. I shuttered from the feeling of his kiss and wrapped my arms around his waist, wanting to be closer to him in any way possible.
“He’s not so bad though,” he murmured against my hair. “Although, if he ends up darting outside in the snow again, I might just leave him out there until he figures it out for himself.”
Sitting up quickly, I pushed on his shoulder. “You would never,” I scolded.
Deacon’s head tilted to the side as he raised his eyebrows. “Would I?”
Darting my gaze between his eyes, I couldn’t tell if he was pulling my leg or not. Then, he smiled broadly and dug his fingers under my arms and into my sides, tickling me.
“Ah!” I squealed, shoving his arms away from me, but he kept the tickles coming.
“You honestly think I would leave your cat outside in the snow?” His laughter mixed with mine until he finally stopped, and I could catch my breath. “I’d chase that little rascal to the ends of this earth if it meant making you happy.”
My breaths were heavy as I registered Deacon’s words. “You would really do that for me?”
His hand dove underneath my hair, landing on the back of my neck where his strong fingers started working on me in a slow massage. “I’m beginning to realize that I’d do just about anything for you, Sunshine.”
The dark shadows that had haunted Deacon’s face from the first moment I saw him on his front porch had seemed to lift, not even a small trace of them left behind. Whatever had changed between us. Whatever had given him the courage to leave that day behind us…I was thankful for it.
I booped his nose with my index finger. “Right back at you, Grumps.”
His eyes widened. “Grumps?”
“Short for grumpy butthead.”
He snorted and his nostrils flared. “Is that right?”
“Don’t worry.” I kissed his cheek. “Grumpy suits you.”
“As long as it doesn’t chase you away.”
“I think you’ve already done all you could to chase me away. For some reason, I kept sticking around.”
Deacon’s gaze shifted to my lips as I ground my hips against him, feeling that heat from our earlier escapades rising again.
“And I’m really glad you did.” His lips found mine as his hand moved up the back of my head, fingers twining through my hair. This kiss was unlike all the others that had been filled with scorching passion. This one was tender and sweet. Where he was normally hard, Deacon softened, moving his tongue against mine in long fluid motions that had my body melting against him.
Every part of me was singing with the sensation of butterfly wings fluttering over my skin. His kiss consumed me. Taking everything I was and making me anew. He was everywhere, touching every corner of my soul. Leaving a piece of himself behind to fill the parts of me I never knew were broken.
When we finally parted, it felt like another piece of our puzzle slid into place. The portrait of us was taking shape in such a beautiful way, it nearly brought tears to my eyes.
I could tell he felt it too. This one moment that was ours—had always been ours. Just waiting for us to be brave enough to reach out and take what we wanted.
Then, a loud slamming sound emanated from behind me. I jumped in his arms, and he held me close. “What was that?” I asked with a startled breath.
I watched his eyes as they looked up and past me. “I think it was the screen door slamming shut. Let me go check it out.”
Intertwining my fingers with his, he rotated my hand until my wrist faced toward the ceiling. A line of sparks shot up my arm when he leaned down and kissed the inside of my wrist. My eyelids fluttered at the contact. Then, he was gone. Leaving me and Casper on the couch while he inspected the cause of the noise.
“Wait.” I whisper-yelled. “I’m coming with you.”
He stopped a few feet from the front door and turned around. “Why are you whispering?”
I shrugged and looked at him sheepishly. “I don’t know. What if it’s an axe murderer who is trying to break in to kill us and take our spot on the couch?”
Deacon’s eyes narrowed on me. “If your first thought was that it’s an axe murderer, then why are you coming with me to check it out?”
I rolled my shoulders back. “In case you need backup.”
With a lopsided smirk, Deacon stalked toward me and took my face in the palm of his hands. “Baby girl, I’m a trained special operations soldier who’s been to war more times than I can count. I think I can take on one axe murderer and keep you safe.”
“What if he’s a really big one?” I giggled.
Deacon seemed to grow a few more inches as he rotated his own shoulders backward. “There are very few men I’ve come across in my life who are bigger than me. And if he is…well…we’re both fucked.”
I burst out laughing as Deacon kissed the tip of my nose and chuckled. “Come on.” He grabbed my hand and led me toward the door. “Let’s see what we’re up against.”
Deacon opened his front door and wisps of snowflakes whirled around us, settling onto the wood floors of his home before melting. Cold air blasted my face as we stepped onto the front porch, my socks doing nothing to protect my feet from the frigidness of the frozen wooden planks.
“Oh my gosh.” I brought my hand to my mouth. “It’s even higher than it was yesterday.”
Deacon stepped further out, snowflakes dusting his black hair as he leaned on the porch railing and looked upward. “As soon as it stops, I’m going to need to get some of this snow off the roof.”
“Are we at risk of having it cave in?”
Frost had already gathered on his eyebrows when he looked back down at me. “I checked all the trusses when I first moved in here. They’re solid, but I don’t want to take any chances.”
I nodded, holding my hands to my mouth and blowing hot air into them. Deacon moved toward the screen door that was open, lying flat against the large logs that made up the paneling of the house. He assessed the latch on the door and started fiddling with it.
“I think we’ve found our axe murderer.” He looked up at me.
“Is it broken?”
“Yeah. The locking mechanism broke off, so the door has nothing to keep it secure anymore. I’m going to need to take it off the hinges and bring it inside or it’ll keep us up all night.”
The icy air had moved its way down to my bones by the time Deacon had gotten the door off the hinges. He’d told me to go inside and sit by the fire numerous times, but I loved watching him work and I didn’t want him to have to be out in the cold by himself.
I had a feeling Deacon would have been fine with the door slamming off and on throughout the night. He’d probably had to learn how to sleep in loud places given his time in the military. I knew he was doing this for my benefit.
When he brought the door inside, I went into the kitchen and brought back some paper towels to wipe the floor clean from the wet snow.
“I could have taken care of that.” Deacon’s voice was low as he knelt beside me and took the soaked paper towel from my hand.
“This is my home too.”
His hand stilled. I wanted to slam my foot straight into my mouth. This wasn’t my home. This was Deacon’s home. That I had intruded with my cat. I needed to calm my jets and not say anything else that might have him running for the hills. “For the time being, I mean. Let me help.”
I loosed an anxious breath when he nodded and brought me back another paper towel.
Keep it together, Charlie . One amazing night with a man does not mean he wants you to take ownership of his house .
His heavy footsteps creaked on the floorboards as he headed into the living room and settled onto the couch. After the floor was dry and I discarded the paper towels, I sat on the sofa next to him, but not touching him.
“Is that what it was like in Afghanistan? The snow piled up that high?” He was staring into the fire, and I realized he must have put a few more logs onto it while I was cleaning up because it was bigger than before.
My stomach twisted into knots as I noticed the shadows in his eyes had reappeared. The intimate bubble we’d shared before had popped and I was left with the one version of him that I couldn’t break through.
Much to my surprise, he shifted and turned his attention to me. “Sometimes worse,” he stated plainly, and I tried not to let him see how much his response affected me.
Talk to me . Give me that smile again. Please.
When he said nothing else, I settled into the quiet and tried not to let this change in his demeanor ruin the night we’d shared. He was allowed to have his feelings. It was okay that he shifted like this.
Or at least that’s what I told myself, so I didn’t break down.
I pulled Casper into my lap, needing something to keep me grounded. He purred loudly as I scratched between his ears and ran my hand down his back.
“I lost a lot of good friends over there,” Deacon’s husky voice broke through the silence like a bolt of lightning.
The green in his eyes darkened as they settled back on me. “It’s difficult for me to think back to that time.”
“I’m so sorry, Deacon. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
There was a heavy pause between us. I felt like a jerk for pushing him. Just because I was able to manage the trials I’d faced in life with ease didn’t mean everyone had the same experience as me. Some people didn’t want to talk about what they’d been through. Some just wanted to forget.
“Don’t do that,” he whispered into the space between us, the planes of his face solid as stone.
“Do what?” The words were thick on my tongue.
“Regret asking questions you want to know the answers to.”
I looked down at the floor. “It’s none of my business. Sometimes I just need to keep my mouth shut.”
The rough pad of his thumb slid under my chin as he gently shifted my face toward him again. My breath hitched as I took in his devastatingly beautiful face. The sharp edges of his jaw and pronounced cheekbones. His thick lashes that made him look boyish up close, curbing the edges of his gruff nature. And those lips. God how I already loved those lips and everything they were capable of making me feel.
“Don’t stop being curious just because it’s hard. God…” His head dropped low for a moment before he lifted his chin an d shook his head at the ceiling. When his gaze landed on me again, he said, “I wish I possessed your ease with being open. I wish I could lay all my cards on the table and not have the aftermath impact me the way it does. I want to try… I am trying with you, Charlie. Just…give me some time. I’ve never done this before. Not with anyone.”
Heat stung my eyes. I blinked to stop the tears from forming. “Take as much time as you need. I’ll be right here when you’re ready.”
He smiled his brilliant smile that I knew he kept hidden most of the time. Then he pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me.
The only sound was the beat of his heart against my cheek and the crackling logs in the hearth. The sounds I fell asleep to. A gentle lullaby that I wanted to hear again and again.