19. Charlie
Chapter 19
Charlie
Droplets of water dripped down my back as I wrapped the light blue towel around me. Deacon and I had gone at it all morning and despite the growing soreness between my legs, my body still craved to be touched by him. Wanted by him.
I bit my lip thinking back to how he bent me over his couch and fucked me so hard I thought we were going to break the furniture.
It was good for him. Physical touch. Before we’d started our escapades this morning, I saw him retreat inward. I noticed the faraway look in his eyes that told me he was slipping away. I understood that if there was a chance for this to be real…a chance for us to make it past the snow melting, that I would have to keep him with me and fight against the fear that I now knew took hold of him.
Emotion lodged in my throat as I looked at myself in the mirror. My skin was glowing even though it was the middle of winter and there was a brightness to my eyes I’d never seen before. Deacon had left his mark on me, and I was all the better for it.
He was becoming my safe haven. The one I wish I’d had back then, when I had to be strong for everyone else even though the only thing I wanted to do was break down. Deacon was the person I could be all versions of myself with and the thought of all that going away once the snow melted, and we were forced to face the reality of the connection we had was starting to scare me.
I didn’t get scared often.
There was too much joy in this world to let fear control me. But the happiness I’d found with Deacon was a once in a lifetime kind of happiness. Deep in my bones, I knew it. Knew how rare it was.
I just hoped I was right about the tether that connected us and this wasn’t some cruel trick of fate.
Sighing, I gave myself one last glance in the mirror before I went to his linen closet to grab him a towel since his last one was in the washer.
I opened the door, and my gaze trailed upward where a puzzle box sat on the top shelf. Securing my towel around me, I reached for the box and pulled it down and laughed. On the top of the box was an image of puppies playing in a field. There were too many to count. Most of them had their mouths wide open ready to chomp their neighbor or were getting ready to take a bite of grass.
My heart warmed at the picture and thinking of Deacon trying to match the pieces of their adorable little faces.
“Hey, Sunshine,” Deacon called through the closed bathroom door. “Is it my turn yet?”
“Almost!” I said back, not quite ready to give up the space.
Sunshine … The nickname he’d chosen for me made my heart burst with glee. It was such a sweet name. Bright and lovely. So different from the baby girl he’d chosen for when we were intimate.
Two nicknames.
Two versions of our relationship.
What about the third version? The one where he ran away from us. From what we had together. There was a darkness in Deacon that had been created from the war he’d fought in and the awful things he’d witnessed as a firefighter. Those parts held onto him and I couldn’t help but wonder if there was room for them between us. Or if those parts would eventually drag me down too.
I shook my head, trying to loosen the doubt. My heart tugged and I knew I was falling for Deacon. It was one thing to think about the possibilities between us and quite another to have them starting to play out. To see his brilliant smile at something I said. To feel the warmth of his embrace and the pure ecstasy that came from his touch.
Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply. If I was going to ask him to be brave and to give us a fair chance, I needed to do the same thing.
Opening my eyes, I reached for the handle and opened the bathroom door to find Deacon laying on his bed, arms bent wide as he rested the back of his head in his hands.
With the puzzle box in tow, I climbed onto his bed and straddled him. He shifted his arms and settled his hands on my hips and smiled at me. I smiled back as I lifted the box in front of him.
“Puppies?” I asked with a smirk.
He took the box and assessed it. “I haven’t looked at this in a long time.”
“I knew you were a big softy behind all that grump, but I didn’t take you as the puzzle making type.”
The smile he wore dropped slightly, but it didn’t go away completely as he said, “I did a lot of puzzles with my friends overseas. There’s a lot of down time when you get deployed and one of my buddies would always bring a puzzle with us. They’d always be of something sickeningly adorable. I think it helped for us to look at something that didn’t have to do with violence and death. Even if it was just an image printed onto puzzle pieces.”
I swallowed, my stomach sinking at the thought of Deacon being exposed to so much horror.
“I brought this one on our last deployment, but we never got to make it. My friend was killed in action before I even had a chance to show it to him.”
“Oh, Deacon.” I reached for his hand, surprised when he didn’t pull away from me. “I’m so sorry.”
Glassy eyes looked up at me. It was the first time I’d seen past his wall with clarity. He was hurting and all I wanted to do was make it stop. But that wasn’t for me to decide. Sometimes, we just had to live through the hurt.
“Why don’t we make it now. In his honor.” It was a bold move. One I wasn’t sure was even right in this situation. I’d never known someone who had lost friends in war. Maybe I was stepping out of line.
Deacon sniffed and cleared his throat. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s do that.”
“Really?” I tried not to sound too surprised, but excitement flared in my chest.
“Only if you make us some hot chocolate first.” He patted the side of my hip and I slid off of him.
“Now that is something I can definitely do.”
“Casper!” Deacon and I both scolded him at the same time as he blinked at us innocently before swatting another puzzle piece to the floor.
Deacon leaned out of his chair and picked up the piece. “See! Unpredictable.”
I laughed. “I’m pretty sure knocking things off a table is a predictable cat move.”
Deacon showed the puzzle piece to Casper and said, “This is not yours to play with you little rascal.”
I nearly snorted into the mug of hot cocoa as Casper just swished his tail back and forth, scattering a few more pieces around the table. Several were nearly knocked off the edge again.
“Okay.” Deacon lifted Casper into the air and placed him in his lap. “If you’re going to misbehave, you go to cat jail.”
I burst out laughing. “Cat jail?”
Deacon’s bright eyes met mine. “Yes. He can’t knock any more pieces off the table while he’s in my lap.”
Casper settled down until I could only see the tips of his ears poking up from the edge of the table. “I’m pretty sure you just gave him exactly what he’s been wishing for all along.”
Deacon just looked at me with his brows scrunched together.
“Your affection.”
His brows rose as he looked back down at Casper who was now purring in his lap, eyes closing and opening lazily. “You sneaky little fucker,” Deacon admonished him in a whisper.
“I can’t believe you were outsmarted by such a tiny creature. Your brain has to weigh at least four times as much as his.”
Deacon grunted as he glared at me.
The grump makes another striking appearance , I thought to myself but thought better of saying it out loud.
We finished spreading out the rest of the puzzle pieces, turning them all over so disjointed puppy parts were all over the table.
“Did you do puzzles growing up?” Deacon asked after we’d completed the left border.
“My parents and I used to do one every year at Christmas time. It’s one of my fondest memories with them. We’d stay up late and make copious amounts of hot chocolate until we all got stomach aches and couldn’t drink anymore.” Images of those times filled my mind, and I felt a wave of gratitude wash over me as I thought of how lucky I was to have such an amazing childhood.
“Eventually we turned it into a competition though. We all came up with words we’d use to say loudly every time we got a piece in. When someone else would say their word, it made you want to try harder,” I laughed. “It also messes with your head if you haven't placed a piece in a while.”
“Hm,” Deacon huffed. “I kinda like the idea of that. What was your word?”
I beamed at him. “Boom.”
“Boom?” he chuckled, and I blushed.
“ Yes . Boom.”
“Like an explosion.”
“Listen, I thought I was a hot-shot kid and boom seemed like the appropriate word at the time.”
“I like it.” He nodded with a smirk.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I sat back in the chair. “Well, it’s mine. You have to pick your own.”
“A little protective over your boom?”
Deacon was teasing me. He was actually poking at me and not because he was grumpy and irritable. He was actually trying to joke around.
My heart fluttered as I leaned across the table and pecked his cheek.
“What was that for?” His grin was lopsided and adorable, making him look younger than he usually did.
“For being cute,” I replied.
“Cute?” He sighed dramatically. “You’re not allowed to tell any of my friends that you think I’m cute .”
I stilled. It was the first time either one of us had made any mention of life beyond the snowstorm that kept us cooped up in his home. A flutter hit my chest as my heart skipped a beat.
“So, um…” I cleared my throat and tucked my hair behind my ears. “What’s your word going to be?”
Those beautiful green eyes settled on me for a moment. Assessing. Questioning what had just happened between us. I wondered if he realized what he’d just said and the weight it carried for me. For us.
Then he blinked and the moment was gone as he mirrored me, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms tighter over his chest, careful not to disturb Casper.
“Alert.” Deacon’s lips quivered like he was trying to hide a smile.
“Alert,” I repeated, trying it out. “It’s definitely not as good as boom, but it’ll work for someone like you.”
“Someone like me?” he chuckled.
“Yeah.” I shrugged. “You know…someone with inferior puzzle making skills.”
He leaned forward and rubbed his hands together. “Ohhh, you have no idea the monster you’ve just unleashed.” Then he scanned the table, picked up a puzzle piece and slid it into place along the border we’d created together.
It fit perfectly.
“Alert!” he shouted loud enough for Casper to awaken and nearly scurry off his lap.
“You are so going down,” I growled at him, and he laughed a full belly laugh.
For the next hour, we downed three cups each of hot cocoa and alerted and boomed until our eyes hurt.
Deacon finally settled back in his chair and rubbed his hands over his face. “I’m pretty sure I’ve won this round.”
“You most certainly did not win. There were far more booms than there were alerts. Casper agrees.” I nodded at where my furry little boy still laid in Deacon’s lap.
“Oh, right. Like he would side with you when I’ve been the one giving him chin scratches all night.”
“Whoa there, Grumps.” I lifted my hands in mock defense. “I’m pretty sure he would side with the one who’s fed him his entire life. Not with some man who just now decided he liked him.”
“Care to test that theory?” Deacon’s brows rose, the green of his irises shimmering with roguery.
“Stay, Casper,” I said to him as I put him down in front of the mat by Deacon’s door before walking back to my spot near the dining table.
Deacon glared at me playfully from where he stood behind the couch.
“Ready?” I asked him and he nodded.
“1, 2, 3!”
We both knelt to the floor and called for Casper to come to us. At first, Casper just sat there looking between us like we were both crazy, but then he stood up on all fours and started walking toward us.
“Come on you little rascal!” Deacon snapped his fingers like a fiend catching Casper’s attention.
My jaw popped open as Casper started walking toward Deacon. That little stinker!
I did the only thing I could do and maybe it was messed up of me, but I used the T word. “Casper! Come here, boy. Don’t you want a treat from your mama?”
Deacon rose on his knees and looked at me with shock. “You sneaky, sneaky woman.”
I cackled then we both went back to work calling for Casper who was taking his sweet ass time looking between both of us while making slow steps forward. I kept offering him treats that I didn’t actually have in my back pocket, and he finally started shifting in my direction.
Right when I thought I had him in my grasp and I would win, Deacon’s voice went two octaves higher as he patted the ground and said, “I’ll let you sleep on the bed tonight!”
Casper stopped mid-stride, his front right paw hanging in the air. Then he shifted his head toward Deacon like he suddenly understood the entire English language. Then the little stinker pranced to him without a care in the world. His tail swished back and forth with glee as I sat there empty handed, and my cat bounded into Deacon’s arms.
“That’s my boy!” Deacon bellowed, scooping Casper into his arms and standing tall.
Deflated, I rose to stand and walked over to them. Scratching behind his ears, I brought my face close to Casper’s and hissed, “You little traitor. After all the years we’ve had together, and you betray me like this? Ugh.” The little furball had the audacity to purr at me like he was perfectly content with his decision.
Deacon shifted to the side, so I no longer had access to Casper. “Hey, don’t be mean to my little guy just because you’re a sore loser.”
Hands on my hips, I shot him a withering look. He gave me one back. There we both stood, in a glaring contest before we both broke within seconds and burst out laughing.
Tears streamed out of the corners of my eyes as I hunched over, clutching my stomach. Casper bounced in Deacon’s arms as his laughter radiated around us.
When we both caught our breath and the giggle attack had subsided, Deacon looked at me. My mind flashed to the first time I saw his stunning green eyes through the hazy smoke of the fire. They had been my lifeline then. Such beauty in the midst of what I was certain were to be my last moments on earth. But now…seeing them so bright and joyful… My heart cinched with a feeling that I’d never felt before. One I wasn’t quite ready to admit I was feeling.
When he reached out for my hand and brought my wrist to his lips, my entire body buzzed.
“Your laughter is the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard, Charlie.” He pressed another kiss to my palm. “Don’t ever stop laughing.”
Heat hit the back of my eyes. I had to bite my lower lip to keep it from trembling. “I promise I won’t.”