Chapter 6
Chapter Six
Trevor burst into the room. “Darby?” When she didn’t answer, he checked the bathroom. Dammit. She wasn’t there.
You’ve got to calm down. Jamming his hands into his pockets, he gazed out the window at the black-sand beach. As daybreak neared, a fiery ring of orange around the horizon was capped by a crown of midnight. It was stunning. Unlike anything he’d ever seen.
And yet… He couldn’t focus on it. Rattled, he held his hand out in front of him, watching it tremble.
Why did you come on so strong? He dropped to a crouch, lowered his head, and jammed his fingers through his hair, remembering how he’d kicked her door. Jesus .
I’m out of control.
But she’s here. My Elzy is right fucking here.
He had to talk to her. They’d never hashed anything out.
Wind whistled through the window, and he stood up. He needed a plan.
“Were you thinking about me when you had a son two years after we eloped?”
He should’ve answered her. He should’ve said, “Yes. Hell, yes. I never stopped thinking about you.”
He should’ve reminded her that he had come home. He’d bought a plane ticket the very first break he’d gotten from filming. He’d tried to talk to her, but she’d blown him off.
The second time, though… She didn’t know about that one. He’d had money in the bank. He was ready. He’d planned on winning her back.
He would never forget that feeling, the happiness… the anticipation… the fucking hope . He’d been soaring because he’d be with her again. The gnawing pain would finally end.
Even before getting on the plane, he’d felt the relief of being in her arms. Having her back, skin to skin, mouth to mouth. Making him feel whole.
The pride that he’d finally gotten a paycheck and could deposit money in her dad’s account. That he had enough money to buy their freedom.
He remembered—clear as day—the moment he’d headed out of his apartment. He could still feel the cold plastic handle of his suitcase in his hand. He’d done a quick check for his ticket, his wallet, and the gifts he was bringing—a Nessie stuffed animal for her niece, shortbread cookies for Elzy’s dad who had a sweet tooth, and luxury bath products he’d found in a shop on the Isle of Arran for her sisters.
But just as he’d stepped out of the door, his phone had rung. Back then, it had been a landline. He’d had plenty of time to get to the airport, so he’d gone back in to answer. Just in case. The studio still owned him, after all.
Remembering the news he’d gotten still had the power to shock his nervous system.
He’d had no choice but to miss his flight.
With the turn his life had taken, he couldn’t go get his Elzy. He had a new priority.
He had a son.
Tipping his forehead to the cold window, he closed his eyes.
He’d fucked up so badly.
He guarded his personal life fiercely, so only three people knew the truth about Cole: the man who’d raised him for two years, Trevor’s agent, and Cole himself.
He couldn’t wait to explain it to Elzy. It wasn’t what she thought. Not even close.
But first, he had to end things with Darby.
He pulled out his phone and texted her.
Trevor: Where are you?
He waited for an answer, but nothing came. Fuck it. He’d go find her. But just as he turned around, the door opened. Thank fuck, you’re here . But he didn’t say it because Darby looked shattered. “Hey.” He met her in the middle of the room. “You all right?”
“I just talked to Emil.” She kicked off her heels, set down her key card, and crawled into the unmade bed. “I saw your expression, you know? The way you looked at Jessica, the way you ran after her, and I knew she was more than a high-school friend.”
He nodded. “Much more.”
But she wasn’t really talking to him. She was lost in her own thoughts. “And it made me realize how I do the exact opposite. You face your fears, and I run away. That’s something I really admire about you. You’re willing to fix things—even when it might hurt. Like with your son. You’re brave, and I want to be brave, too. So, I waited for him to finish his interview.” Her gaze snapped over to him. “Just for the closure, of course.”
He couldn’t let her think they were going through with this marriage. It might hold her back from her own reconciliation. He stood at the edge of the bed. “Darby, that woman? She’s not just an ex. She’s the love of my life.”
She went still. “Jessica’s your great love?”
“Yes.”
She drew the covers up to her chin. “Emil was mine.”
Yeah, he got that. “I can’t marry you.” The way she flinched told him he could’ve been less blunt. Should’ve eased into it. But he wasn’t in subtle mode. He was all fired up, and he knew they had to deal with this issue head-on. “I’ve had a lot of fun with you this past month, but seeing Jess made me realize I’m only stepping into your life to avoid building one of my own.”
“But this could be your life. We’re a great team.”
“Maybe, but you’ve already got your path. I haven’t found mine.” He wouldn’t tell her he’d found his when he was four and saw a girl doing a monster dance outside the feedstore.
My path is Elzy.
He’d known it all his life. He’d just never allowed himself to embrace it because it wasn’t what a man did. He’d been raised to work hard and provide for his family. His dad used to say, “A woman needs to feel safe. If you want to win her heart, show her you can provide for her.” His dad’s definition of a man was someone who led the family, put food on the table, and cared for his community.
And it was such a reasonable, good perspective, how could Trevor have questioned it? Falling short meant he was a selfish asshole. So, he’d tried—so fucking hard—to live up to his dad’s vision. But all along, the truth kept whispering around him.
My path is Elzy.
And the truth of it got slammed home yesterday when, just by being near her, he had the first sense of peace, of home , he’d felt in thirty long, lonely years.
“I’ve been at loose ends since retiring.” How did he explain what he was just beginning to understand? “Without the structure of a filming schedule, I don’t know my place in the world or within my family. And the idea of joining up with you seemed…well, it was a relief. You have a mission, a passion… I admire you. But Elzy’s here. And I’m not going to let her get away a second time. I’m going to do everything in my power to win her back.”
“I’m not sure it works like that,” Darby said quietly. “There’s a lot of water under the bridge.”
“Right, but that’s because we never talked. Which means she’s made up a story from the bits and pieces she’s heard over the years. Now, I have the chance to explain my side and listen to hers. She needs to know I never stopped caring about her. I never wanted to lose her.”
“Trev, sit down.” She patted the bed.
He couldn’t do that. He was too amped up. Too desperate to see Elzy. To make her understand.
“I’m the woman who got left behind,” she continued. “So, I’m here to tell you, her experience isn’t the same as yours.”
“What do you mean? You left Iceland. Not Emil.”
“Right, but we were supposed to leave together. He bailed at the last minute and didn’t give me an explanation. At least not one that made sense. And I had to piece together a story over many, many years from the information I got from family and friends.”
She had his attention.
“Take it from me, she’s not going to hear your side of the story and throw herself into your arms. Not with the fortress of resentment she’s built around her. She needs to get to know you again. You think, after thirty years, you can say, ‘Oh, I never stopped loving you,’ and she’ll believe you?” She shook her head. “Not a chance. I promise she’s going to be even angrier. Why didn’t you come back a month later? Two years? She probably would’ve given you five years to get your shit together. But thirty? Forget it.”
“You don’t understand?—”
“I don’t need to understand the details. Trust me. They won’t matter to her. Actions matter. Especially when the first time she sees you, you’re engaged . And she’s planning the wedding.”
Anxiety tightened his chest, and he found it hard to breathe. “I’m going to tell her we broke it off.”
“And then what? If we’re not engaged, why are you here? Why would you show up at a tasting if we’re not getting married?”
Fuck. Shit . “You’re right.” He couldn’t think clearly. He was powered by need, desire… Desperation.
Darby sat up, pressing her hands flat on the mattress. “The thing is…when I was talking to Emil—and believe me, he’s a man of few words. He’s all broody, dark energy…big, deep feelings…fire-in-his-eyes kind of guy. But as I was talking to him, I thought, ‘What exactly do I want from him?’”
“He lives here, and you live in North Carolina. Is either of you willing to move?”
“Well, we haven’t gotten that far.” She let out a bitter laugh. “But, yeah, it’s more than that. The relationship I mourn is gone. And that’s probably true for you and Jessica too. So, maybe the best we can hope to get is closure.”
No. The best was to have her back fully.
“I guess what I’m saying is, I’d hate for us to end our engagement only to find out there’s nothing there with our exes. Nothing but memories of a first love.”
“Everything you say makes sense, but it’s different for Elzy and me. There will always be something there. It’s more than love with her. It’s…” He tapped his heart. “She’s in here. She’ll never be anywhere else.”
“If that’s true, then why did you stay away for thirty years?”
Desperation clawed at him. Every instinct in his body screamed to be with her, but Darby was making him think things through. If he had one shot at winning Elzy back, he couldn’t go crashing through her door.
So, he sat on the edge of the bed. “I didn’t. The first time I tried to get her back, she ignored me. The second time, a crisis came up I had to deal with. And the last time was six years after we broke up. I found out she was working at a resort in Idaho. I flew out there with a ring in my pocket, but I saw she had a husband and a kid, and I knew I’d be a piece of shit if I tried to break up a marriage. A family .”
He'd been broken. His dreams, his hopes… Everything he’d wanted had been irretrievably destroyed. Because of me . It had been the hardest time of his life.
“Okay, so, what’s changed—other than her children might be grown now? If she’s still married, are you willing to rock her entire world in the hopes of rekindling something?”
“That’s a fair question. If she’s happily married, then no. I’ll walk away. But I have to find out and there’s nothing about her personal life on social media. She’s very private.”
Darby smiled. “Well, you two have that in common.”
“But I hear you. I get it. I’ll go slower.” Go. Talk to her . Every second he wasn’t with her was a wasted opportunity. He got up and headed to the door, his blood pounding in his ears.
“What’s your plan?” she asked. “If you want to win her back, we need to stay engaged.”
He cut her a look. “Darby, I can’t marry you. Even if she’s happily married and can never forgive me, now that I’ve been in the same room with her, it’s…” He let out a breath. “There’s a reason I’ve never gotten married.”
She raised a hand to stop him. “I’m not holding you to anything. It was a crazy, impulsive idea. I get it. But you have to think about this. Jessica’s a busy woman. She owns a resort and travels the world for consulting jobs. What will you do?” She smiled. “The offer to work with me is still on the table.”
If he could choose how to spend every day of his life, he’d be in bed with Elzy. Cooking for her, riding horses, or hiking on their ranch. Even just sitting quietly reading books together while holding hands. When her career took her to places like Iceland, he’d go with her. He’d carry her luggage. Refill her water bottle.
But he understood that wasn’t a viable plan. She owns a resort and is tight with her family. She’s busy . She might not need a provider, but she’d certainly want a man who was active and pursuing his own goals. “I hear you, and I’ll figure something out.” He headed for the door. “To be clear, I’m not going to lie to her. I’ll participate in the tastings, but I’m not going to say we’re engaged or deceive her about us getting married. I’ve done enough damage—I won’t lie to her face. And when the opportunity comes to tell the truth, I’m going to do it. Are you okay with that?”
“Yeah, of course.” She smiled at him with a look of admiration. “You’re something else, Trev. Your determination’s got me all fired up. I don’t know what can happen with Emil, but I can’t help wondering if something might come of this. So, okay. I won’t lie, either. And I won’t make it sound like we’re planning a wedding. I’ll just give my opinion on the best chef for the resort.” That gleam hit her eyes again.
“What? No games.”
“Maybe a teeny one.” She put two fingers together with very little space between them. “Does she know how to drive a stick?”
“She didn’t back then. Why?”
“Well, how’s she going to get up north? We don’t have trains and hiring a driver to come two hours out here, four hours to Snaefellsnes, and then another two back to the airport isn’t exactly feasible. And she doesn’t need us to meet the concierge, so she won’t be asking for a ride.”
“So, Chris will offer her the use of a car.” He grinned because he might not be thinking clearly, but Darby sure was. “I like the way your mind works.”
“I doubt she’ll find a rental a few days before Christmas, so the only car she’ll be able to use is my grandpa’s old Land Cruiser.”
“Which is a stick.”
“Yep.”
“And you wonder why I said yes to your proposal.” Smiling, he pulled her into his arms for a hug. “In another world, we might’ve been great together.” Except there was no other world. There’s only the one with me and Elzy. In every universe, across every space and time, there was only her. “Thank you.”
She shrugged. “I didn’t really do anything.”
“You’ve stopped me from screwing it all up, and I appreciate it.” He headed for the door.
“Where’re you going?”
“To find her. I have to be where she is.”
Smiling, she shook her head. “You’ve got it bad.”
“She’s the only woman I’ll ever love.”
And nothing would stop him from winning her back.
Jess dropped into the chair by the window. “He’s such an asshole.”
Oh yeah? Then, why is your heart still pounding from the way he kicked the door open?
When would she ever get over this man?
“Okay, but that does sound kind of hot,” her sister said.
“What?” Jess couldn’t even pretend to be outraged because it really was. The thrill of that moment still rang through her body.
“Sorry. I mean, it’s bad.” Amber faked a stern tone. “He’s a very bad man. Shame on him.”
“Who the hell does he think he is?” Turning me on like that?
“He’s a man who lost the love of his life. And it sounds like he’s going for it.”
“Going for what? I’m engaged .” She popped up. “And for God’s sake, he’s here to plan his wedding .” Every muscle in her body clenched, and her skin flashed hot, then cold. “If he thinks I owe him a second of my time, then he’s an entitled piece of shit. I’m here to do a job. Not go frolicking down memory lane with him.”
And yet, instead of checking out light fixtures and paint chips online, I’m freaking out about some dickwad who walked out on me a lifetime ago.
When her sister didn’t respond, Jess asked, “Are you there? Are you even listening?”
“Hang on a sec. I’m picturing you frolicking. Like, are you two holding hands and skipping down the street? Are you giggling, riding bikes downhill with your feet off the peddles? I mean, either way, it’s really cute.”
“ Amber .”
“Fine. But can I just say something?” her sister asked, all humor gone.
“No.”
“ No? Then why did you call?”
“To check on the resort.” There was some truth in that. But boy, did she need to vent.
“Uh huh. Okay. Well, it’s going great. Chef fired Miss Butterfingers, which puts us in a bind, so Kelly’s called a few of the servers from the first round of interviews to give them a second chance. So, yeah. That’s it. Okay, bye.”
“Wait.” Jess chuckled. “Don’t leave me yet.”
“You know, it’s okay to come to me for advice. I’m only three years younger than you.” Her sister paused. “You’re not my mom, you know. You never were.”
“Yeah? Then, why do you and Kelly send me Mother’s Day cards?”
“Because it’s funny. And because you were like a mom when we needed it. But, Jess? We don’t need one anymore. The three of us need our sisterhood. And part of that code is brutal honesty, so I’m going to tell you something. If you want to move on—and I mean finally let this whole traumatic thing go—then, you have to talk to him. Get the closure you never got. It’s wild that you guys were so in love you got married , and then, he left, and neither of you ever even tried to work it out. I mean, make it make sense.”
“I did try.” I just never told you . Because, yes, I did want to preserve that boundary between a parent and a child . “His mom told me he’d bought a place in Calamity, and I went to see him.” Even though it killed her to know he was living their dream without her. “It was four years later, and I still lived at home, but I’d grown up enough to know I’d handled it all wrong.” She remembered it so vividly, that sense of purpose, of rightness. She was going to get her man back, and everything would be all right. She’d reclaim her equilibrium instead of moving through life like the earth’s axis had tipped at a hellish angle. “I had this whole movie in my head about him seeing me and breaking into a run.”
“Am I going to need a stiff drink to hear this?”
“Probably.”
“Oh, God. What happened?” Her sister sounded wary, like she wasn’t sure she could handle the answer.
“Well, first of all, there was a fancy security gate. So much for the running into my arms scenario.” He’d bought the great, big ranch they’d always wanted, and she half-believed he’d done it with her in mind. Ha. What a fool . “I didn’t know what to do, so I just sat in my little junker of a car for a minute, trying to figure out a plan. I’d come all that way, and I was determined to see it through. And then, this huge SUV pulled up. All black and shiny with tinted windows. I thought, Oh, my God, it’s him. He’s here.” The memory kicked an old bruise, so she steeled herself against the pain.
“You don’t have to finish telling me. But also, you kind of do. What happened? ”
Her sister’s quirky sense of humor eased the tension. “I had…” Her voice came out strangled, so she swallowed. Took a breath. “I had all these presents for him. Those gross sour gummies he liked so much.” He used to say, “Oh, but the punishment feels so good.” She hesitated, finding it hard to be so vulnerable. “A pair of boots.”
“Boots?”
“Yeah, I know. It sounds weird, but Trevor and I spent a lot of time imagining our ranch in Calamity. I mean, we knew the color of the kitchen cabinets.” Slate blue . “And one thing he always wanted was a pair of good cowboy boots.” As a kid, Trevor never owned new shoes. But the farmhands’ kids sure did. They also had gas in their trucks. Which was a beautiful thing. Truly. But it also sucked for Trevor when he couldn’t get to school some days.
“If you tell me you’ve kept those boots all this time, I’m going to bawl my eyes out.”
Since she moved so often, she had a storage unit for all the things she dragged from one resort to the next. They were somewhere in there. “Put it this way, as long as you keep sending me Mother’s Day cards, you’ll never be privy to that kind of information.”
“You do. Oh, God, you kept them. Go on. Finish the damn story. I can’t take much more.”
“Anyhow, I got all my gifts together, and I was just about to open the door.” She would never forget sitting there like a total lovesick moron. “When Trevor got out of the car in his stupid kilt and combat boots.”
“And you said, ‘What a tool’ and then floored it back to Riverton?”
“No. He went to get the mail, but something in the car kept distracting him, so he opened the back door and leaned in. He pulled out this little kid who was crying and wailing, and…” Her heart wrenched. “The boy clung to him like he was the last safe harbor in the entire world.” She would never forget the sight of those little arms and legs clutching, digging in. “And Trevor…” She swallowed past that painful knot. “Hugged him. He held him until the boy quieted down. And I knew right then, it was over. For good. Because he was a dad.” And a good one.
“Oh, God, Jessie. I’m so sorry. That’s awful.”
It broke me. “It was. But it kicked my butt into gear, right? There I was, waiting for us to get back together, and he’d moved on.” It had only been four years later.
That’s all it had taken for him to erase me.
God, it hurt.
“You know, I admire you,” her sister said. “You took something that could’ve destroyed you and used it to build a great life for yourself. I just wish you’d told me this before. I couldn’t figure out why—after a lifetime of being single—you’d choose to marry a guy like Joel.”
A guy like Joel? “What does that mean? He’s a good guy.”
“Maybe for someone else. But you don’t love him. Come on, this can’t come as a surprise.”
“No, but—” She wouldn’t bother defending herself because what she’d accepted as normal now sounded sad coming out of her sister’s mouth. “We’re fond of each other.” Amber laughed so loudly Jess had to pull the phone away from her ear. “Oh, cut it out.” But she quit grumbling because her sister wasn’t wrong. “I know . You think I don’t know? I’ve barely thought about him since I left town.” It was a relief to say it out loud.
“Well, I guess it doesn’t take a genius to figure out fondness is a lot safer than the kind of love you and Trevor had.”
“I like Joel. We have fun together.” When they’d started dating, she was in the permitting stage and hadn’t broken ground yet, and he was still a partner in a law firm. They’d both worked crazy hours. Then, six months ago, he retired. With his first taste of freedom in years, he’d wanted to play. Bad timing, since she’d been hiring and ordering supplies. “I think we just need different things.”
“You’re not hurt that he blew you off for Christmas?”
“Oh, I am.” She gave a bitter laugh. “But I haven’t made him a priority, so how can I fault him for not making me one?”
“That’s a fair point. And sad that you’ve spent a year with a guy, and you’re nothing more than pals.”
“Please, Amber. Don’t hold back. Tell me what you really think.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Is now the time you need me to soap your ass?”
“No.” Jess laughed. “It’s not. And you know what I keep remembering? After he told me he was leaving, I didn’t argue. I didn’t yell. I just let him go to California without me.”
“Which is the same thing you did with Trevor.”
A memory dropped into her mind. She was jammed into the utility room—a bar of light underneath the door, the smell of ammonia from the cleaning products—and listening to Trevor’s voice when he’d come looking for her on a break from filming.
She could’ve confronted him, yelled at him.
Instead, she’d hidden. “I don’t know why I did that.”
“I do.”
“Fine. I was a coward. You can say it.” Uncomfortable, she crossed an arm over her stomach.
“Nope. You’re the bravest woman I know.”
“So, what, I’m stubborn?” Jess asked. “A big, dumb cow?”
“I mean, yeah. Maybe not the cow part, but you’re stubborn as all get-out. That’s a good quality, though, because it meant you never gave up on me, and it helped build a very successful business.”
“Okay, then what?” Jess asked. “Just go on and say it.”
“Do you remember Miss Martha?”
“Uh, she brought her pet chicken every time she came into the store. That’s not a lady you forget. What about her? Don’t tell me she talked about me?”
“Everyone talked about you. When Trevor came back to town to get you?—”
Get you. The very idea drove a stake through her heart.
Because, if she hadn’t been so immature, would they have been together all this time? It was unbearable to even consider it.
“He was not quiet about it,” Amber continued. “And neither were you with the way you kept hiding from him. It was like watching the worst reality TV show play out in our little town.”
“Are you serious? Everyone knew? I thought I was so discreet.”
“Yeah, it was super discreet when you wedged yourself behind the diner’s dumpster. Honey, everyone saw. Anyhow, she said when Mom died, you fell apart. You were crying your eyes out, just inconsolable. And she thinks it made you feel so powerless over loss that you just shut down. You learned you can’t make people stay.”
You can’t make people stay.
She let the words sink in. “I was eight when she died, so I don’t remember a lot of that, but I do know the powerlessness I felt when Trevor left. I was…devastated.”
“I know.”
“I thought I was doing such a good job of pretending.”
“Sweetie, I lived under the same roof. You think I didn’t hear you crying at night after we all went to bed? I think the biggest reason I got my shit together was because I felt so bad for you.” Amber drew in a breath. “But you’re not powerless, and he’s right there. So, it would be a real shame if you didn’t talk to him. He’s in Iceland, for God’s sake. He’s there for a reason.”
“Yes, and the reason is a woman named Darby.”
“And here’s the bad side of stubbornness. If you really want to give Joel a fair shot, it’ll only come after you get closure with your first love.”
Jess sat up straighter. “You’re right. How did you get so smart?”
“I had the best older sister in the world. She guided me through some really messy times in my life. You ready to let me return the favor?”
“I think so.”
“Good. Then, go talk to him.”
“All right. I’ll do it.” But it was easier said than done.
Because she’d only ever known him as the boy who’d looked at her with devotion and lust.
And now, he was in love with another woman.
She didn’t think she could bear being in the same room with them.