Chapter 3 #2
"I know. I know all of that, but there's this whole part of her that I didn't know.
There's her past, and I have a feeling I have just scratched the surface with these two journals.
" Not to mention this weird feeling that started rising in me ever since I started reading those pages as if there was information just out of my reach.
As if there was something, waiting, beckoning me, and it didn't start with her journals.
It started with an accident. Absentmindedly, my finger dragged over the scar through my left eyebrow, and instead of reminding me I was the only one that had managed to survive, it just made me further question that entire night.
How did I manage to get out of the car? Did I get out on my own, and if I did, why couldn't I remember that part? I could swear I saw someone out there as I lost consciousness, but I kept telling myself it was only my imagination. Now, I wasn't so sure.
My mom believed in the supernatural world more than any of us did.
My father did too, but not like her. She was almost religiously creating offerings and talking about spirits and the other world as if all of it were true.
We often argued over my lack of belief and her over-the-top behavior when it came to those things.
"What are you going to do?" Ingrid asked. She knew me too well and that no matter what happened in my life, I hated not having all the answers. I hated getting only partial information.
My mom ran away from Nevermere Island for a reason, and perhaps it was stupid of me to try to find my way back there, but every single atom in my body was screaming at me to go. I wasn't a superstitious person, but I believed everything happened for a reason.
The accident, the grief that took over my entire year, me finding these journals and deciding to read them, maybe there was a reason for it all.
Or maybe it was just another coping mechanism for me to not think about the sorrow wrapped around my heart. Or the emptiness in this house. Maybe this was just a way for me to somehow move forward.
"I'm going to try to find that island, Ingrid.
And," my finger dragged over the worn-out leather of the journal from 1996, "I think I need to go there.
Apparently my mom had a sister as well. I have an aunt somewhere, and I need to know the truth.
I feel like I would never be able to restart my life if I don't find out that part of my mom's story.
I need to see if my biological father is still there too. "
I stopped, seeing the familiar name on the screen of my laptop.
"Do you think it's crazy?"
Ingrid stayed quiet for a second, maybe a second too long for my liking, before she spoke again.
"I think it's only crazy if you decide to stay inside that house and rot, Ira.
And yeah, maybe it is just a little crazy, but honestly," she took a deep breath.
"It's been almost a year since I heard the excitement in your voice, and at this point I would take even a wild chase for an island that might not exist over the apathy you've been living in since the accident. "
"Yeah," I smiled, loving how honest she always was. "It does feel just a little crazy."
"But crazy isn't always so bad, you know.
If finding out the truth about your family would bring you some closure, then I say go for it.
I loved your mom, you know that, but that doesn't mean she was perfect.
None of us are. Hell, I'm having a child right now and I know I would do everything for this little bundle of joy, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't lie to them in order to protect them. "
"I know." And I did. On some level I understood the secrecy, but that didn't mean I had to like it. "I get what you're saying."
"The only thing that worries me, Ira, is not knowing what it was your mom was running away from.
I mean, I obviously don't know the entire story, and I'm sure you'll tell me eventually, but I do hope it isn't something crazy.
I don't want you to be in danger. Holy moly," she exclaimed.
"What if your bio dad was part of the Mafia or something like that and your mom was from the rival family? "
"This isn't Romeo and Juliette, Ingrid." I laughed. "Have you been reading those romance books again?"
"Listen, I'll ask you once you have a child how you're spending your free time, and we'll see what the answer is then. Besides, the men in these books are something else."
"I hear you, but no, I don't think it was anything like that. The tone of her entries, I don't even know how to describe it. It feels as if she was talking about a different world, and I don't know why I'm getting that feeling."
"Ooooh," Ingrid whisper-shouted. "Maybe it's a fantasy book.
Maybe you're the daughter of some dark elf who was a prince and your mom was a commoner, so everyone was against it.
" I laughed again, but thinking that I was some long-lost princess was better than thinking my mom was running away from some dangerous people.
I started reading the post on the forum I had opened as Ingrid continued talking about the imaginary world where I was a long-lost princess who had to reclaim her throne now and fight an evil witch in order to do that, when a familiar name reappeared again.
Ashbourne.
Wait—my mom mentioned Ashbourne in one of her entries.
I turned around and took the journal from 1996, and opened the entry from December when they left the island. And here it was. We left the Nevermere yesterday, crossing into Ashbourne… That's it. That might be my connection.
My fingers flew over the keyboard as I opened another tab and typed in Ashbourne, my heart thundering in my chest.
"Are you even listening to me?" Ingrid's voice came from the phone.
"I think I've found something," I replied, waiting as the page loaded. "Holy shit," I yelled as page after page popped up, talking about Ashbourne. "Holy fucking shit, Ingrid."
"What? Bitch, you better tell me."
"I think I've found it."
"The island?"
"No." I shook my head as if she could see me, feeling the smile spreading over my face. "I found the town my mom mentioned in one of her journal entries. The town they crossed into when they left the island. Holy fucking shit, this could be my first step. This town could be an answer."
"Uh, Kaira," she interrupted. "Maybe it's nothing. Maybe it was just a random town your parents came to."
"Maybe," I agreed. "But maybe someone from the town would know about the island. Maybe this was the clue."
"Kaira—"
"No, I know it sounds insane and I can hear the worry in your voice, but I have to go there.
I have to see if the island truly exists or not.
Maybe it does have a different name and people from this town might be able to help me.
" I took a deep breath before continuing.
"I have to do this, Ingrid. I have to find out the truth. "
"And what if the truth is more painful than the lie?"
"Then I guess I would need to deal with it once I am face to face with it.
I can't spend the rest of my life thinking about this, and I know myself.
You know me as well. I wouldn't be able to sit still until I find out the reason for her leaving.
Until I find out why she left my biological father and why she had to run away. What was it that she was so afraid of?"
"I know, but that's what worries me. You're getting obsessed with this. I love that you have something to focus on, but is this the right way?"
Perhaps it wasn't. Perhaps this was batshit crazy and it would bring me nothing but more heartache, but something had to change and if this was going to help me to get up without feeling like I regretted being alive, then so be it.
"This is the only way I know, Ingrid. This is the only way."
And as I said goodbye to her, after promising I would keep checking in daily, I turned back to the internet browser and found the location of Ashbourne.
I guess Nevermere Island wouldn't be my first stop. The town of Ashbourne is.