Chapter 10 Kaira
KAIRA
Darkness lived in every one of us, or at least that's what my mother always said, and it was up to us if we would let it consume us or if we would decide to fight it until our dying breath.
As I followed Alyana, my aunt, through the empty streets of the town not far from the docks, I wondered if this entire trip was me or the darkness pushing me forward.
The fog seeped from the looming forest I could see on the edges of the town, flickering through the streets as if it owned it, slowly caressing the buildings that looked like they belonged to a seaside town somewhere in Europe instead of the Pacific Northwest. The facade was crumbling on most of them, the shutters closed on every single building, and not a single person could be found roaming around the streets as we walked.
Had I not known better I would've thought we had entered the set of a horror movie, with monsters lurking nearby, waiting to snatch us.
The sun I saw earlier was short-lived, quickly replaced by dark, looming clouds violently dancing above the island, no doubt preparing for the storm Jacob had mentioned earlier, and for the thousandth time since I left the mainland, I let regret flicker through my body for chasing a past that was probably better left alone.
Alyana wasn't happy to see me, that much was obvious, but she didn't tell me to leave.
She didn't push me away when a single tear rolled down my cheek because I couldn't stop myself from seeing my mother in her eyes, in her movements, in her hair.
I couldn't stop myself from reaching for her, to potentially the only living relative I had left.
So she hugged me, and wrapped me in her arms as if I was a mere child with bruised knees and a hurt ego after falling down one too many times.
But this entire last year had felt like one big failure after another.
My entire existence was rendered to empty nights and a hollow heart where love once used to live, and I was tired of standing against the world all on my own.
I was tired of putting on a brave face for the sake of those I still had in my life.
I was tired of trembling when the storms passed over and when the thunders seemed too loud, too fucking alone, and I was too fucking scared to even get up and close the window.
My life felt like a never-ending storm, threatening to destroy what little I had left, so I clung to an old woman just a little bit longer, letting out the fear, the guilt, the anger…
Most of all the anger.
Anger at myself.
Anger at God, the Universe, or the Gods that had allowed for this to happen.
My story was nowhere near finished, but standing with Alyana at the entrance to this island, it felt as if everything I knew had suddenly collapsed, leaving me bare, open, threatened by even the smallest of things.
So I cried for the girl I used to be, for the safety I no longer had and for the uncertainties surrounding me right now.
I cried from the fear rotting inside my very soul. Fear I never knew before but could feel now as if it was a part of me.
My aunt, Alyana, kept walking in front of me after we separated, allowing me to gather my wits for just a second, before telling me to follow her.
No words.
No explanations.
Just a quiet expectation to follow her.
But words weren't needed, and neither were explanations.
Even through the fear clogging my veins, I knew I could trust her.
I knew deep down she wasn't here because she wanted to do any harm, so I followed like an obedient puppy, dragging my poor excuse for a suitcase with me through the quiet little island, wincing ever so slightly at the sound it was creating as we passed.
She kept turning around, as if she was making sure I was still following, but her lips stayed firmly in that thin line.
A line I knew far too well, because my mom wore the same expression whenever she wasn't happy with us.
Whenever there were things she wanted to say but had to wait until we came back home.
Whenever she wanted to guide me to do better, be better, be smarter, and maybe even kinder to myself.
My aunt was like the past living in the present, only with grayer hair and a couple more lines on her face, but she was identical to my mom, almost as if they were twins.
"Where are we going?" I finally asked as we passed what looked like a small restaurant, etched between two taller buildings. "Your home?"
"Yes," came from her. One simple yes and not a word more. "We will talk once we get there," she added, looking over her shoulder at me. "But not here. Not on the street."
It was only then I noticed her looking around while we walked, observing the dark corners as if something would suddenly come for us from those flickering shadows.
Her eyes stayed glued a second too long on the passage between the two houses on our left, her head slightly tilted, her fingers wrapped into a fist, but just as I looked at the passage she called out, "Hurry up, Kaira. We don't have much time."
Much time for what, exactly?
I lengthened my steps, catching up with her, and as we started walking side by side, I could feel her eyes on my profile. I could feel her scanning me, as if she was trying to get a read on me just as I was trying to get a read on her.
"The shape of your eyes," Alyana said. "You look like her, but you also don't."
"I know," I murmured, keeping my voice low. "I don't look like my father, though."
"Which one?" she asked, making me stop immediately.
So, my mother's journals were true then.
Alyana knew about my biological father. "Because you are a mix of both of them.
Your hair." She looked at my tied silver hair.
"It looks like his. The color of your eyes.
" She looked at them, narrowing her own.
"It's the same as his. Even if I didn't know you were coming, I would've recognized you no matter where you went, Kaira. "
"So you knew."
"I knew more than your mother wanted me to know.
I knew because it was my business to know.
And I knew because I loved your mother and I cursed destiny for putting her on his path.
" She turned her attention back on the road, her eyes sharp, calculating.
"We shouldn't talk about this here. Let's wait until we're inside. "
My lips parted, words ready to spill out even with her warning, but one stern look from her was all that was needed to shut me up.
I didn't dare speak again until we reached a house not far from what looked like the local market, covered in green vines on the front, with massive wooden doors at the entrance.
"Wow," I breathed out, my eyes feasting on the architecture and the two columns perched right in front of the doors, carved with symbols I didn't recognize. "I've never been to Greece, but this looks—"
"As if you're in Greece," Alyana finished for me, fishing out a pair of keys from her front pocket of her dress. "This is an old town, Kaira. Some…" She shook her head. "Some would say it's ancient."
It felt ancient, as if the houses themselves had the energy, like living, breathing things.
My palm pressed against the column at the entrance as Alyana unlocked the doors, feeling the humming, the vibrations coming from within.
I always believed everything around us had its own soul, its own purpose, and here I could feel it.
Here I could sense it even without touching anything, but with a touch, it felt almost otherworldly. Something you shouldn't touch, no matter how much you wanted to, and I wanted to explore every part of this island.
"Come on in, Kaira," Alyana called from the doors, looking at me, waiting.
So I did. I went after her inside, hoping she would be able to give me the answers I so desperately needed.