Chapter Two
Mikayla
Ten missed calls. Five from my mother, two from my brother Jack and three from Cody. Why he bothers calling is beyond me.
I’m supposed to be studying for my boards. I’m supposed to be looking for a job. I spent so much time with my father, I did my clinicals with my dad’s oncologist, but I don’t think I can stomach that type of medicine long term.
While oncology is fascinating, I don’t think I can focus on cancer patients for the rest of my life.
It was heartbreaking. Yes, we had some wins, but when we didn’t…
I found myself growing attached to the patients, and that was not healthy for me.
I’m thinking an ED would be better suited to me since I won’t see the same patients day in and day out.
But I’m not studying. I’m driving. I’m driving aimlessly. I have no destination. I just drive because I can’t go home. It’s no longer home. It’s no longer where I want to be, where I can be.
My mother is gone. Whoever that woman is… she isn’t my mother, not anymore.
I sigh when my phone rings again. It’s Jack. I’ve been on the road for… what… fuck me, four hours? May as well get this shit-show over with. He’s going to defend her. I know he is, and I’m already pissed. May as well get all the anger out now and calm down later.
“Hi Jack,” I say after I hit the phone button on my steering wheel.
“You okay?” My brow furrows. He sounds worried about me. Jack is never worried about me. Annoyed, yes. Worried, never.
“No,” I tell him honestly. I’m not going to pretend I’m okay because I’m not okay. I feel lost. I feel betrayed.
“Mom called me, said you two got into a fight,” Jack says.
I snicker. “A fight? Is that what she told you?” I shake my head.
The sun has officially set. I have absolutely no idea where I am. I really need to figure out what highway I’m on.
“She said you freaked out and ran away.”
“Did she happen to tell you why I freaked out? And I didn’t run away. I’m twenty-two years old, not twelve,” I say, defending myself. “I’m almost twenty-three!”
“She said she told you your boyfriend was cheating on you,” Jack says. “Is that true? Was that piece of shit cheating on you?”
Jack sounds angry. Obviously, Mom left out the part where she was the one cheating with my boyfriend, but what are details when you want sympathy? Why does the truth matter?
“He was cheating.”
“Fuck! You can’t blame Mom. She was just the messenger. Be mad at Cody.”
“And if I told you Mom didn’t tell me so much as show me that Cody was cheating on me, would you still tell me not to blame Mom?” Yes, my voice is full of sarcasm.
There’s silence over the phone for a few moments. Then Jack asks, “Show you? Did she have a video or something?”
“No, I caught a live performance,” I say with fake enthusiasm.
“Wait… what?” I can just picture his brows drawing as he tries to piece it all together.
“Jack, Mom was fucking my boyfriend!” I can feel the surge of anger rush over me again. “Mom was the one fucking Cody!”
“No.”
“Oh, yes!” I hiss. “Still want to defend her?”
He’s silent.
“Look, it’s dark. I’m driving. I don’t want to argue with you right now. I just don’t. So, if you’re going to try to defend…”
“No! Fuck! Micky, I… I’m just… fuck. I’m shocked. Seriously?” Jack asks, his voice strained.
I look out my window and see a sign that says, “Welcome to Oregon.” Fuck! What highway am I on? I-82? I don’t even know what interstate that is! Shit!
I look and see my gas tank is half full. I really need to pay attention to what I’m doing. Not that it really matters, but still. You need to know where you are, moron!
“You there, Micky?” my brother asks. I hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t asked or said anything for me to respond to.
“I’m here.”
“Do you want to come to Atlanta and stay with me?”
After my brother graduated from college, he moved to Atlanta.
There was a mini tech boom happening there, and he got a job at a big technology company.
I love Atlanta, and I love my brother. But I don’t trust him right now.
No, that isn’t it; it isn’t about trust. I just…
I don’t know if he’d be able to keep Mom away, and I really need to be as far from her as possible.
After Dad died, all Jack did was defend Mom. And I can’t take that right now.
“I think I just need to be alone. I need to be by myself for a while.” I’m resigned to my reality.
“Do you need money?”
I sigh, grateful he isn’t arguing with me this time.
“I…” shit. I hadn’t thought about money! Fucking money! I had a little saved up from when I worked. But I’d taken the summer off to focus on studying for the boards. It was now the beginning of August, and I was ready to schedule my appointment to take the NCLEX.
“Micky, I’ll send you money. Don’t stay in shit-hole motels, okay? Find a Courtyard or something, and text me wherever you are. Understand?” Jack asks.
I nod, then roll my eyes at myself when I realize he can’t see me! “Yes, okay. Thanks.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I thought you were being dramatic.”
“Even after Raquel told you about the Fourth of July?”
Mom had invited over some random guys I didn’t know. Not just one guy, but several.
We live on Lake Washington, and my friends and I decided to take the boat out to get away from her. Instead, she invited the sleazy guys onto the boat and then proceeded to get drunk and fell over, into the lake.
I freaked out because we were moving! I was driving, so I stopped, and Cody and his friend Justin jumped into the lake and got her out. She was too drunk to even notice the giant bruise on her thigh.
Raquel had called Jack and told him what had happened, but he just argued with her about her being overly cautious, saying she doesn’t know how to have fun.
Nothing about that day had been fun. And it only solidified my resolve that Jack was firmly in Mom’s camp.
I hear Jack take a deep breath on the other end of the phone.
“Mom’s not handling Dad’s death well.” I hear him clear his throat and my eyes well with that familiar ache in my chest. “I knew she wasn’t doing well, but I hadn’t realized it was this bad.
I thought since she was working that she was just going through a rough patch. ”
“Jack, she checked out as soon as Dad got sick,” I tell him over the phone. I told him that two years ago, but again, he didn’t believe me.
“What can I do?” he asks, and now I can hear it. Shit!
I flip the signal on my car and pull off at the exit ahead. I see a sign for a Best Western Hotel. It’s after ten o’clock at night. I’m tired and hungry and really need to move my ass, anyway. And driving while crying is definitely not a good idea.
“Jack.” I put the car in park. “I’m going to be okay. I just… I don’t know what to do about Mom. I just can’t be near her right now.” I feel so frustrated.
“I know! I’m so sorry, Micky. I can’t even believe she did that!” He chokes out. “What’s wrong with her?” he asks as though I have the answer.
“I don’t know. And right now, I want nothing to do with her,” I say. “I’m sorry if that upsets you, but I have to focus on myself right now. I can’t worry about her when she clearly doesn’t give a shit about me.”
“I’m here for you. And I realize now that I wasn’t being fair to you. I know you did a lot for Dad. Fuck, I miss him.” My brother chokes out a sob, and I feel my tears stream down my cheeks. “I just miss him.”
“I’m here too. You can always call me when you miss him. Night or day. Just call me, okay?” I wipe my face with my shirtsleeves and sniffle.
“You at a hotel now?”
“Yes, a Best Western. I’m going to check in. I need something to eat, and I need to walk on a treadmill after sitting on my ass for four hours. I think my ass is actually numb,” I say, opening my door.
Jack chuckles. “Good. I just deposited some money into your account. Just let me know when you need more. I’m sorry, Micky. If you change your mind, you can always come here.”
We end the call with our I love yous and I shove my phone in my purse. I grab my bag and backpack and make my way inside and get a room for the night.