Chapter 8
MIA
Iwait for Jace to come home, but he doesn’t show up.
It feels wrong being here without him, so I leave and go to Nana’s.
Although we’ve only been together—if you can even call it that—for about two weeks, I still hate that we’re apart right now.
This little bit of time that we’ve spent together has shown me the life I want to be living, and I’m afraid I’ve gone and messed it all up.
I stay awake, thinking Nana will eventually make an appearance, but that woman is a night owl.
I swear the older she gets, the younger she acts.
Deciding to talk to her in the morning, I head to the guest room to try to get some shut-eye.
But sleep never comes, because all I can think about is the hurt I saw in Jace’s eyes when I didn’t agree to stay.
“Boots! What are you doin’ here, chile?”
Once my shock wears off, and I’m able to find my tongue, I respond, “I, uh… I just wanted to talk to you. But you’re busy, so…” This is awkward.
“Nonsense, Boots. I’m never too busy for my favorite grandbaby.”
I tilt my head at her. “I’m your only grandbaby, Nana.”
She turns to address her friend. I pretend her antique tea set is exceptionally fascinating at the moment to give them the illusion of privacy. Yet, I can still hear everything she’s saying and can’t help but be reminded of Blanche Devereaux, one of my favorite TV characters.
“Thomas, darling. Would you mind terribly if I took a rain check for tonight?” Did her southern accent get stronger, or was that my imagination?
“It’s obvious my sweet Boots needs me. I couldn’t possibly turn her away, now, could I?
” Thomas responds, but it’s too low for me to hear.
“I promise to make it up to you. I’ll even do that thing you like… ”
Dear God, someone make it stop.
I hear giggling and faint whispers, and I know I’m just a few seconds away from catching these two making out again.
I clear my throat to remind them I’m still in the room.
That gets their attention, and they finally say goodnight with Thomas going on his merry way.
After locking up, Nana rests against the door with a starry-eyed look on her face.
“Nana! You old floozy, you!” I tease her as I sit down at her kitchen table.
“Hush, girl. I’m old, not dead.” She laughs and pulls out a chair.
My Nana is still a beautiful lady, and it doesn’t surprise me one bit that she has younger men chasing after her.
“Now, tell me why you’re sleeping over here and not next door.
Because you haven’t stayed one night with me since you’ve been in Maple Ridge.
And I know you’ve been sleeping under that man. ”
“Nana!” I blush with embarrassment, even if she’s speaking the truth.
“Old, not dead. Also, not stupid. So, which one of you messed up?” It's just like Hattie Mae Davis to go straight for the kill.
“That’d be me. It’s time to go home. As much as I’d love to stay, I have… commitments. So, I need to go back to Atlanta. Jace just doesn’t understand.”
Nana looks at me with sympathy. “Thinking with your head and not your heart, huh, Boots? I know you’ve always been afraid you’d let your parents down, or you’d disappoint them.
” I can’t help it; my eyes well with tears, and they spill over my cheeks.
“Oh, honey.” She sighs and places her soft, warm hand over mine.
“I just want them to be proud of me, Nana. Is that so wrong?” My voice sounds vulnerable, and I feel like a little girl, unlike the thirty-year-old woman I actually am.
“They are proud of you, baby. And so am I. But you can’t keep living your life for other people, or you’ll never be happy. And you deserve all the happiness in the world, Boots. You and I both know you’re miserable in Atlanta, honey. I could tell every time I came to visit you.”
She lifts my chin with her index finger, and her gaze wanders over my face. Instead of feeling judged by her observations, I simply feel seen, like she knows who I truly am, who I want to be.
“And you know that man loves you and wants you to stay right here.” My ears perk up at the word love.
“What do you mean he loves me? That’s impossible, Nana. I’ve only been here for a couple of weeks. He can’t possibly love me. Can he?”
“Of course, he loves you, chile! You can see it all over his face. I’ve known that boy his whole life, and he’s smitten with you.
And I know you love him.” She gives me a look that dares me to contradict her, but I know in my heart she’s right.
I do love him. “Are you just gonna walk away from him?”
Am I?
“But I can’t just stay here, Nana. What about my job? What about my apartment?”
She glares at me like I’m an idiot before rolling her eyes. “What about them? You could live with me, or you could live with Jace. And you could easily find a job. Or better yet, you could write like you’ve always wanted! It’s that easy.”
“I can’t just live with him!”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t.”
“Why can’t you?”
“Because I can’t take advantage of him like that!”
Nana throws her hands up in the air and shakes her head.
“What is this bullshit you’re talking about?
” It isn’t often Nana uses language like that, but when she does, you know she’s mad.
“You’re not taking advantage of him if he’s offering.
And he wouldn’t offer if he didn’t want to. ” She does have a fair point.
“And there’s no reason you can’t write, Mia. I know what your mama thinks about it, and she’s wrong. You will be as successful as you wanna be. Because I know you, Boots. And nothing will stop you from getting what you want.”
Her words restore some of my confidence and spark my desire to chase my dream.
“As long as you aren't hurting yourself or anybody else, honey, you need to do what makes you happy. And if writing and being with that boy makes you happy, then that’s what you need to do, instead of being worried about what somebody else, especially your mama, thinks of you. It’s not like you need her money to live your life.
And if she loves you—and I know deep inside her heart that she does—then she will accept your decision. ”
I know Nana’s right. I left Atlanta because I wasn’t happy, and I knew if I stayed there doing what I was doing, that’s all I’d ever have.
If Jace really does love me—because let’s face it, I’m already in love with him—then I know I can’t just walk away.
I’ll give it all up to be with him. But not for him.
I’m giving it up for me. Because I do deserve more. And I deserve better.