Chapter 3
Donovan
I’ve barely seen Stephen this week, which probably isn’t a bad thing considering that I can hardly string a sentence together around him. Being attracted to him is the last thing I need. Liking my incredibly hot, straight, jock roommate is not how I want to spend my freedom from Tynerston.
I need to be out there, meeting other gay people, maybe even finding a boyfriend, or I guess, hooking up?
Although I’m not sure that’s really me. Beth does it all the time, hooking up with random guys on the weekend who she forgets about immediately after, she loves it, but she always says she doesn’t want a relationship, and I do.
I want the dates, the hand holding, the curling up watching movies together, and maybe I can find that here.
It’s the final class of the week, and even though I’ve loved all of them, and I’ve met some great people, I’ve ended up spending most of the lunch breaks on my own, yet to make any real friends. I haven’t even seen Stephen anywhere on campus to have someone to say hello to.
“Hey, Donovan!” I hear a familiar voice behind me and turn to find Kate grinning at me.
“Hey,” I say, smiling back.
“We’re all gonna go to Java but this is it, I’m not here to hide, I can tell them I’m gay. I already told Stephen and nothing bad happened, I can do this.
“No girlfriend,” I chuckle, “I’m actually gay.”
“I told you!” Samantha hits Kate who groans in response.
“You knew?” I ask, wondering how she could tell when nobody at home has ever guessed.
“I wasn’t one hundred percent sure,” she says, “but usually I have pretty good gaydar. I wasted way too much time going after gay guys when I was younger, right Kyle?”
He laughs and grins at her. “Hey, I tried to let you down gently.”
Huh, so Kyle is gay…
They argue back and forth over whether he let her down gently or whether he broke her heart, but they all seem friendly, so it obviously worked out fine. By the time Pierce returns with the coffees the argument has been settled, in the sense that they’ve agreed to disagree.
“Now Pierce let me down gently,” Samantha says, “even bought me chocolates and flowers.”
“That just sounds like he was leading you on,” Kyle says.
“No, it sounds like I was a gentleman,” Pierce chuckles, “something you’ll never understand.”
“Ooh uncalled for!” Kyle laughs before leaning closer to my side. “Don’t listen to anything they tell you about me, it’s all lies.”
I chuckle, nervous at having him so close, and caring about what I think of him.
For the first time ever, I’m sitting with a group of people who know I’m gay, and not only do they not have a problem with it, but some of them are gay too.
I feel lighter than I’ve ever felt, and as we spend what’s left of the afternoon drinking our coffees and talking, I finally feel at home here.
As we’re finishing, everyone says they’re going to head back to Samantha’s dorm to study, but my social battery is drained so I let them know I’m going back to mine instead.
“I’ll walk you,” Kyle says, coming to stand next to me.
“Oh, uh… thanks,” I say.
I know my way back to my dorm, it’s not far, but he’s offering to walk with me and I’m not ashamed to admit that my insides flutter a bit.
We walk across the campus making small talk, our pace casual, he’s clearly not in a rush.
Even when we make it to my building, he doesn’t leave right away, instead resting casually against the stone entry way.
“So, you got anyone special back at Tynerston waiting for you?” he asks.
“You mean, like a boyfriend?”
“Yeah,” he chuckles, “like a boyfriend.”
Shit, is he really asking if I’m single? “Um… no… no one special.”
“Good,” he smirks, looking incredibly sexy while he does it, and there’s another fluttering in my chest. “So listen, there’s a party at our frat house tomorrow night, you should come.”
“Yeah,” I say eagerly, “yeah, I’ll be there.”
“Cool, you know where the Kappa Theta Zeta house is?”
“Um… no, but I’ll find it.”
“See you there then, around eight-thirty.”
He leans in slightly, almost as though he’s going to kiss me, before grinning and walking away.
Holy shit.
Stephen
We’re both in the room studying, but other than the occasional small talk we’ve not spoken. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about seeing him with Kyle yesterday in Java he doesn’t use the desk, and it irritates me, mainly because it means I have a constant view of him stretched out on his bed.
“Oh, okay,” he says.
I grab my gym bag which has everything I need.
“Hey,” he says, stopping me before I make it to the door. “I’ve been invited to a party tonight, at Kappa Theta Zeta, would you… maybe want to come?”
My gut instinct is telling me to avoid the party like the plague; it’s exactly the place and the people I don’t need to be around. On the other hand, if I go I can keep an eye on Donovan.
“Um…” I start to answer, but pause, realizing that I don’t know what to do.
“It’s okay if you can’t,” he says, “I’ve got people to go with; I just thought it might be fun.”
He doesn’t need me there; he can look after himself. “Who are you going with?” I ask, even though I already know the answer.
“I was invited by Kyle; do you know him? He said you’d spoken a couple of times.”
He has a right to know, but maybe Kyle has grown up and his intentions have changed, doubtful as that is.
“Yeah, I know him, but…” I sigh, “honestly, he’s not the type of guy I’d want to hang out with, sorry. You go, have fun, just be careful though, yeah?”
“Mm-hmm,” he says, his smile turning down as he goes back to his book.
“See you later then,” I say, knowing I could have handled that a million times better, but not knowing how to fix it.
The swim is helping with my anxious energy, but my brain will not shut up.
The thing with the queer community is that it’s small, especially on campus.
Even though I’m not out, the couple of close non-football guy friends I have, are gay, and they’ve both hooked up with Kyle.
There’s nothing wrong with that in itself, it’s hard not to have crossover when your dating pool is tiny, you’re bound to end up with some of the same people.
Kyle isn’t necessarily a bad person, I don’t think, he was just really bad at communicating back then, and I hope he’s changed, for Donovan’s sake.
I still remember the look on Jamie’s face when we walked in on Kyle at a party while some other guy was giving him a blow job, even after he’d specifically invited Jamie there because he was interested in him.
They weren’t together, so he wasn’t cheating, but it definitely wasn’t cool.
I don’t want the same thing to happen to Donovan.
Jamie brushed it off, saying it was fine, but I know it really knocked his confidence, and left him feeling shitty for a while.
It was only after learning that Kyle had done a similar thing to Max, that they both realized they weren’t the problem, Kyle was.
“Choi!” My thoughts are interrupted by a familiar shout. I finish the length and head to the side where Coach Jenkins is standing.
“Hey, Coach,” I say, looking up at him from the pool.
“You’re supposed to be having a rest day, why are you swimming lengths?” he asks. There’s a slight sternness to his voice, but I know he’s not angry, he just cares about us.
Unlike a lot of other coaches, he’s got the mindset of ‘football is great, and if you get the chance to go pro, grab it with both hands and run with it. But football isn’t everything, and it’s not worth hurting yourself over, so look after yourself, and have a backup’.
He’s the reason I’m minoring in Business Management, it’s his rule, all student athletes must also minor in something that isn’t sports related, apparently we need to keep our options open.
“I know, Coach, I just needed to work off some energy,” I say, “and the swim is helping my muscles, I was seizing up sitting in my room.”
“Hmm, well I’m not happy about it, but I’d rather you swim than be in the gym, so I can’t be too angry.”
“Thanks, Coach. I’m not pushing myself too hard, I promise.”
“Just see to it that you don’t, you’re a Warrior now, and I don’t want that team after me if you get injured on my watch!”
“I promise,” I laugh.
He waves as he leaves the pool. “See you at practice on Monday.”
He’s right, I shouldn’t push it, I’ve done enough lengths to get rid of the anxious energy at least. Maybe studying will be enough to distract myself now.